


We'll make it right for you

by Ode_et_amo



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn, Tags Are Hard, Tags May Change, but not really, genetic experiments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:06:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 107,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26650366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ode_et_amo/pseuds/Ode_et_amo
Summary: Jason stumbles upon a secret lab where he finds a genetically modified baby, created through a mix of his and Dick's DNA.Afraid that Bruce will take this child from him, he decides to run away and raise her on his own. (With some help of some powerful amazons)."Jason looked at her, entertaining himself with his favorite game of trying to figure out all traits she had inherited from him. The chin was his, as was the nose. He also liked to believe the black hair was, but that honestly was impossible to say... But those big, blue eyes, had not come from him."
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Jason Todd
Comments: 463
Kudos: 999





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> If you're for some reason looking for canon or canonical elements shy away now while you have the chance!  
> Also I've never read a comic book in my life *sorry* so this is based on the scraps of knowledge I've managed to pick up from the fandom, various movies and series.
> 
> I intended to make this lighthearted, so I hope it is. 
> 
> Title from "Dear Theodosia" - Hamilton
> 
> constructive criticism always welcome

Jason had been roped into patrolling Gotham alongside the Bats under the psychological torture that was Dick Grayson's nagging. 

He had been assigned the older factory district of Gotham, down by the harbor, ingeniously kept away from The Burrows. As any self-respecting Bat knew, the only way of dealing with trauma was to avoid it. (Or, you know, dress up in a nocturnally inspired vigilante-uniform.)

Bruce’s misguided sense of guilt and concern had led Jason to a rather boring patrol of dealing with some teenagers’ game of chicken as they tried to break and enter one of the old facilities; part-time drug dealers with little to no profit; and worst of all the freezing night air that threatened to leave his baby-making abilities in jeopardy. But yeah, _it would be so nice to work as a family again._

During his last sweep of the night, Jason did however catch sight of something. He crept closer until he had a fairly well-hidden vantage point from a rooftop. The area consisted of late 19th century factory-buildings in red brick with small, ornate, glass windows. Despite the risk of a fire hazard the buildings stood close, making it difficult for moonlight to reach all the way down, embedding the entire area in gloomy darkness. Therefor the two characters dressed in white, catching the feeble light, stood out like torches amongst the shadows. They had emerged from a backdoor of one of the rundown facility buildings, in the midst of a heated argument. However they soon calmed down when met by the cold air. Jason had no chance of knowing what they discussed, he was too far away. The wind wouldn’t carry the words and he couldn’t discern their faces to have a reasonable chance to read their lips. 

He considered whether it was a sensible idea to make his way closer when a black van pulled up. The lights illuminated the dark alley. Jason ducked down, just in case. No need to scare them with a looming batshadow™.

A man stepped out of the van. There was a brief exchange and one of the persons clad in white went back inside the building. After a moment they came back pushing a cart carrying some sort of boxes. Jason’s immediate thought was weapon-smugglers, but something about the size of the boxes didn’t quite add up. It looked rather more like the medical supply he had seen at Thompkins’s clinic. Drug dealers then? Jason’s forte, after beating up child-molesters of course.

He watched for a while longer, until the boxes were neatly packed in the van. Then before he could swoop in, Oracle called over the coms that the rest of the Bats needed back-up. Another break out from Arkham. Jason gave a deep sigh and made his way over to his so called family. 

_______

Jason had had every intention of telling Bruce about the mysterious exchange he’d witnessed, but after Bruce once more dismissed Jason’s concern about the security of Arkham, and more prominently the Joker, Jason thought _fuck it._

He decided to pursue this case alone. 

After spending a couple of nights doing some reconnaissance in the area, Jason had discerned a pattern. The van came in the early hours before dawn, when the night was at its darkest. Only a couple nights a week, these numbers and dates would however change, probably in an attempt to make it less noticeable. Jason patiently did his stakeout every night anyway. The figures dealing with the exchange seemed to be a set number of five, a small group, secretive. Things were only shipped out, never taken into the building.

He used patrol as a cover with the Bats, no need to have them meddling in something he could handle on his own. Jason observed, waited, investigated. After some weeks Jason realized that it assembled a dismantling of a project. It made him even more curious as he subsequently realized he was running out of time. He intended to move in next time. That was until he saw glass cases containing what looked like human organs. A chill trailed down his spine. He was rarely unsettled by his cases, but this felt bad, really bad.

He loaded his gun. With none lethal bullets – _cause fuck you and your disappointed puppy eyes, Dick! –_ and moved in.

Disarming and tying up the three men dealing with the exchange was simple enough. Child’s game really. Jason took a closer look at tonight’s shipment. The glass containers freaked him out, but there were also a lot of medical and scientific equipment that should belong at a million-dollar founded lab and not a deserted factory-building.

This is the point where Jason should have called for back-up.

Obviously he didn’t.

He went through the door, making his way down a badly lit corridor. Further down, a door was left open, electric blue light streaming out. Jason went closer, his gun clenched in a firm grip in front of him. There was another figure milling around, he took them down easily enough, moving further into the room. It really was a deconstructed science lab, he realized. There were still computers running tests but overall it looked emptied out. 

Jason moved up to the main computer, displaying stats he couldn’t discern the purpose of. He tried his hand at hacking it, needing to find a way to understand, maybe get a hold of some files that could give him insight. Suddenly grateful for his teenage obsession of illegally downloading games on the batcomputer. Not that Batman hadn't shown them how to hack into secret databases. 

He got in. He clicked on a file at random, displaying stats and figures and a short introduction of cells undergoing some sort of genetic transformation. He clicked his way through some more files until he had a weak grasp of the purpose of this particular lab. Genetic modelling. It stank of Cadmus. This was more than concerning. He should have called in the bats. Jason clicked on one last file as he made up his mind that he would com Oracle for backup.

The thought died as soon as the file lay open to him. He was met with the picture of a small child. Black peach fuzz for hair and blue eyes. Underneath there was a description, shortly detailing methods, purpose, genetic set up and results. Jason paled.

He didn’t think, just acted. The Red Hood-training kicking in, effectively kicking Jason out. Almost robotically he managed to produce a memory desk from an inner pocket of his jacket and transferring all the files upon it. Taking one last look at the information concerning the child. _Experiment contained in lab room 012._

Jason ran.

Making his way into another badly lit corridor he tried to make out the room numbers, praying to whatever holy deity there is, that he wasn’t too late.

Finally he found it. _012._ With every reckless bone in his body he crashed through the door. Despite the rest of the building seeming deserted, this one room bustled with life. There was another four people Jason hadn’t accounted for, all dressed in white lab rocks.

Someone raised a weapon at him and Jason stilled. Then he saw the glass cage that had preoccupied everyone’s attention before he had crashed in. A baby. _The baby._

Jason blacked out. _Screw Dick’s puppy eyes._ He drew his other gun. This was his purpose, ruination. The first bullet caught the man closest to the glass cage in the throat. The one with the weapon went down next, having been to slow to act. It was easy. Jason didn’t need to think. The smell of blood permitted the air as the sound of the fired gun rang in his ear. The baby wailed. It broke his heart.

The bodies lined the floor as Jason plucked the child from the cage. An alarm blaring about an intrusion. Jason tucked the baby close. Ran. Made his way out. Then, like his once master, Jason disappeared in the dark.

________

**Purpose of experiment:** recreating favorable genetic characteristics of two separate donners of excellent genetic set up, with the intention of achieving perfect genetic set up and transferring information gained during the donners’ lifetime. 

**Method of experiment:** genetic cloning

 **Genetic setup:** Former Robins of Batman, Richard Grayson and Jason Todd.

 **Result:** Failure


	2. Roy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roy Harper was a sight for sore eyes. Not to get mushy and all, but Jason was beat, more certain than ever that he would collapse, why Roy meeting him in the parking lot felt heaven-sent. He wore that worried wrinkle in his forehead that he sometimes got when he thought Jason was getting himself into real troubling shit. Which alright, justified.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the character pov may seem a little wobbly at the start, but it will eventually focus mostly on Jason's perspective.

_“I accidentally acquired a baby”_

Either Roy had gone bat-shit bonkers (or mad if you will) or he was in desperate need of hearing aid. Next he could start cosplaying Hawkeye, that was sure to drive Oliver crazy.

“Take that again?”

_“I got a baby, Roy”_

“Jason!”

 _“I didn’t steal it!”_ growled Jason, sounding petulant if anything.

“I hope the fuck not. Babies aren’t exactly the kind of things you steal”

_“No shit”_

They sighed in unison. Roy looked over to the couch were Kory and Lian sat engrossed in one of Lian’s favorite cartoons. Probably that parody thing of The Titans, if Kory’s annoyed eyebrow twitch was anything to go by. She grumbled something under her breath, then realizing Roy was watching them she met his gaze. They’d been together for a while now, but every goddamn time Kory looked at him his heart stuttered. It was embarrassing really.

She suddenly seemed concerned and mouthed something that Roy chose to interpret as _‘what the fuck is going on?’_ Kory never swore though. Just goes to show how meta-human she was.

_“Roy? Are you still there?”_

“Yeah, yeah, I hear you Hood”

_“Can I come over then?”_

“Roy, what’s going on?” Kory asked, having made her way halfway towards him.

Roy took the phone from his hear. “Jason has _acquired_ a baby”

At least Kory had the decency to look equally shell-shocked as Roy felt. They really were meant for each other. Dick might beg to differ, but hey, they don’t mention his name in this house. (For reasons that has little to do with love-triangle-drama and more to do with the fact that he beat Roy in monopoly last Christmas).

_“For fucks sake Roy!”_

Right! Jason. Baby. The wonders of childrearing.

“Jason wonders if he can come over” Roy told Kory.

“Of course he can! Let me talk to him!”

Roy, incapable of saying no to Kory, immediately handed over the phone and by doing so, Jason’s problem. He watched Kory’s changing expression for a while as she listened to Jason’s story. Then Roy went over to Lian, gathered his daughter in his arms and sunk down in the coziness of his own family life. Lian cuddled up to him and continued watching her cartoon. He was wrong about the Titans-thing, it was apparently a Justice League cartoon. Roy had a great laugh watching ‘Green Arrow’ with his stupid goatee being yelled at by ‘Batman’. Warmed his heart the last half-inch.

______

Roy Harper was a sight for sore eyes. Not to get mushy and all, but Jason was beat, more certain than ever that he would collapse, why Roy meeting him in the parking lot felt heaven-sent. He wore that worried wrinkle in his forehead that he sometimes got when he thought Jason was getting himself into real troubling shit. Which alright, justified.

Roy was older than Jason by a couple of years and served as a best-friend, almost brother and older mentor entwined. Any problem Roy couldn’t help him with went without solution. Therefor it was but natural that Jason turned to him with this problem. The baby.

Jason held the child close to his chest, thanking heaven or what not, that he had chosen not to wear the electrified chest-plates. The baby had had mercy on him and decided to fall asleep in his arms. Jason removed his helmet to get a better look at the child. The baby seemed sickly, malnourished. It angered him, and the rage had fueled him enough to get to Star City and Roy. It had taken him hours he probably was too sleep-deprived to drive, all the while wearing smears of blood on his face that was getting more and more suspicious.

“What the hell, Jason, have you been up to?” greeted Roy, entirely unimpressed.

_Yeah, what the hell, Jason!_

“Things went south”

“No shit, man. Get over here so I can help you inside”

Jason wobbled closer, legs unsteady, sleep deprived. When Roy noticed this he was at Jason’s side in an instant, supporting him as they made their way to the apartment building. 

Kory met them in the hallway, without a word she plucked the child from Jason’s arms. Jason sagged even further against Roy, who, while grumbling, helped him over to the bathroom. He was unceremoniously dropped on the toilet seat, while Roy dug around in search of a first aid kit.

“Why is it you Bats lack any and all survival instincts?”

“Suicidal” Jason grunted, the strain on his body making the attempted joke fall flat, ugly. 

“Well, I can see that.” Roy grumbled, then his face softened somewhat. “Are you hurt?”

Jason shook his head. Tears gathering in his eyes. Roy put away the first aid kit and held Jason by the shoulder. “Wash up, change into some clean clothes, just pick from the hanger, and come to the kitchen after”

Jason nodded. Roy gave him one last imploring look but left him to it.

He let a sob escape him as he made his way over to the faucet, cleaning off his face. Meeting his own gaze in the mirror he thought of all the horror those tired eyes had witnessed, then in a manic gasp of breath Jason laughed to himself. For all the criminals he had watch die in the most inhuman ways possible, this is what brought him to tears. He could never leave a child behind, not even entertain the thought of doing so. Guess that made him somewhat salvageable.

Jason stripped out of his uniform, folding it neatly and leaving it atop the washing machine to take care of later. He picked his way through the offered clothing items hanging out to dry. He picked a pair of Roy’s comfy-looking sweat pants and a sweater he was certain belonged to Kory, but was soft to touch. He redressed and a feeling of safety enveloped him.

Roy and Kory waited for him in the kitchen. A steaming cup of coffee and a sandwich was pushed towards him as he sat down by the kitchen-table. Kory had the baby in her arms, feeding her from a bottle while Lian sat on a chair beside her, looking awed at the tiny child. There was a sheen of longing in Kory’s eyes that Jason had never seen before. It made him smile as he saw the same expression on Roy’s face. For a moment he entertained the thought of leaving the child with the two of them. It might even be a good idea. Then something selfish took route. This was his child. He would never abandon it, not like he had been time and time again.

“So how did this happen?” Roy asked, looking serene but his voice had a tone of displeased-father-scolding-his-child. Jason should be more bothered by it than he was, but Roy looked genuinely concerned, and any comparison with Bruce seemed unjust.

Jason told them how he stumbled upon the factory and the exchange. He pulled out the memory desk containing the files and then told them about how he found the child.

“The child…”

“It’s a girl” Kory interrupted and Jason nodded slowly, a little surprised.

“She” he corrected. “is a genetic experiment. A clone, like Superboy, essentially. She’s… She’s my daughter, biologically that is”

Roy and Kory nodded. They’d both been in this business to long to be surprised by anything anymore.

“How did they get your DNA?” asked Kory.

“I don’t know, but I think maybe before the Pit?”

They never talked about the Pit and wouldn’t do so now either. Roy quickly made sure of that.

“Conner was cloned using both Superman and Luthor’s DNA, was there a second donor to her?”

Jason nodded slowly. “Dick” 

______

“I know your thoughts and feelings about Bruce and sure he may not be an obvious candidate for parent of the year, but if anyone knows what to do with an orphan than it’s him” said Roy.

“Yeah, make them Robin and hope for the best.” Jason muttered. “I can’t go to Bruce!”

Kory gave a sorrowful smile. “Is it your pride preventing you?”

Jason struggled not to look offended, cause yeah, he was proud to a fault, all the bats were. But this wasn’t about Bruce, not really. This was about Jason’s ability to do something for once, something good and fruitful that didn’t leave his own brand of ruin behind.

“You will need _The Family_ ” Roy said, obviously getting at the Bats.

“Stop referring to them as if they were the mafia.”

“They kind of are though” Roy said, looking unfairly amused. “If those files are correct and that child really shares your DNA, that makes her a bat, and bats are flock-animals. In some situations you don’t want to be alone”

And yeah, Roy had a fair point. He knew what it meant to be alone, perhaps even more acutely than Jason. Roy was thirty, had been clean for years and had this parenting thing down to a T. Jason, who wasn’t even twenty-five yet, would be the first to admit that he probably wasn’t anyone’s first pick to become a single-father. But neither was Bruce when he took in Dick at twenty-three. _Yeah, and look how that turned out?_ Jason was scared shitless, but then his gaze fell upon the girl, sleeping among the designer cushions on the couch and something ached in his chest. He had to this and failing wasn’t an option. 

Jason stayed the weekend with Roy and Kory. To get his feet under him, deciding how to proceed and most importantly learning how to properly take care of the child.

He must have looked rather distraught when he left to get to Kate (she was a bat, but one that wasn't loyal to Bruce) as Roy started laughing.

“You can’t learn these things in a few days, it takes a lifetime to become a parent”

Roy had then proceeded to hug him, as had Kory and even Lian. It settled him somewhat and he went back to Gotham. Kate could probably smuggle him out from under Bruce’s watchful eyes, and perhaps even cover for him.


	3. Kate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wished things had been different, that they could have been a real family. Perhaps Kate could have been that slightly weird whiskey-aunt that taught him to drive behind Bruce’s back and stole road-signs with him (or whatever you’re supposed to do with your aunts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I realize I don't know much about Batwoman I still frickking love her, and she had to be part of this!!

Finding Kate’s apartment wasn’t all that difficult since Bruce had pulled her back into the fold. He was positively paranoid and desperately needed to know everything about his _team._ For another bat it was easy information to get ahold of.

Jason had borrowed civilian clothes from Roy and Kory, as well as some of Lian’s outgrown ones for the baby. _God, he needed to name her._ A problem for a later occasion. He made his way quickly up the stairs, after one resident of the building had, oh, so helpfully held the door open for him. Jason bundled the baby closer to his chest. She almost disappeared within his borrowed coat. She had made a tiny squeaking sound when he had first put her there, but now seemed happy to just be held. Warm and sheltered. He cooed at her, and she blinked bleary eyed up at him, than as he’s smile broadened, she started to giggle.

Jason felt a lump form at the base of his throat. He was so goddamn lost on her already. 

It took them two staircases then they were stood in front of Kate’s door. She hadn’t always been present in his life as part of the Batclan, but he still saw her as a kind of aunt-figure. Something about her reminded him somewhat of Wonder Woman, but with a bat’s way of thinking. She was perhaps harsher, meaner, but no less just. 

He wished things had been different, that they could have been a _real_ family. Perhaps Kate could have been that slightly weird whiskey-aunt that taught him to drive behind Bruce’s back and stole road-signs with him (or whatever you’re supposed to do with your aunts). In this life, they were perhaps more similar then any of them wanted to acknowledge. Both were broken in places and had foolishly trusted Bruce to repair them. Bruce was a cunning man, an intelligent creator, a detective, but when it came to piecing people back together he was as helpless as the rest of them.

Jason once more readjusted his grip of the baby, took a deep breath, and only then, rang the doorbell.

________

To say that Kate was surprised when the second Robin, gone Red Hood, turned up on her doorstep with a crying baby, well, that would have been a grave understatement. For a moment she considered chewing Bruce’s ear off for not teaching his children about safe sex, but then Jason put a foot in the doorway like he was afraid that Kate would turn him away, and suddenly she had an entirely different reason to yell at Bruce.

“Get in”

Jason didn’t waste a second, bustling into Kate’s apartment like it was a Sunday brunch and Jason turning up like this with a baby didn’t throw her off. She pretended very hard that it didn’t.

“Will we need whiskey for this conversation?” she asked, feeling out of her dept.

She liked Jason enough, she truly did, but they had never been close, and the thought of him turning to her for help was a new one. It made her uncomfortable, to be dependent on. But then she could see why this wasn’t a problem he’d want to deliver on Bruce front step. The man had good intentions, but he sure could be a shitty father-figure when he wanted. 

“I have a baby” Jason said, as if somehow still shocked by the notion.

“I can see that”

“No, you don’t understand.”

“Clearly”

Kate knew she could be a little short in her tone, but she still imagined she was less judging than the old Bat. Not that it was particularly hard, considering. 

She went to the kitchen. Jason following close on her heel. He was watchful, careful in a way that was almost paranoid. It pained her to see. He was too young to have to watch his every step like that. To always expect violence lurking around every corner. She could see it from the tenseness in his shoulder.

She pulled two mugs out of the cupboard and pulled out a decent whiskey from her secret stash. (She had yet to figure out from whom she kept it hidden). _Or maybe coffee would have been better, there was a child to consider after all?_ But then again, they were not aiming to get drunk. So she poured them some whiskey, just a smidge.

“Explain” she said as she put the whiskey in front of Jason where he had sat himself down, propping the child upon the kitchen island. Kate leaned across the counter opposite Jason and listened intently, during complete silence, as he told her about how he found the baby, about the files Roy and Kory had helped him go through and then finally about the child’s parentage.

“So let me get this straight…”

Jason raised his eyebrows and _fair…_

“See if I understand this right,” she conceded, “this child is a test tube baby created with yours and Dick’s DNA. Why?”

“I don’t know” Jason sighed. “I know I should ask Bruce, but…”

“You don’t want him to get involved”

She had figured that one out already. Feeling a little proud, perhaps unjustly so, that she knew Jason well enough to see his reasoning. Or so she thought.

“She’s _my_ daughter”

He said it with such utter despair that it made Kate’s heart clench uncomfortably. She understood then with abrupt clarity; Jason was afraid that Bruce would take the child away. Kate was so going to yell at Bruce, loudly and over an extended period of time. She might recruit help from Alfred, Selina and Barbara, should she run out of things to blame him for.

Jason looked distraught. Too young, too burdened by responsibility and with crippling insecurity in the face of his circumstances. Kate had meant to ask Jason whether he had told Dick, but it became achingly clear that he hadn’t and probably wouldn’t. Dick was loyal to a fault and had become accustomed, if not conditioned, to agree with Bruce’s decisions. However a bit grudgingly. Not necessarily what Jason needed at the moment.

She decided to keep quiet with her own opinions about the matter. Finders keepers, doesn’t necessarily apply to a baby but still... 

Kate drained her mug and came to a decision. “Give me the information and I will ask Bruce to look into it”

Jason paled instantly. Instinct made him pull the child close to himself. The baby started crying at being so abruptly startled, but was quickly soothed.

It did surprise her to see how gentle the young man was. How his hand rubbed the baby’s back as he, unembarrassed, cooed comforting nonsense into the baby’s hair. Eventually the little girl had calmed enough for Jason to look from her and up to Kate. Determination settled firmly in his eyes.

“No”

“No” Kate agreed slowly. “He doesn’t need to know about the child, but he should know that someone’s pursuing dangerous genetic experiments in his backyard.”

“Fine, but just let me do the actual investigation…”

“No, I will not” heck if she didn’t feel like Bruce right now. “You have a child to take care of. The batclan can deal with this, more eyes and all that. I will try my best to keep them off your trail, but I’m afraid you need to go underground, keep out of this for a while until you’ve come to a decision. This is no longer about you Jason, it’s all about her from now on.”

Jason nodded. The ramrod straightness of his back began relaxing. He took a deep breath. A question seemed to stir.

“Can I…?” his gaze flickered to the couch.

Kate considered it. If she was going to help him he might as well stay. Just for the night while she made some phone-calls. An idea had started to grow, picking speed like a snowball down a slope. It might work.

She nodded slowly, and Jason positively slumped. His head bowed, exhaustion taking over. She pitied him, knew he wouldn’t appreciate it, but she still did.

Kate reached over the kitchen island to put what she hoped to be a calming hand on his arm.

“We will figure this out.”

She attempted for a smile as Jason met her gaze. His eyes were bloodshot, she realized. Lack of sleep? Tears of relief? She did not know, did not care.

Jason took the baby and settled down on the couch. Kate threw them some blankets, before going out on the balcony to make her phone-calls.

Diana picked up before the second dial went through.

_______

Jason felt a little like crying. 

He’d changed the baby’s diaper, and he’d seen enough gore in his vigilante lifestyle to not really be grossed out by it, but still, he couldn’t wait until she’d grown past this stage. Roy had helped him pack a baby-bag with all the bare necessities he’d need until he could stack up on baby stuff more thoroughly. In it he found a pajamas onesie that he wrestled the baby into.

They had just settled down on the sofa, the baby giggling happily at the faces Jason pulled at her, when Kate reappeared. They had just settled down on the sofa, the baby giggling happily at the faces Jason pulled at her, when Kate reappeared. He made sure he had a firm grip of the baby, just in case he’d drop her if the news turned out to be bad. Kate’s face gave absolutely nothing away.

She sat down in the armchair opposite with a heavy sigh. Then, as Jason was about to work himself into a panic, she gave him a lopsided smile. He was too relieved to be annoyed with her, whatever plan she had, she believed it would work.

“So?” he asked.

“What do you think about Washington?” Kate said, smile turning gentler at his confusion. “I might not have all of the old Bat’s league connections, but I do have Diana’s number.”

“Wonder Woman?” Jason asked, feeling a shiver of some sort course right through him.

“Mhm.” 

“Why?”

“She might be one of the few people the old Bat won’t bother if he can help it.” Kate winked at him. “She also has a weakness for babies.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter we'll get more of panicked new-dad Jason, hopefully...


	4. Washington D.C

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diana thought for a moment. “How about Mara? Mara Todd?”  
> And you didn’t say no when a goddess named your child, even if he’d read enough Greek mythology to know that the meddling of gods always came with a price. But when your childhood idol came with a name suggestion? You’d be stupid not to take it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I forgot to mention it, this isn't beta'd

Just because Diana might have had a weakness for babies, didn’t make her blind to circumstances. But it seemed Kate had told her enough of it that Jason wasn’t immediately met by a hoard of questions, and that might have been just as well. By the time Jason and the baby had sat down opposite Diana in her office, it seemed he had lost all power of speech. This was after all his childhood hero, if ever he had had one.

Diana’s gaze was imploring, but kind. She had a gentle smile on her lips that was devoid of pity but without being impersonal. She didn’t ask him about the baby, how he found her, nothing. Not about his intentions to hide from Bruce and the rest of the Batclan, not even how he intended to do it. She already knew. Either through Kate or her own intuition. At least Jason liked to believe she held enough power to just… know.

The thing she however did ask was: “May I hold her?”

Jason was still incapable of forming coherent sentences so he just settled the baby in Diana’s outstretched arm. And it shouldn’t surprise him that she was a natural. She smiled down at the child, made cooing little sounds until the baby girl started laughing, then she spoke in a language Jason had no idea how to translate. He assumed it was themyscirian. The baby’s only response was to try and grab at Diana’s nose. Jason was already rising out of the seat to take her back before she could do any harm, but Diana shook her head at him, so he had no choice but to settle back down.

“What’s her name?” she asked, while the baby slowly became aware of her long black hair, which was perfect grabbing material. Jason’s nerves were fraying.

“I haven’t thought of any.” he answered, intelligent enough, but it wasn’t entirely true. Ever since he had left Kate for Washington, the thought had occupied his mind and he had narrowed it down to two names. In his head he had begun calling her Mar. It was short for either Mary or Martha, he had yet to decide, only knowing that he could never name her after his own mother.

Diana gave him that knowing look, fully aware he was bullshitting her.

“She’ll need a name in order to get a medical record and to be enrolled in school and whatnot.” Diana reminded him, not ungently.

“I know” he nodded, getting her on record still freaked him out. Not so much for the sake of Bruce finding her, somehow he knew it would be inevitable in the end, but because whoever had created her might come back around. Jason knew he was capable of protecting her, but that required him being present all the time. Maybe it really had been a bad idea to cut the others out? 

“I’ll help you.” Diana promised, almost as if she could read minds.

Now the baby had grasped some of Diana’s black strands of hair and was unashamedly suckling on them. Diana laughed, while Jason was mortified.

To distract himself, and maybe even Diana from his daughter’s undignified behavior, he piped up that: “I’m calling her Mar.”

“That’s not much of a name.” Diana said slowly.

“I know” Jason supplied. “I don’t know what else to call her though.”

Diana thought for a moment. “How about Mara? Mara Todd?”

And you didn’t say no when a goddess named your child, even if he’d read enough Greek mythology to know that the meddling of gods always came with a price. But when your childhood idol came with a name suggestion? You’d be stupid not to take it.

Diana untangled the baby from her hair and settled her back down in Jason’s arms. Mara’s big blue eyes looked up at him with no certain amount of confusion at having lost her new plaything. He laughed. Feeling how something settled within him.

“Mara” he whispered, and because he was both dramatic and unfortunately cheesy: “Welcome to the world.”

___________

Diana helped him get a contract for an apartment. It was the kind of block that in stories would only be deserving of the description: quiet. And to Jason it held a sort of normalcy that irked him. It was the kind of place he used to dream of living in as a child. Ordered lives, nice apartment buildings, a place where the sun always managed to peer through. Then of course he had been thrown into the kind of high-life led by Brucie Wayne, with big mansions, posh cars and an endless amount of amounting wealth. This place was neither. This area was probably fantastic for raising a child. For a child to grow up perfectly normal.

How the hell was Jason supposed to raise someone without fucking them up?

The apartment was nice. Not new, not to run down either. Modern enough to be functional but not to be in style any longer. That suited him just fine.

Moving in took him half a day. He didn’t really own anything that he hadn’t chosen to leave behind. Diana, on the other hand, had had some foresight and made sure that there would at least be furniture enough to be livable. Jason immediately took note of the, albeit yet empty, bookcase and the reading chair that had been pushed up next to it.

This was going to be okay, he thought, as he fed Mara some mashed vegetables. She was old enough to hold herself up-right without too much help, still under the year. He dreaded the day she’d start walking. She ate with gusto. He was happy for as long as that lasted.

He bathed her, and then dressed her in her pajamas. He’d yet to buy her a proper crib, so for the time being she would have to sleep on the bed with him. After some thinking, and some reading up on the internet, Jason took some bath towels and rolled them up, then put them into a square on the bed. Mara, who had been lying on a quilt on the floor nearby while Jason made the preparations, had already started to fall asleep. It wasn’t much of a hassle to put her to bed after that.

Jason sat down beside her, gently brushing his hand over her head. Mesmerized. He’d never understood the pull of parenthood before, how someone could so instantly fall in love with a baby that you’d do anything for them. Now he did understand.

Then he started to actually cry, because damn it, he’d resigned himself to the fact that he’d never know that deep sort of love, to be part of a real family. One that was tied together by mutual adoration, rather than circumstances and survival. But here he was.

Angrily he brushed his hand over his tear-streaked face. While this seemed a gift, he knew that a good life didn’t come without some amount of sacrifice. Like Kate had pointed out, he’d most probably have to give up on his vigilantism. Lucky him he had finished all his cases before finding her.

He settled down beside her, laying down, straightening out his back. Stretching out his arm, he placed his hand next to hers, and in her sleep she grasped at it.

And he knew, instinctively, that everything was going to be okay.

_________

Everything was not going to be okay.

Roughly a month later he had yet to find a job. He’d been walking around between mechanic-stores, car-shops and general-stores for shifts. While he knew beggars can’t be choosers, the few offers he got were either demanding he work really late hours or were not too child-friendly. Had it just been him, there’d be no problem, but now his entire world centered around Mara.

Had it been just him, he wouldn’t have to look for jobs in a strange city either.

He sighed. Mara was yodeling away from her place strapped onto his chest, entirely unware of their struggles. They were making their way to the public library, because Jason had found during his short years of life that he seemed to think much better surrounded by books.

It had sort of become a routine for them, because while he knew shit about parenting, he knew that structure required a certain amount of routines. If he managed to keep sane, by just leaving the house, he would perhaps be sane enough to care for Mara. He’d found that in order to take care of someone else, he needed to take care of himself, at least to a degree. And reading had always been his go to method of relaxation.

There was a certain sense of calm entering his body as he went browsing through the shelves of books. He quickly made his way to the shelves containing Austen. With one hand he picked up _Pride and Prejudice_ and, because he might get time over, _Emma._

Mara was mesmerized by the pretty covers, and Jason had to keep her from drooling or biting on the corners.

Next they went to find some bedtime stories for Mara.

He must have looked confused, for a kindly librarian was quick to bound over, perhaps intrigued by the giggling baby.

“Can I help you?” the woman asked, she must have been in her mid-thirties.

Jason spun around. Austen in one hand and a picture book in the other, and maybe he was too exhausted to really function, but instead of just pretending he had everything under control, he blurted out:

“Unless you can offer me a job, I don’t think so.”

The librarian blinked at him. Then she laughed, probably sligtly shocked.

“Actually…” she said, when she managed to get ahold of herself again. “A spot has just opened. A colleague of ours is quitting in order to move to Gotham.”

“Gotham? They must be crazy. I just left”

The librarian smiled. “If you’re seriously considering working here, you should come by tomorrow with your CV. And take this book instead.”

She reached out beside her, plucked a brightly colored book from the shelf and handed it over.

“You won’t bore so quickly when you read it, and the drawings are much cuter.”

A little dumbfounded he thanked her, and went to check out the books.

The next morning he and Mara were back, and Jason got to talk to the manager, who probably was out of their mind to actually offer Jason the job, instead of someone else with the right experience. The man probably felt sorry for him.

Jason would swallow his pride if it meant he could keep them fed. And he’d be a fool to turn down a job at a library.

__________

A couple of weeks later they had settle into a new routine, where Jason left Mara at daycare before he walked to work. After work he picked her up and they went back home where Jason made dinner, after which he bathed Mara and they then settled into the armchair by the bookcase where Jason read to her. When Mara was on the verge of falling asleep he put her to bed in her new crib.

Then Mara caught a cold, and all hell broke loose.

She got a fever, and Jason bolted to the doctor like the petrified father he’d become during the past few months. The doctor, who didn’t hold a torch to Thompkins, chuckled at him.

“Babies have colds. It’s normal, and it’s normal to be worried. You’ll have to wait it out.”

And he did. He took time off from work, and kept Mara under constant surveillance. He checked her temperature, tried to get her to eat and sleep, and gave her paracetamol when he dared.

When she had cried a third night through, Jason found himself at his wits end. He held her in his arms as he tried to get her to quiet down. Tears ran down her face, and it broke his heart. The doubt had started to trickle in.

Maybe he wasn’t fit to do this. How on earth did he ever think he could manage this on his own?

He walked from window to window in the small apartment, from the bedroom, through the living room and to the kitchen. Mara wouldn’t fall asleep, wouldn’t stop crying, and soon enough, Jason felt himself chocking up.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid. You’re not father-material. You’re not supposed to do this._

Tears gathered in his eyes, and he felt his nose burning. He held Mara tighter to him. Wanted to help her, would do anything for her to get well again. Couldn’t stand watching her suffer. She looked so helpless, _and he was fucking useless._

Eventually he’s legs got tired so he had to sit down. He settled into the reading armchair, tucked Mara safely to his chest, and to his relief, she had started to quiet down. He watched her as she fell into restless sleep, gently kissing her hair, before reaching after his phone.

He shouldn’t have to do this alone. Mara deserved better.

He waited as the dial went through. His heart beating a staccato rhythm in his chest, and he tried to talk himself out of the looming panic attack, before it threatened to unsettle Mara.

In the end Dick didn’t pick up, and he was directed to voicemail.

He couldn’t make his lips move.

Jason let the phone fall back onto the side-table and left it there as he went to put Mara to bed.

He couldn’t expect Dick to want this life. Couldn’t assume he’d deal better. Shouldn’t count on Dick to come sweeping in to save Jason from his own short-comings.

It was perhaps better to leave Dick to live his own life. Free to do with it as he pleased.

_Jason and Mara would battle on, and one morning the fever would lift._


	5. Dick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time Jason had left cold turkey, and while, yes, Dick had noticed, he’d been too busy to actually act. Not to too busy care, he’d always care. Someone told him once, might have been Babs come to think of it, that he’s greatest flaw was probably that he cared too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's short chapter from Dick's perspective.

Dick hadn’t been so busy that he hadn’t noticed Jason dropping from the face of the earth, but it was just one of those things that happened. Usually Jason would go on some sort of self-imposed mission and he’d reappear within the span of a few months. Other times he’d disappear after a row with B, which unfortunately wasn’t that rare of an occasion. But lately even that had gotten better. Because lately Jason had started talking to them more, inform them what he was heading into. It was a sort of backup system, that should things go pear-shaped someone might be able to provide help. 

This time Jason had left cold turkey, and while, yes, Dick had noticed, he’d been too busy to actually act. _Not to too busy care_ , he’d always care. Someone told him once, might have been Babs come to think of it, that he’s greatest flaw was probably that he cared too much. That was also the reason he always found himself neck-deep in work. Whether it was a case concerning his day work at the BPD or his night work as Blüdhaven’s sole vigilante and protector. And Blüdhaven made Gotham look like some slightly tarnished Metropolis.

He was overworked, Tim had told him, which… rich coming from _him._

The thing was, he might be, but he didn’t actually mind. It felt like what he did mattered. His work with the police force was a challenge, sure, most times it felt like wading through thick, sluggish oil, and everything took twice as long as it should, but once it gave, the reward was plentiful. The hard work mattered, not only to still Dick’s pro-claimed hero-complex, but to the people that needed it the most. He didn’t really need a costume to help anyone now.

Even if he did still fly around the city at night when things got too frustrating at work and Nightwing could generate more answers than Dick Grayson.

He’d have Damian staying over this weekend. The boy had gotten into trouble at school again, and Dick thought it might be a good distraction to have him over. To spend some time with him doing normal, non-vigilante stuff. Bruce had agreed amiably. He’d been so distracted at the time that Dick thought he would have agreed to anything. There were some new W.E project, where they tried to attune their production to meet the global sustainability goals. It had been a long time coming and there was a lot of jurisdiction to go through. Then, on his rare free-time, B was occupied with a case Kate had brought him a couple of months earlier.

It was disturbing, concerning genetic experiments, and yielded exactly nothing.

So of course B put all his veining energy into it, seemingly forgetting that he had a family that depended on him. That his next oldest had disappeared once more and that Damian had problems adjusting to school and normal, everyday society. Which really shouldn’t be that surprising considering the childhood Damian had suffered through. He was only twelve, which could be a difficult age _without_ having been raised by murderous assassins. That’s why he needed Bruce more than ever, his attention, and even more crucial: his approval.

So maybe Dick also thought that by having him over he could save Damian some of the disappointment when Bruce didn’t rise to the challenge. If Dick could provide some brotherly affection, maybe that would be enough to last Damian for a while, to prove to the boy that he held value. That someone cared.

Dick took the bike all the way over from Blüdhaven. When he entered the mansion, Damian was already sat waiting for him in the hallway. All his things were neatly packed in the bag by his feet. In the background, Alfred tried very hard not to hover. His concern was however obvious in the way he attempted to urge Dick in for a cup of tea.

Dick looked from the butler’s stoic stature and down upon Damian’s drawn face. The boy was clearly upset, even if he tried very hard to hide it. He’d tried to mimic one of those blank stares that B often got when he didn’t want to give his true feelings away. Damian probably thought it made him seem mature, but if anything it was a stark reminder of how young he actually was. Too young to have gone through some of the shit he’d had.

It was easy to make himself believe that Damian was coping well with adjusting when not presented with the reality of the situation.

“Tea would be nice” Dick said.

Alfred gave him a small smile and a courteous nod. It was about as grateful as he was going to let himself be. 

“I will go prepare it, Master Richard.”

“Thank you, Alfred” Dick said, nodding in return before settling down beside Damian, throwing an arm around the boy’s shoulder. When Damian didn’t immediately pull away, Dick got a little worried.

“What’s up, Little D?”

“I’m fine, Grayson.” Damian snarled.

“You sure about that?”

Damian stayed quiet this time. He looked down at the flats of his hands. His forehead wrinkled as if in deep contemplation.

“You never told me what happened” Dick said gently, deciding to for the direct approach, it was often the most effective one when it came to Damian. “Do you want to?”

Damian shook his head fiercely, and Dick nodded, pulling the boy closer to him. He could wait him out, they had the entire weekend to talk after all. Or, if they were both their father’s sons, ignore it all together.

“You want to have tea with me and Alfred?” Dick asked.

Once more Damian shook his head, and Dick sighed in resignation. He ruffled Damian’s hair before he left for the kitchen.

Alfred setting up two mugs and a plate of biscuits when Dick entered. Dick settled down and waited as Alfred poured him tea. The butler then proceeded to add just the right amount of sugar, and Dick sighed in thankful bliss as he tasted it just to make sure. It was crazy sometimes how accurately well Alfred knew them, but then again he was paid to. However he was not paid to look as concerned as he currently did.

It urged Dick to ask. “What happened? Damian won’t really tell me”

“Master Damian has gotten suspended”

“What?!”

Dick didn’t mean to shout, but couldn’t really help himself. It was either that or spitting out his tea over the table, and he didn’t think Alfred would appreciate that.

“Suspended? Does B know? Wait, stupid question, of course he knows.”

_Does he care?_ was perhaps the more apt question.

“Well, master Bruce wasn’t too happy about it.” Alfred said, the mind-reader.

Dick sighed, than prompted: “Again, what happened? Why did Damian get suspended?”

Alfred actually looked uncomfortable now, which was saying something, considering all the shit he’d had to endure due to B’s nightly little hobby. However, Alfred was as always very professional when he continued: “He stabbed a fellow pupil with a sharpened pen.”

This time Dick could only stare at him. “For real?”

“Very much _for real_ Master, Richard.”

“Please call me Dick, this isn’t the type of conversations where I accept formalities”

“Master Dick” Alfred appeased.

Dick gave him a lopsided smile, it was a comfort to know that even if the sky fell down over their heads, Alfred’s dry British wit would probably stay intact.

Before Dick could say anything else on the topic of Damian’s suspension, Tim came stumbling into the kitchen looking more dead than alive. As had become the norm with him. He made his way straight for the coffee machine, not sparing Dick more than a brief glance. Dick would not let that slide.

“Hey, Timbo, when did you sleep last?”

“Just woke up” Tim muttered, then sighed in bliss as he took the first mouthful of his coffee. “You here to get the gremlin?”

“Master Timothy” Alfred warned, and Tim did look a little guilty at the admonishment.

“I’m sorry. B’s case got me a little rattled.”

Dick nodded, he’d seen enough of it to get the feeling. “Yeah, I could see why.”

“Well, it’s not pleasant but also… it feels like there’s something missing. Like a file or something. I don’t know if it would actually help solve anything to get a hold of it, but it just irks me.” Tim said, taking another sip of coffee while rubbing his forehead.

“Tell me if you want any help looking things over” Dick said earnestly, feeling sorry for his younger brother. Tim had barely turned eighteen and had already been thrown into the thick of it concerning W.E. business, while not even mentioning his work as Red Robin, nor the fact that he had yet to finish college.

“Nah, I’m sure it’s fine.” Tim said dismissively. “You’re helping enough getting Damian out of the house.”

At Alfred’s raised eyebrow, Tim put his hands up, pacifying. “Honestly, I think it will do him good.”

“Grayson!” Damian called from the doorway, as if summoned by the conversation. His entire being vibrated with restlessness. “Are you done soon?!”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming.” Dick smiled at him, before turning to Alfred. “We’ll have to talk more later.”

___________

Damian was still wearing a scowl as he entered Dick’s apartment, but the tenseness of his shoulders seemed to have relented somewhat, and Dick was glad for it. He liked to imagine that his Blüdhaven apartment could be a refuge for troubled teenage siblings. While Dick set up the spare room, he hadn’t really had the time for it beforehand, Damian settled down on the couch. When Dick returned into the living room, Damian had pulled his legs up underneath himself and had his sketchbook and a couple of pens out. Drawing seemed to work as a form of meditation for him, and anything that helped him should be encouraged.

“What are you drawing?”

Damian turned the page so Dick could see it. For someone who had been suspended for stabbing a schoolmate, his drawings were surprisingly mundane and… cute. On the paper he’d drawn an almost perfect rendition of Titus and Alfred the cat curled up together in Titus’ cot.

“It’s amazing, Damian! The shading’s outstanding!”

Damian gave him a measured look. “You don’t know anything about shading.”

Dick shrugged. “I can recognize a masterpiece when I see one.”

“You’re ridiculous” Damian said, but a small smile tugged at his lips, before he turned his gaze back to the sketch. “Do you really think it’s good?”

“Of course I do. It’s great! You’re really talented, you know”

Damian pretended very hard not to blush. Dick couldn’t resist but to reach out and ruffle his hair.

“Do you wanna go see a movie or something later?” Dick asked as he rose from the seat.

“You have Netflix, don’t you?” Damian asked, not bothering to lift his gaze from the sketch.

“Sure I do, but…”

“That will suffice then.”

“Damian…” Dick tried, not entirely sure how to pose the question, but before he could even begin to ask, Damian had already shut him down.

“I don’t want to talk about it, Grayson.”

“Fine, fine!” Dick said, lifting his arms in surrender.

Sure, he would give in this once, didn’t mean he was gonna be happy about it, and he was going to let Damian know that. Maybe guilt tripping your little brother isn’t a healthy strategy in the long run, it sure was effective. Damian rolled his eyes, put the sketchbook down and joined Dick in the kitchen, where Dick had pulled out a bunch of take-out pamphlets.

Damian curled his nose. “How much fast-food do you eat?”

“Not that much” Dick lied. “I just like to know my options.”

And he had a very hectic life that didn’t leave much time for cooking. Neither did he particularly enjoy it, not much of an excuse, but still…

“So what do you want?” Dick asked.

Damian looked through the various options until he pointed to a vegetarian pizza from the place on the corner. Out of curiosity Dick ordered vegetarian as well. He couldn’t help but think that Damian served as much a good influence on him as he tried to be to Damian, if not even better. While Dick hadn’t gotten around to cement in Damian that one does not stab, punch or bite their peers, Dick had actually started to reconsider how much meat he ate and why.

But maybe if Dick chose a really non-violent movie for them to watch later, that might also serve as an influence to put Damian onto the right path.

Or maybe Dick just really wasn’t cut out for this parenting thing. Lucky him he didn’t have any children of his own then. 

__________

When Dick woke the next morning he had one missed call. It was registered somewhere in Washington D.C, and whoever had called must have either been really drunk in great urgency, for they had tried to get a hold of him sometime in the early hours before dawn. 

In his head, Dick went through the short list of people he knew in Washington, realizing it mainly consisted of Donna and Diana. He didn’t think Diana would call him before calling B, so that left Donna. Except it would show if Donna called him. Maybe she had borrowed someone else’s phone? Drunk emergency?

Due to a childhood being spent as an adoptee of Bruce Wayne he’d learned not to call unknown numbers back in case they were reporters. Probably not very likely now, since he didn’t think he’d done anything to warrant a headline lately, but some things ran deep. 

Instead, before he could work himself into too much of a worry-fit, he decided to just call Donna and check. Just in case.

He waited a while, until Donna picked up.

“Donna Troy speaking”

“Hey, Donna!” Dick greeted, making his way into the kitchen to prepare some coffee. “Did you call me last night?”

“Oh, it’s you” she said, letting some faux annoyance leak through before her tone got decidedly more amused. “You wish I’d call you”

“Yeah, yeah. You sure you didn’t call though?”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure, I was kinda busy last night. Why?”

“I don’t know. Just had a missed call when I woke up” Dick said, rubbing the back of his neck as he waited for the coffee machine to finish.

“Have you tried to google it?”

And now he did feel a little stupid.

“I don’t need to google it”

“Sure, bat-creep”

“Hey!” Dick said.

“I’m sorry” Donna laughed. “I forgot you’re not flying in the bat’s shadow anymore, you’re just a creepy dick these days”

He’d call her names, except when he lifted his gaze to the doorway he saw Damian, bleary-eyed looking back at him, and decided that _that_ would really be a bad influence.

“We’ll have words” he said instead, attempting to sound threatening, except Donna had probably never respected him ever, so naturally she just continued laughing. 

“Yeah, yeah, sure. Just google it though”

“I might, later”

“You’re impossible. I need to go, but I’ll see you around”

“Sure, see you”

A smile now gracing his lips, Dick poured himself a cup and sat down by the kitchen table were Damian was already sitting, yawning widely. He reminded Dick a little of a cat when he did that, or perhaps a murderous kitten, as Jason had once so aptly put it.

Dick shook his head, refusing to admit even to himself that Jason might have had a point.

Damian did look more rested though. Hopefully he’d be more on board with Dick’s plan for the day of a normal brotherly outing, doing normal brotherly things like eating burgers and watching sport. Or maybe scratch sport, it wasn’t exactly Damian’s cup of tea. But they could go to an aquarium. Damian wouldn’t be able to break the fish out, right? _Right?_

____________

Dick never came around to googling that number. After all if it was an emergency, the caller would try to reach out again.

And Damian didn’t try to liberate any fish, so Dick thought they both deserved ice-cream for managing their impulses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damian must at some point have tried to rescue animals from zoos, and would probably try to save squids as well.


	6. Amazons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They were almost at the kindergarten when Jason felt something tighten in his throat. He wouldn’t cry. He wouldn’t, he told himself that last night, when he had succumbed to keeping Mara company since she refused to go to sleep. They had watched a movie, and Jason had told himself rather sternly that there was no need to get emotional.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter will have a little time jump in it, since I think there was a need to speed it up a little.

Mara’s fever had finally broken, and Jason could cry from relief. He’d managed to feed her and put her back to bed so she could sleep off the last of it. Meanwhile Jason sank down on the sofa, putting his head in his hands. There was a pounding headache spreading from the back of his neck, all the way across his scalp to his forehead. He was exhausted.

In retrospect Jason wasn’t entirely sure he’d understood what parenthood entailed, but this had definitely not been part of his plans. But here he was, and they had survived it. Mara was going to be well again, and Jason only needed a little sleep than he’d get his sanity back as well.

He began laughing. They’d made it through! Maybe he wasn’t so bad at this after all.

_If only Bruce could see him now._

He lifted his head, as if looking for someone to share this feat with, realizing that there was none. No one but him and Mara to share this moment, and suddenly he felt an ache of something. For something. Or maybe if he was entirely honest, for someone. Someone to share the high and lows with, the burdens and the joys. 

Well, he’d been alone for most of his life, this shouldn’t bother him now. Anyway he wasn’t alone anymore, he had Mara now.

Except he couldn’t share the burdens with her, that was sort of the point of parenthood wasn’t it. To carry the heavy oak. To protect and nurture.

_God, he needed to sleep._

But as he was about to stretch out on the sofa, the doorbell rang.

He shot to his feet. His tired body working on routine, as his hand reached for a gun he didn’t carry around anymore. He took a few steadying breaths before he made his way to the front door. Only Diana came by uninvited. Only Diana came around period.

The thought calmed him somewhat. Yet, he checked the peephole in the door before he opened. And indeed, there stood Diana.

Once she saw him, her brow furrowed and her eyes filled with concern.

“What’s happened to you?” she asked, worry leaking into her voice in a way Jason wasn’t used to being on the receiving end of.

“Mara had a cold.”

“What? And you didn’t tell me?”

“Didn’t wanna bother you.” Jason said honestly enough. “Anyway we managed.”

She clucked her tongue unhappily, and passed him into the hallway. Jason let her go without much amble. Diana quickly made her way to the bedroom where Mara was sleeping in her crib. She smiled ruefully once she caught sight of the baby.

Then she turned to Jason, something sharpening in her eyes. “You’re not a bother. I want to help you, but to do that I need to know what’s going on.”

“Yeah, I know” Jason said. “But I had it handled.”

“I’m sure.” Diana appeased. “The thing is you don’t have to do it all on your own.”

And that is, in short, how Artemis of Bana-Mighdall moved into Jason’s spare room. 

She had upper arms the size of tree-trunks and Jason was torn between being deeply attracted to and exceedingly jealous of them. Artemis used those arms to wrap Jason up in a hug so tight he feared for his ribs, but he didn’t mind all that much, he _had_ missed her.

_He missed her, he missed being out in the field, he missed being Red Hood._

But he had reassigned himself to this now, leaving behind that past life. The peace and quiet had been hard-earned, and difficult to come to terms with. But he had, at least that’s what he told himself.

In comparison to Diana, Artemis was however no natural when it came to handling children, but that seemed to have no effect on her enthusiasm. She picked up a very surprised Mara from the floor and spun her around until the baby was squealing with laughter, while Jason stood in the background his heart leaping in to his throat. But he didn’t manhandle Mara out of Artemis arms, instead giving the both of them time to adjust to each other.

“Her eyes are blue” Artemis said, looking between Mara and Jason.

“Yeah, she didn’t get those from me, if that’s what you’re asking.” Jason muttered.

Artemis took no heed. “She’s beautiful.”

“That, however, she got from me.”

“You haven’t changed I see” Artemis rolled her eyes at him, before handing Mara over.

Jason cradled his daughter closer, as he always did, it was instinct by this point. Artemis gave him a soft smile. She then demanded a tour of the apartment before moving her things into the guestroom. It was all very quick and efficient.

___________

When they put their heads into it, Jason and Artemis did work well together. They knew each other’s strengths and weaknesses. In the field they always had each other’s back and instinctively knew each other’s next moves.

But it turns out that trying to run a household is a different matter. They were good friends, but they were both very temperamental and had both strong opinions on how things should be done. Jason also had a hard time adjusting to there being a second adult to take into consideration, someone capable of decision making and who’d had an entire life to form their very own routines.

Mara, however, didn’t seem to mind in the slightest, adjusting as if she’d just waited for someone more than Jason to give her their undivided attention. And Jason had to admit that the stressful mornings did run smoother, and Mara’s afternoons at daycare became significantly shorter. (While also providing Jason an opportunity to pick up extra shifts if he needed).

It was also a comfort to have Artemis around. She provided the both of them that steady, impeccable Amazonian calm, and Jason always felt safe handing Mara over whenever he himself reached his wit’s end. A weight had lifted from his shoulder only by knowing that he wasn’t so alone with all the responsibility, even if he still was the only one to make decisions on Mara’s behalf. 

Having Artemis around also meant more time to self-care and Jason started to go to the gym. It gave him an outlet. The anger that had flowed through his veins ever since the pit was still there but exercising helped to calm it down. Turns out that it’s much easier taking care of someone else, when you take care of yourself. In simple terms workout kept him sane. 

During Artemis stay Bizarro came and visited a couple of times and became entirely enamored with Mara. Jason was worried at first that the, albeit friendly, giant would be too rough with her. But he was so careful when Jason placed Mara in Bizarro’s waiting arms, looking down at her in silent wonder. He patted her head with a gentle finger, but when Mara started making noises, Bizarro became a little distressed, scared that he in anyway had harmed the child.

“Red take baby.”

“It’s fine, you didn’t do anything. She’s probably just hungry.” Jason tried to reassure, but when Bizarro asked him again, Jason did pick Mara from his arms. Settling her down on his hips, and then proceeding to make lunch for the four of them.

As he dished out the food, he couldn’t help but think that this was a good life. He could settle for this, he could live for Mara, as long as he knew he had the support and company of friends. It was a family all its own.

Then Artemis started going on missions again, mainly for Diana’s sake, and since it was Themyscirian business Jason kept his nose out of it. But it felt weird to not go out in the field with her, and for the first time in a long while, he battled the feeling of being left behind, of feeling stuck. He knew that Red Hood wasn’t exactly a saint-figure, he didn’t save the world, but he also knew that he made a difference. It was hard watching the news sometimes, seeing all the suffering that he might have been able to prevent if only he was out there. He’d tried to argue that case in front of Diana, but she never bought it, and in all her godlike wisdom she put him back in his place.

“The world doesn’t stand and fall with Red Hood, but Mara’s world does with you.”

Jason had to admit she had a point. 

__________

_Three years later_

Time moved faster than Jason could have accounted for. He was going on twenty-six and the odds that he would make it to thirty had never been more in his favor. It was a shock more than anything. After he’d come back and picked up the Red Hood persona he thought he wouldn’t make it to the end of the year, but fate had proven him wrong.

_Dick Grayson had proven him wrong._

By being insufferably persistent Dick had managed to bring Jason back to the family. He had served the gateway, the bridge to forgiveness. It was thanks to him that Jason had been able to accept Bruce’s attempt to work things out.

Then Dick’s blasted DNA had contributed into giving Jason Mara, and she was the biggest revelation of Jason’s life. She was four now, sitting opposite Jason at the breakfast table, babbling away as if there was no tomorrow. He was swept away by her excitement. She was starting kindergarten and had been a bundle of energetic nerves for the past week. Artemis, who had moved out at this point to live with her girlfriend across town, but still babysat, had at some point bought earplugs. (Jason had laughed his ass off when he found out.)

Mara had grown so fast. When had it happened? Was this something all parents and guardians went through? A grief over the passing of time, mixed with a fierce pride over their children’s achievements? Wanting to make time stop for the shortest of moments to be able to wrap their heads around the fact that kids don’t stay kids forever?

Last night she had packed her back-pack maybe three times before she was satisfied with the outcome. Now she was eating with vigor, having more cereal than milk in her bowl. All in preparation for an eventful day.

Jason had forgotten his own breakfast, too occupied with observing her. He entertained himself with his favorite game of trying to figure out all the traits she had inherited from him. The chin was his, as was the nose. He also liked to believe that her chin-length hair was as well, but that honestly was impossible to say. She was curious, a quick learner, active to a point it had become a challenge to keep up. But she also had her moments of quiet, when all she wanted was to bundle up and listen to Jason reading her stories. Being a librarian and an avid book-fan Jason saw this, his daughter’s love of reading, as his greatest achievement as a parent.

He could forget time in her company, so enamored was he with this little creature that was so much like him yet not like him at all. She was happy, and Jason would die for her to have that. Never needing to worry as much as he had growing up. Not about were her next meal would come from, about drugged-out parents, about money, about trying to keep up with Batman. None of that. If Jason had any say in the matter, and as her legal guardian he thought he should, she would grow up having a normal life. And if not, he was damned if he didn’t give her as many opportunities in life as possible. Therefor Jason had already started to save up for college. It was something he wanted for her, since he himself never had the chance to.

_Dying is a bitch like that._

“Dad?”

Mara’s look was inquisitive, brow furrowed. Obviously she had tried to keep up a conversation with him, but Jason had zooned out too much, and now her big, big blue eyes looked concerned upon him. Those eyes, almost electric in their azure shade, they were all _his._

“Are you listening?”

“Course” he lied smoothly, if he had been a good liar before, parenthood had, if anything, made him better at it.

“Do you think the other kids will like me?”

And that cut into him like a fucking knife. He didn’t want for her to become an outsider, different from the start. He was so goddamn afraid of replicating his own life and then forcing it upon her.

So he said what any parent would:

“Of course they will like you, sweetheart. Only a fool wouldn’t”

And found how fiercely he believed in that sentence.

He thought if he could only think it hard enough, maybe it would drizzle out into reality. She was lovable, outspoken and charming. Easy in a way Jason knew had nothing to do with himself.

The thought of Dick resurfaced like an ugly, scabbed over wound. The guilt was churning.

He needed distraction.

“Are you finished?” he asked looking between Mara and her plate.

Her cheeks colored, a sign she was mildly embarrassed. She had a tendency to talk and forget about her food. Mara ate the last of her breakfast and Jason could only laugh, begging her not to stress.

___________

It was an easy job to wrestle Mara into a jacket and put the backpack on her back. Jason had tried to carry it for her as they made their way down the stairs and out into the street. She had refused with venom. She was very proud of being old enough for kindergarten (and carrying her own things) and she wouldn’t let anyone take that away from her. Not even when the backpack was almost bigger than herself.

Mara’s kindergarten was only two blocks away. It was overall a rather pleasant neighborhood and Jason was really proud for achieving this. He wanted them to get into the habit of walking when and where they could. It was good for Mara he thought, to grow up aware of the benefits to both her own health and the environment. (He had read in the paper that W.E had started to adjust their production to be more sustainable, and had out of spite picked up a few books on climate change to see if the work to adjust changed anything. Turns out it did.) And to be frank, he needed the exercise himself. There were only so many hours he could spare to go to the gym.

They were almost at the kindergarten when Jason felt something tighten in his throat. _He wouldn’t cry._ He wouldn’t, he told himself that last night, when he had succumbed to keeping Mara company since she refused to go to sleep. They had watched a movie, and Jason had told himself rather sternly that there was no need to get emotional.

Growing up was part of life, he had to let her go sooner or later. _But why did it feel too soon?_ He wondered how Alfred did it. Keeping all feelings on the inside, never shaken, never distraught, always impeccably calm. Well, someone had to be in _that_ madhouse.

Mara, who had been holding his hand, started lagging behind. This surprised him somewhat, but then he remembered their breakfast conversation. Jason slowed down, turned all his attention to her.

“What’s the matter?”

He thought he sounded like concerned but normal parents should. Not bat-paranoid, not bat-suspicious.

“Nervous” she answered shortly.

Jason had been rather adamant about teaching her to use words, preferably full sentences, to describe her feelings. He’d read it in a book that it was good for children to vocalize their emotions. It made it tangible and easier to handle for everyone involved.

“It’s okay to be nervous.” He had also read that it was important to accept uncomfortable feelings. “But I promise you, it’s going to be alright. You will get new friends and learn new things. It’s just a little while, then I will pick you up again and we can kidnap Artemis and go for ice-cream.”

Bribes were better than any psychological theory.

Mara brightened up at the mention of ice-cream, especially on a weekday, offered so freely. She tugged him along and soon enough Jason was stood in front of the gate with tears in his eyes. He had managed a shorter conversation with his daughter’s teacher, Ms. Tyler, about Mara being nervous. Ms. Tyler had looked understanding and told both him and Mara that it was perfectly normal. Then a girl with a toothy grin had complemented Mara’s backpack, and the girls had immediately begun a vivid conversation as they made their way inside. Mara had barely remembered to say goodbye.

Ms. Tyler smiled at him.

“They really do make friends fast at that age. No prejudice, just curiosity” she said.

“Oh, yeah, they do” said Jason, trying to bite around the lump that had traveled from his throat to the back of his mouth.

“It’s okay for parents to be nervous too” Ms. Tyler smiled knowingly before she moved on to the next child.

Jason was quick to escape. He managed to round the corner of the next street over, before he had to push into an alleyway to collect himself. Had _he_ been able to find the right words to describe the emotion, he would have understood that in the jumbled mess of feelings there was also grief for a childhood that he himself had never had. He dried his cheek on the back of his hand, before he went on his way to work.

____________

As he entered the library, he caught sight of a familiar head of black hair. Almost a replica of Diana in the same way he was of Bruce. Donna was stood leaning against the front desk speaking with Jessica, the woman that had suggested Jason become a librarian, now a very supportive colleague. Jason had no choice but to walk past them if he wanted to get into the staff room. Maybe he would be fine. If Donna didn’t expect him to be here, the likelihood of her even seeing him would be minimal. Probably.

For some reason (Donna’s attachment to Dick) Diana had never clued her in on Jason’s whereabouts and doings in the city. It had seemed the best decision at the time.

Jason had almost reached the door when Jessica suddenly called out for him and he stopped dead in his tracks.

“Jason, could you come over here, I think you have a better grasp on this than I do.”

He turned around slowly, like a dear caught in the headlights. Every nerve-end alight with dread. His eyes caught Donna’s and she recognized him immediately.

Surprised she called out to him.

“Jason, is that really you?”

He had two option: to run for it, risking a fight to break loose and someone getting harmed, most likely himself since the amazons were pretty much indestructible. The second option was to face it like an adult.

As he made his way over to the desk, his entire body screamed for him to choose the first option, but it was already too late. He stood face to face with Donna. Her eyes dark and deep and very much confused.

“How can I help you?” Jason asked, hiding behind his work-persona.

“Since when do _you_ live in Washington?” Donna asked back, and since she most likely wouldn’t take no for an answer, Jason decided to be somewhat honest.

“The past four years”

“Really? How come I haven’t seen you _around_?”

She made it pointed enough for him to understand that she was talking about the vigilante business not around in broader sense. Their everyday lives weren’t ones to naturally meet after all.

Jason looked to Jessica, who was still stood beside them looking a little flabbergasted that someone actually seemed to know him. To her Jason was a young man with no discernable past, which wasn’t entirely wrong, but also incredibly incorrect. Jason had more _past_ than most people could dream of.

Jessica cleared her throat. “Since you seem to know each other, I’ll just…”

She shook herself loose, as if she’d been under some spell, and then retreated.

Jason felt like he could breathe a little easier without the audience. This was gonna be bad enough as was, most likely.

He sighed. “I don’t really do that stuff anymore.”

Donna stared at him, eyebrows raised. “You’re serious?!”

“Dead-serious.”

“For four years you haven’t even once…”

“No” Jason said.

She laughed slightly. “God, I gotta tell Dick. The renowned Red Hood, librarian at day, normal person at night. Weird shtick”

“Har har” Jason grimaced. “Please, don’t call Dick, though”

She stopped from searching through her bag in order to look back up at him. “Why? He’s been worried”

The thing is, during these past years, he had never actually come up with a good excuse, because there really were none. Lying was going to be futile and telling the truth was not an option. Either way, there was no conceivable way he could defend himself which wouldn’t blow up in his face in the end.

“Just don’t”

It was weak. He knew he should fight harder, but he had a feeling that it didn’t matter what he’d say, Donna would still get in contact with Dick, and then Dick would turn up on his doorstep, demanding answers, and Jason was screwed.

But he could run. A new city, a new life.

Except Mara had just started Kindergarten. Mara were in the midst of making new friends. She had her life here, her entire world revolved around this city. This was the only life she knew. He couldn’t take that from her.

He’d been a sitting duck for four years. If ever he was meant to run, he should have done so before. It was cathartic in a sense.

Now he could prepare to do what he had been shaped to do: _fight._


	7. Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What in all living hell do you think you’re doing here?” Jason’s lips were thin, and curled in anger. His eyes were mere slits under a heavily furrowed brow.   
> Dick thrust the coffee forward. “…and I bought muffins”  
> Jason’s breathing was erratic in the same way it had been earlier today, and Dick was starting to get concerned. Then, as Jason clenched his fists at his side as if he was ready to swing wildly, a tiny voice rang out from somewhere inside the apartment.   
> “Dad? Who is it? Is it Aunt Diana?”  
> A child.

Dick had been waiting the entire morning for a call from Damian’s teacher, since the man had promised to get in contact with him about Damian’s behavior lately. For a while it had gotten better, but then, as more and more hormones started to take over Damian’s brain, it got worse again. Lately Damian had gotten it into his head that he already knew everything school could teach him and therefore should put all his energy into becoming the next Batman. Tim’s graduation from college and Bruce’s most recent spat with death, hadn’t exactly helped in convincing Damian otherwise. 

Why it had fallen upon Dick to communicate with Damian's teacher had long been lost to history. Or rather, Bruce Wayne was almost as intimidating as Batman, and therefor it seemed in Damian's best interest if the teachers could talk with a more... friendly face. At least that's how Damian's principal had put it after Bruce had threatened to pull back the donotations he had made the school. (Cause yeah, sometimes he was that prick). 

The phone rang. 

Dick picked it from his pocket and answered without checking the caller ID, because sometimes he was an idiot. _Babs words not his._

It wasn’t Damian’s teacher.

“I’ve found him. He’s in DC” Donna said in lieu of greeting.

“You’ve found who?” Dick asked, his head too swamped with work and responsibilities to make sense of anything, but managing to paint a rather amusing image of a furious amazon hunting down a skittish high school teacher. 

“Jason.”

The laugh died in his throat. The name leaving him cold. 

It had been over three years since he disappeared. Dick really should feel something but there was only a shifting void. Jason had been gone for so long that Dick had given up hope of ever finding him again. He’d resigned to the fact that Jason had most likely decided that he wanted nothing to do with the rest of them. He’d even resigned himself to the less probable but all the more heart wrenching option of Jason being gone altogether. Pushing daisies. Bitten the dust. Bought the farm.

But Bruce hadn't given up hope, which had been enough for Dick to keep his own up as well.

What now? Jason alive and living in D.C. Should he be left to it? Could Dick even find it within himself to leave Jason to it? The answer was simple: _no._ He knew it was selfish, but Dick had always had this desperate need to keep their little messed up family together. Every head accounted for. He didn’t want them perfect, he just needed them whole.

“When did you see him?”

“Couple of minutes ago” she answered. “I met him at the library.”

“Did you talk to him?” Dick asked, a little breathless.

“Yeah”

“And?”

“He seemed well. Didn’t want me to call you though.”

And Dick should have guessed it. Still it felt like a punch to the stomach. He’d really thought they had reached some sort of understanding, but then again if they had, why would Jason run off without telling him?

“Did he tell you why?”

“No, but he didn’t fight me on it either.”

_That’s something,_ Dick thought to himself, feeling a small sense of hope sprout somewhere beneath his ribs.

“Maybe I- should just come down there?”

He had meant to say that they should wait him out, because logically Dick knew that to be the best option, but weren’t they all people of action anyway?

“Yeah, it might be a good idea.” Donna said, and Dick honestly couldn’t tell if she was being sarcastic or not.

Dick pushed onwards. It was the only thing he knew how to do in these kind of situations.

“I’ll come down there."

There was a beat of silence, than Donna sighed. 

“Fine, you could stay at mine.”

Dick ended the call, heaving a sigh. Not entirely sure if it came from strain or relief. It didn’t really matter, did it? Now what was he going to do? Go down to D.C and try to convince Jason to come back? He’d obviously left for a reason, unless Dick could solve that problem first, Jason was never going to come back to them.

____________

He didn’t tell Bruce where nor why he was going. He couldn’t rationalize it to himself except that he didn’t really want to. However, he did call Alfred, for two reasons, to forward the words of Damian’s teacher (not all kind), and of course to tell him that Jason was still alive. Dick pretended not to have noticed the quiet gasp of relief that Alfred let slip at the mention of Jason’s name. The man had always liked Jason, despite the boy being the complete anti-thesis to everything Alfred stood for. But maybe it wasn't the likeness to Alfred self that the aging butler appreciated with Jason, but perharps the way he reminded the man a little of a young Bruce. 

Dick then proceeded to face-time Damian. Thinking it would probably be a good idea to tell the boy he was going away for a while. Now Damian could always flee to Jon if he needed to get away, but sometimes he still preferred to come hide away in Bludhaven, under the lawless roof of his favorite brother.

Damian wasn’t happy with him leaving, that much was obvious.

“I’m just going on a vacation, to see Donna.” Dick reassured, wearing his most placating smile.

“In Washington?” Damian asked skeptical, imitating his father’s raised brow like a natural.

“Yes… Donna lives in Washington.”

“Can I come?”

“Nope, because you have school.” Dick said, feeling like he wasn’t meant to take on the role of boring adult, but he had to. It was the most legitimate reason he could think of to deny Damian. If anything Damian’s glower became even sourer.

“That isn’t fair! You might need me.” Damian would never admit that he pouted, but it still was a tactic he often returned to when things didn’t go his way.

“It’s not a mission, Damian.”

“It isn’t?”

Who had deigned it a good idea to fuck this boy’s life up to the point that he couldn’t imagine his own brother going on holiday? Dick felt a deep sympathy for him that didn’t actually help, but it was the only weapon he had in this situation. 

“I’ll be back on Sunday tops. I’ll come visit you then” Dick promised.

And it seemed to appease Damian enough for Dick to change the subject. He steered the conversation over to other topics, like Damian’s homework and friends. It apparently wasn’t a great idea, since the boy seemed to be frustrated with both.

After they had finished their video-call, Dick leaned back unto the sofa with a heavy sigh. Damian was a bloodhound. He would figure something out soon enough, until then Dick had bigger problems to handle.

Donna was happy to lend out her couch, and her precious time, to help Dick in his endeavor to catch the flighty bird that was Jason Todd. She wasn’t however happy with Dick’s ideas of investigation.

“That’s plain stalking”

_Did he imagine her eye twitching?_

“Just go talk to him. He works at the library, it’s not exactly a top-secret cover!”

So that’s what Dick did. Or at the very least, attempted to do. It was just… seeing Jason, once murderous prone, post-pit-mad Jason, shelfing books in a peaceful library was perhaps too much for Dick’s brain to handle. He had changed over the past years of course, it was inevitable, but the change was more prominent than Dick had perhaps expected. There was nothing of the gaunt and hollow which had haunted him before, instead something about him had seemingly turned softer. From the way he moved right down to his features. He looked surprisingly healthy, he had gained a little weight and his shoulders had broaden.

Dick, dumbfounded, decided to retreat, promising himself he would catch Jason before the man finished his shift.

_____________

:::::::::::::::::::::  
______________

Only Jason was still a bat, and even if Dick had been more careful to keep out of view. He’d been on constant guard since Donna had walked out of the library the day before with a book on modern art under her left arm and no promises of discretion made, and therefore would probably have noticed even the smallest of bugs were it hostile enough. 

What would be the best course of action? Ignore Dick until he approached him voluntarily? Or be the one approaching? Jason had always been more of a hands on person, and maybe it would be the fastest way to take control of the situation, gain the upper hand. Do it on Jason’s terms. If he was lucky, _and he never was_ , Dick would be satisfied having talked to him and would then leave on his own accord.

Except that the batclan were all incapable of staying out of each other’s business and Dick Grayson had always been the worst offender by far.

But if Jason approached now, the conversation might be over by the time he had to pick Mara up from kindergarten. The thought of Mara pierced him like a thorn in the side. This was his opportunity to tell Dick, but should he? Could he?

Dick was sat by a table close to the entrance, a laptop open in front of him. It was an obvious cover, Jason thought, while also certain that Dick would take any chance he could to cram in as much work as possible.

Jason approached carefully, his moves stealthy and quiet, unfortunately his mouth didn’t receive the memo, as he had always been chronically incapable of shutting up.

“Dickiebird. Dicholas.” and because he could: “Dickwing.”

Dick did startle somewhat, and Jason tried very hard not to view it as a tiny victory. Dick was however quick to hide his little slip, covering it up by a pretty decent Alfred impression, lifting an eyebrow and answering with a tired drawl. 

“Quite finished?”

Jason smirked, tried to, but his words probably came out more of a guarded snarl.

“Sure. What’s brought the great boy-blunder?”

Dick rolled his eyes at him, but there was genuine confusion to his face now. A look of hesitance rising in those blue, blue eyes.

“You’ve been gone for _years._ ”

“You can count, how impressive! Did daddy teach you that while counting all his fat money?” Jason snarled, because he was an asshole who couldn’t let an opportunity to make snide remarks at Bruce slide.

“You’re impossible” Dick muttered, his face immediately more guarded. “We’ve been dead worried about you, including B.”

“Sure he has.” Jason said, another nasty snarl. “Too fucking busy to find me too. It’s not like I went underground now, did I?”

And this had been a thought running around his head for the past three years. While sure he had run away in the endeavor to not be found, but he had expected to fight more for it. Because if Bruce had actually wanted to, he would have found him by now. But maybe the old bat had tired of his antics and decided it was less trouble for everyone involved if Jason just didn’t come back. _That fucking stung._

“You sorta did, though” Dick said shrugging his shoulders, and all Jason could do was glare at him.

“In a public library? That’s real brilliant of me.”

“We thought maybe you had fled the country.” said Dick, voice careful, another fucking excuse.

(Not that he hadn’t considered it.)

_Had they even tried?_

Maybe a small part of him had wanted to be found. Eventually. One day when Mara was all grown up and Jason could show the bats that he hadn’t harmed her any more than normal parents did their kids. That he had succeeded. That he had raised a wonderfully intelligent young woman. Then Bruce couldn’t take her away from him. Nor could Dick.

But now Dick was here…

Jason had the opportunity to save them all a lot of pain now if only he told Dick about Mara. But he had lived with this secret for so long that he didn’t know how not to. It was easier to just continue living a lie. Because he knew what a shitty thing he had put Dick through, without Dick even knowing about it, but he couldn’t risk having her taken from him either. It was _his_ daughter. The light of his fucking life, and sure it was a dick move (no pun intended) to keep her to himself, but he loved her and couldn’t imagine a world where he was parted from her.

And if Dick found out (Jason was certain that he eventually would) then he’d live in the world currently occupied by Dick, unawareness, being shut out of your only child’s life. It was hypocritical not wanting to go through what he had put Dick through, but what Dick didn’t know, didn’t hurt him.

Except he was a bat, he would probably figure it all out sooner or later, and Jason knew that logically the outcome would be better if he heard it from Jason first. Hopefully. 

But something still kept him from telling Dick. The excuses were endless: couldn’t force this kid upon him, couldn’t tie him down. It had been Jason’s choice to take her in, and he hadn’t regretted it for a single moment – except those lonely nights of exhaustion that he didn’t like to think about – but it had never been Dick’s choice. Even if he was probably far too noble to run from his own blood.

Goddammit, she was the only own blood he had left. Just like she was Jason’s.

“Hey, Jason, maybe you should sit down?” Dick’s voice was suddenly gentle, impossibly so, and when Jason met his gaze, his eyes seemed more mirrors of Mara than they ever had. “You look pale.”

“Fuck off” Jason said, but the protest was weak, already choking on the lump forming in his throat.

Dick loved his family, or rather anyone he considered family, even if they were all messed up and bruised in the wrong places, he was still fiercely loyal to them. To a fault. _He would tell Bruce, and then it would be over with._

_Still, didn’t Dick have the right to know?_ He’s treacherous brain supplied. The opportunity to choose? Except… the ever looming shadow of Batman would swiftly descend upon Jason’s life and tear it to pieces, the way it always had.

Jason was selfish, as much as anyone who had made their own way in the world, but he was also loyal to _his_ family. He loved his little girl beyond reason and sense, and like a pack-mother, a she-wolf, he would fight tooth and nail to keep her safe. And if that meant out of Batman’s grasp than Jason would once more cut any ties to him.

“Jason, please sit down.”

It wasn’t very much like Dick to be gentle with him. He obeyed simply because he felt like his legs were going to give out under him if he didn’t. He sank into the opposite chair and promptly avoided to meet Dick’s eyes.

“Jay” Dick reached for him, but pulled his hand back before it could connect. “I just want to know that you’re okay. That you’re… happy.”

Jason could laugh. His happiness had never been a concern before, why should it start to be now? But he could also cry, because for the first time he had something to be truly happy about. The emotions battled for a while, until Jason managed to rear them all in. Let himself go indifferent enough to _deal._

He nodded slowly. “I am”

Dick looked a little surprised at the admission. His mouth forming a gentle o, before he too schooled his features, and awkwardly, because for all his emotional prowess he had still been raised by Bruce Does-not-deal-well-with-feelings Wayne.

“That’s good.” Dick nodded. “We worried.”

“You said.”

“Yeah, I…” Dick began, but then shook his head. “Do you want to go for a coffee?”

Jason startled, searched his face. There was no hint of sarcasm, or anything else but a genuine offer. Jason shook his head. _How in the seven realms of hell was he supposed to drink coffee with the father of his child?_

“I can’t”

“Oh.”

“I would but I… can’t” he lied.

He wanted to bang his head upon the table, did he have to make it more awkward than it already was?

“No, it’s okay.” Dick reassured, and this time he reached out for real, his hand landing gently on Jason’s arm. It burnt, and Jason pulled away from him. “Maybe some other time.”

“I need to go back to work” Jason said, lifting himself out of the chair.

He fumbled on uneven feet, hurried forward back behind the counter. Anyplace that would make him seem busy and important. 

“Jason!” Dick called after him, half-rising out of his seat. “It was good seeing you!”

Then the bastard smiled one of his impossible smiles, the kind that turned even the most cold-hearted of bastards a little soft at the center.

It’s impossible to stay away from someone like that.

_____________

Mara had of course noticed that something was wrong. She might have been very busy with starting kindergarten, making new friends, and learning stuff, but that didn’t make her oblivious. Jason had been tense as a board, and his stress had rubbed off on her. She never used to be a hassle, but now she was protesting everything from the food he served her to her bedtime.

When he picked Mara up after having run away from Dick, he was already at his wits end. Mara was upset, sulky in the way she usually only where when she was catching a fever. Jason was quick to take her temperature, but it gave nothing. Still she only pushed her food around on the plate, when he urged her to take another bite all hell broke loose. And without really knowing how, he was in the midst of an inferno. Mara screamed, her words childish but quickly turning mean. Then she began to throw her food at him, and when he tried to calm her down by holding on to her, she kicked and bit after him.

“Mara!”

She didn’t listen, he couldn’t reach her, and it terrified him.

“Mara, please calm down!”

He wasn’t able to hold on to her much longer without hurting her, but feared that if he let her go she might hurt herself. In the end he just sat down with her on the floor and waited the seizure out. Eventually her breathing calmed, but only after a few terrifying seconds where he thought she had stopped breathing all together. When she had tired out, she slumped against him until her head rested against his heart.

Jason pulled her tighter to him, arms wired gently around her, no longer trying to cage her in. He stroked her hair, and kissed the top of her head and ended up resting his chin a top her hair. Had she been older he would have asked her what all the fuss was about, instead he just whispered reassurances. The way he wished someone had done to him when he was her age.

“It’s okay now, you’re alright, it’ll be fine.”

They sat like that until Mara bleary eyed looked up at him. Her voice was so quiet he had to strain to hear her.

“I don’t hate you. I didn’t mean it”

“I know, darling, I know.” he whispered back, and then, because god damn it, she should never need to doubt it. “Even if you did, I’d still love you”

“But I don’t hate you”

“I know, but I would love you either way.”

She needed to know that someone cared, no matter what she did or what happened to her. Jason would always be in her corner. Offering endless support for as long as he could manage.

Even if she hated him. Even if she decided to run amok and one day start beating up clowns. _Maybe especially then._

“Do you want to watch a movie?” he asked, before he lost himself in possible futures, and haunting pasts.

She nodded meekly, and they bundled down on the couch. Mara picked Tangled – shocker – she had been obsessed with it for the better part of a month. And well, Jason didn’t hate it, not yet, but he knew most of the dialogue now, so it was a little predictable. But as long as Mara loved it, he would endure it. Cause while Roy had never really told him how to deal with tantrums he had been very clear on how important it is to engage in your children’s interests, even if they were only toddlers obsessed with princesses and cartoon characters.

________________

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________________

Dick was not an asshole, he’d like to have that on record, but since he couldn’t bring Jason to the coffee, he had decided to take matters into his own hands and bring coffee to Jason… at eight in the evening. It wasn’t too late to make a house call, right? One bat to another?

Finding Jason address had been a piece of cake once Dick had found him. It was pure old detective work. ( _No, Donna, it’s not stalking_ ). The coffee was just as easily fixed. It was harder to decide on what muffins he should bring, but maybe that was just an excuse to wait for his sanity to kick in and call the whole thing off. It never did, so here was stood at Jason’s doorstep, still trying to think of a greeting that wouldn’t put a bullet through his frontal lobes.

He knocked before he could chicken out.

There was a moment of waiting before he heard steps from inside approaching the door, then another moment before it was wrenched open.

“Hi-“

“What in all living hell do you think you’re doing here?” Jason’s lips were thin, and curled in anger. His eyes were mere slits under a heavily furrowed brow.

Dick thrust the coffee forward. “…and I bought muffins”

Jason’s breathing was erratic in the same way it had been earlier today, and Dick was starting to get concerned. Then, as Jason clenched his fists at his side as if he was ready to swing wildly, a tiny voice rang out from somewhere inside the apartment.

“Dad? Who is it? Is it Aunt Diana?”

_A child._

Dick tried to look past Jason’s shoulders were they filled the doorframe. He looked up to meet Jason’s eyes and saw the full blown panic before it was swiftly replaced by anger once more. Rage had always been his shield.

_“Dad?”_ Dick asked shocked enough to go stupid with it. “You have a child?”

Jason looked heavenwards, clenched his jaw tight and then stepped out of the way ushering Dick inside. Dick followed without protest, coffee raised high in one hand and muffin bag sweeping by his thigh in the other.

“Jason…”

“Shut it.” Jason said, picking the coffee out of Dick’s flailing arm before it went crashing to the floor. “Just come here.”

Dick was lead into a small, but clinically clean and well-ordered kitchen. He was pointed to sit down at the table and did so without protesting. Jason put the coffee down in front of him and then went through the cabinets after a plate for the muffins. The action was somehow reminiscent of Alfred, but more brute.

Then from the living room, in a light patter of feet, entered a little girl. She was no higher than Dick’s mid-thigh, and she was wrapped in a big blanket that mostly dragged behind her across the floor. Her hair was sticking up at odd angles, the strands black as ink. Her nose a button and her eyes round with an azure shade of blue.

When she saw Dick she hesitated, her eyes seeking out Jason. Jason, whose shoulders and jaw had been tense ever since he’d met Dick at the door, softened impossibly. He bent down until he was eyelevel with the little girl, giving her the gentlest of smiles, filled with adoration. She crawled into his arms and Jason hefted her up onto his hip. Suddenly shy she hid her face in Jason’s neck, but still curious she peered out at Dick.

Dick waved at her. Then he felt promptly embarrassed at having done it in Jason’s presence.

“Mara” Jason whispered to the girl. “This is Dick. Dick this is Mara, my daughter.”

“Hello, Mara.” Dick said, smiling slightly. “I’m a friend of your father.”

“Why are you called Dick? That’s weird.” Mara asked, whereupon Jason grunted out a low laugh.

“Because he is one.”

“It’s short for Richard.” Dick said, defending his honor, all the while fighting off his own laughter. “Do you like muffins?”

Mara’s eyes got wide and she nodded eagerly. But then she seemed to remember herself and looked at Jason for confirmation. He heaved a sigh, but his smile was no less fond.

“Just one. Then it’s bedtime.”

Jason settled Mara in her chair, and then settled himself down opposite Dick. Dick began plating the muffins and pushed them in Mara’s direction. There were really only two alternatives: raspberry and blueberry, cause Dick couldn’t remember which ones Jason used to prefer. Mara picked a raspberry, at Dick’s curious gaze she said defensively:

“It’s my favorite.”

“It’s mine too.” Dick said amused.

It was barely any interaction to speak of but Dick felt Jason’s gaze heavy on him like a hawk, and Dick really didn’t want to offend him in any way. He met Jason’s eyes and Jason promptly avoided his by reaching for the coffee.

Meanwhile Mara was happily munching away on her muffin, with the kind of enthusiasm that only a toddler could obtain. Dick felt spellbound by her.

“She’s adorable.” he said to Jason, who looked up at him as if startled from some deep thoughts. “She even got your chin.”

“Are you telling me my chin is adorable?” Jason said, smirking feebly, but it was obvious he wasn’t in it, so Dick didn’t bother to kick him under the table. They settled into silence after that, both of them watching Mara, and it was… surprisingly comfortable.

Since Jason had started to work with Batman instead of against him, Dick had started to find his company rather enjoyable. Jason had a sharp tongue but he was also intelligent and shockingly funny. Even more surprisingly he valued silence. They had spent a lot of late-turned-early hours just being in each other’s presence, no words needed.

This was different, there was a tenseness in this silence, questions Dick wanted to ask and Jason would most likely refuse to answer. But since Jason had yet to throw him out, Dick counted it as a win. They had time. 

Then Mara had finished her muffin and Jason told her to go brush her teeth. The absence of Mara turned the room claustrophobic, and Dick made to rise out of his seat. 

“I probably should go”

Jason didn’t answer, his mind occupied by something else, gaze lost in the residing depth of the coffee mug.

“I-“ Dick began, but was interrupted rather suddenly by Jason.

“Come back tomorrow. I’ll make dinner.”

“Okay” Dick nodded.

________________

And that is how he found himself standing at Jason’s doorstep also the following evening, if possible even more nervous. He rang the bell and with a jolt Mara threw it open. She smiled toothily up at him, and Dick laughed slightly.

“Richard!”

“Hello Mara!” he greeted before handing her the bouquet of flowers he had brought because Alfred had taught him manners. “Tell your father to put these in water.”

The little girl hurried ahead of him, calling for Jason’s attention. She disappeared into the kitchen and Dick could hear Jason’s warm timber pool out into the hallway.

“Yes, sweetheart, those are really pretty.”

And Dick took a moment to himself, grinning widely, before entering the kitchen as well.

“That smells amazing” Dick said, and Jason gave him a veining smile.

Mara on the other took much more pride in her father’s cooking abilities.

“His food is the best in the world!”

“I’m sure it is”

“That’s a clear overestimation, but that’s just because you’ve never had Alfred cook for you.” Jason said, ruffling Mara’s hair gently. “You remember I told you about Alfred right?”

“Yeah. He’s your… grandfather?” Mara asked a little uncertain.

“Sorta”

Dick watched the interaction, surprised. He’d somehow thought Jason wouldn’t have told her about them, since he had so thoroughly cut the ties, but then again, Dick didn’t even know about Mara’s existence until the day before, so who was he to say how Jason raised her? What stories he told her? And Alfred had always been central to Jason's time at the manor. 

Before Dick could cut in with any of his hundred questions, Jason loudly declared the food to be ready and they settled down to eat. 

It was pasta, but not pasta how Dick made it when he was hungry and in a hurry to get out on the next job. This was pasta the way you'd get it in a fancy restaurant, and Dick couldn't help the moan of pleasure that slipped from him. Jason's gaze flicked up to him, warningly. 

"What? It's good!" Dick said, mouth full. 

"Manners." Jason sighed. "And you don't have to sound so surprised."

"I haven't eaten home cooked in a while." Dick said, smiling broadly.

"You know what, that doesn't surprise _me"_ Jason quipped back, a slow smirk spreading over his lips and this felt normal. The sort of easy banter they had started to engage in before Jason had disappeared. 

This was _nice._

Mara sitting between them, eating eagerly. Dick looked from her and up to Jason, and suddenly was struck by a longing he wasn't entirely comfortable examinating. 

Before dessert Dick felt his phone vibrating and he excused himself to go pick it up. Jason gave him a weary look, and Dick tried for a reassuring smile.

“Do you remember the Cadmus case?” Tim said in lieu of greeting, he sounded speeded in the way he only did when he had forgone sleep in pursuit of some wild goose-chase powered by his own body-weight in caffeine.

“Course, thought it didn’t give anything, though” Dick said, tapping his feet. He wanted to go back to the kitchen and if this wasn’t important…

“I found the missing file!” Tim bellowed.

Dick smiled slightly, shaking his head. “Okay, I’ll bite. How?”

“I got some time over and decided to just hack into their system”

“You hack multi-millionaire medicine-companies just for fun now?”

“It’s not the weirdest thing I’ve done, and you know that” Tim said, dismissing and urgent. “Anyway, I found something you really, really should take a look at!”

“Sure, send it over.” Dick said with a slight sigh, he didn’t want to work right now. “I’ll read it later tonight, I’m currently having dinner with Jason.”

“You’re what?” Tim asked, sounding bewildered.

“Yeah. Did you know he had a daughter?”

When Tim went dead silent, Dick only laughed.

“Course you didn’t. Gotta go! See you, Timbo!”

“Dick, wait!” Tim yelled but Dick was already ending the call, putting the phone back into his pocket.

When he came back to the table, Jason was serving Mara some ice cream. She picked sprinkles while Jason cut some banana slices and placed in her bowl as well. Dick smiled happily at the scene, once more floored by the total domesticity. He couldn’t help but ruffle Mara’s hair on the way past, and Jason’s gaze immediately fell upon him, but he didn’t look angry more… guilty?

They ate their banana-split while listening to another one of Mara’s little stories. She was so excited when she told them it was difficult to keep up with her. It reminded Dick a little of how Jason had been like in his early days living with Bruce.

Then it was time for Mara to go to bed, but this time Jason asked him to stay. So he did. Dick stood leaning against the doorpost to Mara’s bedroom as Jason read her a bedtime story, and watching the two of them together Dick couldn’t help but think that he might want something like this for himself one day.

Jason kissed Mara on the forehead, before turning off the light and quietly exiting the room. He ushered Dick back into the kitchen, and the peacefulness that had settled upon his shoulders was now erased. 

“You should sit down.” Jason said, pouring two glasses of whiskey. “I think we need to talk.”

Dick obediently sat down and Jason handed him the whiskey. Jason sat down opposite him, but only for a moment, then he was out of the chair just as fast, beginning to pace the short distance between the table and the kitchen counter. When Jason started to pull his hair, Dick’s concern grew exponentially, and he quickly realized this was more serious than he would have expected.

“You’re gonna stay quiet until I’ve finished, okay? Otherwise I don’t think I’ll be able to tell you.” He paused, only to pour the whiskey down his throat, barely swallowing. “ _Fuck,_ you probably won’t even believe me… It’s about Mara.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to cut the chapter up a little.   
> Stay tuned and you'll get the fall out of "the talk"


	8. Vulcano

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Mara! She’s…” Jason tried to calm himself, before his voice rose to the point that he would actually wake his little girl up. Tried to make himself make sense. “She’s made up of the DNA of two donors, mine and…”  
> Jason couldn’t say it. In the total silence that enveloped them, he vaguely pointed at Dick with an open hand, his gaze falling intense on the other’s face, trying to gauge his reaction. Dick only stared back, confusion marring his face, and maybe it was best to just rip it off like a Band-Aid.

Jason was pacing, pulling his hair, probably looking more pit-mad than he had in ages. It didn’t help that Dick’s imploring eyes followed his every step, making the itch of frustration curl ugly beneath his skin.

“What about Mara?” Dick asked. 

Jason whirled on him. “What did I tell you?”

“I’ll shush it”

Jason shook his head. How the fuck was he supposed the do this if the idiot kept interrupting?

“Just listen, okay? And try to keep an open mind”

“I’m not exactly judgmental” Dick made for a feeble joke, obviously trying to ease the tension. If anything it grew thicker with Jason’s lack of response. His throat was soar, there was a burning sensation in his nose and behind his eyes. All the time his heart tried its best to beat its way out of his ribcage. 

He felt his voice go pleading. “Please, Dick.”

And Jason’s obvious vulnerability seemed to shock Dick into silence. He nodded slowly, eyes going serious.

Jason took a deep breath, then the words came spilling out as if a dam had broken and the years of hiding and lying went pouring out as well.

“I found Mara in a lab in the old factory district in lower Gotham, down by the harbor. She was a genetic experiment, this tiny little baby sitting in a glass-cage, being pricked at by needles and… How the fuck can people do something like that?” He couldn’t go down that memory, tears already threatening to spill forward. “I grabbed her and shot my way out. She’s… she’s a Superboy-situation, a clone but not quite. She’s mine… and fuck it, I’m so so sorry. I should have told you, should have just… I thought you were gonna go to Bruce and he would… he would have taken her away… and I couldn’t… _won’t_ let that happen!”

Dick’s voice came smooth, even and purposeful. “What are you rambling about?”

“Mara! She’s…” Jason tried to calm himself, before his voice rose to the point that he would actually wake his little girl up. Tried to make himself make sense. “She’s made up of the DNA of two donors, mine and…”

Jason couldn’t say it. In the total silence that enveloped them, he vaguely pointed at Dick with an open hand, his gaze falling intense on the other’s face, trying to gauge his reaction. Dick only stared back, confusion marring his face, and maybe it was best to just rip it off like a Band-Aid.

“Mara’s your daughter Dick.”

The silence exploded, as tension laced the air making it hostile. Jason waited for Dick to punch him, grab him and slam him into the wall, to yell and scream and… actually do something. Instead he sat in his chair, shoulders slumped, staring into the void, looking shell-shocked if anything.

Jason had never been patient.

“Please, say something”

Dick shook his head, struggling to string words together. “You… You hid her from me…You hid my own daughter from me. How… How could you?”

He looked so fucking hurt, broken. Jason couldn’t look him in the eye as he tried to explain the fears that had buried themselves so deep within him he couldn’t part them from his own bones any longer.

“I couldn’t risk you telling Bruce…”

“You didn’t even give me a chance! Three fucking years, Jason! You didn’t give me a chance”

The anger stood like a halo around him, oozing off him and made him, for a moment, the most terrifying thing Jason had ever seen. _And Jason had been murdered._

The thing was, Jason didn’t think Dick could actually do him anything, he didn’t seem capable of even carrying his own weight, no less trying to harm Jason. Somehow that was actually worse. Jason could fight, could make a scene and wreak havoc. Faced with Dick’s utter despair Jason was like a wolf with no teeth. For all his training, no one had ever taught him to deal with other people’s emotions. Especially when there only seemed to be a great loss of them.

“I can’t…” Dick said, rising slowly out of his seat, Jason reached out for him, wanted to help him, but Dick wouldn’t have any of it.

“Don’t you dare touch me! Just don’t!” Dick had wound his arms around himself, as if it was the only way he could keep himself from falling apart. “I need to… I need to think, okay.”

Jason watched him retreat, thinking about how fucking wrong the image was. _Dick never retreated. He never gave up._ Now he was running away from Jason, and Jason shouldn’t feel as angry with him as he did.

Jason’s world was imploding, and there was nothing to tether himself to. Come morning, Dick would mostly like come sweeping back in with an entourage of Bats, picking Mara from his arms, and Jason wouldn’t be able to do anything. Bruce would win, he always did.

He called Artemis before he did something stupid.

______________

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______________

Dick didn’t know how he got out of Jason’s apartment. It felt like he had stumbled all the way down the stairs but there was no recollection of it actually happening in his mind.

As soon as he was out on the street, the air rushed against him. It was early autumn and the winds had yet to grow cold. He still pulled his jacket tighter around himself, feeling like he was going to throw up. Feeling like china, broken and chard-like. Thoughts disorientated. He wanted to fly, to clear his mind, but feared that if he did he would break his own neck. He barely felt his feet against the pavement, he’d be a goner if he managed to get himself up on a roof.

_He had a daughter._

Dick couldn’t actually say if that knowledge made him happy or not. It was so powerfully overshadowed by the feeling of betrayal. He wasn’t naïve, yet so many people in his life had deigned it okay to completely fuck him over. Jason was just another person in the line, but this one, he wasn’t sure he could find it within himself to forgive.

_He had a daughter. A biological daughter._ He had given up the thought of ever belonging to his own blood, had therefore never cared about biological relations to the people he currently called family, but now there was Mara, and Mara was his. She had parts of him, and that also meant she had parts of his parents. Mary and John Grayson lived on through her as much as they did through him. And Jason had kept him from that, taken it from him.

Dick felt tears welling up, clogging his throat, making his vision blurry. He could have walked over a cliff without noticing it, he probably already had. 

Dick broke into a run, he needed to get as far from Jason as possible.  
  


____________  
  


Donna stood in the door watching him. He could feel her eyes prickling at the back of his neck, sure to be filled with sympathy. She had an overabundance of it. He couldn’t stand it, the anger curling ugly, settling itself around his lungs, pressing down until he felt like he couldn’t breathe. 

Dick had the computer open in front of him, reading through the file Tim had sent him, putting every word to memory. He read about how Mara had been _made,_ trying to understand the complicated techniques. Trying to slot it into a timeframe. It only left him with more questions than answers.

He’d called Tim, partly because he needed help deciphering what the hell he was looking at, but mostly to make certain Bruce hadn’t seen this. Tim had sworn on his life that Bruce didn’t know, and then on his coffee beans that he wasn’t going to tell him.

Donna settled down beside him, keeping her distance while also broadcasting that she was there for him if he needed it. He was too upset to show her gratitude. While Bruce got merciless in his anger, Jason feral and Damian instable, it only made Dick mean. His anger burned slow, but it festered, threatening to rot him to pieces that he would then spew out onto others. It wasn’t his best quality and he wasn’t proud of it.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Donna asked quietly, gentle as if he was glass and her voice a sledgehammer. Dick didn’t like to be pitied.

He shook his head. “I don’t think I can.”

Not without tearing something. Right now he was kind of happy he didn’t have superhuman abilities because right now all he wanted was to destroy something. Punch a fucking hole through reality and escape out on the other side. This wasn’t so much a nightmare as a cluster fuck of a situation. For all his anger he had no way of releasing it unless he poured all of it unto Jason and, well… there wasn’t really anything to stop him from it.

“I could kill him.” Dick said, low, far more deadly than he had perhaps meant to.

Donna didn’t look entirely surprised, but her gaze turned hard.

“I’m not.” Dick promised. “I’m not going to, but I could.”

“You grieved that boy too much to bury him again.” Donna said, with all that poetic Amazonian wisdom that used to impress Dick as a child, but only made him want to punch her now, because hell, she wasn’t wrong.

“He kept me from my own daughter” Dick said, only venom leaking out.

“I know.” Donna nodded. “I never said you had to forgive him.”

“And I’m not going to either!”

“I know.”

Donna didn’t move, only watched him carefully as Dick rose from his seat to pace the living room. His fingers involuntarily curled into fists, and there was a tension lacing his shoulders and neck, turning him restless with anticipation. _Jason was going to pay for this._

Jason knew what family meant to Dick. Knew how important it was, and yet he hadn’t even told him. Three years Dick had missed out on time he could have spent with Mara. To watch her develop, to get to know her, and now Jason had made himself Mara’s entire world. How in all living hell was Dick every going to slot himself into that? How was he ever to hold the same amount of importance to Mara that Jason had held? He couldn’t. There was no fucking way in which he could replace Jason. That meant he couldn’t get rid of him either, and right now that was a huge fucking pain in the ass. Jason was the one controlling the situation, he would be the one to dictate when and where and how Dick was to get to see Mara. He had nothing but a little blood and DNA to defend his claim with. He would of course never take the case to a court for the threat that would mean to their supposedly secret identities, but even if he did, it wouldn’t hold up. Dick couldn’t be considered a father on anything but paper and barely even that. Jason had not only hid Mara from him, he had outright stolen her.

“What the hell am I supposed to do?” Dick asked, hopelessness leaking into his voice as he turned blindly to Donna.

Donna looked at him, with sympathy and fierce determination. “Anything it takes."

______________

:::::::::::::::::::::::

______________

Jason was right. Dick did turn up the following morning, and he didn’t come alone.

Jason had called in sick from work and had kept Mara home from kindergarten. They were currently sprawled out in front of the TV. Mara watching some cartoon, while Jason laid next to her, just holding on. Unable to focus on anything, while also desperately trying to cherish what might be his last hours with her. _Except no, he would fight for this. For her._ The only question was what he was willing to pay for it. There were things not even he would be able to redeem himself from. Incapacitating Bruce would probably be one of them.

When the doorbell rang, Jason only glanced up at Artemis, who had stayed the night with them. She moved calmly towards the front door. Jason could hear her greeting someone, Donna’s voice came back sharp as a lash. Jason sighed heavily, closing his eyes hard, as if he could block out the world if only he tried hard enough. Mara turned towards him, feeling his antsy energy and sinking closer into him. He carded his fingers through her hair in a motion he hoped would help to calm her down.

Then Dick’s voice rang through and everything stilled.

“Richard?” Mara said, testing the name, head swiveling towards the door, and Jason felt like he was losing her already.

Donna was the first one to barge in. In a few quick strides she would have reached the sofa if Artemis hadn’t reached for her arm and yanked her back. This could turn violent really fast, Jason realized and grabbed a firmer hold on Mara as he slowly sat up. His limbs feeling sluggish and uncontrollable.

“Let me go, you stupid cow!” Donna roared, and it only made Artemis’ grip harder. “I have a few things I want to tell that bastard!”

“Who the fuck are you calling bastard?” Artemis growled, and in one swift move she had pinned Donna’s arm behind her back. Donna of course began resisting, but Artemis didn’t budge. “You were the one to sell him out!”

Behind them entered Dick. He looked like a ghost of himself. His face betraying nothing but blatant indifference. Jason felt himself turning beastlike, snarling and waiting for a reason to attack. Dick was unmoved by Jason and the fighting women. His gaze solely focused on Mara.

Mara whose eyes were slowly filling with fear, and that’s when Jason had enough. He pointed to Artemis and Donna.

“Either the two of you stop it or you take that shit outside! You’re scaring my daughter”

Artemis instantly relented, which gave Donna an opportunity to free herself and get in a nasty kick at Artemis knee. Jason could hear it disjoint.

“That’s enough!” Jason roared, and the two amazons turned to him, looking guilty.

Mara already had tears in her eyes. _Well, this was just fantastic!_

“Get out!”

Artemis, with a tight grip on Donna’s shoulder, steered the two of them out of the living room, and possibly even out of the apartment, but once they had disappeared from sight, Jason focused all his energy on Dick.

Dick looked apologetic. “Sorry ‘bout Donna.”

Jason didn’t answer. Folding himself carefully around Mara, and watching as Dick caught the hint and his eyes lit with barely suppressed fury.

“What did you want?” Jason asked, tone deadly, and he knew this wasn’t the best approach not when Mara was literarily stuck between them, but this was the only way he knew how to confront people and get his answers.

Dick curled his lips into a mockery of a smile. It was impossible to say what was going on inside his head, but Jason assumed he wasn’t thinking very nice thoughts. 

“You know what I want.”

“Yeah, and it’s not happening.” Jason snarled, and Dick clenched his fists. “You’re not taking her.”

“Taking her? Why would I- Fuck you, Jason!” Dick growled. It would been a good Batman impression, if the rest didn’t come out as angry yelling. “You always have to play the fucking victim don’t you? Poor, fucking, Jason! I’m not gonna take your daughter from you, you selfish prick!”

Jason didn’t even stop to consider the words, the anger, the pit-madness burned like a torch. He held Mara tighter, her back to his chest, her black mop of hair grazing his chin.

“What then?” Jason growled.

“I’m not talking with you like this” Dick sighed, raising his hand to his hair. “Can we just…?”

Jason bit back something acid, he moved his legs aside and nodded to Dick to sit down on the couch. Dick stared at him before relenting, sitting down gingerly as far away from Jason as he could. Meanwhile Mara looked between them wearily, not used with her dad being this hostile towards anyone. Which probably was very ironic considering Jason's history. 

Jason loosened his hold of Mara, leaving her the option to do as she pleased, if she wanted to stay or go play in her room. She didn’t move. And Jason cursed himself for losing his composure in front of her. He wouldn’t let it happen again, no matter what Dick threw him. He was better than that. He had to be for her.

They sat there in silence, the fight quickly pouring out of them. Then Mara moved hesitatingly towards Dick and Jason let her. She ended up sitting a perfect distance between them, to an outsider it probably looked symbolic. Meanwhile, Jason was dying a little with every milimeter he was separated from her. 

“Hello, Mara” Dick greeted, a weak smile lining his lips.

“Hi” Mara said, her voice coming out small and timid.

Dick looked up at Jason in quiet desperation. Jason just shrugged. Charming children isn’t exactly easy, even harder when they’re your own. It was only good he got to learn that for himself.

“I- I actually brought you something” Dick said, and fine, bribes might work. “I’ll just go get it.”

Mara nodded, and Dick rose from his seat to head back out into the hallway. It only took him a moment then he was back in the living room, arms folded behind his back. That immediately caught Mara’s attention. Dick came and kneeled in front of her.

“Here” Dick said, and handed Mara a plush elephant. It had the classic teddy-bear composition, sitting up, a soft belly and a blue little bow. It was impossibly cute and Mara only needed to take one look at it before she grabbed for it and hugged it tightly to herself.

Dick’s smile grew wider, warmer. Jason shouldn't be privey to this, but as usual he couldn't keep his mouth shut either. 

“What are you going to name it?” Jason asked Mara, who thought for a moment, then shrugged her shoulders. Jason pretended to think for a moment, but the name had been on his mind at the moment he saw the elephant-plushie. It was a little obvious, but still... “How about Zitka?”

Jason kept close track on Dick’s reaction and saw his raised eyebrows, his calculating eyes peering up at Jason and the tight curl of his lips. Fuck it, Jason thought, they may hate each other all they want, but he refused to make Mara a pawn they would use against each other. He wouldn't follow in Bruce's and Talia's step and do a repeat of Damian. (Even if that case in unique for all its own reasons.)

“Zitka” Mara tried the word, then gave a big smile, hugging the elephant even closer. “That’s a great name.”

“Yeah, it is” Dick said, slowly returning his gaze to Mara. “I actually knew an elephant called Zitka once.”

“You did?” Mara asked, all big eyes.

“I lived in a circus as a child” Dick tried to explain, as Jason could only watch the pain seeping into the corners.

“Dad! Can I live with a circus?” Mara asked turning to Jason.

“Fuck no.” Jason said without thinking, then: “You know I don’t like clowns and you want me to come visit right?”

Mara giggled, obediently agreeing. Meanwhile Dick’s gaze was cold and impersonal. They were sharing secrets over her head now. Secrets Jason would have preferred if she never got to know about. Years of pain, hanging in the air between them, clouding it. 

Turning it even more volatile. This wasn’t productive to their situation. Jason was going to state his claim, but right now, the best thing to do was perhaps to leave some room for Dick to just spend time with their daughter.

He wasn’t going to leave them alone, still sensing Mara’s uncertainty after the short but intense row. And he wasn’t going to give Dick the satisfaction of watching him retreat. Not yet. Not now.

Dick managed to get Mara talking, the way he got all people talking, because he was a disease, always finding a way to break through. Jason remembered that he used to be so impressed by that ability, Dick’s smoothness and ease, when Jason himself was an angry, anxious teenager struggling to fit into a world that everybody told him he didn’t belong in. And there was Dick Grayson, everybody’s darling, nobody’s fool, dazzling his way through crowds of gate-way people, parting the disapproving masses like the red sea, while Jason was left with the ensuing tsunami. He had adored Dick once, but that adoration had always been clouded by jealousy, so when Jason returned, post-pit amnesiac, the only thing he had remembered was the hatred. Then he’d slowly come back to himself, relearned almost everything about who he was and how he would fit in with the rest of the bats. Dick, not Bruce, had been the center-piece of that. And sure, you could hate Dick Grayson out of spite, but you could never hate him for his own qualities.

Even now Jason tried and failed. He didn’t hate Dick as the blue eyed man talked to his blue eyed daughter, but he hated how fucking fragile Dick made him feel. Vulnerable, insecure and still so fucking jealous.

Soon enough Artemis and Donna reentered the scene, both looking a bit roughed up, but not much more worse for wear. Jason didn’t really want to leave Mara out of his sight, but she couldn’t be present as he and Dick talked about what would happen next, and there was no one he trusted more with his daughter than Artemis.

Artemis didn’t even raise an eyebrow as Jason handed Mara over, perhaps even expecting it. She only held tightly to the child while distracting her with a promise to go to the park. After a moment’s hesitation Donna joined them. Probably to act as a supervisor on Dick’s behalf. Jason had always respected Donna, but sometimes she was so self-righteous he couldn’t stand her. Just like Dick.

Dick was sitting on the kitchen counter. It looked a lot like claiming domain. Jason growled at him, when passing him to make them both coffee.

“So now what?” Dick asked.

“What do you mean, now what?”

“Well, I’m expecting to get to spend time with _my_ daughter”

Jason wasn’t imagining the possessiveness, was he?

“Yeah, cause blood makes fucking family” Jason snorted.

“What do you even now about family? You’ve never had one.”

_And this is what they never tell you in school…_ Whenever Dick got angry he turned cruel, acid and heartless. Jason knew this, even so he was taken aback by how much the comment actually hurt.

Jason put down the mug he had intended to hand Dick on the counter. The bastard could get his own fucking coffee.

“Jason… I didn’t mean…” Dick had bowed his head, fringe hanging into his eyes as he shook his head in what was clearly remorse. 

“Course you did.” Jason said, taking a sip of his own coffee, not really caring for the taste. “You’re always at your most honest when you’re angry.”

“I didn’t mean to… I intended for us to have a civil conversation, but you make it so hard.” Dick said, still trying to play mediator even as he was one of the arguing parties. 

“Cause that’s all my fault.” Jason snorted. 

“Well, this fucking is your fault! And you can’t blame me for being angry with you. You lied about this for three years!”

I never lied to you” Jason said, meeting Dick's gaze.

“No, you just never told me! Why? Why didn’t you think me worthy to know?” Dick’s eyes were filled with too many emotions, they were too honesty. Jason couldn’t stand to look at him. To watch the despair and the glassy quality of that simmering blue.

“Cause you would have told Bruce.”

“Of-fucking-course I would!” Dick yelled. “I know he’s not exactly perfect…”

“That’s the understatement of the century” Jason interrupted, but Dick obviously didn’t care for it.

“But he could have helped us. He could have helped Mara. She would have been safe…”

Now it was Jason turn to raise his volume, the anger boiling beneath his skin.

“Safe? Safe?! Who the fucking hell has ever been safe under Bruce’s protection? He dressed up a literal kid in a bird costume and took him out to fight criminals. How is that safe? Tell me? How is it fucking safe when he has enemies who not only are capable of beating children up but has and will most likely continue to kill them! Bruce is not fucking _safe!_ He’s a host onto his own existence! Mara was safe with _me!_ ”

Something shifted in Dick's eyes, the mean turning ugly, spiteful. 

“Is this about you dying? Cause I’ve heard this tirade before, and I thought you had gotten over it.”

Jason stopped short. “No. And you can’t say anything cause you have no idea how dying feels like. How fucking powerless you feel left out to someone else’s mercy. You don’t know shit”

“I don’t know how it feels to be powerless? I was… You know what, that’s none of your business. I’m not here to discuss you and your death, I’m here for Mara.”

“Now it suits you to step up” Jason said, even while knowing it was a shitty thing to say, and it would only give Dick more ammunition.

“I didn’t know!” Dick yelled, jumping off the counter to get up in Jason’s face.

“If you cared you might have? Did any of you even _try_ to look for me?”

“Stop making this about yourself! You’re still that cowardly, self-obsessed little street rat!" Dick bit out, and while anger made him spew out a load of shit, this time it almost looked like he meant it. "You never deserved to be Robin and you sure as hell don’t deserve Mara”

Jason didn’t think as he leapt forward, having Dick rammed into the floor within half-a-second. He already had his fist raised, ready to descend upon Dick Grayson’s perfect fucking face. Dick grinned, wide and insincere and filled with so much hatred that Jason stumbled.

“Common do it. Prove that I’m fucking right” Dick wheezed, Jason restricting his air-supply by straddling his chest.

Jason was tempted to, but then he thought of Mara. If he did hurt Dick, Mara would be out of his reach before he would even realize she was missing. If he laid hands on Dick, Dick would win.

Jason shook his head, rising to his feet, legs wobbly beneath him. He felt like a dog kept on a too short leash, triggered to attack because there was no other means of escape. He should have left D.C when he still had the chance. He should have grabbed Mara and just ran for it. As far as he could, and whenever the bats threatened to get near, he would have run again. But maybe it was sign of personal growth that he hadn’t, maybe it was just pure madness.

Dick prompted himself up against the counter, still seated on the floor, and looked up at Jason through thick, heavy lashes. His black hair pooling in curtains framing his sharp face, making him look almost ethereal with those blue electric eyes staring straight up at Jason.

“I want shared custody” Dick said, and it wasn’t a suggestion.

“She’s not jumping between cities.” Jason spat. “She doesn’t know you.”

“And whose fault is that?” Dick growled, and with it some of the guilt trickled back into Jason’s body.

“You can see her as much as you want, but she’s not jumping between cities.” Jason said, adament on it. Mara needed stability, a safe spot to land. That was non-negotiable. 

“Yeah, and how are you going to solve that? I’m not leaving Bludhaven.” Dick argued. 

“And Mara’s not leaving Washington, this is her home.”

Dick looked a little taken aback by the finality in Jason’s voice. It made Jason raise his brow at him.

“What? You thought this was about you? It will always be about Mara. You’ll get to see her as much as you want, but you’ll have to come here to do it.”

“You’re not being fair” Dick said, sounding self-righteous if anything “I’ve missed out on so much time with her because of you and now you’re gonna do it again? I have work, Jason, obligations, and barely any vacation.”

“Well, you get to decide: What means the most to you, huh, your work or your daughter?”

“How dare you? That’s not a fair choice.”

“’cept it is” Jason bit back, trying to keep himself from lashing out even more, _cause he had made that decision._ He had left everything for Mara. He hadn’t needed to even think about it. Jason had made a lot of mistakes, but choosing Mara had never been one of them. 

“Fine” Dick said eventually, heaving himself back onto his legs. “Fine, I’ll arrange something.”

Jason expected to feel more spiteful, but he only felt really sad. Because he didn’t want Dick to make time for Mara, he wanted Mara to always be prioritized, to always be welcomed, not another obstacle on Dick’s extensive to-do-list. There wasn’t any love in the bat clan, only well-practiced, mechanical imitation of affection. He didn’t want that for Mara, he wanted her to have the real deal. Dick’s heart was big, but would it be enough?

“Just let me spend today with my daughter”

And Jason nodded. What else was he supposed to do?


	9. Compromise(d)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diana met his gaze head on, her eyes imploring and meaningful.   
> “What do you think Bruce would have done if Jason had presented him Mara? Do you think he’d let Jason be a part of Mara’s life? After everything Jason had done as the Red Hood?”  
> Dick didn’t need to think very hard on it. He shook his head. “He would consider Jason a threat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! *awkward waving*  
> I'm sorry I'm really bad at answering comments (I just never now what to say) but I read them and I enjoy them immensly, so thank you very, very much!
> 
> I didn't really think the last chapter would bring out quite so many emotions, but my maglomaniac writer-brain is just stoked about it! (I'm actually a little over-whelmed)
> 
> I also enjoy seeing how different it hit with different people. I like to see that as some form of evidence that I managed to make both Jason's and Dick's perspectives come forth, and show that while both are being wrong about things they are right about other. Personally I think it is more interesting that way, and perhaps also more human.   
> And promise they will both come around to see each other's perspectives eventually. 
> 
> That being said, while I don't think it's been a problem so far, please remember to keep a good tone with each other! It's just a story after all.

They were going on almost two months now, and the Big Old Bat had yet to sweep in and destroy Jason’s life. Meanwhile Dick was spending all his free time commuting between Bludhaven and Washington to see Mara. Jason had to admit he was kind of impressed by the commitment, especially since Dick seemed to be in a constant state of sleep-deprivation, but the man tried his best, you had to give him that.

Mara’s usual bubbliness had receded somewhat lately and it worried Jason a lot. Her excitement about kindergarten had dulled since the newlines of the experience had worn off, even so it seemed to serve some sort of reprieve in her life. A place in which she didn’t need to worry so much, were she could be just be Mara. At home she barely left Jason’s side anymore, and doing simple enough chores such as cleaning and washing had become much harder. Worst were the evenings after Dick’s visits. Then she’d thrown random anger fits and it took half the night for Jason to calm her back down.

Jason had talked to everyone he knew who had experiences with children, but nothing he did seemed to help. His last conversation with Roy had calmed him somewhat, as Roy had suggested that things would get better as soon as Mara settled more firmly into the newness of the situation, all Jason (and Dick) could do was to ease her into the transition. Jason had tried, but he didn’t think there were any non-earth-shattering way to tell someone they had been created in a lab by potentially evil people in spite of the biological parents’ wishes or awareness. So that obviously wasn’t what he had told Mara. Instead he had pointed to one of her classmates mothers. A couple in their mid-thirties who were awaiting their second child through IVF, while it didn’t quiet explain the situation it was close enough. Anyway Jason avoided going on specifics and too much of the sciency-stuff, even if his daughter was naturally curious and immediately had a billion of questions. He thought they could wait until she was old enough to understand.

The questions that couldn’t wait concerned why Dick hadn’t been present during her first years of life, and Jason didn’t have any answers that wouldn’t paint either of them in a bad light. So that too had to wait to be answered, once Jason’s fears and Dick’s resentment had washed out.

Jason knew Dick struggled to reach Mara, to form any sort of father-daughter relationship to her, and while he was unwilling to admit it, he knew it was his fault. Every time he watched their stilted interactions something within him broke. He hadn’t foreseen this to be a problem, if he had, he’d never allowed it to end up like this. He wanted better for Mara, and despite everything, despite all the hurtful things Dick had called him, he had never had any intensions to hurt Dick. He should probably have known better, but he had been young, afraid and too pig-headed for his own good.

When Dick sometimes prioritized Nightwing over Mara, because _people needed him,_ Jason couldn’t help but feel he wasn’t entirely in the wrong either. Sure, he hadn’t given Dick the chance to choose three years ago, but he did now and Dick had yet still to make any full commitment. Jason knew what the Bats were like, knew that the Mission always came first, private life and personal desires had to wait their turn. Still didn’t mean it didn’t fucking hurt to watch Mara watch Dick walk in and out of her life, like it was a saloon door. 

But he had tried to give Dick space (partly because he really didn’t want to fucking talk to him) to adjust to parenthood, he knew it was overwhelming, and while Jason never had a choice about easing his way into it, he could offer it to Dick.

It was Sunday, and he really shouldn’t have to work this Sunday, but Jessica had caught some nasty bug and Jason had to step in to fill her place. Now he only needed to find someone who could watch Mara for the day. Artemis was gone on a mission this weekend, and the lady next door who watched Mara on occasion, was visiting her sister in Canada. Then Jason slapped his own forehead, Dick probably hadn’t left for Bludhaven yet, if he called now he might still catch him at Donna’s. It might also serve as an opportunity to test him to see whether he was willing to spend some few extra hours with Mara instead of instantly rushing back to work.

“Sure, I could baby-sit Mara” Dick said, hiding his surprise rather well, considering he was stood in the doorway to Donna’s apartment, sleep-rumpled hair and with no pants on.

“It’s not baby-sitting if it’s your own kid.” Jason muttered, trying hard not to glare. “Will you let us in or what?”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry” Dick said and stepped out of the way, allowing for Jason to enter.

Jason didn’t step further inside then where the doormat ended. He put Mara down on the floor in front of him, sitting down on his haunches, hands by sheer habit righting her clothes for her. “I’ll be back sometime later. Dick will take care of you today, like I told you on the way over. That will be fun, right?”

Mara nodded weakly, then surged forward to bury her face in the wooly lapels of Jason’s coat. Jason hugged her tightly, whispering reassurances into her hair. Feeling that sting of worry flood his heart. He wanted to grab her and carry her out of there, but knew Mara would be bored and how deeply unfair the action would be to Dick. After all Jason had been the one to reach out and ask for help.

Jason gently nudged for Mara to let go of him. He stared deeply into her glassy, blue eyes, and patted down her hair.

“It’s alright” he told her. “I love you and I’ll be back, it’s only a little while.”

Then Jason kissed her forehead and stood back up. He caught Dick’s gaze instantly, held it, let his worry seep into those pools of azure. “Call me if there’s anything.”

Dick nodded slowly, a watchfulness to his actions, a hum of sadness. “Course.”

He then went through the effort to smile. Jason had seen a lot of Dick’s smile, he thought he was decently good at deciphering them and this one was strained. Dick was holding back on something. Sadness, rage, nerves? Jason had no idea, and he didn’t have the time to stay long enough to find out.

_____________

::::::::::::::::::::  
_____________

Dick sat down beside Mara on the floor as Jason said his last goodbye. As soon as the wooden door had closed behind his back, Mara’s lower lip started to wobble and tears fell from her eyes. Dick felt his soul shatter into pieces at the broken sound she emitted.

“Hey, baby, what’s the matter?” Dick asked her, rubbing a soothing hand down her back, thinking not for the first time where the hell he had gone wrong in his interactions with her that she still seemed so weary of him to the point she seemed afraid to be left alone with him. 

She hiccupped slightly, and when she tried to form a sentence through the crying, he at least knew she trusted him enough to still try to talk to him. “W-hat if- what if he doesn’t come back?”

That broke Dick’s heart. He didn’t care much for Jason, not the way he had once done, but he’d be not only blind but stupid not to see the younger man’s total devotion to Mara. There was nothing in this world he seemed to hold dearer, place higher. Still the girl was terrified he’d leave her, why? _Because now there was Dick in the picture_. Dick that could take her away. Suddenly he felt like an idiot for not having realized that that was something Mara could fear.

“He promised he’d come back, right? Your dad will always come back for you” Dick said with certainty, this more than anything he knew. There was no stopping Jason, not even death.

Mara sniveled some more than launched herself into Dick’s arms. He stuttered in surprise, but soon enough he wrapped his arms around her and lifted her from the floor, warmth filling his chest, threatening to spill over.

“Hush, it’s alright.” Dick soothed. “You know how time moves faster when you’re having fun?”

Mara nodded weakly up at him. “Like when I play with Rose and Jake during break?”

“Exactly! How about we go to the playground and I’ll teach you how to use the monkey-bars?”

“Really? Dad says they’re too high for me.” Mara said, but a newfound excitement started to leak into her blue eyes. _His eyes,_ he was a fool for not having noticed it upon first sight.

Dick thanked the stars for children being so easy to distract. He could solve this, he knew he could.

“Yeah, but I’ll be there helping you, it’ll be fine. Just let me put on a pair of trousers first and we’ll get going”

  
_____________

Dark rainclouds threatened overhead as Dick and Mara made their way to the playground. October had eased its way over into November and with it came chill and water. Mara was dressed in red boots and a yellow raincoat that might have been the cutest item of clothing Dick had seen in a while. She looked a little like Christopher Robin, but Dick had been adamant that she’d also wear the warm trousers Jason had packed for her. Dick himself had at random picked an umbrella from the stand by Donna’s front door, and he really hoped it didn’t hide a secret weapon of any sort. It would be hell of a thing to try and describe to the worried mothers and fathers who’d just brought their kids out to play in the park.

When they reached the playground Mara instantly went for the swings, and Dick obediently followed her. He helped her onto the swing-set and then gave her a push. She squealed in delight as she gained speed and height.

“It feels like flying!” she shouted, her words getting mumbled by laughter.

Dick smiled. Maybe this was the connection he’d looked for. That natural, instinctive knowledge that parents seemed to have with their children, _that this kid belongs to me and I to them._ That thing which you build trust upon.

Once Mara bored of the swing, Dick brought her over to the monkey-bars. He tried to remember how his parents had introduced him to the trapezes. This should be easier considering that these bars won’t move. He hoisted Mara up so that she could grab hold of the bar.

“Are you holding on?” Dick asked.

“Yes!” Mara answered firmly.

“I’m gonna let you go now”

“No!” she yelled. “Don’t let go!”

Dick laughed, easing his hold on her stomach until she hung freely. Her small arms outstretched over her head.

“No, papa! Don’t let go!”

And Dick could have honestly dropped her in that moment. The shock was the most paralyzing thing he’d experienced in quite some time. Mara had never before called him anything close to dad. The warmth that filled him, the utter love, was so intense he thought he was having a heart-attack. This, more than anything, made his own fatherhood settle within him, and he realized he could live on this moment for quite some time.

Then he was kicked back into reality, body working on reflex, as he caught Mara before she fell. The little girl looked up at him wide-eyed, then as he smiled at her and she realized she was okay, she squealed in laughter.

“Again! Again!”

“Sure” Dick said, laughing, heart beating so fast he felt giddy with it. He reattached Mara to the bar and once she urged him to let go, he stood there watching her hang on for dear life. She seemed happy, simple and plain. No need to play pretend to try to satisfy her parents’ egos, and Dick rejoiced in that. He picked up his phone and took a photo, then instantly setting it as his home screen. Mara’s big smile was staring back up at him, and he wondered why he hadn’t done it earlier.

Then he heard someone clearing their throat just behind him.

“Isn’t it a little early to train her into an acrobat?”

“Aunt Diana!” Mara shouted, and Dick had to grab her mid-air as she by pure instinct jumped in Diana’s direction.

“Hello, Mara” Diana waved. She wore a navy-blue coat and her hair was pinned back into a pony-tail yet she looked as regal as always.

“What are you doing here?” Dick asked, trying for the love of everything holy to not sound as suspicious as he probably did.

She smiled ruefully at him. “I was just passing by, wanted to say hi to the little one.”

Mara’s arms were already outstretched in Diana’s direction and the goddess picked the child out of Dick’s arms with ease. She hoisted Mara into the air, making the girl giggle as she stretched out her arm in wobbly airplane motion.

Dick honestly couldn’t help himself. “Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it’s SuperMara!”

Diana cracked a grin at that, while Mara just continued laughing, and Dick counted it as a win. There would probably be a day in a not so distant future when Mara would only groan at his lame excuses for jokes. Then he’d have to get a second child who’d be able to still find it amusing, and then he’d only have to continue like that until someone presented him grandchildren. Then, in old age, he could die a happy man. 

He hadn't realized that was something he wanted, but as the thought crossed his mind, he found himself longing for it. Old age, plenty of children and grandchildren, and someone who he could share all that with. 

Mara was still smiling broadly when Diana put her down upon the sand. The amazons then urged her to go and build the tallest tower she could. Diana promised she would check on her progress later. 

Dick looked quizzically at the Amazon, and Diana’s gaze when turned back to him had grown serious. She looked like a woman on a mission, Dick’s brain helpfully supplied, but in his defense it was mostly scrambled eggs these days.

“I wanted to thank you” she said.

“Thank me? For what?” Dick said perplexed. What on earth would she be grateful to him for? That he had treated her ward like a piece of shit because he couldn’t control his temper when he was upset?

“For not telling Bruce about Mara”

“How do you know I haven’t?”

He hadn’t. He’d even made Tim swear on it, for Christ sake. He couldn’t say why, only that he needed time to figure this one out on his own.

“We are talking about Bruce, aren’t we?” Diana’s smile was grim. “He’s something of a control freak.”

“He’s not that bad” Dick defended his old guardian out of habit.

Diana sighed, then grazed him with a look that was almost pitying. “Bruce is an amazing tactician, he’s intelligent and few people can rival his work ethics. But sometimes he gets so blinded by his own principles that nothing else seems to matter.”

Dick knew this. He didn’t need Wonder Woman of all people telling him this. Anyone who’d worked with Bruce knew that. Diana didn’t seem to be finished though, so Dick let her continue.

“Whenever he’s faced with a situation he doesn’t understand he crave to control it, and that sometimes makes him fail at compassion. Do you know what he did when Superman first appeared?”

Dick had heard rumors, but nothing concrete that could either be verified or dismissed. He had been too young then to understand and to be trusted. He shook his head.

Diana’s voice was low, a careful whisper. “He fashioned a spear out of kryptonite, should Clark ever prove a threat to humanity. Bruce still has that spear. He has contingency plans for all of us. He’s friends.”

Dick hadn’t known. It didn’t surprise him, not even a little, but it also didn’t fail to shock him. As a child he’d put so much fate in Bruce, that still to this day, it hurt to hear the darker sides of the man, even as he had seen tons of them before. He guessed that in some way he hoped that every time he’d peeled of the last layer and what lay underneath couldn’t become darker/fouler. Bruce always found a way to prove him wrong.

Diana met his gaze head on, her eyes imploring and meaningful.

“What do you think Bruce would have done if Jason had presented him Mara? Do you think he’d let Jason be a part of Mara’s life? After everything Jason had done as the Red Hood?”

Dick didn’t need to think very hard on it. He shook his head. “He would consider Jason a threat.”

“And a breach of his own principles and beliefs,” Diana filled in for him. “To accept that someone who had strayed so far from his own philosophy be part and shape the mind of a small child.”

“He doesn’t know Jason very well then.” Dick said, surprising himself in defending the other. Then, perhaps to compensate for the niceties, and because he was still mad about it. “I still think he should have told me.”

“I don’t disagree with you.” Diana said.

“But I won’t tell Bruce either, not until Jason is ready.”

“You’re a good man” Diana smiled, patting Dick lightly on the shoulder, and he guessed it wasn’t her intention to treat him like a child, she had just lived for such a long time that most people seemed young compared to her. “While your anger is justified remember that without Jason none of us would ever have gotten to know Mara. He saved her.”

___________

:::::::::::::::::  
___________

As Jason’s shift finished he found Dick and Mara waiting for him by the library entrance. When Mara caught sight of him, she gave up a yelp and came sprinting towards him on her still short and stubby legs. Jason bent down to catch her and lifted her up in a smooth motion, hugging her tightly to him. He leaned in to put his nose to her hair. She smelled of home and safety, like nothing else Jason had ever before encountered. It eased most of his work-related tension and he gave her a soft smile.

“How’s your day been?” Jason asked.

“It was great!” Mara exclaimed. “We went to the playground and papa helped me onto the monkey bars.”

So he was _papa_ now…

“He did now, did he?” Jason asked, glancing up to observe Dick’s obvious amusement. “Somehow that doesn’t surprise me in the slightest.”

“It was so fun! Then Aunt Diana came by”

“She did?”

Mara nodded vigorously. “We build a tower this tall!”

She pointed as far over her head as her short arm could reach. Jason laughed, then measured out an even taller distant by reaching his own hand over his head.

“So it wasn’t this tall then?”

“No, that’s just silly” Mara giggled.

Jason laughed. “Right, course it is.”

He lifted his gaze from his daughter to properly look at Dick. Dick smiled slightly, softly. He seemed more at ease than he’d had in quite some time. When Dick caught Jason starring he came bounding over.

“Hi, how was work?” Dick asked, and Jason immediately became wary, it was a long time since he’d been this polite with Jason.

“Not that I mind the pleasant surprise, but what are you doing here?” Jason asked.

“I thought we should go for dinner. My treat.” Dick answered, smile easy enough to almost be convincing. Now Jason’s teeth were definitely on edge.

“What have you done? What’s going on?”

Dick sighed heavily. “Nothing. I just wanted to do something nice for you.”

“Why?” Jason asked, grinding his jaw together, distrust glowing like a beacon around him. 

“Because I’m tired of the radio silence. And the fighting.”

Jason was taken aback by the honesty, but Dick did look tired, frustrated. God knows, Jason had been too. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to at least try to bury the animosity for the moment. Dick had yet to call upon the Big Old Bad, which must mean something. He had also trusted him with Mara, and there was nothing in the world more important to him than her. He might be fooling himself, but he decided to take the olive branch for what it was. 

“So where are we going?”

“You’re agreeing?” Dick asked, his brow raised, eyes slightly widened.

“Yes, shouldn’t I?”

“No, no, course you should, I just…” Dick rambled. “It’s just… sometimes it’s like pulling teeth, talking with you.”

“Are you insulting me again?” Jason said, but Mara was still in his arm, warm and safe, her heart beating against his, and Jason felt content. He smiled, to show he didn’t mean to bite.

“I…” Dick began, rubbing his hand against the back of his neck. “I’m sorry about… that.”

“It is what it is.” Jason shrugged feeling charitable, but not yet ready to forgive, neither of them were. “You wanted us to be civil, so let’s just try that.”

“So how about pizza then?”

“What even is your diet like?” Jason asked amazed and slightly terrified for Dick’s well-being.

“Your daughter wanted pizza” Dick said, pointing to a nodding, smiling Mara.

And Jason could never say no to her.

They went to a pretty decent pizza-restaurant, the kind the likes of Donna probably visited. Which meant Jason had never been once. He felt surprisingly underdressed in his usual work clothes, a pair of jeans and a grey jumper. Not that Dick was particularly over-dressed, but that man only needed to smile for people to be thoroughly impressed with him.

Jason ordered the most obnoxious thing he could find on the menu, because Dick had promised he was going to pay, and Jason was nothing if not petty. Mara really ever wanted cheese so she wasn’t much of hassle, while Dick, to Jason’s surprise, ordered the one vegetarian offer.

“What?” Dick said, when he caught Jason staring at his food. “It’s Damian, I have nightmares where he hunts me down with his katana.”

And Jason honest to god found that funny. He surprised himself by laughing. It seemed to surprise Dick too, who only stared at him.

“That’s- that’s good.” Jason said, once he had calmed down somewhat. “The kid cares about the climate”

“More the animals, but still…” Dick agreed, smile growing wider.

They let Mara take over the conversation, the both of them watching her and smiling. A sense of pride so overbearing Jason could barely breathe with it. He wasn’t sure if Dick felt it too, but he might have been. With the easy way Dick loved, he was sure to.

  
___________

  
Mara was already half asleep when they were making their way home, her head resting against Jason’s shoulder. Dick was walking beside them, talking idly but keeping his voice low not to disturb Mara. It felt almost normal listening to Dick talk about work, about Tim and Cass and Damian. About Alfred. He missed the old man. But Dick was careful to avoid talking about Bruce, while it left out a big piece of the family picture, Jason was grateful for it.

When he unlocked the front door he handed Mara over to Dick. The girl lolled her head slightly, but soon fell back asleep against Dick’s shoulder. Jason watched them as they passed him to get inside the apartment. The image was settling. He realized he had begun trusting Dick, and having him around didn’t feel quite like the threat it had at the start. It gave him hope that they would manage this, to become civil with each other, and one day in the future, when Mara was older and the world a little better they might have shared custody like normal people. They could both become equally important parts of her life and meet up at important celebrations throughout her journey without any bitterness piercing the air around them. It was something to look forward to. It would be the ideal scenario for Mara.

After Mara was put to bed, Jason and Dick regrouped in the kitchen. The arguments were still hanging heavy in this space, but maybe that shit could be cleansed too with some civil politeness, so Jason offered Dick coffee.

“Nah, I’m good.” Dick shook his head. “But thanks.”

“Suit yourself. I’m still having coffee.” Jason said, preparing the coffee machine. 

Dick watched him, leaned against the kitchen counter. The silence was peaceful, and Jason was a horrible person for anticipating it would disappear, but he tried to be hopeful. It had gone well so far after all. Maybe they weren’t ready for a civilized conversation about the past, but Jason needed to at least get some sort of apology out,

“I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you. I should have.” He said, staring down at the black pool of coffee. “I never meant to hurt you.”

“You still did though.” Dick said with a heavy sigh. “But… I said some shitty things to you that I didn’t really mean either, and I should have listened to your reasons. It’s not gonna be easy, but I’m going to try from now on.”

“That’s…”

“Surprising?”

“Nah, just your hero-complex, always needing to be the better man.” Jason said, meaning it as a joke, while his tone was falling flat.

Dick shook his head. “I don’t know if I’m ready to keep talking about this right now.”

“Me neither.” Jason said, and they fell back into silence, a little more strained then earlier, but on its road to clearing.

______________

::::::::::::::::::::::  
_____________

There had been a local gang war breaking out lately in lower Gotham, and while Bruce was sure he could deal with it alone (with some help from Batwoman, Red Robin and Robin) it also served a good excuse to ‘catch up’ with Nightwing. He hadn’t seen Dick since Jason had reappeared in Washington a couple of months back (yes, Alfred had told them), and while he knew his oldest had an almost desperate need to keep family together, this seemed to be excessive.

He was worried.

Both Alfred and Kate had told them to leave Jason alone, and respecting their wishes he had kept his nose out of it, but it was only so long he could be expected to wait. What if Jason had gotten himself into something he couldn’t get out of? What if he was dragging Dick down with him? He knew it wasn’t fair of him to distrust Jason so soon, but the track-record hadn’t been in the boy’s favor. Then again Bruce hadn’t really spent much time looking for him, had he? Well, that was a lie, he had looked, but every time, he seemed to run into a Diana-shaped wall. That at least had let him now Jason was safe. Now however, Dick could serve as his gate-way. By hauling Dick back in, he might also catch Jason.

He sought Dick out after the night patrol was finished. The boy – the man – had sought out a higher vantage point in the form of one of the old skyscrapers in older Gotham. One with old gargoyles. Bruce watched from the shadows as Dick stared down into the void. He knew how the street below, when they got far enough up, seemed like a swirlpool and it was far too easy to be drawn to the depth.

“You look tired.” Bruce said, stepping up beside Dick. It was testament to his training that the young man didn’t react more than a slight clenching of a fist.

“I’m fine” Dick said. He had never been much of a liar, but Bruce let it slide for this time. “It’s just… a lot at work, lately.”

“I see.” Bruce said, then he waited, because Dick always cracked in the end.

“When you first found out about Damian, how did you… feel?”

That surprised even Bruce. It was definitely not a subject he was comfortable speaking about, not even with Dick.

“Why?”

“Just… I’ve been wondering.”

“You were there, you know I didn’t take well to it” Bruce said, and Dick wasn’t going to get more out of him, it was still something he felt a lot of shame for. 

Dick nodded slowly, then: “Did you ever let your hatred for Talia overshadow your love for Damian?”

“In the beginning? Far too often.” Bruce answered honestly, lips thinning, worry leaking into every unoccupied corner of his mind. “What have you gotten yourself into?”

Dick tensed up immediately. That was highly suspicious.

“I’m just tired.” Dick said after a while. “It was something Damian said.”

“Huh, and what was that?”

“It doesn’t matter” Dick said.

“Do I need to speak with Damian about it?”

Dick leveled him with an even stare. “There’s a lot of things you need to talk to Damian about. You should start with the simple things, like how he’s day’s been and move from there.”

Bruce didn’t like to be called out, but assumed he must be deserving of it if it was eating away at Dick like this. He made a mental note to himself to keep closer tabs on Damian, and maybe Dick too. He was working himself too hard after all.

Eventually Dick bid him goodbye, and got on his bike to get him back to Bludhaven, meanwhile Bruce went back to the cave. Red Robin, Robin and Black Bat had debriefed to Oracle, and they had already gone through the showers and according to Alfred were currently watching ‘spooky movies’ in the TV-room. It left Bruce alone to his brooding, it suited him just fine.

He still had that unsolved Cadmus case that Kate had brought in to go through. It had become a cold-case but it still haunted him. He wondered if Tim had actually found that missing file he’d been raving on about. Bruce could go upstairs and ask him, but felt that the boy deserved some off-time and left him to it. It was easy enough for Bruce to just do a quick check off his own. The encryption didn’t actually stop him, though it probably spoke volumes about his hypocrisy when it came to privacy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bloopers! (Is there something called writing bloopers? If not there should be!)
> 
> "Dick hoisted Mara up so that she could grab hold of the bar, then left her hanging, went back to Bludhaven and lived on his very short life, and unless Jason came by to fetch her, the little girl is still haning there"
> 
> And yeah... Bruce....


	10. Collision

Jason had been sitting up all night before Dick’s next visit piecing together a photo-album over Mara. He had never kept one for his own sake, but thought Dick might appreciate it. So he’d bought an album and then looked through his computer after photos, as well as begged anyone else (like Diana, Artemis and Roy and Kory) that might have more pictures of Mara. Artemis had been quite skeptical, but had lent him a couple of cute baby-photos, but only to make copies of. The originals she wanted back. She was a proud aunt.

Creative work might not have been his greatest calling, but Jason was pretty proud with the end result. He’d managed to organize the pictures in a decent timeline, and for the moments that stood out to him he’d even written down some anecdotes. His handwriting was shit, letters all big and wobbly, but he thought he was a decent story-teller. There were a lot of firsts: Mara’s first birthday, her first steps and her first words. The kind of things that had been fundamental for her development but that Jason might have taken for granted. He hoped Dick would appreciate the gesture. It was the only apology he could think of.

When Mara woke up he was still sitting with his project. Mara was as always curious and without hesitation she crawled up on his lap and they looked through the pictures together.

“That’s me!” she exclaimed when she saw a baby photo of herself, food of some sort smeared all over her chin and upper-body, smiling big, her front tooth peeking forth like a pearly nib. “I look silly!”

“Yeah, a little silly monkey” Jason agreed, making Mara laugh.

“No, you’re the silly monkey!”

“If you say so” Jason smiled, kissing the top of Mara’s head, she turned her scrutinizing gaze up at him. It made him chuckle. “Do you want to write your name on the first page? It’s a gift for your papa.”

It still felt weird to take the word into his mouth, but Mara had chosen it for Dick and she had grown more and more comfortable using it. Jason just had to adjust.

“Yes!” Mara exclaimed happily and grabbed one of the colored pens Jason had left lying on the kitchen table, among paper scraps and scissors.

Her writing was surprisingly neat for a toddler, big letters but written with care, almost as if she was drawing them. Then she added a flower and a cat with big, pointy ears. It could easily be mistaken for having the head of a bat. Jason did not psychoanalyze it.

Then Jason added the words: _To papa from…_

“Do you think we should wrap it?”

Mara nodded. “But breakfast first!”

“Of course” Jason agreed. Breakfast had slipped his mind, he’d even forgotten his morning coffee, to engrossed with finishing the album in time.

Mara wanted pancakes, and it was Saturday so… why not?

He actually did the crepes versions Alfred had taught him, since he preferred to be able to fill them with fruit and berries. It felt more substantial for a growing child, or at least he liked to fool himself it was. Mara helped him whisk the batter, then stood watching him make them. Jason managed to cut up some strawberries, a banana and two apples in between turning over the crepes.

While Mara ate, Jason went to look for wrapping-paper and began wrapping the photo-album. Mara watched him intently, shoveling pancakes and fruit into her mouth. She screamed right out when he went to do the bow.

“I want to do that!” she said, rising half-way out of her seat.

“Sure, you can do it, but I will cut the string, okay?” Jason reasoned and Mara nodded.

It took two tries before Mara was happy, but then they could settle back down and continue their breakfast together.

While Mara was getting dressed for the day, there was a knock at the door and Jason went to let Dick in. He wore a big, bright smile. His blue eyes looked clearer and the bags under his eyes had gotten less obvious.

“You look well-rested” Jason said, stepping aside to let him in.

“Yeah, Cass and Steph visited last night and took the patrol. Managed to catch a little more sleep.” Dick said, pulling off first his jacket then his shoes, placing them neatly on the doormat ass per instructions of Jason during an earlier visit.

“Good” Jason nodded. “How are they doing?”

“Pretty great!” Dick smiled, voice proud. “Steph’s got a new apartment and Cass has a stipendium to study abroad for a term. She’s considering Paris.”

“That’s incredible”

“I know! They’re still like two mad cats when brought together though, but they’re having fun”

“What? Did they crash a vase or something?”

“A ceramic pot. There was dirt everywhere”

Jason found himself laughing. This they could do. This was easy, almost normal.

Mara came crashing through the apartment and ran straight into Dick’s leg as he stepped into the living room. If she’d been better at climbing, she would probably have used him has a jungled gym, instead Dick bent down and picked her up.

“Hello there little one! You’ve gotten sooo big!”

“No, papa, I haven’t!”

“Oh, yes you have! You must have grown at least this much!” Dick said measuring a distance from the floor up to his own shoulder. “You’re gonna be so tall!”

“She’s got it from her daddy” Jason quipped, and if Dick hadn’t held Mara there was a slight risk he’d been punched in the shoulder for the comment. Instead Dick glared at him. “What? I’m the tallest out of us”

“I know” Dick muttered, then a grin broke forth as he sniffed the air. “Have you been eating pancakes?”

Mara nodded vigorously. “Crepz!”

“Crepes” Jason corrected gently. “There’s still some left if you want?”

“If I do! Is it Alfred’s recipe?” Dick asked, already making his way over to the kitchen. In the beginning Jason would have found it a breach of privacy, now he’d gotten used to Dick’s presence in his space.

“Course, who else could ever match?” Jason said, following behind.

Dick sat Mara down on the counter as he prepared the food. He didn’t bother sitting down, only grabbed a fork and practically inhaled the food while still standing. Mara was picking strawberries from the bowl. Jason watched them. He had done that a lot, every chance he got. In the beginning it was to determine Mara’s safety and comfortability. Now it was to see their interactions. There was a playfulness to it that Jason and Mara didn’t necessarily have, it was something so distinctively tied to Dick’s easy demeanor. Jason thought it would make him more jealous than it actually did. He was… happy to see them get along. To see them forming their own unique relationship. Also he was fascinated to watch how alike they were sometimes.

“You’re not too bad yourself” Dick said with a satisfied hum that brought Jason sharply from his own thoughts.

“What?”

“You’re cooking. It could almost rival Alfred.”

“Now you’re just trying to flatter me.” Jason said flatly, fighting very hard to keep the blush from his face. It meant a lot to be compared to his old teacher by his old idol.

“Maybe I am.” Dick said, smirking. The insolent bastard.

Jason snorted, crossing his arms and propping his hip against the counter Mara was sitting on. She swung her legs, munching away at the strawberries, her mouth already colored red. Some of the juice having dropped down onto her clean shirt. Jason sighed internally.

“Dad, the gift!” Mara said suddenly. 

“Yeah, right. Do you want to go get it or should I?”

“I want to!” Mara exclaimed and Jason helped her down so she could go over to the kitchen table and fetch the album. It was a short distance but she hurried back to Dick as if it had been a marathon. “Here!”

“For me?” Dick asked surprised, glancing briefly up at Jason who only nodded slightly.

“Yes! Open it!” Mara urged, bouncing on her toes.

“Okay, okay, I will” Dick laughed.

He peeled the bow off gently, as if sensing Mara’s handiwork and holding a deep respect for it. Then off went the paper. He raised his eyebrows, looking between Mara and Jason.

“A book?”

“No, open it!” Mara said again.

Dick did, he opened it to the first picture: a picture of Mara that Diana had contributed. It was from the first week in the apartment. Mara was propped up in Jason’s lap, but you could only see Jason’s arm wrapped around her middle. Her big blue eyes staring straight into the camera, black peach fuss standing every which way, and a big smile taking over most of her face. It was the earliest, cutest picture Jason had been able to find. One where the apathy and sickly paleness that had haunted her in the beginning had started to disappear.

Dick continued to page through the album. Jason watched him closely, saw the way the azure blue of his eyes got even shinier. Observed the tremble of his hands. How he had to clear his throat repeatedly. A stray hand brushed through Mara’s hair and a watery smile was extended to her, before he bent down to wrap her up in his arms.

“Are you happy?” Mara asked, a little worried.

“I’m very happy. Thank you” Dick said, his voice coming out slightly choked. Dick’s gaze then traveled up to meet Jason’s. He mouthed another thank you. The silence speaking volumes of the gratitude and appreciation. Then he rose slowly to his feet, and before Jason knew what was going on, he was pulled roughly against Dick’s firm shoulder.

It was awkward.

While Dick was a natural hugger, Jason really wasn’t. He patted Dick gently, but stilted on the back and eventually Dick relented his grip. Jason felt the need to explain himself faced with the rawness of Dick’s eyes.

“I know it doesn’t give you back the missed years, but I thought this might… help” Jason said, gaze straying to the floor.

“I love it” Dick reassured, smile soft and grateful.

It didn’t redeem Jason, maybe nothing would, but it might help Dick move on, and that was the only thing he could offer.

___________

Mara was at a sleepover at Rose’s, her friend with the two mums. Jason hadn’t been alone for this long since he’d found Mara. It was both refreshing and a cause of great anxiety. He’d checked in with Rose’s mums late last night and early this morning. They were probably sick of him but too polite to say so.

It had gotten Jason thinking though. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after all if Mara got to sleep over at Dick’s once in a while. Even if Bludhaven was a safety hazard if ever there was one, but she’d be safe with Dick right? _Except Dick was barely fucking safe himself._ Still, it needed to be considered as Mara grew.

Jason had spent the morning going to the gym, and then on the way back to the apartment he walked by a bookstore. It was a rare-time indulgence to actually buy books for himself. Working at a library made it easier to just borrow them. Now he took a moment to just browse. Picking up books with intriguing covers, paging through books on popular science and soon enough he found himself by the classics. He’d read most of the books on display (librarian and avid book-enthusiast that he was), but there was a new, beautiful cover to _Emma_ that he just couldn’t resist. Before he went to pay he took the way past the children’s section and picked up a few books that seemed fun for Mara.

The girl behind the counter was openly flirting with him and while it was flattering it also made him uncomfortable. When he’d come _back_ he’d been to full of hatred and busy seeking revenge to have the time for dating. Once the pit-madness had dissipated he’d just sworn of dating feeling himself to be too damaged and unstable to love and be loved. Then there was Mara and he’d realized his heart was filled to the brim with love that he was both capable of giving and receiving.

But dating was different. He didn’t need to complicate his or Mara’s life further, and he was happy with it the way it was.

The thought of someone being attracted to him was only amusing. He knew he wasn’t entirely unappealing but he also saw the broken parts that strangers didn’t and those always managed to keep his ego in check.

He paid, smiled politely and pretended to not notice the girl’s obvious intentions.

When he reached his apartment building the door down to the street was stood ajar and men with a house-moving-service-logo on their shirts where carrying out a table. He let them pass and they nodded gratefully. Then he hurried up the stairs where he ran into Mrs. Garcia who he sometimes traded recipes with.

“Are you leaving us? It’s a right shame, I still held hope I would get you to give up your secrets on that lovely pumpkin soup you made last Halloween.” Mrs. Garcia said.

“What? I’m not going anywhere, I just came back from the gym”

“But you’re moving out!” Mrs. Garcia said as if Jason was somehow stupid. “I talked to that nice man who’s here helping you… What was his name…? He’s on that billboard for that energy project… Mr. Wayne! I didn’t know you were related to him?”

Jason went cold. Through and through. The blood that had run like fire through him ever since he came back, turned to ice within half-seconds. Dread coursed through him, replaced everything he’d build for himself. The safety and security crumbling like sand walls in the face of ocean waves. He turned away from Mrs. Garcia in a stupor. His legs leaden as he made his way up to his own floor. Now he recognized the furniture that was being carried out all around them, _they were his_. He stumbled the last steps to the landing. His front door was stood ajar, from inside his apartment voices were trickling out. He always knew he’d recognize Bruce blind, if not only by the grating cadence of his voice.

When Jason stepped into the hallway it felt like he was watching himself from outside his own body. He watched himself with a gym bag thrown over his shoulder, one hand holding the books, while the other was clawing away at his throat. He couldn’t breathe. Then he stepped into his empty living room and the first thing he saw was the broad, black-dressed shoulder of his old mentor. Bruce was on the phone, voice even as he divided his attention between the call and the people working around him. He turned slowly, as if sensing Jason’s presence and the smile reserved for the public disappeared in an instant.

“Jason.” Bruce said evenly. “You seem well.”

The fear turned him feral. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!”

Bruce sighed longsuffering, as if this was just another of their disagreements and not Bruce disrupting Jason’s entire life. He’d build this for himself and that bastard thought he could just sweep in and tear it all down.

“I think it would be for the best that you come and live in the manor for a while.”

“Never.” Jason said, barely breathing.

“I know about the girl, Jason, and while I’m sure you’ve been dealing just fine with the situation I think the both of you would benefit from my help. I can provide for her and give her…” Bruce said, making placating motions with his hands.

“I’m providing for Mara! I’m her father!” Jason growled. “This isn’t like when you picked me off the streets, I had nowhere to go, but Mara has a home! It’s here and it’s with me! You can’t just take her!”

Bruce stared at him, annoyance swirling in his eyes. Displeasure clear in the set of his mouth. This conversation wasn’t going the way Bruce had planned it out and he didn’t appreciate it.

_How the fuck did he think this conversation would go?_ That Jason would just give in?

“I’m not giving you Mara!” Jason shouted, losing his temper all together.

Bruce raised an eyebrow at him. Then turned to the people around them, with one hand motion (Jason hated his ability to do that) he made them all step out of the apartment in synchronized movements.

“If you think for one second that I would…!”

“I want for both you and Mara to come with me. I think it would be in the best interest for the both of you to…”

“You just want me under your thumb! You can’t stand not being in control!” Jason said, having stepped up in front of Bruce, and was currently stabbing a finger at his chest. 

“That’s enough, Jason, you’re coming with me!”

“Why should I?” Jason snarled, crossing his arms defensively. 

Bruce took a deep breath. “Because you can’t keep her from her family.”

“You’re not her family!”

“She’s Dick’s daughter that makes her at least partly my granddaughter” Bruce said, ever calm, almost detached.

“Fuck you!” Jason said, spitting in Bruce’s face. Hating how the man always returned him to that angry teenager who’d left on a wild goose-chase to hunt down his biological mother.

Bruce’s gaze soured but he only picked a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped his face discreetly, too used to angry teenage-antics. It made Jason’s blood boil even more. He could never draw an actual reaction from Bruce. The man was devoid of emotion. 

“This is not actually a discussion though, is it?” Jason asked vitriol pouring out with every word. “I don’t have a choice, do I?”

“If you want what’s best for Mara…”

“I’m what’s best for Mara!”

“I’d like to disagree. You’ve kidnapped her and cut her other father off. You are unstable and prone to violence. You could very well be a liability to her safety” Bruce said, voice gaining heat.

Jason balked at him. “You don’t know… You haven’t seen…”

“Well, if you want to prove yourself as a responsible parent you’d take me up on my offer.” Bruce said coldly, as if discussing a new business deal for W.E, like this wasn’t Mara and Jason’s lives.

“If I refuse?” Jason growled.

“While we could drag you through court,” and by _we_ he of course meant himself, Dick and the entourage of lawyers Bruce kept at his disposal. “there seems to be new activities from the Cadmus project, you and Mara are no longer safe on your own.”

Jason detested it, but he knew he couldn’t argue this. If what Bruce said was true, and he had little reason to distrust him on this particular matter, Cadmus would mean a huge danger for Mara’s continued existence. He hated it. He hated, hated, _hated it_ so fucking much.

“So what do you say?” Bruce asked, and there was almost something gentle in his eyes beneath all that calculated Bat-paranoia. 

“Why do you have to do that? Make it sound like I have choice when clearly I don’t.”

Bruce made an aborted motion reaching for his shoulder, but instead only brushed past Jason and made his way out the door. The shouting match had drawn the attention of some of Jason’s neighbors. Jason could hear Bruce make apologies on Jason’s behalf.

_“I’m sorry about my son. He hasn’t been feeling well recently, but we’ll bring him home to spend time with his family.”_

It sounded like a bloody press-conference for W.E.

He just wanted to hurt someone. Preferably Bruce. He entertained the thought of going out there and just strangling the bastard. It would be instant gratification, but there would also be witnesses. And while he wasn’t keen on tearing Mara from the only home she had ever known, for him to go to prison was decidedly worse. 

He waited until Bruce had left and most of his neighbors had scattered off, meanwhile finding himself a pen and some piece of paper on which he scribbled down Diana’s number, before he went out of the apartment to find Mrs. Garcia still waiting around. The woman’s wrinkled face was stretched out almost comically in surprise. She also looked angry, offended on his part. Jason had always liked her.

“But you were doing so well” she tutted and Jason gave him a grim smile. “You even had that nice man coming around. He seemed to have made you and your little girl happy.”

At Jason’s quizzical look, the woman gave a small laugh. “The man with the blue eyes and nice ass.”

Jason choked on the words he’d intended to say. He didn’t want to know what she thought of Dick’s ass, or his status in relation to Jason himself. Awkwardly, he cleared his throat and thrust the piece of paper into her hand. It was Mrs. Garcia’s turn to look quizzical.

“Would you do me a favor?” Jason pleaded. “Can you get in contact with my therapist and tell her that my father’s visited. Her name’s Dr. Prince.”

Mrs. Garcia nodded weakly. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Jason couldn’t give her an answer that would please her, so he said nothing. The older woman nodded shortly, tucking the paper-scrap closer to her chest, resolution settling over her face.

Then Jason turned to go back into the apartment, making sure to have some control in the packing up of his and Mara’s stuff. Especially hers. He didn’t care what Bruce did with all his furniture but if the man so much as touched anything belonging to Mara, consequences be damned.

As he was packing Mara’s toys and book in proffered boxes he was seething with anger. When he got ahold of Dick, he would make the man regret he had ever been born. _Who else could have tipped Bruce off?_

______________  
_

:::::::::::::::::::::  
_____________

These days Dick was never called to the manor for social get-togethers. Unless he went on his own accord he never saw much of Bruce in civvies. Nor the rest of the family. It was weird seeing how many of them had gathered, none of them the wiser over the reason Bruce had deemed it fit to have them over. When Alfred had called to invite him the old man had even promised there’d be brunch. More details than that Alfred wasn’t allowed to give, and it was clear he was frustrated with it. Dick thought quietly to himself, hoped beyond hope, that maybe Bruce had finally come to his senses and gathered enough courage to actually ask Selina to marry him. God knew the man deserved some peaceful retirement.

He was a little late, admittedly the traffic hadn’t been that bad, Dick had just been slightly reluctant to show up. He’d pulled off his helmet and was currently carrying it under his arm, the other hand brushing the fringe of black strands out of his eyes. He’d barely even managed to knock before door was thrown open in his face by Damian. The boy had yet to go into a growth spurt so he was still a head shorter than Dick. Therefor all the boys anger and betrayal was directed pointedly at Dick’s heart.

“How could you not tell me, Grayson?!” _So we were back to Grayson,_ Dick mused, he’d been Richard for a while now with the kid. “I thought you trusted me!”

“Hey, squirt” Steph’s voice called from later down the corridor, soon she and Cass turned up around the corner, as if glued together by the hip. “Let the man step over the threshold before you assault him like that! But yeah, Dick, what the fuck?”

Cass nodded eagerly as if agreeing with the sentiment.

“Why do you all seem so upset with me?” Dick asked surprised, putting the helmet up on the hat-racket. “I’m not the one proposing to Selina?”

They all gave him very confused looks.

_“He didn’t tell you?”_ Cass signed.

“Tell me what?”

“Is that Dick?” Tim’s voice practically shouted. Then came a crashing sound before the sleep-deprived detective practically skidded in on sock-clad feet. His eyes were wide, hair astray and there was an almost crazy aura to him. “I didn’t tell him! You have to know I didn’t tell him!”

“You told Drake but not me?” Damian hissed, and Dick for once ignored him.

“Tell who about what? Seriously guys do anyone of you mind explaining what the hell’s going on?”

Alfred then decided to join them, mostly to usher the lot of them into the living room and in his arms…

“Papa?” Mara’s confused big blue eyes looked at him, and Dick rushed forward to pluck his daughter from the old man. His little girl curled close to him, latching on tightly to his jacket. He brushed his hand through her hair and down her back, leaning in to nose at her.

“Hello, darling, what are you doing here?” Dick asked trying to keep his voice even. “Where’s your dad?”

_Bruce had found out and now he’d taken Mara away from Jason, and he needed to get to him before the man did anything stupid_.

Someone cleared their throat behind them, Dick spun around teeth bared, only…

“Don’t worry, Dickiebird, you won’t get rid of me that easily” Jason’s eyes were cold and there was an edge to his voice that made Dick uneasy. Mara’s arms were reaching out for him and Jason reached back. Dick handed her over with a small pang of jealousy that he quickly quenched. Jason was still staring at him like he had been betrayed. “Brucie wants to see us.”

The walk to B’s office was awkward. Alfred had suggested they shouldn’t bring Mara and she had been roped away by Steph and Cass, the little girl deeply fascinated by the older two. But the silence her absence left them to was almost unbearable.

He found himself repeating Tim’s words. “I did not tell him, Jason, you have to believe me.”

Jason didn’t answer, giving him the silent treatment which only irked Dick further. Once they reached the doors to the office, Dick grabbed hold of Jason’s arm before he could enter and turned him bodily towards himself.

“Jason, please, listen to me. I did not tell Bruce about either you or Mara. I never would without your consent” Dick said, trying to make Jason understand, but the other was too angry to be reasoned with.

“Then consent means shit to you”

It took everything in Dick’s power not to slap Jason square across the face. Instead he huffed a breath and brushed past Jason inside the office. Bruce was already sat brooding behind the big oak desk. With his elbows rested on the desk-top he reeked of self-imposed power. Dick flung himself down in one of the two chairs waiting for them. Jason kept standing, pacing somewhere behind Dick.

“What is this supposed to be? An intervention?” Dick asked sarcastically.

Bruce sighed, then let his gaze fall on Jason. “Jason, please sit down so that we can talk about this like adults”

“You wanna talk like adults? You should have thought about that before you went and moved me out of my own apartment!” Jason snarled. 

“You did what?” Dick asked turning on Bruce. “That’s a shitty thing to do, B”

“Jason wasn’t going to need the apartment once he moved back to the manor” Bruce explained in his own flawed logic.

“I wasn’t given a fucking choice!” Jason roared.

“Jason, please, think about what’s best for Mara.” Bruce said, face stern, unmoved.

“Stop pretending like you know what’s best for my daughter. _Our_ daughter” Jason corrected waving a hand in Dick’s direction. “We had it sorted.”

“And that solution was satisfying for the both of you?” Bruce asked, knowingly turning his eyes upon Dick. The shift in attention brought Jason’s gaze too. “Do you not think that Dick deserves to see his daughter more often than spare-hours here and there?”

“We didn’t want to disrupt Mara’s life too much. It was better that I moved between cities than her doing it.” Dick said.

Bruce’s lip curled in displeasure. He laid both his hands flat against the desk-top. A clear sign of agitation.

“Was that really the best option for Mara or the most convenient one for Jason?” Bruce asked, and Dick would be a liar if he said he hadn’t thought in those lines himself. Was it fair that Dick, torn between responsibilities towards Bludhaven and his family, had to tear himself further to be granted presence in the life of his daughter, whom he’d been kept from by intention?

He went silent.

Jason spluttered in anger behind him. Maybe he viewed the silence as agreement, but Dick wouldn’t agree with Bruce’s actions in this case, even if the man new how to make his arguments compelling. He was a manipulator, intelligent. He wouldn’t have survived in the vigilante business without those trades. Didn’t always justify him. 

“There has been observations to confirm that the particular Cadmus project that brought you Mara might be starting back up again. Since we know from earlier experiences that they have at least in the past been sponsored by LexCorp, I’d say they pose a threat to Mara’s well-being. They might want their missing experiment back and…”

“Don’t you dare call her an experiment! I don’t care if that’s how she came into this world, she is a child!” Jason snarled. “Our child!”

Dick felt the heat rise in his blood, just as angry as Jason over Bruce’s choice of words, but still… There was something to the argument. The real question here was whether Dick was willing to sacrifice Jason’s freedom in order to ensure the safety of Mara as well as his own possibilities to see his daughter more often. He wasn’t comfortable answering it, because the answer wasn’t a steadfast no.

The conversation, if one could even call it that, went on like that without getting them anywhere until Alfred knocked on the door to declare dinner ready. Family dinners at Wayne manor was rarely a stress-free occasion, but this was pushing it. No one, except Stephanie, bless the girl’s lack of impulse control, dared to even talk. Even Mara was quiet, sat between Jason and Dick. Her father’s not speaking to each other. They were back to square one, and it was all Bruce’s fault.


	11. The Manor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If he hadn’t been raised by Bruce Untreated-childhood-trauma Wayne, he might have gone to a therapist and gotten help with the anxiety attacks brought on by his own traumas. Instead he pushed it away and wrote it down as another thing the Pit had fucked up about him. Cass found him lying on his back on the sparring mat, heaving breaths as if he’d been stabbed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I say at the start of this story that it was going to be lighthearted? As you might have deduced, I lied.  
> Not intentionally though, just my writing-brain running away from me.  
> This will be a little angsty, so take preccaution, but I promise nothing truly bad will happen. (Cause I'm a happy little fool who just loves happy endings too much.)

Jason and Mara stayed at the manor for roughly a week. The first day included what Jason had dubbed ‘the kidnapping’. Mara apparently thought they were going on a holiday. She had recognized Bruce from some picture that Dick had shown her and didn’t immediately break out screaming at the sight of him, which disappointed Jason somewhat. The thing is she wasn’t really old enough to be aware of what was actually happening, only that Jason wasn’t taking to it well and that worried her. She kept attached to his side as if glued on. But the manor, and the nice butler with the chocolate chip cookies impressed her immensely.

When Alfred saw Jason the old man actually reached out for him and pulled him into a bruising hug, the strength of the grip surprising. (Jason might have cried a little at the gesture.) Alfred showed both him and Mara his usual friendliness, while being chilly in the presence of Bruce. Alfred’s cold-hearted, sarcastic, running commentary on Bruce amused Jason a lot, while also speaking volumes about how little Alfred had been aware of Bruce’s intentions to rope Jason back into the fold.

Jason didn’t sleep the first night. Alfred had made sure he didn’t need to go near his old room and had therefor set him and Mara up in another wing of the manor, usually reserved for guests. Mara was tucked tightly into the bed while Jason sat in an armchair pulled up to the bedside. From where he was sitting he could watch over Mara and the room’s different openings at the same time. The hours before dawn was spent trying to talk himself down from a paranoia-induced panic-attack.

The second day Bruce had invited _the family_ to brunch. Jason spent the day yelling at Bruce, Dick and the Replacement (turns out Tim hadn’t actually done anything, but old habits die hard). Mara had been so fascinated by Cass and Steph that Jason had no choice but to let her play with them. The actual brunch/dinner-thingy was the most awkward event Jason had ever been at. Damian was sat opposite Jason staring daggers at him. Only Steph, the brave-idiot, tried to keep any resemblance of a conversation going. Then Bruce started to talk about some bat-business and Dick lost his shit.

“What’s fucking wrong with you?” Dick practically screamed at Bruce, then excused himself from the table and disappeared from the dining room. Jason went to follow him. He caught up to Dick at the front door, where Dick was picking a helmet from the hat-rack before throwing on a jacket. The anger made him uncoordinated and it would have been amusing if Jason wasn’t so blinded by rage himself.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Jason asked.

“I can’t stay in the same house as him” Dick said, rage running wild in his voice.

“So you’re running away from your own daughter?!” Jason wondered, crossing his arms defensively.

The words made Dick stop short. He heaved a sigh, pushing his fingers through his black hair, tousling it up. Jason wanted to reach out and flatten it back out, and maybe smack him over the head while he was at it.

“No, I’m not running out on either of you” Dick said resolutely. “I just can’t deal with him right now.”

“But I have to?” Jason said, anger spilling into his words.

“I know, I’m sorry. I promise I will figure something out.” Dick said, the honesty of his eyes made Jason uncomfortable. They were too blue, too intense. And Jason was sleep-deprived and felt sorry for himself, but it almost looked like Dick cared. “I’ll get the both of you out of this, trust me”

Jason couldn’t stand looking at him, he turned his back and went back to Mara. He’d always go back to Mara. Over his shoulder he snarled. “At least say goodbye to your daughter before you go running.”

A few minutes after Jason had sat himself back down beside Mara to poke at his food, Dick reentered. He bent over Mara to give her a kiss on the forehead, kneeling beside her as he made up excuses as to why he had to leave. Mara’s eyes were big and confused.

After Dick left she crawled into Jason’s lap and wouldn’t leave it.

Bruce was practically boiling at the high end of the table.

The third day passed in denial.

The fourth day, the exhaustion caught up with him and Jason had a full blown mental breakdown.

The day started with Jason having fallen asleep in the armchair and waking up with a nightmare. He dreamed of the pit, of Cadmus, of people hurting Mara. He was seconds from barging through the manor on a wild rage. Only Mara, sleeping soundly still, managed to calm him down.

Then after breakfast, Alfred had suggested he’d watch Mara for a while as Jason made use of the gym. Jason hit the punching bag until he’s knuckles were bleeding and he couldn’t breathe anymore. If he hadn’t been raised by Bruce _Untreated-childhood-trauma_ Wayne, he might have gone to a therapist and gotten help with the anxiety attacks brought on by his own traumas. Instead he pushed it away and wrote it down as another thing the Pit had fucked up about him. Cass found him lying on his back on the sparring mat, heaving breaths as if he’d been stabbed. She lied down beside him and held onto his hand until he’d gotten his breathing back in order.

“I can’t- I can’t do this, Cass” Jason tried to explain how he felt caged, like a bird that someone had purposefully broken the wings on.

“For Mara” Cass reminded him, reaching out to wipe tears from his cheek. Her lovely, deep and always so thoughtful eyes filled with quite rage. “B is an ass.”

That made Jason laugh slightly, chocked up and broken but a laugh all the same. Cass support got him through the rest of the day.

Jason almost turned in the doorway as he caught sight of him, but Mara had already seen her papa and was squirming out of Jason’s hold. Jason put her down and the little girl immediately went running for Dick. Dick, whose face had been impassive and concentrated broke out in a big smile. He lifted Mara up and spun her around. Jason’s heart picked up speed, and he told the jealousy to go fuck itself.

With a sigh he went and sat himself down beside Cass, who greeted him with one of her small smiles. He felt honored by it and found himself smiling back. When his gaze trailed back to Dick he found the man already watching him. Soft, apologetic and Jason wanted to strangle him.

“What I’m trying to say, Dick,” Tim said, continuing on a conversation that Jason and Mara had apparently interrupted. “is that that meeting you crashed yesterday was really, really, really _fucking_ important, and those businessmen might not want to make a deal with W.E due to your little stunt.”

“So what? He’s impossible to get ahold of anymore.” Dick said, setting Mara down on a stool beside him. “And if he’s losing a little money over this, it’s nothing he didn’t deserve.”

“What’s happened?” Jason asked and the table went quiet, as if only now realizing he was still there.

“Grayson, very incompetently, tried to talk to father about your staying here”

“I just wanted to help. I’ve been trying to get ahold of Bruce for days now, I got a little tired of waiting, so… I went into the office yesterday to have a conversation with him.”

“What you had was not a conversation!” Tim yelled, and taking a closer look at the kid he looked more stressed out than usual. “You crashed an important business meeting to curse B out in front of his employees and business-partners!”

“I might have raised my voice a little.” Dick said, avoiding eye-contact.

Tim balked at Dick. “You called, him and I quote: _a mother-fucking, backstabbing, throat-cutting nutjob._ ”

“Tim, not in front of the kids.” Dick said, reaching out to cover Mara’s and Damian’s ears at the same time, failing both.

Jason could only stare at him. _The bloody idiot._

“Grayson, you’re embarrassing yourself.” Damian sat, pulling away from Dick’s headlock.

“You just be glad they had all signed secrecy-papers before the meeting and that nothing of this will leak out into the press” Tim said, giving up on reasoning with Dick. “I’ll have the rest of my breakfast behind my desk. At work.”

They watched him leave, looking as if he was wearing the world on his shoulders. If he kept working like that he’d be threadbare eventually, a ghost of his already pale self. While Jason could admit to pitying the kid, he was currently too busy holding back laughter.

“You didn’t Dickiebird!” Jason said, making his voice sickly sweet. “Did you spoil daddy-dearest important business-deal for what? Little me?”

Dick shook his head. “Well, I failed. You’re not getting your freedom back anytime soon”

“You tried” Cass said politely, reaching out to pat Dick on the arm.

“It’s not enough” Dick sighed, looking back at Jason. “I’m sorry, I really am.”

“Do you think there’s any recording of you crashing Batface’s meeting?” Jason asked, still wildly amused by the concept of Dick chewing Bruce out like that. He was chuckling lightly as he reached for the bread to make breakfast for Mara and himself.

The demon brat’s lips suddenly stretched out into a vicious grin.

“I’ll check the bat-computer!” he said, and before anyone could stop him he was out of his seat, running from the kitchen.

Cass snickered behind a hand, and then signed that she was going to go help him look. Jason found himself smirking broadly.

“Jason, I…” Dick started.

“Don’t spoil my fun” Jason interrupted him. “Let me have this a little longer, yeah?”

And Dick to his surprise did keep quiet.

___________

Diana had yet to reach back to him. Jason was afraid she’d chosen to cut all communication with him now that he was back with Bruce. Afraid that she, against what he knew of past experiences, wouldn’t dare stand up to the injustice to the Old Bat’s face. Why else wouldn’t she come help him? She’d promised him. He still trusted her foolishly enough. His life should have been lesson enough that trust always came back to kick you in the balls. She wasn’t coming for him and Jason was freaking out.

On the sixth day Mara asked him when they were going _home._ She missed her friends and kindergarten and Aunt Diana and Aunt Artemis and a shitload of things Jason couldn’t give her anymore. He’d called Artemis so that Mara could speak to her. Then he called Roy to cry his own fucking heart out. Both promised that they would find a way to help him, but what could they do? He was left to rot in the one place that caused him so much pain so long ago.

Tim was back with the Titans, Damian was at school, Cass at Steph’s and Alfred was out shopping. It was only Jason and Mara, and somewhere, probably haunting the attic, was the big old bat.

When Mara kept asking him when they were going back to Washington, Jason eventually ran out of excuses and told her that they weren’t. Then, when big fat tears started to pool in her eyes, he knew he had failed her and the last of him broke. He couldn’t be what she needed him to be. Couldn’t give her what she deserved, because he had fucked up so much of his life in the past that it was still held over his head like rotting flesh, stinking everything down. All and everyone he came near became polluted with it and he couldn’t do that to her. Not to Mara.

When Mara threw herself on the ground, beating her tiny fists and kicking her feet at the floor, he walked away.

Then her sobs turned erratic and she was screaming his name and Jason didn’t need to think; he came rushing back to her, not having even left the room. But as his arms reached for her he realized she wasn’t breathing as she should. Her body, her muscles, were cramping. She was having a seizure and Jason was paralyzed. All the training having jumped out the window. He took her into his arms, trying to ride out the spasm. If only he held her tight enough than maybe it would pass on from her to him. He couldn’t fucking think. He’s baby was hurting and he was an idiot who couldn’t even help her. He screamed for help.

He was only vaguely aware of Bruce bursting into the room, speaking rapidly into a phone. The man hurled himself forward, within seconds he was by Jason’s side. Jason was screaming at him.

“She’s not breathing! She’s not breathing!”

Bruce turned into Batman. He managed to loosen Jason’s grip on Mara and started CPR. The rest was a whirlwind of emotions and sensory overloads, as ambulance personal eventually came rushing in and they were all herded to the hospital.

___________

:::::::::::::::::  
___________

When Dick got the call he was in the middle of a drug-bust. He was quarrelling people down onto the street and into the waiting police-van when his phone went off. He briefly checked and saw it was Bruce. He considered not picking it up, but then, maybe because he was a fool who believed in forgiveness, he thought that maybe Bruce had finally come to his senses and was willing to discuss Jason’s situation.

“Keep it brief” Dick said, and Bruce wasn’t really a man of words anyway.

“Mara’s in the hospital.”

For a second, Dick’s heart stopped beating.

“What happened?” he asked, feeling his heart trying to break out from its ribbed-caging.

“She had some form of seizure. She’s getting tested now.” Bruce said shortly.

“But she’s okay?” Dick asked, desperate to know the answer.

“She’ll be fine” Bruce grunted, but his voice was rough in the way it only was when he cared a little too much.

Dick called out to the chief that he needed to go, then walked out of the work without hesitation.

When Dick reached the ward Mara was staying in he was out of breath from running. The family was there, all of them, why wouldn’t they be. He took Tim’s reassuring shoulder-pat, Cass’s hug and Damian’s attempts at explanation while still moving to the center, where a glass-wall separated Jason from their daughter.

Jason briefly looked up at him, his eyes bloodshot and tears still streaming freely down his cheeks. Dick had never seen him this undone. Not even as a teenager raging in all his angst had Jason ever been this vulnerable. There just was no shell left on him.

Then Jason’s gaze turned back to the hospital bed and Dick’s eyes followed his line of sight. There she was, her tiny body being examined and kept under close observation. She was out like a light and Dick felt sick seeing it. This wasn’t right. She wasn’t supposed to be in a place like that. She was too small, too vulnerable and Dick’s heart was breaking. Tears gathered in the corners of his eyes and blindly he reached for Jason’s hand. He found his fingers, cold and numb, and wrapped his own around them. Jason didn’t pull away, if anything he held on tighter, slotting their hands into a better fit.

“I should have been there” Dick whispered, trying to make his voice sound over his throat clogging up. Jason squeezed his hand, his gaze still fixed on Mara.

“I was there…” he began slowly, so quietly it was hard to hear him. “And I… couldn’t do anything… I couldn’t help her. If Bruce hadn’t…”

Jason’s shoulders shook. Whatever it was that had happened he’d learn the details of it later, right now, what was most important was Jason breaking down in front of him.

“Come here” Dick whispered, and Jason didn’t resist when he pulled him into a hug. Dick looped his arms around Jason’s shoulder, pressing him as close as he could, while Jason buried his nose in the crook of Dick’s neck. Dick could feel his ragged breathing in cold puffs of air hitting his sensitive skin. Jason grabbed onto Dick’s jacket and held him in desperation. Dick held him right back.

“It’s gonna be okay.” Dick promised, and Jason let out a chocked up breath that sounded very much like a sob. Dick brushed his fingers through the hair at the nape of Jason’s neck. With the other hand he made soothing motions down Jason’s back.

“What if it’s not?” Jason murmured into Dick’s skin. “What if he’s right?”

“Who’s right?” Dick asked, leaning back to look Jason firmly in the eyes.

“Bruce.” Jason said. “I’m not… enough. I… walked away from her!”

He broke into sobs so violent that he more or less crashed into Dick, who did his best to keep Jason up. Dick needed to know what he was talking about, but now wasn’t the time to ask, instead he said, with as much passion as he could, despite knowing the man was stood just a few steps from them, talking on the phone with someone.

“Fuck Bruce! He’s never been right about anything in his life! Mara needs you, she loves you so, so much, and I know that you love her more than anything in this world!”

“I want what’s best for her.” Jason said, weakly pushing against Dick’s chest. “T-that’s not me.”

Dick didn’t know what to do. It scarred him hearing Jason talk like this. There was nothing in this world Jason wouldn’t do for Mara, not a soul he wouldn’t fight, but apparently not his own.

“Jason, listen to me! You’re not giving up on her, I won’t let you!”

Jason met his eyes, there was nothing in them. “And why’s that? She’d be all yours then”

“Because I need you too! For fuck’s sake Jason, without you Mara wouldn’t be here, I’d never gotten to meet her!” Dick said, holding onto whatever part of Jason he could reach, his arm, his neck, keeping him here, still with them. “We will solve this together”

“How?”

Dick spoke without thinking but as he said it, he wondered why the thought hadn’t crossed his mind before: “Move in with me.”

Jason stared at him, than a charred, choked up laughter broke from his lips. He looked mad with bloodshot-eyes, snotty nose and spit-covered lips. Then he realized Dick wasn’t joking, and his eyes, swirling with blues and greens like a forest pond, got a shine to them, a light.

“You’re serious?”

“Of course I’m serious” Dick said, easing up on the grip on Jason’s neck to smooth his hand out over the other’s shoulder. Jason took the opportunity to step back, hand moving restlessly through his hair, pulling at his fringe where white strands started to peek back through. Another reminder of the pit Jason had tried to hide from the world during his time in Washington through hair-dye.

“You’re moving fast.” Jason said, obviously trying to make a joke out of it, but his voice was still filled with too much emotion, breaths coming out ragged. “Shouldn’t we go on a date or something first?”

Dick punched him lightly in the shoulder, laughing, then quickly grabbed hold of him again. Jason didn’t shake him off.

“What can I say? When I see something I like…”

“Fuck you” Jason said, but there was no actual heat to it.

Dick laughed, but sobered quickly. “I’ll talk to Bruce yeah. Have you moved out as soon as Mara is free to leave.”

“I’m not a damsel in distress, Dick. You don’t have to…” Jason tried, too proud for his own good.

“Get over yourself” Dick said, cutting him short, fingers still brushing down Jason’s arms. “I just want what’s best for my family.”

Jason stared back at him dumbfounded, as if the thought that Dick would ever consider him family was so alien to him that it wasn’t even worth considering. It broke Dick a little, and he vowed to never let Jason out of his life again. To make sure that the man knew people cared about him. They fell silent, gazes turning back to Mara. When the doctor came out to talk to them, it was Jason who reached for Dick’s hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't fret, Diana will kick Bruce's ass in the next chapter!!


	12. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason sighed, trying to sidestep him, but Damian only stepped after him. The demon brat pushed his chin forward and stared up at Jason, who felt the tension of the past hours coil under his skin, threatening to break loose.  
> “Damian, move!” Jason said, his voice going low and threatening.   
> But as always the little brat didn’t know what was good for him, and stood his ground, expression only growing even haughtier.  
>  “I demand to know how my niece is doing!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is all Jason's point of view

Doctor Baccani sat them down inside Mara’s room, side by side. The chairs stood to close, Dick’s knee brushing against Jason’s thigh, as the older was apparently incapable of not men-spreading. While the doctor did indeed belong to the older generation her gaze only turned soft when it fell upon them. Her gaze filled with empathy, only wanting to help the worried parents.

Jason felt his hand go sticky, yet neither he nor Dick pulled their respective hand away from the tight grasp they had on each other. He was grateful for the anchor as the doctor started speaking.

“The seizure was most probably induced by a high amount of stress. Is there anything you could think of that…?” Dr. Baccani, giving room for an explanation.

“We’ve been moving very suddenly” Jason bit out, hearing his own voice still sound thick and choked.

“Could be that then.” Dr. Baccani nodded, taking notes. “There is also a slight possibility that it could be genetic, so I want to be able to cross that out.”

She turned her gaze on Dick. It took Jason a minute to figure out that she unconsciously did not include him. _The eyes._ Mara had Dick’s eyes. It was a logic conclusion to draw, but it still annoyed Jason to be blindsided when it concerned his daughter. 

“Do you know of any seizure-related diseases in your family?” Dr. Baccani asked.

Dick stared at her, than stared at Jason once he realized the question wasn’t directed at them both. The doctor suddenly became hesitant.

“Cause you are her biological father aren’t you?” she asked.

“We both are.” Dick said, clearly without thinking. “And no, not any diseases that I know of.”

Dr. Baccani was still staring at them. It bothered Jason so he cut the chase. 

"New technology. Didn't come cheap"

It wasn't exactly a lie either. 

Dr. Baccani nodded, once more turning professional. Her gaze straying to Jason, awaiting his answer, and here was the part where it became tricky. Dick squeezed his hand, but Jason didn’t want his pity and pulled away. 

“I know fuck-all about my father other than that he was an abusive piece of shit, and I never knew my biological mother” _except she got me killed._ Then there was of course the psychotic foster-father: Bruce _I’m-totally-gonna-ruin-my-semi-foster-son’s-life-I’m-sure-that-will-redeem-me-to-him_ Wayne.

The room descended into awkward silence. Jason heaved a deep sigh.

“But I guess you could run blood-tests on me to see if there is a tendency for something.”

“Jason…” Dick said stilted, and Jason wasn’t an idiot, he knew the bats didn’t like when outsiders got them on medical record. Especially Jason should be more careful, considering he was legally dead. He reached out for Dick’s hand, tapping with one finger onto Dick’s skin. ‘ _Mara is more important’._

Dick nodded slowly, reaching to grasp at Jason’s hand with both of his. It was as much support he was going to get.

“We’ll look into getting those blood-tests later. For now I think you need to be with your daughter.” The doctor said, not unkindly. She shook their hands before she left and they thanked her for her work. Then in silent agreement they moved to sit down on either side of Mara’s bed.

Jason held onto Mara’s hand as if she was the only thing anchoring him to this world, and it wasn’t far off. Meanwhile Dick was brushing her hair out of her face, leaning in to kiss her forehead. It didn’t look like she was sleeping. This was something else and it scared him. They kept her under for the meantime in order to stabilize her, and while she was there, alive and breathing her mind was somewhere far away where Jason couldn't reach her. They needed to wait for her to wake up and wait they would.

It took until the sun was beginning to set for Mara to stir from her drug-induced sleep. She woke up sluggish and slow, blinking rapidly.

“Dad?” she whispered.

“I’m here, darling, I’m here” Jason reassured her quickly, leaning out of the chair so that she could see him better. He brought her tiny hand to his lips and prayed a quiet prayer. “Papa’s here too.”

Mara turned to look at Dick, who held her other hand in just as a tight grip as Jason.

“Hi, sweetheart” Dick’s voice was impossibly gentle. “How are you doing?”

“Tired” Mara whispered.

“Are you hurting anywhere?” Jason asked, letting his worry leak into his voice.

Mara shook her head slowly, then thought for a moment. “I’m hungry”

Jason met Dick’s gaze somewhere over her head, they watched each other for a moment before they both broke out in exhausted, relieved laughter.

“You’re gonna be alright, darling” Jason said, leaning over to kiss her forehead. “I’ll see what I can get you”

He rose from his seat, looking at Dick and giving him a short nod. _I trust you to stay with our daughter_. Jason exited the room, he needed to do something, to put himself into action, distract himself. His entire body was still shaking with the tremors of terror that had taken over him. He couldn’t ever forgive himself if something worse had happened Mara. He’d been entirely unable to help her.

The space outside the room was occupied by the rest of the family. There was Bruce and Alfred having a muted conversation, standing at the end of the corridor. The replacement had fallen asleep in one of the chairs, and Steph had joined Cass and Damian in playing some sort of word-game. Damian immediately caught sight of him, nothing could get past him apparently.

Jason intended to locate a cafeteria or at the very least an automat, anything to feed his daughter with, when the murder kitten threw himself out of his seat and barged in the way of Jason.

“Will you move?” Jason asked slightly annoyed, Mara was hungry after all.

Damian crossed his arms and shook his head. “Not until you tell me how she is doing?”

Jason sighed, trying to sidestep him, but Damian only stepped after. The demon brat pushed his chin forward and stared up at Jason, who felt the tension of the past hours coil under his skin, threatening to break loose.

“Damian, move!” Jason said, his voice going low and threatening.

But as always the little brat didn’t know what was good for him, and stood his ground, expression only growing even haughtier.

“I demand to know how my niece is doing!”

Jason stopped short, looking into the green eyes staring up at him, only now seeing the concern for what it was. A small smile broke out, and maybe Jason was still a bit of an asshole sometimes, but: “I didn’t know you cared.”

“Just answer me, Todd or I swear to…”

Jason let a hand fall upon Damian’s shoulder, and was surprised to not be shrugged off.

“She’ll be okay, murder-kitten, don’t worry” he said, unconsciously using the same tone of voice he did to calm Mara.

Damian nodded. “Good. That is good.”

Jason lifted his gaze to watch the others. Tim had stirred and was looking at them with a furrowed brow. Steph laughed slightly at the sight of Damian and Jason standing together acting with some familiarity, while Cass only gave a small, supportive smile. Bruce and Alfred had caught sight of them as well and was making their way towards them.

“What is it?” Bruce asked, gruffly. “What did the doctor say?”

“None of your business” Jason snarled.

“For as long as you’re staying under my roof…”

“Well, that’s not for much longer” Jason gave a spiteful grin at Bruce’s questioning gaze. “Maybe you should talk to Dick about it?”

Bruce’s eyes narrowed, but when Alfred patted his arm he stepped aside, taking Damian with him to go and sit back down. Instead Jason was faced with Alfred’s worried eyes.

“Are you doing okay, Master Jason?” he asked.

“I’m fine” Jason sighed. “I’m just trying to get Mara something to eat.

“I could fix that for you if…”

“I’m grateful Al, I truly am, but I need to this” Jason tried to explain and it seemed the old man understood. He gave a smile and a nod.

“As you please”

Jason managed to find a cafeteria where he bought a sandwich and some juice. The woman behind the counter smiled knowingly at him as he considered the coffee.

“Tough day, huh?”

He brushed the fringe out of his forehead and sighed softly. “A tough week”

“Is she a demanding one?”

Confused he shrugged his shoulders. “Nah, just hungry. How much for the coffee?”

She rattled a prize and then: “Well, she’s gone through all that labor, nothing she doesn’t deserve”

When Jason only stared at her, she began laughing awkwardly.

“I’m sorry I just assumed. You look like you’ve just become a dad”

“Oh. No, I’ve been that for a while. My daughter had a seizure earlier today, she’s gonna be fine,” he reassured quickly at the concerned gaze he was given. “but she woke up hungry.”

The woman helped him ring up the food and handed him two cups of coffee for free. Apparently feeling sorry for him and whatever spouse she thought he had. Well, Jason wasn’t one to say no to free stuff.

As he was about to round the corner to the corridor outside Mara’s room he heard agitated voices locked in what sounded like an argument. He immediately recognized Bruce, low and growly. It was insane that more people hadn’t caught on to him being Batman when he sounded like that more times than not.

“I just don’t think you know what you’re getting yourself into.”

“Are you serious?” Dick asked, voice filled with rage. “It’s not like…”

Bruce interrupted him. “I don’t understand why you always felt such guilt towards him, he was never your responsibility, he was mine.”

“Yeah and you failed him. We both did, but he’s here now and he’s the father of my daughter.” Dick argued.

“He kept her from you” Bruce said, sounding like he was talking to an idiot he couldn’t make see his point.

There was a brief bout of silence, in which Jason could only hear his own heartbeat. This was the moment when Dick realized he was being stupid for inviting Jason to live with him. He’d see sense, take Mara and let Jason rot back at the manor. It was only logical. What Jason had done to Dick, to whom family was so important, was unforgiveable.

“No, he kept her from _you_!” Dick growled, then Jason heard footsteps stomping away. Jason took a deep breath, waited a few moments, until he could here Bruce leave as well. Was this Dick seeing his point or was he just using it to get at Bruce?

Jason felt like he was creeping along the walls as he made his way around the corner. Bruce was nowhere to be seen which Jason was only happy for. He found Dick in the doorway to Mara’s room, watching as Tim, Steph, Cass and Damian were trying to familiarize themselves with Mara through playing hangman.

When Dick saw him he smiled. “I wondered where you disappeared to. Thought about sending out a search party.”

“Funny.” Jason said, handing him one of the coffee-mugs.

“You’re a life-saver, little wing” Dick sighed contentedly, smelling the caffeine. Jason stilled for a moment, he hadn’t heard that nick-name in ages. _Huh._ Dick gave him a smile and then ushered him inside the room. When Mara caught sight of him, or rather the food, she sat up straighter and made small grabby-hands for the sandwich.

“Take it slow now” Jason urged her, brushing a hand affectionately through her hair, before pulling back to go stand with Dick. He sipped his own coffee, thanking god for its reviving powers.

“This is nice isn’t it?” Dick leaned in to whisper, winking an eye at him.

“That our daughter is in hospital?”

Dick shook his head, waving his hand at the room, at the people gathered around Mara’s bed, still trying to entertain her, making her laugh until she snorted juice out of her nose.

“No, this. _Family_.” He was beaming, and Jason found it hard not to be moved by his enthusiasm.

Jason shrugged slightly. “Guess it is.”

___________

Jason was in the midst of packing when a voice, thunderous and larger than life, cut through the manor walls. He dropped everything in his hands and hurtled himself through the door of the guest room and practically ran through the corridors in the direction of the sound.

“Where is he? Where is that _bastard_?!”

Diana’s voice was unmistakable. He ran into her in the living room, and without thinking he threw himself at her, wrapping his arms tightly around her body, burying his face in her shoulder. The amazon stopped short, but then after the surprise had worn off she wound her own arms tightly around him, even lifting him up slightly. Jason never failed to be impressed by her strength and humanity.

Then Diana pulled back slightly to grab at his face with gentle hands. She searched his face for any sign of harm and when she only found exhaustion she brushed her fingers comforting through his hair and pulled him back against her.

“I’m so sorry” she whispered into his hair. Jason was a tall man, while no longer as muscled as he used to be he wasn’t exactly small, but even he felt dwarfed by Diana. “I should have been here earlier, but that _bastard_ sent me on a space mission a couple of weeks ago. Artemis eventually managed to get a hold of me and we could wrap it up faster. I’m so sorry about this Jason. I should have been here for you”

“It’s fine.” Jason murmured into her shoulder, feeling relieved know that she was finally here. He knew she hadn’t meant to desert him, it was Bruce’s fucking fault as always. He’d made sure to keep her out of the way, probably knowing she would have never let it occur in the first place.

“It’s not fine, but it will be” Diana reassured, finally pulling back. There was anger swirling in her eyes so potent that Jason feared for it being unleashed, but trusting Diana implicitly to use it for something productive. “I need to go talk to _Bruce._ ”

She spit the name out like it was poisonous, something ugly and vile that not even she could pretend to have tolerance for it. Jason let her go, watching her make her way out of the living room in the direction of Bruce’s office. Before she disappeared from sight she turned around and called back.

“Do me a favor and keep yourself and Mara out of the way.”

Jason could only nod. He made his way to the kitchen, where he knew Mara to be. He stepped inside and was surprised to see his daughter climbing across the shoulders of Clark Kent. Dick was stood to the side taking pictures on his phone, while Cass sat on the counter looking like she was waiting her turn.

“Oh, hi, Jason” Clark said, waving slightly. “It’s good to see you again.”

There was, as always, so much genuine warmth in the statement that even if he had meant it as a snide remark on Jason’s disappearance it would still have come across as nothing but polite friendliness.

“I heard about Mara from Diana so I wanted to come meet her.” Clark explained.

“Looks like you have” Jason remarked, walking across the room to lean against the counter by Cass. Cass, the bright angel that she was, handed him a cup of coffee. Jason thanked her with a smile and a clumsy signing of his appreciation. His attempt only made her beam.

“Mara, love, Clark is a person not a jungle gym” Dick warned her, the hypocrite, like he hadn’t treated Clark the exact same way after he had first met Superman when still being Robin. 

“It’s fine” Clark reassured smile big and warm. “Oh, I almost forgot, I wanted to congratulate you!”

“Congratulate us?” Dick asked.

“For what?” Jason added.

“Well, on becoming fathers of course, I would have done it earlier but well… It’s a big thing though, isn’t it?” Clark said, smile knowing and gentle.

Jason was about to answer when there was a loud crash coming from the direction of Bruce’s office.

“What was that?” Mara asked, hanging off of Clark’s arm, eyes wide with concern.

“It’s alright. It’s just Aunt Diana talking to Bruce.” Jason tried to explain.

“Talking might be an exaggeration” Dick mumbled slightly, but when Mara made grabby hands for him he went to pick her out of the arms of Clark, settling the girl on his hips. He then came and slotted himself in beside Jason, so that Mara was perfectly shielded between the two. Jason only gave him a grateful nod.

Cass took the opportunity of teaching Mara yet another word in sign language. Jason found it heart-warming to see the two of them interact like that. Calm and quiet but with so much respect for each other, which only cemented Jason's opinion that children were far better people than adults could ever dream of being.

Clark stood awkwardly listening in on the argument Bruce and Diana were probably having. It was amazing to see a man of his stature making himself seem so small in moments of uncertainty. Supes cleared his throat.

“Maybe I should… make sure they don’t…” he pointed vaguely to the sound of continued crashing.

Jason and Dick nodded in unison, before Dick said: “Maybe it would be for the best.”

That seemed to be the only permission Clark needed to rush out of the kitchen to break up whatever fight had occurred between his team-members. Jason watched him go with a huff of laughter.

Dick turned to him with a slight mischievous grin that made him look like that first Robin Jason remembered haunting the streets of his childhood. And with it came the memories of that secret longing he’d used to harbor of joining Robin on his adventures. It was a childish notion he’d had beaten out of him long ago, but the nostalgia of the moment still made him smile.

“You want to go eavesdrop?” Dick asked, and Jason answered with a resounding _yes_.

Dick handed Mara over to Cass who was herself smiling rather smugly, and quickly whisked the little girl away to earth knows where. Jason quelled his worries, knowing that Cass would keep his daughter safe and happy.

They crept along the corridors as if out on a secret mission. There was a thrill to it that Jason had a difficult time denying. He followed after Dick who moved seamlessly between shadows, light on his feet and catlike his in his every move. So graceful and elegant it was hard to reconcile him with the memories Jason had of him almost burning down his own kitchen some years ago, trying to make something more complex than cereals.

Dick paused suddenly, and Jason walked straight into his back, feeling the warmth of Dick’s back curl lightly against his chest. He took a quick step back as Dick turned towards him, making a sign for him to stay quiet. They peered around the corner, where the doors to Bruce’s office were stood wide open. Inside was Clark trying to hold back a furious Diana who held her fists high as if stopped in the motion of bearing them down on Bruce, who did look a little less put together than usual.

Jason spared a quick glance at Dick who looked back with a slight smile curling at the edge of his lips. They stayed hidden, listening in on Diana’s vicious accusations and Bruce’s feeble excuse for answers.

“You are a coward, Bruce!” Diana roared at him. “You are so emotionally stunted that you can’t even have a full conversation with your own kids! You know what you are? A sad excuse of a man, and a disaster of a father figure!”

The words seemed so harsh that Clark had relented somewhat, loosening his grip of Diana and taking a slight step back. Bruce still wore his head held high, and from this angle it was impossible to see what was moving in his eyes.

“They are still my responsibility. You shouldn’t get yourself involved in something you don’t understand” Bruce said, voice low and threatening. It of course only made Diana bristle.

“Jason turned to me for help, not you. Doesn’t that tell you something about how you have failed him?”

This was a sore spot for Bruce, Jason knew, he’d been told enough time to vaguely believe it. How Bruce had never been the same after Jason’s death and what not. Before the man could answer though, Dick suddenly stepped out of the shadows. Jason wasn’t fast enough to stop him. The hand that had reached out for his wrist only managed to grace Dick’s fingers. It was enough for Dick to grab hold of him though and drag him with him into the opening of the office.

“Hi! We just wanted to tell you that we’ve almost finished up packing and are about to leave.” Dick said, directing his words at Bruce. “If you wanted to come say goodbye to Mara.”

Jason observed the tension of Bruce’s jaw, the steel of his eyes, reflected in the heavy set of Dick’s shoulder. This could develop to be even uglier than the altercation Diana had had with the man, which had apparently ended in the crashing of a couple vases scattered on the floor. Jason felt sorry for Alfred who had to clean up this mess later.

When Bruce didn’t answer, Dick snarled. “You know, you could have gained a granddaughter, instead you just lost two sons.”

And with that Jason was dragged by the hand, back through the manor’s corridors. His heart beating rapidly against his ribcage. Dick was boiling with anger and in one small act of courage, Jason reached out with his thumb to rub soothing circles against the back of Dick’s hand, only for Dick to hold on to him tighter.

___________

The car ride to Bludhaven was spent in tense silence since Mara had fallen asleep just a couple of minutes in. Whatever she and Cass had been doing had apparently tired the little girl out. Mara had been very excited by the prospect of moving in with her papa. After they had told her she’d leaned in close to whisper to Jason: _“Like a real family?”_

Jason had nodded, not entirely sure what to say.

Dick was driving, concentrating on the road, speeding out of old habit and Jason was too tired to comment on it. Once it hadn’t bothered him, but that was before Mara. Instead he closed his eyes, leaning his forehead against the window, feeling the cooling chill seep its way into his overheated head. It was raining. There was a month left until Christmas. And Jason had uprooted Mara for the second time in the span of a couple of weeks. He could only hope for stability, but suspected he’d be out of Dick’s apartment as soon as Jason would get his feet under him again. Or when Dick tired of his presence, whatever came first.

The rain and the car speeding its way through it created a separate world in which only they existed, the two most important people currently in Jason’s life, his daughter and her father, and Jason struggled to remember if he had ever dreamed of having a family of his own and what that dream had shaped itself into. As a kid he’d only dreamed of normality and stability, of a mother who wasn’t blacked out by some drug or another and a father who didn’t come home drunk and swinging. During his stay with Bruce he’d almost had that security. He grieved that in his weaker moments. But had he ever dreamed of getting married? Of raising kids of his own? Or had he always feared his own incapability to do so? If that had been the case why had he then taken in Mara without a thought of hesitation? Because she needed him, and later he’d realized he needed her too. Now, despite hating the notion, he could admit he needed Dick, if only to save him from Bruce’s overbearing presence. But Jason knew for a certainty that Dick would never need him, therefor he intended to get out of his hair as soon as opportunity presented itself.

But here, in this car, in this rainstorm, he could pretend for a second that Mara was right; that this was a _real_ family. That they were driving home from a family get-together and everything was okay. That the home awaiting them was _theirs._ Their home, their safety. They’d tuck Mara into bed and then they’d stay up for a while, drinking tea and sharing bits about their respective days, marvel over Mara’s achievement and then go to bed. And then another morning would come with the rising sun and they’d just live their little life, boring and plain but safe and full of… _love_.

He quenched down on the thought before it could form in his belly, rise to his beating heart and choke up his throat. That kind of love had never been reserved Jason. While he would do anything for Mara to have a proper family, he had long ago given up on the notion that he’d ever have something like that.

When Dick pulled up by his apartment building (it was surprisingly not-shabby), Jason was subtly brushing tears out of the corners of his eyes. He turned slowly to the back of the car to avoid Dick’s imploring gaze where Mara was still fast asleep. She had always been the only thing that mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DIANA!  
> Coming up: How will Jason deal with Dick's untidy apartment? How will Dick deal with his new tidy roommate? And will Mara have the time of her life? Stay tuned and find out...


	13. Bludhaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How’s the wifey doing?” Curtis asked one morning when Dick had come in a little late after having dropped off Mara. Curtis was the perfect cop-stereotype, hand-picked from some movie-scene that was supposed to be played out as comedic but only left a bitter taste.  
> “Who?” Dick asked, the morning commute-stress quickly turning into confusion.   
> “Well, you’ve must have gotten yourself a lady since you bring lunch and your shirts are ironed these days. Or has Dick Grayson followed daddy’s footsteps and hired his own butler finally?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't promise anything, but I can promise family picknicks. 
> 
> Also there will be mentions of Christmas in this, but since we're still in the midst of October, I wasn't properly in the spirit to write so I'm sorry if it's on the shorter side. 
> 
> (This is so not beta'd, I apologize in advance)

There was a guest bedroom in Dick’s apartment, mostly kept for visiting family and friends, that was given Jason with a grand sweep of Dick’s arm. Jason rolled his eyes at the gesture, but when Dick turned his back, he couldn’t help but smile slightly. It was Dick in a nutshell.

Figuring out where Mara would stay had been harder. The first few nights she had stayed with Jason. Meanwhile they had worked together on remodeling a scrub into a tiny bedroom. Dick had first intended to make it into an office, but had never actually gotten around to it. He wasn’t exactly the organized type, Jason realized with a sigh. In the end Mara found the room rather cozy, once they’d put up fairy-lights, a tiny bureau with Mara’s clothes and books and all her stuffed animals had found their way onto her bed. But it was small, and Dick had quickly resigned to the fact that Mara’s thing spilled out all over the apartment. Jason had felt a sting of resignation over the fact that Mara had gone from having her own bedroom to this. While Jason had gone from having his own apartment to a limited area in Dick’s life. But he was damned if he wasn’t going to carve his own space.

Jason was sat reading the newspaper in Dick’s kitchen. A cup of coffee by his elbow as he paged his way through the articles. He preferred the paper-version over reading news on his phone like Dick seemingly did. Call him old-fashioned but he’d been, if only for a very short period of his life, raised by a gentleman. (He’s definitely not talking about Bruce here). Dick stumbled in still weary from sleep. He’d come in late, left early and then crept in through the window to fall into bed. Jason only knew this because he hadn’t been able to sleep either. Thankfully when he’d checked on Mara she’d been fast asleep with Zitka tucked under one arm and nose buried into the ear of the plushy. It had worked to calm him enough to go back to his room and read in waiting of Dick to come back from his Nightwing patrol.

Dick watched him from the doorway, bleary-eyed and searching. 

“Is there anymore coffee?” he asked eventually, voice raw and scratchy.

“In the pot” Jason answered not taking his gaze of an article about homelessness amongst teenagers in Bludhaven. It angered him. He knew that this wasn’t a problem that Red Hood could have solved, but he still desperately wanted to get back out there and do _something!_

Dick settled down in front of him, taking a sip of his coffee before doing a double take.

“Are you… Is that… glasses?” Dick’s eyes glistened in the rays of morning sun pouring in through the window. He looked young and soft.

Jason picked the glasses from his nose, folding them upon the table, only waiting for Dick to make a _Harry Potter_ joke. That didn’t actually come, instead Dick kept staring at him, until Jason glared back and Dick turned his gaze to the coffee cup with a sheepish smile.

“What are you doing?” Dick asked after a while once Jason had reached the ads and had a blue marker raised and ready.

“Curiosty killed the cat, Dickiebird.” Jason said, circling another job ad. “I’m looking for work.”

That seemed to startle Dick, who by pure instinct reached out across the table to grab at Jason’s arm.

“Hey, you don’t need to feel like you have to rush.” Dick said, attempting to sound reassuring. “My salary at the BPD isn’t that bad…”

Jason interrupted him with a glare. Watched the lines of Dick’s face go from well-meaning to resigned. It didn’t stop Jason though.

“One: I don’t want to live off of your money. Two: I need to do something with myself, be useful. Three: I can’t get my own apartment living on air.”

“I get that you want to contribute but really don’t stress about it. You can live here as long as you need.” Dick said placating, having retracted his hand and Jason pretended he didn’t still feel the warmth of it.

“You do know this is only temporary, right?” Jason asked, needed Dick to understand that Jason had no intentions of making himself a burden. He’d survived just fine on his own before, he wasn’t going to let himself be more dependent on Dick than he needed for Mara’s sake. “I appreciate the help and all that but this is just another stepping stone until I can get back to my own life.”

The sudden flash of hurt in Dick’s eyes was just a trick of the light. Jason went back to looking for a job. The silence that stretched out between them was suddenly tense. Jason tried to straighten out his shoulder, feeling a kink in his back, and the weight of Dick’s gaze.

“Have you found anything?” Dick asked after a while, his voice suddenly tired.

“Nah, not yet.” Jason said, unconsciously biting down on the pen, feeling the tendrils of a headache beginning to bloom at his temple. He decided to change subject before his own frustration got the better of him. “We need to enroll Mara in kindergarten here in Blud. Diana has helped me go through some options and…”

“Diana helped you?”

“Yeah, she wanted to.” Jason answered, not seeing what was wrong with that. Diana had taken on an important role in his life and for Jason it was given he’d turn to her when he needed guidance. He grew defensive in the face of Dick’s tone. “What about it?”

“I don’t know, just thought that was something you and I would do together.” Dick said.

Jason barreled on, he had a solution to the situation after all. “Well, we managed to narrow down the list somewhat and I want to know what you think about them.”

“Now you do” Dick muttered.

_And what the hell had Jason done wrong now?_ He was asking for Dick’s opinion and he was genuinely curious to hear it. Wondering whether they thought alike or not when it came to Mara’s schooling.

“What now?” Jason asked, annoyance curling in the pit of his stomach. He thought, perhaps foolishly, that they were past this pettiness.

“Don’t you think I should have been part of the narrowing down process?”

“You were busy, and anyway you’d probably come to the same conclusion as me and Diana, so I don’t understand why it would matter”

“Because it matters to me!” Dick shouted, eyes swirling with emotions, making them look like oceans. Vast, deep and unpredictable. “She’s my daughter too. I know you’re used to having the sole decision-making-rights on Mara’s behalf, but that’s not the case anymore.”

Jason stared at him, anger battling with a feeling of slight guilt. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think you’d…”

“What? Didn’t think I’d care?”

“I know you care.” Jason sighed. “It’s just…”

“Just what?” Dick interrupted, his lips thinned and jaw clenched tight.

“Nothing” Jason said, folding up the newspaper before rising from his seat to rinse out his cup.

“It’s clearly something if you don’t trust me enough to look for a kindergarten for our kid!”

“Well, fuck you! I never said that” Jason snarled, whirling around to glare at Dick. “I just wanted to make it easier by limiting down the options for us to go over since you’re never fucking home!”

They had only lived together for a two weeks now and while they hadn’t really gotten into any arguments until now, Jason should have anticipated it boiling somewhere beneath the surface. Neither was well-accustomed with living in such close proximity to another adult. It hadn’t worked out with Artemis, who Jason considered to be one of his best friends, why had he held any hope for it working better with Dick? They’d both tried to go on living their own life, but it wasn’t working anymore. Jason had realized it pretty quickly, he wondered when Dick would too.

He sighed, turning back to the sink. “I’ll give you that list, look it over whenever”

And then he made his way out of the kitchen. Perhaps it was childish, but it also felt _so good_ to be able to slam the bedroom door.

___________

:::::::::::::::::  
__________

Dick was sick of Jason’s prickliness. The thing was they had gotten along, hadn’t they? They were on the right track, but as soon as the outer threat (in the shape of one old, menacing Bat) was gone they’re united front had imploded from the inside. Why did it always have to be like this with Jason? One step forward, two steps back. Even converting Damian from a child-assassin to a normal kid had been less taxing. Maybe Dick and Jason just had never been meant to get along? They hadn’t when they were younger. (When Bruce had made Jason Robin behind Dick’s back). But they hadn’t gotten on much better once Jason was back from the death and once the pit-madness had died down somewhat. Maybe they had never been given the time and opportunity. Living together might just be that. But between Dick’s work and Nightwing, Jason had picked up running and the moments they actually spent together were few and far between.

But Dick would take Jason’s prickliness if it meant more time spent with Mara. He was suddenly inserted in her everyday life in a way he honestly hadn’t thought he’d be. Suddenly he was a part of those small, menial things of her life like serving her breakfast, cleaning up toys, washing clothes and putting her to bed. Those moments were significant to him. He wanted to take part in all these small things in her life. Therefor he’d gone through the list of kindergartens that Jason had presented him with, circled the ones he liked and that was placed in the safer parts of Blud, which meant far from the police station which would make commuting slightly harder in the mornings, but that was a sacrifice Dick was more than willing to make. As he had told Jason once he handed back the list. They’d had had a tentative conversation then and settled down on an option they both liked.

It became easier after that, even if the acclimation of Mara into her new kindergarten didn’t run as smooth as it had apparently done when Mara started kindergarten in Washington. One day when Dick went to pick her up she’d been petulant and snappish with him. It surprised him more than it worried him, until he got her home and Mara threw herself at the floor screaming. Jason was out for groceries and Dick was left alone to deal with the situation. He was terrified she’d have another seizure, Jason had told him about how it had paralyzed him and Dick wasn’t so sure he’d deal with it much better. After having tried to reason with her, using his gentlest voice, Dick decided to just pick her up. He hugged her tightly to him as Mara’s small fist bore down on his chest. It wasn’t entirely unlike how Damian had once reacted during his earliest days of being Dick’s Robin. He hushed her as best as he could, settling down on the couch, rocking them back and forth, humming on a song he still remembered his own mother having sung to him as a child.

Eventually Mara had exhausted herself and was calming down. Dick continued singing to her and was beginning to fall asleep as Jason entered the apartment. He checked in on them as he made his way to the kitchen with the groceries, halting suddenly in the doorway, brow furrowed in concern.

“What happened?” Jason asked, and there was a tendril of fear to his voice that Dick wanted to sooth.

“We got home and she threw herself on the floor screaming. It’s fine now but…”

“You managed to calm her down?” Jason asked.

“Yeah” Dick said, feeling a hint of annoyance at Jason still not trusting him to be a parent to his own daughter. Only that when he met Jason’s gaze he saw the man go through a whirlwind of emotions, swirling by too fast for Dick to really make them out.

“I- I never... manage that.” Jason admitted quietly, taking a step into the room, grocery-bag still in his hand. Slowly he made his way over and settled down beside Dick, reaching out to brush his other hand through Mara’s hair. “She usually just screams herself into exhaustion and I have to hold her so that she doesn’t hurt herself.”

“In all fairness she did try to hit me” Dick said in consolation, patting Jason’s thigh, the closes thing to him. “I think she got that from you.”

Jason smiled slightly at him, just a quick upturn of his lips and Dick grinned back. Jason reluctantly rose from the couch and made his way to the kitchen to stash the food away. Dick watched after him before his attention once more was snagged away by Mara, already asleep and drooling on his shirt.

_________

It was only a few weeks left to Christmas when Dick’s colleagues figured out he’d gotten a new roommate. Mostly because Jason, the excellent cook that he was, sent him off to work with a lunch box more often than not, and eventually the detectives he worked with picked up on the fact. His colleagues had for some reason seemed surprised at first, but then quickly decided it was the perfect basis for lewd jokes.

“How’s the wifey doing?” Curtis asked one morning when Dick had come in a little late after having dropped off Mara. Curtis was the perfect cop-stereotype, hand-picked from some movie-scene that was supposed to be played out as comedic but only left a bitter taste.

“Who?” Dick asked, the morning commute-stress quickly turning into confusion.

“Well, you’ve must have gotten yourself a lady since you bring lunch and your shirts are ironed these days. Or has Dick Grayson followed daddy’s footsteps and hired his own butler finally?”

To keep it short: Dick wasn’t too fond of Curtis.

“Cut it Curt.” said detective Sanchez, passing by their desks a cup of coffee held high like a weapon in her hand. She had always reminded Dick slightly of Tim, she also had morale compass, which endeared her to him _._ “Haven’t you heard he got a kid now, gotta be the adult”

And that was how the rumor of Dick settling down as a family-man spread through the station. He had pictures of Mara on his desk, despite knowing from extended bat-training that that might be a weakness used against him, so most people were already knew he got a kid, but the idea of that kid coming with a mother, intrigued them a lot for some weird reason.

“Because you used to be the hottest bachelor in town” Sanchez tells him with embarrassment, and no, Dick did not like that. Sounded too much _Brucie Wayne_ for his liking. “Everyone’s curious about the lucky lady who managed to chain you down.”

_Not fair._ He was a very monogamous man whenever he was in a relationship and he did take all his relationships serious. It was only circumstances that hadn’t made his past ones work, not any inherent commitment issues on Dick’s part. 

But loo and behold, soon there was a betting pool going. Dick had no idea what the prize was for the person who came closest to correctly guessing the characteristics of Dick’s very much imagined wife. He tried to tell them there was no point, no one would win, but did his colleagues stop for that? No, course they didn’t. They’d all been officers of the law in Blud for too long, stubborn didn’t even begin to describe them.

_“She’s probably a red head.”_

Ha, but no.

_“With green eyes.”_

Kinda.

_“Marilyn Monroe stature.”_

Not necessarily.

_“They met in a night club.”_

Not even close.

_“No, during a Wayne gala.”_

Would be logical, but still no.

_“Fuck no, they met at a laundromat and the poor woman took pity on Dickie here and helped him with his laundry and has been kept hostage ever since.”_

It didn’t matter how many times Dick told him that he wasn’t married, engaged or even seeing someone. He didn’t want to relegate Jason’s efforts to some nameless house-wife, but he also didn’t know how to explain that the ironed shirts and the casseroles were curtesy of his once dead brother, who had come back to the land of the living and they were now raising a kid together. Some of his colleagues were open-minded but not that much. Anyway, it wasn’t exactly like they were dating now where they?

_“I bet she’s good in bed.”_

And that’s when Dick stopped listening all together.

Just a few days before Christmas one of Dick’s colleagues, a young kid called Tony, newly graduated and all, got shot. They’d had problems with gang wars for a while now and the kid got caught up in it. He survived, but it had been close. Dick despite not having any control over the situation, soon started to blame himself for not having done more as Nightwing, hindering the violence from escalating. It didn’t become any easier going home to Mara and Jason, staring into Jason’s green-tinted eyes, knowing about the scars underneath his shirts. He needed to catch the crooks. Make Blud that little bit safer for Mara. God, he’d tear up the entire fucking city, turning it inside out, if it meant keeping Mara safe.

It was late Thursday night and he’d been staring at the same file unseeingly for the past half hour when someone suddenly cleared their throat somewhere in front of Dick’s desk. Sluggishly he glanced up and caught sight of a very familiar leather jacket, and red boots on short legs hugged tightly around her dad’s waist. Dick stared up at Mara and Jason in wonder. While Mara was happily beaming down at him, Jason did not look too happy, frown etched deep upon his face. Worry in the lines under his eyes, features sharp and disapproving.

“Papa!” Mara shouted happily, and reached out for Dick to hug her.

“What are you doing here?” Dick asked them, only very briefly glancing around the station. The people stupid enough like Dick to still be left in the office at this ungodly hour were all glancing sideways at them. Some turning away with sly smiles, other gob smacked. Someone even cursed, probably someone who realized they were on the losing end of the betting pool.

Jason huffed. “Since you’re never home for dinner anymore I thought we’d bring dinner to you”

It was the kind of sentence which people often phrased with a healthy dose of consideration and affection, but Jason made it sound… not that. He sounded exasperated, and maybe even a little wronged. No one could claim Jason wasn’t theatric. 

Jason unloaded three containers of food on Dick’s desk and set down a bottle of Alfred’s homemade lemonade. Dick, who now held Mara, could only stare at him, feeling fondness swell in his chest as Jason produced cutlery and three plastic cups. Only once he’d pulled up two extra chairs and had set ‘the table’ to his liking did he invite Dick and Mara to settle down and eat.

Dick hadn’t realized how hungry he had been until the honey-garlic chicken landed on his tongue. It was pure bliss and despite being embarrassed by it he couldn’t keep from moaning at the taste.

“This is amazing!” Dick praised. “One of Alfred’s recipes?”

Jason smiled proudly at him. “Nope. Saw it on the TV the other day.”

“Well, it’s fantastic!”

“I helped!” Mara told him pride oozing off of her, making sure that her efforts didn’t go unnoticed. Dick ruffled her hair affectionately, feeling his heart bursting with love for this little creature. He glanced up at Jason who stared at them with a complex mixture of emotions. Fondness, maybe even love, but there was also the undercurrent of something else. _Longing?_ For what? Dick quickly shrugged the thought away. 

They continued eating, conversation flowing easily between them and when they were done, Jason even managed to persuade Dick to come home with him and Mara.

___________

By the next day, the teasing about Dick’s fully fictional wife had ceased. But if Dick thought he’d be left alone, well, then he was wrong.

“How’s the hubby doing?” Curtis asked with a smirk, and despite Dick telling everyone that no, he and Jason were _not_ together, no one seemed to listen still.

_____________

:::::::::::::::::::  
____________

Christmas had never been a big thing for Jason. As a kid it had just been another sick reminder of things he didn’t have, as a teenager living with Bruce it had never been a priority, and after having come back alive he had just turned full on Scrooge at the entire concept. But he did try for Mara’s sake. During the past years he had hosted quiet Christmas dinners with Diana, Artemis, Bizarro, Roy, Kory and Lian. He intended to keep it small this year as well. Only adding guests to the list by Dick’s request. Mainly Donna and Wally.

He’d fretted over the pots for the better part of the day, when Dick suddenly snuck up behind him. His hands falling onto Jason’s shoulders, thumbs digging into his back.

“What are you doing?” Jason asked, voice coming out squeakier than he had intended.

“You looked tense” Dick offered, continuing to massage out the kinks between his shoulder blades. “That smells heavenly.”

And Jason for a short moment, confused by this sudden burst of casual affection, wasn’t entirely sure what he meant and therefor answered. “It’s a new aftershave.”

There was a choked sound before Dick exploded with laughter. Jason felt his face heat up, going dangerously red. He cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Oh, you meant the food.”

“Yes, Little Wing, I meant the food!” Dick was still laughing as the doorbell rang and he went to let their first guests in. Jason wanted to die a little, burying his face in his hands.

Just a moment later Diana entered the kitchen and swiftly engulfed him in a tight embrace. When she saw the color of his face, she immediately got worried and pushed his hair out of his brow to get better access to feel his temperature.

“Are you sick?” Diana asked, voice filled with concern. 

“No, no, I’m just… fine” Jason said, and left it at that.

Jason had feared the dinner would be awkward. After all Artemis and Donna were still not on good terms after the altercation in Jason’s living room, and Jason wasn’t entirely sure Dick had forgiven Roy for helping Jason hide Mara from him.

But he needn’t have worried in the end. The dinner flew by without a hitch and when Artemis later settled in close to him on the couch, nursing an eggnog, and told him he looked happy, Jason could only nod. He glanced over at Dick, who was in the middle of a loud conversation with Donna, Wally, Kory and Roy. The man glowed in the light of attention, a wonder all his own. Jason stalled for a moment before looking over at Mara, who with the help of Lian, was chasing Bizarro and Diana around the apartment in a frantic game of tag.

As Artemis slung her arm around his shoulder, Jason thought he could get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is Jason finally getting the family he always wanted? Read and find out. 
> 
> Honestly though, this will be sloooow burn.


	14. Damian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alfred laughed warmly. Jason only glared at him, but couldn’t stay at it long when he was met with the genuine affection of Alfred’s smile. Not even Murder Kitten slamming his way into the kitchen could bring Jason’s mood down.   
> “Oi! Dames, no way to treat doors!” Jason called to him, only to receive a glare in return.   
> “What’s it to you, Todd?” Damian growled, sitting himself down beside Cass, who patted him soothingly on the arm before handing him a scone. He took it with a nod, but only put it on his plate and proceeded to glare daggers at it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This feels like an inbetween chapter, but also the following chapters might be a little like this too. I wanted to build them up as a family a little more.   
> Also mother-hen Jason is a favourite of mine, so we'll definietly see more of him. 
> 
> Fair warning, I might not be able to update in a while, school-stuff and what not, so I wanted to get this out before things gets too busy.

On New Year’s Eve they invited the batkids to movie night in consolation for having (purposefully) missed Christmas dinner at the manor. Jason wasn’t yet ready to call them siblings, and sometimes doubted he’d ever be, but he had started to consider them family. Which wasn’t that difficult as he observed the way they interacted with Mara. Cass and Steph had quickly become her favorites and Jason was slightly unnerved to see her get dragged along on all their misadventures. Mara had been curious about Babs’ wheelchair and Babs had been her usual calm self when she explained why she had to use it. Tim was a little awkward around Mara, but quickly melted at her easy demeanor. However what fascinated Jason the most was to observe how Damian interacted with Mara. The boy was incredibly patient with her. While he could sometimes spit gal at Jason, he never said a bad word in the presence of Mara, and even kept a constant eye out in concern when Mara, encouraged by Steph, started to climb the furniture.

“Todd” the boy said, tugging slightly at his sleeve. “Do you think that’s wise?”

With _that_ he meant Mara currently dancing atop the counter top while waiting for the popcorn to get ready. The little girl was braced by Cass and Steph so Jason wasn’t too worried about her. However, he was very amused. Especially at the twitching of Damian’s hands, as if he was just a moment from leaping across the kitchen to catch her.

“Relax, she’s fine” Jason said, ruffling Damian’s hair and was surprised to not have lost the hand at the gesture. Damian grumbled slightly, but didn’t leave Jason’s side, until Dick and Tim returned after having been out to fetch pizza, at which point he attached himself to Dick like a second shadow. It was clear the boy had missed his big brother. Dick had obviously played a large part of Damian’s life and then Jason had come in and swept Dick away from him by turning him against Bruce. (Or rather Bruce _Emotions-are-a-weakness_ Wayne turned Dick upon himself).

They all settled down in the living room trying to fit on the sofa, but Cass and Steph ended up on the floor, having snuck away to steal pillows from either Jason or Dick’s bedroom and piled them on the carpet. When Mara realized it was almost like a pillow-forth she slithered down from her place between Dick and Jason and buried deep under a quilt. Babs and Tim ended up in the two armchairs, while Damian had crept up in the corner of the couch that apparently he had claimed as his own. It left Dick and Jason squeezed together at the other end. Every time either of them tried to move they bumped into each other, and throughout the movie there were quiet interruptions of _sorry, excuse me, I just wanted the… yeah, thank you._ Steph, the bastard, kept smirking up at them.

They were watching _The Beauty and the Beast,_ and when Jason commented that Belle reminded him of Babs, everyone turned to him, stared before breaking out into laughter. Jason stared at them, not sure whether to feel embarrassed on their behalf or his own. Babs was the quickest to take pity on him.

“While I’m flattered, Belle is _so_ you”

Jason shook his head. If anything he was the beast. Transformed and bitter.

  
____________

After the holidays were over, Jason dived back into job hunting. He’d taken some extra shifts at the library, but they didn’t have a tenured post for him, and anyway it wasn’t the same. He missed his old colleagues and the library itself. He’d then tried to do some overs at a mechanic, and while he was decently good at it he found that it wasn’t fulfilling. He kept reading news about struggling youth and crime and homelessness, and once more felt entirely fucking useless. He watched Dick go to work every morning. He had a purpose, he made a difference. The other day he’d come home and told Jason over dinner that he’d managed to catch a dealer who’d supplied teens with heavy drugs. Jason wanted to make a difference. Preferably helping people before they became the victims of crimes, but he didn’t exactly have the education to become a social worker or a teacher or anything.

He’d been on his way to an interview at a store when he took a detour into the rougher parts of Bludhaven. It was probably stupid of him, but he thought he had enough of bat-training to keep from getting mugged. Anyway, he grew up on streets like these, he knew what signs to look for and how to avoid attention. As he walked by a youth center something caught his eyes. It was a scrap of paper with bold, black letters asking for volunteers. He didn’t even take a moment to think it through before he ripped the note from the wall and made his way over to the door.

Half an hour later, after a spontaneous interview, and check-up on Jason’s background (a faked one by the way), he walked out with a job. The pay was close to none existing, but it gave him something to do while he figured the rest out.

He never went to that other interview instead opting to go pick Mara up from kindergarten. She was in the middle of playing with her new friends and wasn’t too keen on being pulled away. Jason could only admire her ability to adapt. It made him wonder what would have happened to Mara if he hadn’t found her. What had been the intended purpose of her creation and how would that have affected her? He didn’t like to think about it, because he knew she’d never be considered a person, never allowed to become herself.

He let himself be distracted by Mara. She was talking a mile a minute about everything she had done and learnt. Jason nodded along, praising her whenever he got the chance to break into her monologue. Mara obediently grabbed his hand as they neared a crossing, then she tugged slightly. Jason looked down at her expectantly. Her big blue eyes were bright and her smile toothy.

“Can we go visit papa?” she asked.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” Jason answered slowly, knowing Dick had talked about a case or another.

“But we could bring a picnic like last time” Mara prompted, and no one said she wasn’t stubborn. Definitely a trait she had inherited from Dick.

“If we make it a habit, papa will learn he doesn’t have to come home for dinner, and we want him home right?”

Mara considered him for a moment then nodded. “Yeah, we do. But just this time?”

“How about we call him and see if he’s busy?” Jason compromised, tucking Mara closer to him as they crossed the road once the light had turned green. Mara nodded eagerly and Jason swiftly handed over his phone to her. It should probably scare him that she knew his password, but if there ever was an emergency she could fend for herself he supposed.

“Papa!” Mara exclaimed once Dick picked up the phone. “I’m good, what are you doing? Can I and dad come visit?”

Jason couldn’t hear Dick’s reply but watched the frown blossom over Mara’s feature, and understood it wasn’t the answer Mara had been looking for. He quenched down on his laughter, trying to hide his smile as Mara’s entire face scrunched up unhappily. Artemis always used to say that that was a trait she had inherited from him. After a while Mara handed over the phone.

“Papa wants to talk with you”

Jason nodded and picked up the phone, absent-mindedly ruffling Mara’s hair as they continued back to the apartment.

“You’re making someone very disappointed now, you know?” Jason told him.

“Oh, I didn’t know you missed me that bad.” Dick said, and the bastard were probably smirking like an idiot. Jason groaned, which only made Dick laugh. “I’m sorry the two of you can’t come by though, we’re in the middle of something.”

“Something? Sounds suspicious.” Jason said, feeling a spike of worry rise in his chest. “Do I prepare dinner or a memorial?”

“I can’t actually tell you, but I promise it’s nothing that severe.” Dick chuckled, it calmed Jason somewhat. “How did the interview go?”

“I never went”

“Oh” Dick sounded surprised, and perhaps even a little concerned. “Why?”

“I found something else. I’ll tell you more when you get home.” Jason said.

“Fine! Now I’m gonna wonder the rest of the day”

“Well, I like to keep you hooked” Jason said without really thinking, immediately regretting the words and wanting to slam his head against something. Dick only laughed. They said their goodbyes and Jason handed the phone back over to Mara so she could do the same. Then she turned to him all curious innocence.

“Dad, why are you blushing?”

___________

They were taking care of the dishes, Jason cleaning and Dick drying, when Jason finally got the chance to tell Dick about his new job. Dick listened carefully as he explained.

“It’s like… They’re not only providing shelter and food and stuff you know, but they also have these different projects to help the kids out. To help them along in life, you know self-respect and independence and so on.” Jason knew he was babbling slightly, but the more he’d gotten opportunity to think about it, the more exited he’d become over the prospect of actually providing some real help to some of the people who needed it the most. “Like they could help out with school and with getting papers and, you know, building something. I just want to contribute to that, give more people opportunities.”

He sneaked a glance up at Dick. Hadn’t Jason told him for over a month now that he was gonna get a real job and start providing for himself? Dick probably missed having the apartment back to himself again. Jason knew what a struggle it was to adjust to their being another adult in your living space with their own routines and what not. He and Artemis hadn’t succeeded very well at it, and Jason considered Artemis one of his absolute best friends. After all the relationship, or lack thereof, that he had with Dick had always been strained. Adding Mara shouldn’t make it any easier, but Jason had been surprised at how well it worked. Still though, Jason didn’t want to be an inconvenience and he’d rather leave while they were both on friendly terms than outstaying his welcome.

Dick looked back at him, and while he was usually better at hiding his thought behind an impassive mask or polite smile, there were these tiny moments when everything seemed to leak through. Jason had though he would be disappointed that Jason had entirely forgone the chance of getting a _real_ job with a _real_ income, but Dick as always, continued to surprise him. His eyes were alight with what could only be described as admiration.

“Please, say something” Jason asked, handing over a plate for Dick to dry.

Dick’s smile was warm. “I think it’s amazing, Jay. The way you talk about it is… You sound so excited. I’m so proud of you.” 

Jason felt his heart skip a beat. It was very cliché and all, but hearing those words, from Dick of all people, meant… everything. This used to be his childhood idol, an ideal that he as a teenager had tried but failed to live up to. The man who had tried so hard to make Jason a brother, but who had failed because Jason had never given him a fair chance (Bruce _Adopt-every-orphan-you-can-get-your-hands-on_ Wayne, hadn’t provided the right environment). And now when there was Mara, they could never be that. But they could be friends.

_Except not even good friends looked at each other the way they did._

It was just a trick of the light, Jason told himself. Jason had always struggled to breathe next to Dick. That was nothing knew, it wouldn’t change, he’d just have to learn to suffer through it, hopefully with some of his dignity prevailing. He had told himself long ago, and tried to hold on to that explanation still, that it was just the monumental task of standing next to the first Robin that made his lunges cave in on themselves in an effort to be worthy of the honor. And Dick smiled like that to everyone. Had always done, would always do. It was in his nature. Not a flirt, but naturally charming. He’s overbearing kindness had often been mistaken for more than it was, and people had taken more from him than he was willing to give. Jason had no intention of being another one of those people.

He knew about the jokes turned rumors going round the police station, but he also knew how much Dick hated them. While the thought was flattering to be considered someone holding that much value to Dick, Jason knew he wasn’t worthy. (And if that thought ever grieved him, he nursed it on his own.)

“I think you’re gonna do wonders” Dick said, all breathtaking honesty. 

“Really?” Jason said, caring a little too much about the answer.

“Yeah, you’re a good man, Jay.”

_____________

Damian came visiting one weekend. Jason had offered to go pick him, he had a free Friday and while he wasn’t keen on going back to the manor, he had missed Alfred. Once the old man was back in his life again, Jason found it almost painful to try and shut him out again. Ever since he’d first met Alfred, the man had become the grandpa Jason hadn’t even known he needed.

Jason had stepped upon the manor grounds with a slight shudder, icy anxiety creeping down his spine. Only Alfred’s welcoming smile and Cass immediate hug had kept him from running once he’d stepped inside the front door. (And the fact that Bruce _Sometimes-pretends-to-be-a-real-person_ Wayne was on a business meeting.) He was led to the kitchen were tea was already awaiting him.

“How have you been old sport?” Jason asked, quoting Gatsby and it instantly brought a smile to Alfred’s face.

“As always very well, master Jason. How have you been fairing yourself?”

“We’ve talked about this Al; first names only” Jason sighed dramatically, pretending to be disappointed.

“And as I’ve said before, it’s not going to happen” Alfred answered, a twinkle in his eyes. “You have your pride, I have mine. Though in all honesty, I am curious about how your living arrangements lately have turned out.”

Jason shook his head, sparing a quick exasperated smile with Cass, who hid her laughter behind her cup of tea.

“Well, you’ve met Dick.” Jason sighed. “For all his perfect public persona, he’s a total mess behind closed doors.”

“That’s quite a bit more information than I felt the need of knowing” Alfred said, _and_ _was that a smirk?_

“No, I didn’t mean… You’re twisting my words old sport. Get your mind out the gutter!”

Alfred laughed warmly. Jason only glared at him, but couldn’t stay at it long when he was met with the genuine affection of Alfred’s smile. Not even Murder Kitten slamming his way into the kitchen could bring Jason’s mood down.

“Oi! Dames, no way to treat doors!” Jason called to him, only to receive a glare in return.

“What’s it to you, Todd?” Damian growled, sitting himself down beside Cass, who patted him soothingly on the arm before handing him a scone. He took it with a nod, but only put it on his plate and proceeded to glare daggers at it.

“Hey, what’s the matter, Murder Kitten, did someone blunt your knifes?”

“Give me strength not to kill this imbecile” Damian prayed, still staring at his untouched scone. Jason was actually growing slightly concerned. He shared a quick glance with Alfred. The old man looked resigned, a gleam of sorrow leaking through his perfect façade.

“What’s happened?” Jason asked.

“Father is being unreasonable”

“Tell me about it” Jason sighed, pinching his nose, closing his eyes hard and trying to breath through the sudden burst of anger. “What did he do this time?”

When Damian didn’t immediately answer in his snotty, spoiled, brat-voice, Jason realized it was serious. There was an intense silence when Damian tried to speak next, his voice unnaturally wobbly.

“He took Robin from me”

And god, did everyone know how Damian lived and breathed for that title. It was his whole identity, everything he cared about, the only thing that mattered.

“Why?”

Damian grasped the scone and tore it to pieces as he spoke. “He thinks I have problems controlling my anger but he won’t show me how to do it.”

_Yeah, rather punish than actually help._ If Jason didn’t recognize _that_ tactic.

“Fuck him” Jason growled. “He can have that fucking stick shoved up his ass. You’re moving in with me and Dick”

Maybe Jason should have actually checked that with Dick first but… What could he say? He thought best on his feet. Damian was Dick’s favorite brother after all, it wasn’t like he would mind. Jason knew how important Dick’s support had been to Damian, had gleamed it during the past months, and Damian needed him more than ever now. While Jason couldn’t help provide emotional stability exactly, he could give his angry support.

“Pack your things!”

Damian was surprisingly quiet on the car ride back to Bludhaven, not even Jason’s flawless rendition of _Single ladies_ managed to annoy him enough to even turn off the radio.

_The kid was depressed._

When they entered the apartment, Dick and Mara were already home. Dick met them in the door, hugging Damian on sight, and when the boy didn’t immediately let him go, he raised concerned eyes to look at Jason. And Jason was still fueled by anger over Bruce’s behavior.

“He’s moving in with us.”

“What? When? Why?” Dick said, facing going through a comedic variety of expressions, but his hand didn’t relent its petting of Damian’s hair.

“Bruce” Jason growled, at the same time that Damian hissed; “Father is being unreasonable” like a stuck record.

Dick looked to be on the verse of manic laughter, but there were endless amount of sympathy in his expressive eyes directed at Damian.

Then Mara came bounding into the hallways, a shout of “Uncle Dami!” piercing the tense silence, and Damian’s very stern expression softened slightly. He bent down to let Mara hug him. Jason shouldn’t be so surprised to see it. He knew the kid wasn’t actually as heartless as he liked to make everyone around him believe.

Mara grabbed his hand and tugged him into the living room, and Damian followed, his shoulders only slightly slumped. Jason carried Damian’s stuff further into the apartment, before heading towards the kitchen in search of a beer or anything strong enough to lighten his load a little. Dick hot on his heels.

“What happened?” Dick asked and Jason told him. “Do you think this is a good idea?”

“Honestly? I do. I know it’s spontaneous and too impulsive, but kid needs a break” Jason said, grasping the last beer in the fridge, not that there had been many to start with. “You wanna share?”

“Sure” Dick shrugged, already reaching for two glasses from the top cupboard. “You know you can’t use Damian against Bruce?”

Jason glared at him. “Of course I fucking know. This isn’t about Bruce, it’s about Damian.”

“Good” Dick said placating, accepting the glass of beer Jason handed him. “I just wanted to know we were on the same page.”

“When aren’t we?”

“Most of the time we’re not even in the same library” Dick said, not ungently, nudging Jason slightly with his elbow. “How long will he stay?”

Jason shrugged. “As long as he needs, I suppose.”

“Suppose” Dick repeated looking thoughtful for a moment. “What will we do about his school? He can’t just stay in the apartment”

Jason sighed, the thought had crossed his mind. “Let’s see after the weekend. Kid might change his mind.”

Dick nodded. Then a smile pulled at the corner of his lips. “You might change your mind you mean?”

“Same difference” Jason muttered, but feeling himself starting to smile as well. “Common, let’s check on what the kids are up to.”

Dick’s face morphed into something soft that Jason didn’t have the slightest clue of knowing how to interpret. They moved over to the doorway leading into the living room, leaning against it on opposite sides, watching Damian and Mara curled up in the corner of the couch, a sketching pad between them. Mara’s eyes were furrowed in deep concentration as Damian showed her something, gently guiding her hand across the paper. Jason felt a mushy part of him soften at the display. He was content just watching them, but Dick was as always more curious.

“What are you guys doing?”

Damian startled somewhat, but Mara beamed easily up at her parents.

“Uncle Dami is teaching me how to draw a cat!” she exclaimed happily, and was Jason only imagining the redness on Damian’s cheeks. _Kid was a total softy._

“He is now, isn’t he?” Jason said, smirking at Damian.

“Shut your trap, Todd”

“The lady doth protest too much” Jason said turning to a laughing Dick, who swatted gently, _affectionately,_ at his arm. Then he was moving across the room to sit down on the sofa, demanding that Mara and Damian showed him what they had drawn together. Jason could only watch after him, willing his heart to stop beating so fucking loud.

______________

So maybe Jason had been a little judgmental, but he hadn’t actually expected Damian to be as well-mannered as he was. He helped doing the dishes, taking out the waste, he made his bed (on the couch) every morning and even helped Jason cook by chopping vegetables. He continued to prove himself being very patient with Mara, and only subtly hinted to Dick or Jason that they needed to distract her so he could get a minute to himself, otherwise the little girl was attached to his side. Mara had been fascinated by her batfamily from the start and the more time she spend with them the more obsessed she got. Damian seemed to fascinate her especially, probably since he was the youngest, and for some reason she seemed to consider that to be a foundation for kinship.

Dick had taken out vacation for the weekend which also meant he had gotten it into his head that they were going on a family outing. They went to an indoors adventure land with loads of different play areas and challenges. Once they’d payed the fee and gotten changed, Dick took Mara and headed to the nearest jungle gym. Jason and Damian lagging behind, both slightly uncomfortable with the high noises and the requirement to have fun for the sake of it.

“Why did I agree to this?” Jason asked out loud watching as Dick and Mara climbed some kind of dome. Dick made sure to always keep Mara ahead of him, supporting her and pushing gently whenever she needed it.

“Because you could not say no to Richard even if you tried.” Damian said with no small amount of disgust.

_What was wrong with kids these days, having to call him out like that?_

“Get up there or I’ll serve you chicken tonight!” Jason said, pushing Damian forward. The teen grumbled and swatted at him, but relented when Mara called for him to join her and Dick, both of them already sitting at the very top. Jason was going to have a heartache if either of them fell down. So he better just join them to make sure that didn’t happen. When he was almost at the top, Dick’s hand reached out and pulled him up the last bit.

__________

When Sunday night came around, Damian had decided he didn’t want to go back to the manor. Dick heaved a deep sigh, and excused himself from the table to go call Bruce and tell him as much.

Damian turned to Jason, a slight furrow in his brow, eyes not worried, but not calm either.

“You find it acceptable for me to stay?” he asked in that stilted way he got whenever he got insecure about something, and didn’t know how to phrase what he really wanted to stay.

“I’m sure Dick has already told you a million times, but you’re always welcome.”

“And what do you think?” Damian wasn’t quite looking at him.

Jason reached over to grab at his shoulder and force Damian to look back at him.

“I don’t know how to make you trust me, but I promise I won’t kick you out.”

“Because Richard would not like it?”

“Well, he wouldn’t, but I wouldn’t like it much either.”

Damian seemed content with that answer. He excused himself from the table and went over to the living room. Dick soon returned to the kitchen, face swirling with mixed emotions. Anger waring with a bone-deep exhaustion.

“How did it go?”

“Bruce agreed to let Damian stay.” Dick said, brushing a and over his face.

“So? Why are you looking upset?”

“It’s just… He really makes me angry sometimes.” Dick said, slumping in the chair next to Jason. Jason instinctively reached out pat his shoulder.

“It’s just his personality.”

Dick snorted a laughter, before his expression turned thoughtful.

“If Dami is gonna stay here more permanently he can’t sleep on the couch.”

Jason looked perplexed at him. “Well, if you can charm us another room that would be great.”

“I’m serious.” Dick said. “He’s fifteen, he’s angry at his dad, he needs his own space.”

“Fine, he can have my room” Jason said reluctantly after a moments thought. “I’ll sleep on the couch. It’s about time I looked for my own apartment anyway.”

Dick’s hand surged forward with such speed and force it took Jason by surprise. His hand landed on Jason’s chest, the first thing he had been able to reach. Jason ignored his own spiked breathing, hoped to hell Dick did as well.

“We’re not taking Damian in if it means throwing you out.” Dick said, but there was uncertainty lacing his tone.

“What are you talking about? Kid needs us.” Jason said incredulously. 

“I know. I just meant that... I know you want your own place but…” Dick struggled to form a sentence, then turned his gaze away and let his hand fall. “You can’t sleep on the couch until that happens.”

“No? What should I then? Throw Mara out and take her bed?”

“I have a queen-size.” Dick blurted out, his cheeks slightly tinted, eyes a little too wide, like his mouth had spoken without his brains permission. 

“I know, _princess”_ Jason mocked. “Stop trying to be so special.”

Dick sighed, pinching his nose. “I meant you can share with me. There’s space. Only until you get your own apartment, of course.”

“Of course.” Jason repeated dumb-struck.

_He was so fucked._


	15. Bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’ve been meaning to give this recipe to your husband, but I haven’t had the opportunity.” Mrs. Robinson said, reaching into her handbag and handing over a piece of rather wrinkled paper. “He’s got himself a new job, hasn’t he? He looks so happy now.”   
> One. Since when did Jason trade recipes with Mrs. Robinson? Two. How come Dick hadn’t noticed? Three. Jason really seemed happier now than he had when he first moved in, didn’t he?  
> Dick didn’t voice any of those questions, instead: “He’s not my husband, we’re not married.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Shannara810 (I don't know how to tag, sorry) presented me with the beautiful idea of Jason singing to Mara with Dick eavesdropping, and I couldn't resist it so I mercilessly stole it, but exchanged the song to Dear Theodosia (because fic title). 
> 
> Also this might be the fluffiest shit I've written in a while so hope you'll enjoy!

“So…” Dick began awkwardly, making sure to look at anything but Jason. “Maybe we could make a pillow barrier?”

There was a moment of tense silence before Jason huffed in frustration.

“No. No, we’re not horny teenagers on a sleepover with our crush. We’re adults and we can manage!”

“What if my body becomes horny?” Dick said, unable to resist playing devil’s advocate, if only to see Jason’s reaction. The man tensed up, before he slowly turned to Dick, fury leaking off of him. 

“If you grope me during the night, I’ll chop your hands off.”

Dick pouted, still trying to lighten the atmosphere, while promising himself to chop off his own hands if the thought ever crossed his mind to touch Jason like _that_. “You’re mean.”

“No one said I wasn’t. You just have to suck it up, pretty bird.” Jason snorted.

Dick couldn’t help but think Jason was a little unfair for calling him shit like that. Especially when he was dressed in that tight t-shirt and low-riding sweatpants, leaning over the bed to pluck away the extra pillows Dick had thrown onto the covers. Dick turned his eyes away. While he was perfectly fine with joking about it there were things he wasn’t willing to admit to himself. Maybe all the snide remarks at work had started to get to him, or it was the fact that Jason continued to defy Dick’s expectations. Sure, he knew Jason was a good dad, but it also turned out he had the makings of a good human being.

The way he had reassured Damian earlier (Dick had eavesdropped after having finished his own conversation with Bruce) that Jason essentially considered him family. The way he’d brought Damian home in the first place with every intention of helping the teen, rather than twisting him against Bruce. 

For a long time he’d been blinded by his rage at Jason for having kept Mara from him, but ever since they’d moved in, Dick had found it impossible to hold on to that anger. Not when Jason came home talking about his new job, tired but satisfied in the knowledge that his efforts made a difference. He helped kids, with similar stories as his own, getting better opportunities than he’d ever had. Dick’s pride was overwhelming and he wasn’t entirely sure how to make it known to Jason without sounding patronizing. Jason talked about the kids he helped with fondness. There was a deep understanding for their situation and he held oceans of respect for them. It was obvious in the way he praised their progression. Dick sometimes wished there were more people like that within the police force.

Then of course it was the way Jason kept awake the nights Dick was out as Nightwing. They never talked about it, Jason never met him when he came in, but it was easy to see by the way the light poured out from under his bedroom door until Dick was home and in bed himself. The ways in which Jason showed he cared were subtle, but once Dick had started to see them for what they were, a deep affection had started to take root. 

Dick loved easily, and made little difference in the ways he did it, but he struggled to categorize his fondness of Jason. Maybe it was yet too early to determine, but Dick believed they were laying the foundation for a deep friendship.

_If only they’d survive this night of course._

Jason was the first to climb under the covers, a book in hand. Dick stood there staring in uncertainty for another moment.

“What’s the problem now?” Jason asked. “Did I take your side or something?”

“I don’t usually wear pajamas…”

The only response Dick got to that awkward comment was Jason raising the book even higher until it shielded his face and it was impossible to read his expression. After a moment there came a low gruff.

“As long as you don’t sleep butt-naked.”

“I don’t” Dick was quick to reassure.

“Good” Jason said, turning a page.

Dick heaved a sigh, stripping out of his pants and sweatshirt. For properties sake he went over to the wardrobe to pull on an old, loose-fitting t-shirt. Then he went around the bed, to the side by the window, and crept under the covers as well. He struggled to find a position that wasn’t too uncomfortable or awkward, and ended up on his stomach.

Face turned towards the window, gazing out at the apartment building across the street. There was a lot of empty space separating him from where Jason lay, tense as a board, almost guarding the door. He probably just wanted a quick escape should things go south. _And okay, maybe he needed a better euphuism._

Jason read for maybe half an hour before he put the book away and turned off the bedside light. The room succumbed to darkness, only the streetlights outside and Dick’s alarm clock pierced it. Dick tried really hard to sleep, even going through a couple of meditation exercises that Bruce had taught him. Nothing helped.

When the clock turned 2 a.m. and he was still fully awake Dick started to think that maybe the whole ordeal had been a stupid idea. Not that Jason was sleeping either, but he was pretty good at faking it. His breathing coming out even but way too consciously. If Dick hadn’t been doing the same thing, he probably wouldn’t have noticed.

He heaved another heavy sigh, then turned around to stare at Jason’s back. Dick hadn’t exactly shared a bed with anyone since he dated Kory. At the very least not with the intention of just sleeping. It was an unfamiliar, but welcome thought. To be able to go to sleep and wake up next to someone without the obligation of anything sexual happening.

Not that Jason was that person though. He was just in need of someplace to sleep.

_Was it cruel to wish Jason had just stuck to the couch?_

Dick watched as Jason’s broad shoulders turned over until he was lying flat on the bed, staring up into the dark ceiling.

“This isn’t working” Jason said, his voice coming out rough. “I’ll just sleep on the couch.”

Dick should nod, agree and let him get on with it. Dick had work in the morning and Jason had promised to come up with a solution for Damian’s schooling, which would probably entail a lot of administration and calling around. Something you probably shouldn’t do while sleep deprived and in a generally bad mood. _Only because your asshole brother doesn’t want you to have an excuse to move out just yet._ Not that this was exactly helping, if anything Dick might have just given Jason a reason to hurry up in his efforts to find his own place.

Jason was already sitting up, his back turned to Dick once more. There was a slump to his shoulder, as if the entire world was resting on them and Dick, if only for the briefest of moments, just wanted to hold him. Tell them both it would be alright. Whatever demons they were trying to fend off.

“Wait” Dick protested weakly.

“No, this was a bad idea, I shouldn’t have…” Jason said.

And Dick didn’t know what would be worse, waking up with the embarrassment of having Jason sleeping beside him, or the guilt of having thrown the man out onto the couch after having offered him a bed in the first place.

The fact that Dick didn’t want Jason to leave was a pretty good indicator that Jason probably should. That thought made something tear inside his chest and some of the emptiness Dick had struggled to fight over the past years leaked out, clinging to his lunges. Dick suddenly struggled to breathe. Of all the inopportune moments to have a panic attack, why now?

He watched as Jason gathered his blanket and a pillow, slowly stood and, with all the experience of a thief, slipped out of the bedroom.

Dick beat a closed fist into his pillow. If he had struggled to sleep before, it became even worse now.

  
___________

The next morning, after only a few hours of fitful sleep, Dick stumbled into the kitchen more dead than alive. Jason was already serving up breakfast, because of course he was. Dick felt a spike of annoyance over how well-rested he appeared to be at first sight. He had probably fallen instantly asleep once he got out of Dick’s clutches. The thought curled ugly in Dick’s stomach, spilling over into self-loathing.

Damian looked up at him. from a bowl of what seemed to be fruit loops. _And how in actual hell had Jason managed to convince him to eat those?_ Dick had tried for years to introduce Damian to the divine pleasure that was unhealthy cereals, and had never succeeded, but why wouldn’t Jason Todd succeed with the impossible?

“Did you go out last night despite telling us you would not?” Damian asked, referring to Nightwing while trying to be subtle in the presence of Mara. She didn’t know, and they had meant to keep it that way for as long as possible.

Dick shook his head, but Jason was already looking at him. His brow furrowed in a way that was eerily similar to Alfred. Dick ignored him in favor of asking how both Mara and Damian had slept.

“I have slept well, thank you” Damian answered politely, while Mara was just nodding eagerly, munching on her own bowl of fruit loops.

Jason didn’t usually serve her those, though. He didn’t like to the start the day by feeding her large amounts of sugar. Dick let his gaze trail carefully over to Jason were he stood taking care of last night’s dishes. There was a slight tension in the square set of his shoulders.

“How about yourself, Richard? You look… worn.”

Dick loved Damian, he truly did, but could the kid be less subtle.

“I’m fine” Dick reassured him. “So, what are you going to do today?”

Damian gave him an unimpressed look. “I’ll wait for Jason to get me transferred to a school here in Bludhaven.”

“That might take more than a day” Jason said, something in his voice was slightly off. A tension, a terseness. “We’ll try first to see if you can do some distance learning until we figure the rest out.”

Dick’s irrational annoyance with him relented somewhat. Jason was doing the best he could for Damian. He valued education over most other things and it didn’t surprise Dick in the slightest that he wouldn’t let Damian slack.

There was a slight sound coming from Damian. Dick looked over to see him hunched in on himself, and quickly recognized it as Damian’s trademark stance when he felt guilty. There clearly was something he hadn’t told them about. 

“Damian.” Dick prompted.

The teen looked away petulant, embarrassed in a way he rarely let himself show sign of.

“Why does Bruce think you have anger issues?” Dick asked, making his voice gentle. They hadn’t really talked about this, but maybe they should.

“Because the man is a fully-fledged psychopath” Jason snarled, turning around to glare at Dick. 

Dick ignored him, staring at Damian until the teen relented.

“I got suspended from school.” he said, lifting his chin high into the air, in that way Talia had taught him not to show weakness. “He was a bully. I only gave him what he deserved.”

“Dami, why didn’t you tell us?” Dick said, too tired to even be angry.

The question was met with silence, so Dick moved around the table to embrace Damian whether he wanted it or not. Jason was stood staring at them, surprise written all over his face. Why, Dick just didn’t care.

“I thought you’d be disappointed with me” Damian said slowly, trying and failing to get out of Dick’s hold.

“Never” Dick said, while he didn't want to endorse violence, he also knew how much Damian needed to be shown someone still cared and held out hope for him. Therefor Dick only hugging him tighter. “Isn’t that right, Jason?”

Jason stared for a moment longer, before he put down the plate he was drying, moving to sit down on the opposite side of the table. He was shaking his head.

“We’re not disappointed and we’re not angry.” Jason said after a moment.

Damian did actually sniffle at that. He quickly pushed himself out of Dick’s grasp and hurried out of the kitchen.

“What’s with uncle Dami?” Mara asked, all big eyed innocence, her nose scrunched up in a way very reminiscent of the thing Jason had used to do as a teenager. It was impossibly cute. 

“Nothing you need to worry about, darling” Dick said, reaching out to ruffle Mara’s hair, which quickly brought a smile onto her face. Jason didn’t look as easily deterred though.

___________

After Dick had fallen asleep at his desk for the third time that day, his boss did eventually make his way over to him, shaking him gently awake.

“W-what?”

“Grayson, go home.” Captain Harker said, the man was a big burly fellow, nothing like Jim Gordon, but he still held strong morals and was one of the reasons why Dick still bothered working within the police force. “You’re not useful for anyone like this.”

“I’m sorry, chief. I will…”

“No, you will go home and go to sleep” Harker said. “That’s an order.”

Dick grumbled somewhat, mostly just for show, before he packed his things up and made his way home.

At the entrance door to his apartment building he almost ran into Mrs. Robinson, the little old lady that lived a floor above them. She’d been the first neighbor to welcome Dick to the neighborhood when he had first moved in, and he had always held a soft spot for her. She sometimes reminded him of one of the older women working for Haly’s in his childhood. There was spirit to her, despite her aging body and shaking step.

“That looks heavy, Mrs. Robinson, can I help you with it?” Dick asked politely, nodding at her shopping bags.

“That would be real sweet of you, love.” Mrs. Robinson said, sending him one of her grandmotherly smiles. Dick grabbed her bags and lent her his arm to help her up the steps to her floor. She thanked him gratefully, but before he could leave she stopped him.

“I’ve been meaning to give this recipe to your husband, but I haven’t had the opportunity.” Mrs. Robinson said, reaching into her handbag and handing over a piece of rather wrinkled paper. “He’s got himself a new job, hasn’t he? He looks so happy now.”

 _One._ Since when did Jason trade recipes with Mrs. Robinson? _Two._ How come Dick hadn’t noticed? _Three._ Jason really seemed happier now than he had when he first moved in, didn’t he?

Dick didn’t voice any of those questions, instead: “He’s not my husband, we’re not married.”

Mrs. Robinson stared up at him. Her gaze seeming almost owl-like behind her big glasses. She blinked slowly, the way people did in cartoons. Then her face became stern.

“Then you should propose to him. That man and his daughter has made you the happiest I’ve ever seen you.” Mrs. Robinson said. “And he’s not only a good looking man, he’s also well-mannered and knows how to cook. If you’re not fast enough, someone else might snatch him.” 

And Dick really, really didn’t want to think about marrying Jason, not even dating him, but Mrs. Robinson stared at him as if he was stupid for not seeing her logic. Dick didn’t know what to say, so he excused himself, and hurried down to his own apartment. He had often been accused for running away from his problems. 

When he stepped inside the door he stopped short, heart picking up speed. Mara was crying. No, scratch that, she was full-out wailing. He threw off the jacket before he rushed into the living room where Mara was crawled up on the couch, fat tears rolling down her cheek. Dick would have ran straight over to her, if it hadn’t been for Jason’s butt blocking the path as Jason crawled around the floor clearly looking for something.

“What are you doing?” Dick asked bewildered, trying not to stare in any place he shouldn’t.

Jason’s head whipped up to look at him, wide-eyed and caught out. He hurried to sit up, shoulders tensing, tugging slightly at his hair. It was a nervous tick or, more likely, due to frustration.

“Zitka’s gone” Jason said in way of explanation, his face tired and serious.

When Mara caught sight of Dick she flung herself off of the couch and at him. Dick only barely managed to catch her thanks to his bat-reflexes. She clung to his neck and buried her face into his white shirt.

“Hey, baby, it’s alright. We’re gonna find Zitka.” Dick promised, coursing Mara gently to look up at him. “Where did you see her last?”

“Don’t know” Mara shook her head, then thudded it heavily against his shoulder.

“It’s okay.” Dick said, rubbing Mara’s back soothingly. He looked over to Jason who was slowly rising to his feet. “Where have you looked?”

“Bloody everywhere” Jason grumbled lowly.

“Language.”

“You know what, the great detective can take it from here” Jason said, crossing his arms, clearly not in the mood to be patronized by Dick.

“Fine” Dick sighed, and began a small investigation.

He asked Mara questions and together they went around the apartment looking for the lost plushy to Jason’s running commentary of: _already looked there, there too, and there._

Dick was tired, Mara was still crying, and Jason’s attitude only seemed to get worse. _And where the hell was Damian?_

“Where’s Damian?”

“Locked himself into his room once Mara started crying.” Jason huffed, tearing through the pillows on the couch, still nothing. Dick ran a hand down his face, attempting to set Mara down on the floor, but that only made her cling tighter.

“Jason can you take her for a moment?” Dick asked. “I can’t think right now.”

Jason nodded, picking Mara out of Dick’s arms. She quickly curled into his chest. He kissed the top of her head, whispering softly to her. Dick was always amazed at his gentleness with her. How he could go from full-blown irritation to caring softness within seconds.

“How about we sit down for a moment and let the detective work in peace?”

Mara nodded. Jason gave Dick a smug smile and settled down on the couch. Dick huffed a sigh, but went through the apartment again, combing every little surface. He knocked on Damian’s door. After a moment he threw it open, missing Dick’s nose with mere centimeters, giving a stare that could rival Bruce’s.

“What do you want, Richard?” he asked haughtily, earphones slung around his neck.

“Have you seen Zitka?”

“As I already told Todd, no, I have not, and I suggest you put a tracker in that elephant.” Damian sighed. “It is as if the sky has fallen down.”

“She’s just a kid. I’m sure you had a beloved plushy you lost once or twice” Dick tried for a smile, knowing Damian cared about Mara while also being unused to the constant presence of a toddler. She had her ups and downs, like everyone else. 

Damian only stared at him. “I did not have what you would call a conventional childhood.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, I’m sorry. Just- would you mind helping us look?”

Damian thought for a short moment, then nodded.

Eventually Damian managed to find the plushy sitting on the edge of the bathtub, _of all places._ Dick sighed in relief. When Damian handed Zitka over, Mara first hugged the plushy then, before Damian could escape, she had thrown her arms around him too. Damian stared in panic up at Dick and Jason, neither able to repress their mirth. Eventually Mara let go and Damian continued to look dumbstruck. When he caught on to Dick and Jason’s laughter he glared at them and escaped back to his room.

Mara crawled back into Jason’s side, with Zitka under her arm, making herself comfortable. Jason smiled down at her with that utter adoration he always wore around her. Dick wondered, in a moment of weakness that he blamed on his lack of sleep, what it would feel like to be looked at like that, to be loved like that. Dick quickly strangled the thought, cursing Mrs. Robinson and her talk about marriage, and made himself busy.

He went to the bedroom to change out of his work clothes and ended up stood glaring at the queen-sized bed with a mixture of longing and resentment, as if it had been the bed’s fault that he had lost sleep.

After having changed into sweatpants and a Nightwing-merch t-shirt, he made his way back into the living room, by habit light on his feet. He stopped in the doorway, watching the back of Jason’s neck, when he heard someone singing. The voice was deep and melodic, simply beautiful, and it took Dick too long to realize it was Jason’s.

Dick was struck dumb, frozen in place he listened to Jason singing the words of a song Dick had never heard.

_“…you cried, and it broke my heart_

_I’m dedicating every day to you  
Domestic life, was never quite my style  
When you smile, you knock me out, I fall apart  
And I thought I was so smart.”_

Mara was humming along, obviously recognizing the song. Dick could see her black head of hair tucked up under Jason’s chin, as Jason’s gentle voice lulled her calm. Something built up in Dick’s chest, making his heart beat faster and as he the words settled within him, he felt himself choking up.

_“You will come of age with our young nation  
We’ll bleed and fight for you, we’ll make it right for you  
If we lay a strong enough foundation  
We’ll pass it on to you, we’ll give the world to you…”_

Dick had to retreat back to the bedroom. His emotions waring inside, welling up, threatening to overtake. The storm came quickly and Dick was unprepared for it. The love he felt was so deep it was disturbing, he hadn’t felt like this since… He didn’t know since when. He loved Mara to pieces and he wanted to give her the world, he already knew that, had known since the moment he was told he was her father. What he wasn’t prepared for was how that affection extended itself to involve Jason. He didn’t want to do it, raising Mara, with anyone else. 

  
____________

Jason had just put Mara to bed and come back to sit down beside Dick on the couch. They were watching a documentary about tigers that Damian had insisted they should see. The teen himself was watching enraptured, his sketching pad in his knees, trying to capture the grace of those big cats. Dick tried, but failed to concentrate on the screen, constantly stealing glances at Jason. Took in his sharp features, his green tinted aquamarine eyes, and that streak of white hair he hadn’t bothered covering since he moved in with Dick. The TV tinted everything in a slight blue tone and Dick wanted to have Damian’s talent so that he could capture this moment.

After a moment Jason sighed. “What?”

Dick startled. “What what?”

“You’re staring. What have I done now?”

_Everything._

“Nothing.” Dick said a little too quickly.

“Yeah? _Nothing_ must be damn intriguing” Jason said, giving him a slight smirk.

“I just…” _Lie! Come up with something, anything._ “I was just thinking I should probably head out.”

He really had no motivation to go out as Nightwing tonight and patrol. He was too tired and compromised by his own emotions. Heading out like that would be like declaring he had a death wish, but he also had a duty to Bludhaven and he needed an excuse to get away from Jason’s imploring gaze.

“Like hell you are” Jason said with passion. “You’re not going out like this. If you can’t even keep awake at work, you’re not going out on the street.”

“I’m fine, Jay and Blud…”

“No.” Jason said with authority that would anger Dick in any other situation, because who was Jason to tell him what to do? Only… It was Jason’s way of showing that he cared and Dick… well, he might sometimes need someone taking care of him, even if he was loath to admit it. “I’m not allowing it.”

“It’s not like you can stop me” Dick protested weakly, receiving a hum of support from Damian, or it might have been one of annoyance, it was hard to tell. Jason however was perfectly clear to read. He looked furious.

“You’re not… not tonight, you’re too tired!” He stammered in anger. “I don’t care if you sneak out of the fucking window, I’ll come hunt you down.”

“Yeah? And how will we avoid that?” Dick said, once more finding himself playing the devil’s advocate.

“You’ll listen for once in…” Jason began to say, but was interrupted by Damian’s voice cutting through clear and no nonsense.

“By the both of you sharing Richard’s bed like last night. Even _you_ Todd would be able to hear him trying to sneak out then.”

Dick stared at Damian. _What the hell buddy?_

“You know what,” Jason said, and Dick could hear the smirk in his voice, but he didn’t dare look. “that ain’t a bad idea.”

They continued to watch the documentary in tense silence, until Dick couldn’t stand it any longer and went to prepare himself for sleep. He brushed his teeth, changed out of his clothes and slipped under the covers. He was in the middle of thinking Jason had probably not meant anything about the threat, when the TV was turned off and just a moment later, Jason was slipping into the bedroom, a bundle of pillows and blanket weighing down his arms. He stopped short when he realized Dick was watching him. Stature suddenly turning uncertain, facial expression sheepish.

“You really are going to guard me?” Dick said, huffing slightly, turning his gaze to the ceiling, cursing his own existence.

“Yeah, whatever” Jason said. “Couch turned out to be stiff anyway.”

Dick turned back to watch Jason approach. He shuffled to the side of the bed, leaving more space for Jason to settle his burden down. The younger made the bed meticulously, then his heated gaze met Dick’s.

“You’re still staring!”

“Sorry!” Dick said, quickly turning over until he was looking out of the window instead, trying, without much success, to calm his breathing. He felt a dip in the bed as Jason settled in beside him. Dick took another shaky breath before he told him goodnight. Jason only hummed, turning on the bedside lamp to read the way he had done last night. And just like last night he read for half an hour before he put the book down and settled in to sleep.

The room was plunged into darkness. Dick felt himself tensing up even further as Jason moved somewhere behind him. After a while he heard a heavy sigh.

“Relax, you’re exhausted.” Jason said, using the same voice he did when he tried to reason with Mara.

“I am relaxed.”

Jason chuckled lightly. “You could rival Bruce in stiffness right now.”

“Hey, don’t insult me in my own bed!” Dick said, turning around to swat at Jason, hitting him square in the chest. Jason only laughed.

“Sure, birdbrain, sure.”

Dick put on a frown and tried to stare Jason down, but it was difficult when the man smiled lazily back at him. Exhaustion clear in his face as well. Dick couldn’t help himself and started to giggle. He hadn’t giggled like that since he was kid and he and Wally had snuck their way into a JL meeting.

“Are you laughing at me?” Jason asked, but his tone was light.

“No, no, I’m just…” Dick tried only to interrupt himself with another fit. “I’m sooo tired!”

“I can tell” Jason said, smile wide, amused and fond. “You slept like shit last night too?”

“Yeah, yeah. I- Fuck, I felt so bad for not…” Dick said, but then turned quiet.

“For what?” Jason said after moment, gently prompting.

“Nothing” Dick said, then after a beat of silence changed the subject. “I didn’t know you could sing?”

“W-what?” Jason stammered, caught off guard. It was too dark to really tell but Dick thought Jason might be blushing.

“I heard you earlier. What song was it?”

Jason sighed. “Just something I heard on the radio. It’s from that Hamilton musical I think. Mara used to be sick a lot the first few months…”

Dick’s heart clenched tightly as he imagined Mara as she had been at the hospital, pale and drained. He felt himself grow sick with it. The dread consuming him as he realized he hadn’t been there for her.

“I didn’t know” he whispered, pain leaking into his voice.

“You weren’t meant to know” Jason said, earnest. Dick could appreciate that at least. “She used to get this terrible fever, and she wouldn’t sleep. So I stayed up with her through the nights, sometimes listening to the radio was the only thing keeping me sane. Then that song came on and…”

Jason grew quiet, introspective. His voice was nothing more than a whisper, and Dick wanted to lean closer to hear better, to somehow be included in the memory. 

“It felt fitting.”

Dick looked at him through the dark, the streetlamps the only source casting light. It created a halo, lining the side of Jason’s face, making him glow a gentle silver. Dick wanted to reach out, to touch, run his fingers over that skin to see if the silver would stay. Jason wasn’t traditionally beautiful, but in this one tiny moment he was nothing short of stunning.

“I almost started bawling my eyes out when I heard you” Dick said, quirking his lips into a smile.

Jason snorted. “Course you would”

They stayed like that for a moment, silently watching each other, breathing slowly, just existing in each other’s presence. It felt comfortable, right in a way few things did in Dick’s life. He felt himself relax, sleep tugging at him. Dick closed his eyes, already half gone when he heard Jason’s voice quietly beside him.

“I called you once.”

“Hm?” Dick asked, sleep addled brain struggling to piece the words together, not quite succeeding.

“When Mara had her fever.” Jason explained, and Dick peered up at him, vaguely seeing the battle he thought with himself. “I just didn’t want to be alone.”

“You’re not alone.” Dick murmured, finally giving in to the impulse, reaching out to brush his fingers over Jason’s neck. He heard Jason’s breathing hitch but took little notice, already slipping under.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Besides loving the bed-sharing trope, I also love little old ladies sharing their two cents whether you're ready to hear it or not.


	16. Valentine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steph was grinning like a maniac. “We thought you might need some distraction.”  
> “Why would I need to be distracted?”  
> “Because it’s Valentine’s day” Steph said as if he was stupid, and he probably was because he really didn’t get the connection between a commercial holiday, where industries tried to bleed couples dry, and this sudden bat-attack.   
> “So what? I might have plans.”  
> “Do you have plans?” Steph was still grinning knowingly, and it started to freak Jason out just a little.   
> “I might” Jason growled.   
> “Yeah, sure” Tim laughed. “We know Dick’s away with work.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to say stuff... but I don't know what?  
> Maybe just that I'm not certain if I've gone to ooc with the characters (I mean screw cannon but still) and I also feel like I've lost the intrigue a little, so what I'm trying to say; I feel I might have (or are close to) hitting a wall with this story. 
> 
> But there are still things I want to write and places I intend to take these characters, hopefully we'll get there before writer's block hit.

When Jason woke up the next morning, Dick was starfishing, arm thrown over Jason’s chest and leg tangled with his. The sun was peeking through the window, shredding a haze of gold over Dick’s black hair, making a halo glow around him. As if Jason needed another reminder that the man was a saint, something holy he shouldn’t touch.

Jason extracted himself slowly, making sure that Dick wouldn’t wake up. The other just curled in on himself, one hand clenching at the empty sheet. Jason was stuck watching him for a moment longer, knowing he probably shouldn’t. But Dick looked younger while asleep, more carefree, like he wasn’t carrying all of Bludhaven on his shoulders. The man had always been pretty, even teenage Jason had noticed that (or rather teenage Jason had noticed that feature in particular), but Dick’s good sides didn’t stop at his good look. Fifteen year old Jason Todd had admired the five year older man for his skills, his kindness and his firm sense of justice. It hadn’t been quite a crush, but it had been a semi-obsession to observe and emulate his predecessor. Jason had of course never succeeded because Dick Grayson was one of a kind. And the fascination had grown into envy that had turned into spite and mistrust after the pit. It took time for them to get back on friendly terms, then Mara happened and they were forced to get to know each other anew. But Jason liked this Dick.

In fact, he liked him a lot.

Jason left the bedroom in search of coffee before his musings got too serious. This was the time of day he appreciated the most. It was all his own, no one but him was yet up, even if Damian seemed to have a tendency to wake early. It allowed Jason some breathing space, in which he didn’t need to be a doting father, a pleasant roommate or a sociable brother. He could be himself, by himself. These were the moments when Jason missed his Washington apartment the most, but he’d settled in, made this place at least partially his own. If only by the way he had reorganized a few things, not least the kitchen. Dick might be a hero, professionally and privately, but not on the home front.

Jason made his coffee, read his newspaper, than when he felt satisfied, reenergized by the short moment of solitude, did he go around the apartment to wake the others. Starting with Damian.

“Dames! Rise and shine! A new dawn awaits you, sun smiling down on us and all that shit!” Jason cheered overly loud, knocking at the door.

There was a thump against the wood as Damian threw something at it. Jason only laughed. 

“Seriously kid, get up!” Jason said before he moved on to wake Mara. His approach to her was a lot gentler, sitting himself down on her bedside, brushing a hand over her hair. “Mara, wake up, love.”

She grumbled slightly, trying to pull the blanket over her head but Jason wasn’t letting her.

“Common, you don’t want to miss the school-trip today, do you?” Jason asked, knowing his little girl had looked forward to it for weeks. Jason had been slightly antsy for it, to send her out with a bunch of teachers for only protection (in Bludhaven of all places) but Dick had managed to calm him down. When he wasn’t actively trying to rile him up, Dick was one of the few people who managed to calm Jason. Jason didn't know what to feel about it, but somehow knew he felt strongly about it. 

The reminder of the trip jolted her awake. Mara rapidly sat up, before a big yawn broke out. Jason couldn’t help but laugh, eyes softening as he picked her up so she could continue half-sleeping against his shoulder. They made their way over to Dick’s bedroom. Jason knocked before he entered.

Dick was rising slowly, looking not very unlike his daughter. Those blue eyes settled on Jason and then shifted quickly over to Mara, a small, sleepy smile quirking his lips. Jason set Mara down on the bed, watching as Dick sat up to pull her into a hug. Mara went easily, still yawning slightly. Jason itched to take a photo of them like that, soft and comfortable, so much like a normal family his heart ached with it. Mara looking like a perfect little copy of Dick.

Jason remembered their conversation from last night, but doubted Dick fully did. He could still feel the sensation of Dick’s thumb brushing over his pulse-point. He wondered briefly, if they could have had this if Jason had just told him about Mara from the start. And if they had had this comfortability with each other from the start, where would they have been now?

“Todd! There are no more fruit loops!” Damian called from the kitchen, interrupting Jason’s train of thoughts. Maybe for the best, since he felt himself slip down a dangerous path.

“I don’t understand how you got him hooked on cereals!” Dick said, laughing which prompted Mara to laugh even if she didn’t quite understand why.

“I have my secrets” Jason said, attempting for a smirk, but feeling his smile growing soft. The sleepiness in both their eyes, Dick’s bed-ruffled hair, the feeling of knowing they were both safe. A warmth spread, tugging at his heart. 

“Todd!”

“I’m coming, calm down!” Jason shook his head, looking back to where Dick was beaming at him. “You wipe that smirk off your face or I’m gonna make you wash your own clothes.”

“I did that before, you know” Dick called after him. “Still would if you let me!”

___________

Jason worked late. It was the end of January, and the winds could pick up a nasty chill in a place like Blud. The kids who actually had some place to stay were starting to drop off, while those who didn’t know where to spend the night were filtering in. There was a new kid in tonight. He wasn’t speaking much but there was fire in him, Jason could tell. He wasn’t from Bludhaven either, his accent was gothamite in origin, and it made Jason curious. While Gotham was a scarred-over pile of bad memories it was still home and Jason could grow nostalgic over it at times. Damian didn’t speak with a Gotham accent for obvious reasons, and Dick’s version was watered out, made posh by spending so much time playing a Wayne. Jason sometimes missed that blood-thick, Burrows version of the accent, but he didn’t know anyone anymore who spoke with it. Not to say that the new kid did either, but it was as close as Jason would get.

“Gothamite?” Jason asked, sitting down in front of the kid.

The kid startled, he couldn’t be more than a year or two older than Damian, brown eyes turning up to look at Jason in surprise. He nodded slowly.

“I was born there, yeah.”

“Me too. The Burrows” Jason said, he wasn’t exactly hiding his background. Working with these kids it was only in his favors. Showed the teens that he knew what they were coming from, because he was raised in the same mold.

The kid’s eyes widened. “Really? My mom worked there sometimes”

“Yeah, what was her name?”

“Elaine Thomas”

Jason shook his head. “Sorry, never met her. What’s your name?”

“Duke”

“Nice to meet you, Duke. I’m Jason.” Jason said, then curiosity took over. “Why are you in Blud of all places?”

“Foster care.” Duke said, then turned quiet. It was clear that the kid didn’t want to speak more about it, so Jason decided to change the subject.

“Have you met the others yet?”

When Duke shook his head, Jason guided him over to a corner where a group of loud but friendly teens where playing air-hockey. It wasn’t difficult to insert Duke in the clique, and soon enough the kids were laughing, engaged in a wild competition that amused the hell out of Jason. 

_____________

The door to Damian’s room was stood ajar one late afternoon, and Jason’s curiosity got the better of him. He peaked his head inside only to find the boy hitting his head against the desk-top, bent over what appeared to be homework.

Mara, who had snuck up on Jason, whispered with all the discretion of a toddler: “What’s wrong with Uncle Dami?”

Jason petted her head while shrugging slightly, pretending she hadn’t actually caught him unawares. “I don’t know, why don’t you go and ask him?”

“Todd, get out of my room!” Damian muttered, but his words got muted by all the papers he’d buried his face into. Jason would have laughed if the kid hadn’t looked so listless. Mara wasn’t deterred by any teenage angst though and stepped straight up to Damian’s desk. Damian moved his head slightly so he could peer down at her.

“What are you doing?” Mara asked.

“English.”

“Dad’s good at reading and stuff” Mara said very helpfully to which Damian did his weird _tsk-_ ing sound.

“What’s the assignment?” Jason asked, taking a daring step into the room.

The demon brat threw a book over his shoulder with dangerous accuracy. Only Jason’s own training prevented the book from hitting him square in the face. Mara, bless her soul, gave an applaud. Jason made to bow, pretending he was performing in front of an audience. The motion made Mara laugh, while Damian’s sigh only became more pronounced.

“You are a menace, Todd. A host onto civilization.”

And Jason still didn’t know when he had agreed to raise a teenager. ( _When you brought him home, smartass!)_

“I do try my best” Jason grinned, taking a look at the book, discovering it to be Shakespeare’s _Hamlet._ “You’re doing Shakespeare?”

“We are expected to write an essay about the motifs and important themes.”

Jason thought for a moment, then said: “Grab your stuff and come to the kitchen.”

“Why would I ever do that, Todd?”

“Because I’m gonna help you get an A”

“Like I couldn’t manage that on my own” Damian huffed.

“Suit yourself” Jason said, making to leave. Mara was quick to come with him.

“An A?” Damian’s voice shouted after him.

“A+” Jason grinned down at Mara who looked back at him with a big smile.

There was a scramble from inside the room, books and papers being pushed together. Jason started laughing, but was quick to hide it once Damian stepped out of his room. 

“Why the kitchen?” Damian asked.

“Because it’s time to start on dinner” Jason said, and then added with a fond smile, thinking of the few fond memories he’d had at the manor, studying in the kitchen with Alfred’s help. “And the kitchen has hot chocolate, and Alfred send over some cookies.”

“Can I get a cookie?” Mara asked, hopefully looking up at Jason, one hand held tightly in his, while her other reached for Damian. That made even the demon brat smile, as he took her hand ever so gently. Jason smirked, cause he was an asshole like that.

___________

Jason had fallen into a light slumber, when there was a sound at the window. He startled awake only to find Dick was climbing through, or climbing was gratuitous. Dick was dragging himself over the ledge, his usual grace long gone. Jason was out of the bed within seconds to help support Dick’s staggering weight.

Dick was smiling up at him sheepishly. “Good evening, sir.”

“What hell happened to you?”

“Bad fall” Dick said, leaning into Jason’s chest as Jason slung his arm under Dick’s shoulder, helping him over to the bed. “I think I might… concussion.”

“Fuck me” Jason said unimpressed, helping Dick to sit down against the headboard, feeling his own heart beating weirdly. Off-rhythm.

“I would but…” Dick said smirking and pointing at his head, laughing at his own horrible joke, clearly out of it.

“Okay, fuck _you_ , Dickward” Jason said, only for Dick to smile even wider, tapping his finger against his head. “Tell me how you feel.”

“Pounding head, nausea, you know…” Dick said, making a vague waving movement. “Concussion.”

“This is not good.” Jason said, feeling the worry grow in the pit of his stomach like one of Ivy’s vines, curling its way up around his lungs. “Do you need a hospital?”

Dick shook his head slightly, only to wince. “No, I… I’ll get by, just… stay with me”

“As if I’d go anywhere right now!” Jason said, sitting down on the edge of the bed, reaching out to touch Dick’s face, watching his pupil-movement. Fingers tracing their way to Dick’s neck and the back of his head, feeling for any wound or bruising. Dick’s breath hitched. Jason apologized and Dick winced.

“Do you feel faint?”

“In your presence, always.” Dick said grinning, and something about him looked slightly drunk, his gaze glazed over. It did nothing to calm Jason’s already rising panic.

“Stop dicking about, I’m serious” Jason said, his worry making his voice take on growling sound. “Just answer my questions and don’t you dare lie to spare my feelings. Are you feeling faint?”

Dick’s expression sobered up, he made a strained effort to speak more coherently, to look Jason in the eye, trying to take on Jason’s pain as well as his own. Jason hated that about him, how he couldn’t just allow himself some vulnerability. That he never stopped caring about other’s more than he did himself.

“I’m a little tired, but I don’t feel that dizzy, I swear.”

“Okay” Jason nodded, not entirely appeased but he took some calming breaths to show that he could handle his own worries, that Dick didn’t have to. “I want you to stay awake a little longer, just to make sure.”

“Sure” Dick said, then blushing slightly. “Help me out of the suit?”

“Yeah, yeah, course.” Jason said quickly.

Pealing tight-fitting Kevlar off of Dick Grayson’s toned legs wasn’t exactly what Jason had signed up for. He did his damned best to not touch skin, keep his fingers solely on the dark material. It was easier said than done. At one point he had to tug when the Kevlar stuck, almost pulling Dick half-way off the bed. Cursing himself for not being gentler, risking Dick’s concussion becoming worse.

“How do you do this by yourself?” Jason asked, frustrated before he helped Dick off with the upper-body piece of the suit. Dick helpfully stuck his arms into the air and if anything it felt like when Jason helped Mara dress. When the suit, after further struggles, were finally off. Dick smiled up at him almost sheepish.

“It didn’t use to be so snug”

“Is the great boy wonder saying he’s gained a little weight?” Jason asked in an attempt to lighten the mood, standing up to dispose of the Nightwing suit in the clothes hamper.

“I blame your cooking.”

“So what you’re actually saying is that you’re finally eating healthier?” Jason grinned, sitting down on his own side of the bed (not actually feeling as weirded out by it as he should, that he had claimed a half of Dick’s bed), twisting his body so that he could still watch Dick.

Dick swatted half-heartedly at him, but winced in pain and let his head fall back against the headboard.

Jason’s worry spiked once more. “You alright?”

“Yeah, I’m…”

“Don’t say you’re fine if you’re not fine.”

Dick closed his eyes, a small smile tugging at his lips. It took another moment before he looked back at Jason. His blue eyes glassy in a way that wasn’t quite right. It looked a lot like pain. Jason reached out to brush away the black fringe from Dick’s forehead. It was instinct, something he would do for Mara whenever she had a fever. Only wanting to sooth, to show he cared and tried to help even when he felt helpless. Dick leaned into the touch, groaning slightly.

“I really want to sleep.” Dick whispered.

“I know you do, Dickiebird, but you have to stay awake for me a bit longer.” Jason said apologetically, fingers still pushing through Dick’s hair, soft strands parting for him.

“Read for me?” Dick asked softly, blue eyes like oceans pulling Jason in, and maybe Damian had been on to something when he said Jason couldn’t deny Dick anything. He nodded slowly, not really trusting his voice. He settled down against the headboard, Dick slowly leaning into him until they were shoulder to shoulder. This felt more intimate than anything they had shared before. Jason reached out blindly for the book he’d left on the bedside-table. He had been rereading his Austen books lately. They were a kind of comfort that he sometimes enjoyed sinking into, a way to, if not come back to himself, at the very least disappear into a dream of who he could be. A dream of light and, in his weaker moments, love. He was on _Pride and Prejudice_ and simply picked up where he had ended last night. Jason cleared his throat and read:

_“She certainly did not hate him. No; hatred had vanished long ago, and she had almost as long been ashamed of ever feeling a dislike against him, that could be so called. The respect created by the conviction of his valuable qualities, though at first unwillingly admitted, had for some time ceased to be repugnant to her feelings; and it was now heightened into somewhat of a friendlier nature, by the testimony so highly in his favour, and bringing forward his disposition in so amiable a light, which yesterday had produced. But above all, above respect and esteem, there was a motive within her of good will which could not be overlooked. It was gratitude.”_

He felt Dick’s head lean against his shoulder and Jason struggled not to blush.

_____________

When Jason woke the next morning he had curled himself around Dick’s back, his arms slung over Dick’s waist. He vowed that he would get around looking for his own apartment, if he wanted to keep his sanity this couldn’t continue… but for this one moment, he allowed himself to have _this_.

He buried his nose in Dick’s black curls, breathing him in. A scent of sweat and cedar that was so uniquely Dick. He felt a slight movement and tensed up as Dick laced their fingers together. Jason couldn’t tell if he was awake, and though he should probably try to get the hell away from him, he couldn’t find it within himself to leave. Dick had scared the shit out of him last night, and while he knew that injuries came in the job-description, the fear that he might one day lose Dick to it was all-consuming. He pulled the other tighter to himself, and before he could think better of it, planted his lips softly against Dick’s neck.

  
____________

It was the 14th of February and Dick was on a conference in Metropolis. Jason had plans for the evening. He was going to buy pizza for him and the kids, let Mara choose a movie to watch and then settle in early to read. That was before he found his kitchen invaded by tiny bats. (Not that they were that tiny anymore).

Cass was sat on the counter, waving at him when Jason entered. Beside her was Steph, talking loudly while waving her arms around wildly to emphasize her points. Tim was sat at the kitchen table, computer pulled up in front of him, either looking over a case or checking his emails. Damian sat at the other end of the table, dividing his attention between homework and glaring at his siblings.

“You can’t just break into people’s homes like this.” Jason said, dragging a hand down his face, sighing in exasperation. 

“Baby-bat let us in.” Steph said cheerily, pointing to Damian who grumbled loudly at her.

“I’ll have words with you later, short-stacks” Jason said, turning to glare at Damian, before he went to over to Cass and Steph by the counter, pulling Cass in by a one-sided arm, doing the same for Steph when she protested in jealousy.

“So why are you here?” Jason asked.

“Valentine” Cass answered, smiling amused.

“So you thought: _Hey, Jason won’t have anything planned, let’s invade his kitchen!”_

“Your kitchen?” Tim asked, looking up from his laptop with his eyebrows raised knowingly.

“Dick’s kitchen” Jason muttered. “Whatever.”

Steph was grinning like a maniac. “We thought you might need some distraction.”

“Why would I need to be distracted?”

“Because it’s Valentine’s day” Steph said as if he was stupid, and he probably was because he really didn’t get the connection between a commercial holiday, where industries tried to bleed couples dry, and this sudden bat-attack.

“So what? I might have plans.”

“Do you have plans?” Steph was still grinning knowingly, and it started to freak Jason out just a little.

“I might” Jason growled.

“Yeah, sure” Tim laughed. “We know Dick’s away with work.”

“What’s that got to do with anything?” Jason asked incredulously, looking between them. Everyone wearing expressions at varying levels of amusement. Jason got the distinct feeling that they knew something that he didn’t, _and he didn’t like it._

“What these imbeciles are trying to say,” Damian said, glaring at his so-called siblings. “is that we intend to ‘take you out’”

“Well, that doesn’t sound alarming” Jason sighed. “Again: why?”

“We want to” Cass said, the sweet angel that she was.

“And you can’t sit alone tonight of all nights.” Steph said with a huff.

Jason wanted to protest and say he wasn’t going to be alone. Not only did he have Mara, but now Damian lived with here as well, but it was obvious that the rest of them wasn’t going to leave him alone anytime soon. He sighed heavily.

“Where are we going?”

They went to a Bat-themed burger-restaurant, a branch of the burger-place that had been founded in Gotham, specializing on Nightwing, because the kids were _fucking nerds_. Jason glared his way through the menu, and when the waitress, a young woman who looked to be done with this world, came around he asked her if there were no Red Hood themed orders. She did actually look a little surprised at that.

“Eh, no. I mean, no one’s seen him for years, they probably took him off the menu thinking he’s dead or something”

When Damian chuckled at that, Jason punched him in the shoulder. Not hard, just to prove a point.

Jason was the last one to order, and the waitress was waiting on him while looking rather annoyed.

Jason sighed. “My daughter wants the Nightwing-nuggets with fries and I guess I’ll have whatever”

“I can’t serve you _whatever_ , sir _.”_ she said in the most condescending voice he’d heard in a while. One had to admire her guts and total commitment to being an ass to customers (probably a result of too many customers being an ass to her). He was about to answer when Steph interceded, rattling out at least three Nightwing-themed courses for him.

“An admirer?” the waitress asked sarcastically as she wrote the orders down.

Jason glared at Steph, who didn’t even have it in her to look guilty. Beside her Cass was sniggering wildly.

Once the food had arrived and they started digging into it, the atmosphere had gone lighter. The kids (even if Jason knew that apart from Mara and Damian they were adults now) talked and laughed, and Jason watched them with fondness. Or at least until he had to break up the beginnings of a food-war between Steph and Damian. Mara was munching away at her food, talking loudly and squealing in laughter, clearly loving the fact she was surrounded by so much family. And Jason wasn’t opposed to the idea either. He let the kids steal his fries (mainly Steph and Cass), didn’t argue when Tim exchanged his milkshake for Jason’s and let Damian have at his salad.

He felt happy, even if something was missing. _Dick._ Dick Grayson always left a big void behind, and Jason found himself more than once turning his head, expecting Dick to be there to share an eye roll with or a quip about how terrible they were, only for Dick to swat at him, laughing that happy thing that always made Jason’s heart beat erratic.

Jason was distracted by Tim, who suddenly handed over a USB-stick, like he was some secret Cold-War agent.

“What’s this?” Jason asked in a low gruff.

“Bruce has been looking into Cadmus some more. He thinks he’s found something, I thought you and Dick deserved to know” Tim answered.

Jason nodded gratefully and left it at that. They were once more swept up by the conversation going on around the table.

When it was time to leave, Jason went up to the counter and paid for them, despite Tim’s slight protest. Then they just tagged along back home like ducklings, and soon enough the living room was occupied by sleepy, sugar-high bats. Jason made sure that everyone had somewhere to sleep, Mara decided she wanted to sleep wherever Steph and Cass was, which left her bed to Tim, while the girls settled on the couch.

Then he decided to retreat for the evening, excusing himself to his and Dick’s bedroom. He was in the middle of propping up pillows so he could read for a while when the phone rang. Dick’s name flashed across the screen, and in a movement that could only be described as desperate, Jason grabbed at it.

“What’s up, Dickiebird?”

“Did you invite them to sleepover without me?”

Dick’s voice was amused on the surface, but underneath, Jason could sense that something was off. It startled him that he recognized it so fast.

“They invited themselves.” Jason said. “Anyway who told you?”

“Tim sent a picture” Dick said, fondness leaking into his tone, but there was still that jagged tiredness behind it. “It’s very cute.”

“They’re insufferable”

Dick chuckled slightly. “So you like them then?”

“Whatever.” Jason pretended to sound indifferent, but a smile was already tugging at his lips. “How’s the conference going?”

“Boring me out of my mind, but the room I got is pretty nice. You can see The Planet building from here” Dick said.

“Sounds nice. Send a picture?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Just a few seconds later there was a ping and Jason looked to see the photo. The view was truly glorious. Metropolis at night was still just as pristine and shiny as its daytime counterpart.

“I’m almost jealous” Jason said, with a smile.

They kept talking for a while. Dick telling him more about the differences between the police in Metropolis and Bludhaven and how he could see benefits of implementing more of Metropolis’ method to fend of corruption. He spoke with sudden passion, which reminded Jason of the fact that Dick’s work at the BPD wasn’t just a way to pay rent but actually something he felt very strongly for. He was better than anything Blud deserved. Better than anything Jason deserved. Jason shook the thought away before it could fester and turn his mood sourly.

There was a lull in the conversation, where Dick grew eerily quiet.

“What’s wrong?” Jason asked.

“Nothing.” Dick said, as Jason had expected he would, but over the time they had lived together Jason had learned to wait him out. “I haven’t been alone for this long since you and Mara moved in. It’s… weird.”

“I can only imagine” Jason said, voice growing soft, feeling the absence of Dick’s warmth beside him acutely.

“You know what, I sorta miss you” Dick said.

“I’m sure the kids miss you too.” Jason said reflexively.

“No, I- I mean I miss them too, but I…” whatever Dick had attempted to say he changed route. “I guess I’m just tired, it’s nothing.”

“No, it’s not nothing.” Jason said, he needed to know what Dick had tried to say. Because if he was about to say what Jason thought he was going to say then... “Tell me.”

“I just… We’ve been sleeping in the same bed for the better part of a month, it’s just empty I guess, without you.”

Jason’s heart was beating faster, he struggled to calm himself down before he answered, heartfelt: “I miss you too.”

Then because he couldn’t let Dick think he’d grown too soft (or rather come too close to the actual truth), he added:

“I mean I don’t miss your snoring, or how you always hug the covers, or the weirdass hours you keep, and I definitely don’t miss the time you kneed me in the balls.”

_But I miss how you let me hold you after you’ve come home from patrol. I miss how you sit awake with me after a nightmare. I miss the way you seek me out for warmth. I miss waking up with your arm curled around my chest, your steady weight above my heart._

“Ass” Dick said, but he was laughing, and that was all Jason could ask for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've been wanting to introduce Duke into the story for a while now. Truth be told I don't know much about him and I might do a shit job in portraying him, but I like the idea of him bringing some fresh blood and new ideas to the rest of the Bats. 
> 
> Also I know it's a little cliché to quote Pride and Prejudice at this point, but I found this quote and thought it fitted their situation quite well.


	17. Duke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Did you hurt anyone?" Jason interrupted. 
> 
> "No, no, I wouldn't!" Duke hurried to say. "You have to believe me!"
> 
> "I do believe you" Jason promised, then he sighed. "Do you have any place to stay? A relative in the city or something?"
> 
> Duke only shook his head as Jason had feared. He thought for a moment. On the morning’s argument with Dick, about Mara and Damian, and the fact that they didn’t have much space as it was, but then he saw the deep panic in Duke’s eyes and thought: to hell with it. Where there is a will, there is a way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to begin by thanking everyone who's left comments on the last chapter. Your support means a lot and serves as great motivation! I'm forever grateful! Sometimes it's difficult to write, but I actually have a few chapters written out ahead now, but they'll need some editing so we'll see when I'll be able to churn them out. 
> 
> Also I hope I'm not gonna disapoint to badly with my depiction of Duke. He's strayed very far from canon here and I'm a blind shepard.

Life isn’t always fair. Everybody says it, few really knows what it means. But the Todd guy, who looked like a tank but helped teaching some kids to read with never ending patience, he knew. He looked like a biker, a hard guy, and one time he’d shown off some of his scars to some kids who thought it was cool to get into fights. (They didn’t think it was half as cool afterwards). That man hadn’t lead an easy life, and on the rare occasion (when he wasn’t talking about his daughter) when he talked about his past, Duke realized the man shared a history resembling many of the teenagers who came here. Even if it was probably nothing like Duke’s story, but he guessed, or rather hoped, that the Joker hadn’t destroyed that many lives the way he had Duke’s.

Duke liked Todd a lot. Sure, he’d seen some shit but he seemed to have come out on the other side both stronger and perhaps kinder. He was stable, safe. If still a little bit of an idiot, considering he’d sometimes _walk_ home in the middle of the night, despite knowing this wasn’t a _nice_ neighborhood. Duke wasn’t going to tell him that though, especially not since Duke liked to walk with him when it was really late or dark.

“Mr. Todd!” Duke called as he made his way out on the street.

Todd stopped in his track, turning slowly to watch as Duke waved at him. Duke would feel embarrassed if it hadn’t been for the fact that Todd was waving back.

“You’re on your way home, Thomas?” Todd called out to him.

“Yeah, can I walk with you?” Duke asked, the way he always did, and as always Todd answered:

“Sure!”

Duke hurried down the street to fall in step with him. Todd smiled slightly, just a quirk of the lip, but it felt welcoming, like he didn’t mind Duke’s company even if he must have gotten bored with him a long time ago. 

“So…” Duke floundered for something to say.

Todd saved him by asking. “You like your new foster home?”

Duke shrugged. “They’re okay, I guess.”

“You guess? A very well informed opinion, then”

“Where’d you learn to speak like that?” Duke asked before he could stop himself.

“Like what?”

“Like… posh.” Duke said. “Not to offend you or anything.”

“It’s cool.” Todd said. “I… My grandfather’s British. He was really into classic literature, he taught me everything worth knowing”

“That’s nice.” Duke said, thinking briefly of his mother. She had, when her mind was still her own, taught him about morals and hard work. “He’s still alive?”

“God, yes.” Jason said, chuckling. “He’ll probably outlive us all.”

Duke felt brave tonight, letting his curiosity lead. “What’d you do before you came to Blud?”

“I lived in Washington for a while with my daughter.” Jason answered shortly, which only prompted Duke’s curiosity. 

“Why’d you move here then? D.C must be a hell of a lot better than this shithole”

“My daughter’s other parent doesn’t think so.” Jason said, there was nothing in his voice that conveyed his opinion on that other parent, but if Duke looked closely (and he did, cause he’s curious, sue him) there was almost something wistful in his eyes. A bad break-up maybe? “I moved where Mara needed me to be.”

“Mara, that’s your daughter’s name right?”

“Yeah. Light of my fucking life.” Jason chuckled, despite the wording it was said with so much pride and afftection. 

Duke smiled. He wasn't used to see dads talking likte that about their children. After he lost his own parents to that _madness_ he had forgotten how much love there could be and should be. He was about to ask something more about Mara to keep Todd talking, he wanted to hear more of that fondness, when Todd suddenly reached out to grab hold of him and pushing him back towards a wall. The panic boiled up in Duke's stomach, a feeling of betrayal brimming the surface. But Todd turned his back on him and Duke realized the man wasn't trying to hurt him, but protect him. He watched as Todd's posture turned into that of a boxer's, ready to fight. Duke looked around them and soon enough he noticed the two figures that had appeared from the shadows. 

Todd hissed over his shoulder. "Stay behind me and do as I say."

Two men, one carrying a splintered baseball-bat and the other a knife, moved in on them. They didn't look like gang members (small relief), more like addicts desperate for their next fix, doing anything to get a hold of some money. Which wasn't exactly much of a comfort. Duke felt himself freeze, fear curling in his stomach, making his legs numb with tension. He stayed behind Todd, whose every muscle strained with adrenaline. 

The first man, the one with the bat closed in on them. 

"You know how to use that?" Todd asked and if Duke didn't know better he'd say he sounded amused. 

"Shut up" the man said and began to swing. 

Duke watched as Todd ducked the first swing then blocked the other, until he had torn the bat from the man's hands. It became a blur after that. Todd held his own without much effort. He beat up the first man as the other quickly scattered. Then before the bloodlust could take hold, a shadow descended from above. Todd let the first man hubble away as Blud's very own Superman materialized in front of them. 

"I had it handled." Todd muttered. 

Nightwing didn't look amused. "I can see that."

"Oh, common get down from that high horse!" 

Then to Duke's utter chock, Nightwing chuckled. A big grin broke out and if his eyes hadn't been protected by the mask, Duke was sure he'd see playfulness. Then Nightwing's attention turned towards Duke, and if Duke had wanted to sink into the brick-wall behind him before... The intense scrutiny was terrifying. Nightwing's gaze briefly flickered back to Todd. 

"Introduce us?"

"Everybody already fucking know you, introduce yourself! This isn't some Austen novel!"

Duke actually snickered slightly at that. Todd rarely raised his voice, so it was surprising to hear him curse at the black and blue vigilante in front of them. 

"Pleeaase, pretty, please!" Nightwing actually whined, _holy baracuda._

"Stop acting like a child." Todd sighed. "Don't you have other people to bother? Kittens to save, women to flatter?"

"I flatter some men too." Nightwing smirked. 

"That's very egalitarian of you. Can we just get on with it? I need to get Duke here home."

"So you're Duke?" Nightwing asked, completely ignoring Todd. 

Duke stuttered slightly. "Yeah, and you're Nightwing."

Nightwing gave a soft laugh. "Nice to meet you Duke"

"Wing" Todd reminded, voice a mixture of fondness and annoyance. 

"What? I'm only being polite, having a nice conversation here..."

“It’s not nice if someone gets killed on your watch cause you couldn’t stop taunting innocent bystanders” 

“Killjoy.”

“Don’t you know it” Todd grinned. "Don't stay out too late!" 

“I’ll do my best.” Nightwing said, then did a backflip before grappling his way up onto the closest roof top.

When he was gone, Duke turned to Todd with wide eyes. 

"You know Nightwing?" 

Todd shook his head harshly. "Nope."

"But, but..."

"Let's get you home." Todd interrupted and they began walking again. Soon enough Duke was dropped off on the front porch of his foster-family's house. He took a deep breath before he waved Todd goodbye and entered. 

____________

:::::::::::::::::::

____________

When Dick crept through the window, Jason had already fallen asleep. Dick watched him for a moment. His ragged edges all smoothed out, he looked almost vulnerable and Dick was overwhelmed by a want, a _need_ to protect him. He shrugged out of the suit in a hurried motion, and then crawled into bed. Jason stirred slightly, eyes seeking out Dick’s.

“You’re home.” His sleep-heavy voice drawled. “You good?”

Dick nodded, humming lightly. They never spoke of it in the morning, but in these quiet moments before dawn, they curled closer. Slept in each other’s arms. Dick had tried to rationalize it anyway possible:

_It was just something that happened if two people slept in one bed._

_It was for warmth, saved on the heating-bill._

_It helped ward off nightmares_ (it really did though).

_It felt safe._

It made him long for things he shouldn’t want and it scared the crap out of him. Dick woke up most mornings curled up in Jason’s arms, with Jason’s soft smile greeting him, and Dick shouldn’t want to have that. Because Jason wasn’t supposed to be something Dick couldn’t stop thinking about.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Jason said, pushing himself up on an elbow to look down at Dick, and Dick tried to ignore him by staring up at the ceiling. He knew all the cracks by heart by now but it didn’t stop him from counting them again. It was of course fruitless, Jason allowed himself to be ignored to the same extent Mara did. Soon enough Dick felt Jason’s finger push at his cheek and he turned to him with a glare.

“Stop that!”

“You weren’t answering” Jason said, but his face wasn’t wearing that shit-eating grin Dick had expected, instead he looked worried. It startled him somewhat, made him soften. Jason cared so deeply it always managed to surprise him. Dick turned on his side so that he was facing Jason squarely, fingers reaching out to brush over the man’s heart. It was beating steadily, Dick let his palm flatten out over it. He didn’t know if Jason always was that calm or if he was really good at faking it, either way it worked wonders on Dick’s anxieties. After a second or two Jason put his own hand over Dick’s.

"Did he get home safe? The kid?" Dick asked. 

"Yeah" Jason nodded. 

"Good" Dick said. "He seemed like a nice kid."

"He is. Rough circumstances though" 

"Yeah?" 

"Hm"

They grew quiet after that. Dick watched his own fingers beating over Jason's heart, felt Jason's rough hand over his own. It was a good way to fall asleep after a long night. 

_They didn't need to talk about it in the morning._

______________

It was Saturday, both Dick and Jason had the day off, and they were spending the morning looking over the files that Tim had brought them. Mara and Damian were eating breakfast in front of the TV, watching cartoons. They could hear Damian’s running commentary of how factually incorrect the show was, which left Dick to assume it was that horrible Batman show that was on constant reruns. Jason put down a cup of coffee in front of him and Dick smiled gratefully.

“So, what has the old man been up to?” Jason asked, clicking on a file that was named _Mara._

 _Bruce had kept busy._ Unfolding were documents with Mara’s medical records, Dick and Jason’s medical records (including the stuff that wasn’t supposed to be official), a study into the gene-technique that had brought them Mara, and the most disturbing of all, speculations into what had been the intention of the experiment in the first place.

“What the fuck?” Jason growled. “He’s mapped up her entire life, he’s turned her into one of his fucking cases”

Dick sighed, knowing this was exactly the kind of thing Jason had wanted to avoid by shielding Mara off from Bruce, _from Dick._ He felt the argument brewing, but he couldn't keep quiet either because: "It's just his way of showing that he cares."

“Cares? Is this caring?!” Jason spit out. “This is some paranoid bat-version of stalking”

"Calm down" Dick pleaded. If only they could have a rational conversation about this then maybe...

“Don’t ask me to calm down!” Jason growled, his eyes having surrendered to poisonous green. “What does he even intend to do with this information?”

Dick wasn't naive, but he wasn't willing to go down that route, still trusting that Bruce deep down, still understood the difference between right and wrong. Even if he's messed up mind had struggled with it in the last few years. 

"I'm sure he only wants to help us. I know it doesn't seem like it but..." 

Jason gritted his teeth, something dangerous brewing in his eyes. 

"Why do you always have to defend him?"

“I don’t always…”

“You’re doing it now!” Jason was snarling, and there was something in his tone that sounded like hurt. It broke Dick’s heart that Jason still thought that Dick wouldn’t sacrifice anything for him and Mara. Even if it meant shutting Bruce out. Which he had. He hadn’t spoken with Bruce since November, and while they weren’t always agreeing and the last years had been difficult, this radio-silence felt weird. He still felt a need to know that Bruce kept on the right track, that he had descended into… but it wasn’t any of Dick’s concerns anymore, was it?

“I know he hasn’t exactly been much of a father figure to you, but he did raise me.” Dick said.

“So what? You feel like you owe him or something?”

“Yeah, yeah I do. He saved us.”

“He weaponized us!" Jason shouted. "And what tells you he won’t do the very same thing with Mara?”

“Mara wouldn’t even be here if he had never taken us in.” Dick interupted. 

Jason stared at him. "That's fucking unfair!"

“You wouldn’t have a daughter” Dick continued, having hit a nerve and not relenting. They could both play this game. 

“You don’t know that.” Jason's gaze turned blank. 

“It wouldn’t be Mara and she wouldn’t be mine.”

“Don’t you ever fucking hate that? That you’re forever stuck with me, because my blood runs in her veins?” Jason asked, his face having twisted up into something ugly, something filled with hatred and spite.

Dick’s heart plummeted. “No, Jason, no I…”

There was a buzzing from Jason’s phone. He spared Dick a short glance.

“It’s work.”

“You said you weren’t going in today” Dick tried. “We were gonna go to the swimming pool”

Jason rolled his eyes, before he was turning away.

“Hi, what’s the matter?” Jason said, picking up.

Dick was helpless to watch the way Jason’s shoulders tensed up. Heard the worry lacing his voice.

“Yeah, but is he alright?” Jason asked whoever was on the other line. He nodded slowly, then: “Tell him I’m coming in, and make sure he doesn’t go anywhere.”

Jason put down the phone with a heavy sigh. “It’s one of the kids. He’s run away from his foster-home. They say he won’t talk to anyone else than me.”

Dick put a comforting hand on Jason’s shoulder, only for Jason to tense up further. When he turned around, the green of his eyes had become less intense but he looked distant instead.

“You should go” Dick murmured. “Kid obviously needs you.”

Dick pretended to not feel hurt when Jason walked out on the conversation.

___________

::::::::::::::::::

___________

When Jason got to the shelter, someone had calmed Duke down and the boy was sat on the sofa with a cup of steaming hot chocolate before him. He seemed to relax the moment he caught sight of Jason.

“Hey, man what’s up?” Jason asked, crouching down beside him. “You alright? You’re not hurt?”

Duke shook his head, holding himself tightly. Jason tried for sympathetic without sounding pitying. 

“They told me you ran away, why?”

Duke refused to meet Jason's gaze. When he talked his voice was small and broken. 

"Can't say."

Jason swallowed down his own fears. "Can'r or don't want to?"

"Both"

Jason reached out slowly to rub a hand down his arm. Duke didn't shy away which Jason took as a good sign. 

"It's gonna be okay"

Duke's gaze slid up, landing on Jason's chin, still refusing to meet him head on. 

"Mr. Todd..."

"Please call me Jason"

"Will you call the police?"

"Why would I do that?" Jason asked, genuinly suprised. 

Duke shrugged. "I ran away."

"That doesn't really warrant a police call, do you think?" 

Duke went quiet again, shrugging off Jason's attempt at comfort. He briefly glanced around, and when he saw no one was listening in, he leaned closer and whispered. 

"I did something."

Jason blinked at him. Changing his position so that the bulk of his body shielded Duke's face. Not that he believed any of his colleagues to be proficient in lip-reading but still. 

"What did you do?"

"I don't wanna..."

"Did you hurt anyone?" Jason interrupted. 

"No, no, I wouldn't!" Duke hurried to say. "You have to believe me!"

"I do believe you" Jason promised, then he sighed. "Do you have any place to stay? A relative in the city or something?"

Duke only shook his head as Jason had feared. He thought for a moment. On the morning’s argument with Dick, about Mara and Damian, and the fact that they didn’t have much space as it was, but then he saw the deep panic in Duke’s eyes and thought: to hell with it. Where there is a will, there is a way.

“You can stay with me and my family, till we’ve figured something out.” Jason said gently. 

Duke stared at him. "Is that legal?"

“I don’t know, but my room-mate is a cop, I bet he’ll tell us.” Jason gave Duke a small smile to show he was only joking, before adding: “It’s an offer. It’s okay to say no if you don’t want to.”

Duke looked down at his feet. "I don't want to bother you."

Those words pierced him right through. How many times hadn’t Jason repeated that line? He’d repeated it over and over, until he stopped bothering because no one really cared anyway. 

“I hadn’t offered if I thought you would” Jason said, because he had found out that honesty worked the best. That way everyone knew what to expect.

Jason rose back to his feet and went to talk with his colleagues, telling them that he'd bring Duke with him. Anna, a well-meaning older lady, asked him if it was wise, but didn't stop. No one did, surprisingly. They only gave him sympathetic smiles. It rubbed Jason the wrong way, but he didn't feel like diving into it. 

Jason had burrowed Dick's car and led Duke out to. The kid only hesitated for a second before sliding into the front seat. 

"I'm afraid I don't have anything more fancy than the couch to offer you."

"That's okay" Duke said, smiling. "It's great"

____________

Jason led Duke into the living room where Damian and Mara were still watching cartoons. Dick had joined them sometime during Jason’s absence. The three of them turned to Jason and Duke with varying expressions of curiosity.

“Jason?” Dick asked hesitatingly, and Jason met his blue gaze head on, before taking a deep breath.

“This is Duke Thomas. He will stay with us for some time”

Damian stared openly at that, while Dick did a better job at hiding his sudden shock. Mara still looked curious, if a little shy.

“Jason, can I just speak to you for a moment?” Dick asked, smiling apologetic at Duke as he passed him on his way to the kitchen. Jason patted Duke’s shoulder and bid him to sit down on the sofa. Duke did, making sure to keep some distance to Damian who shot him suspicious glares. The kid was about as subtle as an elephant in a porcelain store. Jason would be amused by it, if he hadn’t caught the look of uncertainty on Duke’s face.

As soon as they reached the kitchen, Dick turned on him, voice a harsh whisper.

“What are you doing?” Dick’s blue eyes searched his face, leaving behind a heated trace.

“What do you think I’m doing?” Jason asked, crossing his arms over his chest, using his height as intimidation. Dick of course wasn’t moved by it, only glaring harder.

“That’s the kid you walked home a while back? What’s his story?”

“From Gotham, been jumping between foster homes. Won’t talk about why he’s in foster care though or why he had to come to Blud” Jason said.

Dick’s gaze softened. His hand twitched as if he wanted to reach out but restrained himself.

“You’ve got a big heart.” Dick said, his voice a gentle soothing thing. Jason didn’t know whether to blush or feel patronized. “But we’re short on space as is.”

Jason sighed and rolled his eyes. “I know, but he doesn’t have any place to go.”

“He reminds you of yourself, doesn’t he?”

“Don’t try to psychoanalyze me!” Jason growled. “Better me taking him in than someone else, right?”

Dick’s smile turned into a full blown grin, mirth spilling over. “You kinda remind me of someone now"

"If you're going to say Bruce, I will hit you" Jason said, but when Dick's smile took on a hint of fondness the anger drained slowly from his body. He took a deep breath. "Duke's staying."

"Yeah, I guess he does." Dick sighed in resignation, but his gaze held something close to admiration. It made Jason uncomfortable. He quenched the sudden longing and nodded awkwardly. 

"Good."

He made to go back to the living room to save Duke from Mara’s and Damian’s probably relentless questions, but he was stopped by Dick reaching out for his wrist, missing slightly, grazing their fingers together. It brought Jason back to the hospital, where he’d held on to Dick’s hand with desperation. He tried not to mourn the way Dick immediately pulled back. Jason met his gaze and there was something weirdly earnest in his eyes when he said: “If you bring home one more child, I’m gonna have to marry you.”

____________

:::::::::::::::::::

____________

Jason’s family was slightly wacko, not to be mean or anything. His daughter was sweet but intense once she got over her initial shyness. His son (or was it his roommate’s son?) was sending daggers Duke’s way, his words coming out just as sharp as his gaze.

“Who are you and what are you doing here?” the glaring teen asked.

Duke didn’t like his tone, but he wasn’t about to mention it. He wanted to stay with Jason, after what had happened Duke needed his security. Even if it meant putting up with this brat.

“Jason offered” Duke said, shrugging.

“Todd’s sense of morality can seem admirable but has a tendency to be misguided” the brat huffed, and Duke wanted to hit him, cause _fuck that,_ Jason was good. Duke knew however that hitting the brat would probably be the fastest ticket out on the street again. It was obvious why Duke didn’t want that, didn’t want to screw up his chances here.

“He’s okay” Duke simply said, avoiding eye-contact.

The brat sighed. “I suppose. So what happened to you then?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” Duke huffed.

“Do not be ashamed, everyone in this family has a tragic back-story. You would not be unique”

Was the brat really this cruel or was he just dense? For one crazy second, Duke almost thought the kid was trying to comfort him. In the bluntest, rudest, most roundabout way, but still… Before Duke could summon up something biting to say, his attention was distracted by Jason’s daughter. The girl had light freckles across her nose, her black hair was braided into sloppy ponytails and her eyes were big, round and an intense shade of blue.

“I’m Mara” she said.

“Hi, Mara” Duke said slowly. “I’m Duke.”

“Do you like Batman?”

Caught off guard, Duke shrugged slightly. He wouldn’t say he was the biggest fan, but sure the man wasn’t doing any harm, now was he? No more than the Gotham rouges at least. He could hear the wicked laughter of that _madman_ and the hollowed out faces of his parents. Duke shuddered, wasn’t going to show weakness in front of these kids.

“I guess” Duke answered eventually.

“Batman isn’t very nice, dad says.” Mara said, thoughtful to which the brat huffed indignantly. “My favorite is Wonder Woman, but I like Nigthwing too. All the kids at my school talks about Nightwing aaaall the time. He is a little boring, but I guess he’s good. Have you seen Nightwing?”

Duke nodded, remembering the flash of blue materializing into the weirdest interaction Duke had ever had the misfortune to witness. “Once.”

“I do not believe you.” The brat said.

“It’s true.’’ Duke protested “Jason saw him too. Hell, Jason even talked to him.”

“Of course, Todd has no sense of preservation.”

“Don’t say shit like that” Duke snapped finally. He immediately regretted himself when the brat didn’t seem offended but rather intrigued. Lips turning up into a slightly crazed grin. Duke looked away feeling uncomfortable.

Soon enough Jason reentered the room, trailing behind him was his roommate, _the cop._ Duke didn’t know where he’d go if they kicked him out, but if the cop-guy gave him the big thumbs down, Duke would have to leave. Instead the man smiled friendly at him. He looked a little like Jason’s daughter when he did that. _That’s weird._

“So, proper introduction” Jason declared. “This is my daughter Mara”

“I already told him that, dad!” Mara said, pushing her chin out in the most adorable act of defiance Duke had ever seen. Jason’s smile softened. Behind him the cop laughed. It was disarming.

“The scowling mini-dragon over here is Damian. We hold him hostage.”

The cop swatted at Jason’s arm, still he was grinning, which was more than could be said about Damian.

“I’m not-“

“He’s my brother” the cop intercepted before the brat could get to into it. “And I’m Dick Grayson.”

“But he listens to any expletive” Jason said, and ducked away from Dick’s swatting hand.

“You’re an ass” Dick said.

“Children” Damian muttered, but he was smiling slightly, so maybe there was a heart behind that stone-faced brattiness after all. Duke hoped so at least. He’d met enough bullies to know he wasn’t looking forward to live with one, which by the way… no one had actually told him he could stay yet. As if reading his thoughts, Jason sat down beside him, patting his shoulder and giving him a big smile.

“So, you think you could stand living with us?”

Duke felt warmth blossom in his chest, relief flooding his stomach. He turned his face away so none of them would see how moved he was. Mara came forward and patted his knee, clearly trying to imitate her dad. Duke smiled up at her.

“I guess.”

Jason laughed.


	18. Meddling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a moment of tense silence, then he heard Duke take a deep breath, followed by an oh. Jason refused to look at him, as realization was probably dawning on his face. He crumbled the shirt between his fingers one last time before he willed himself to release it and put it with the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your kind words and comments!  
> I'm so happy that you liked my version of Duke! He'll stick around I swear!

Jason observed Duke’s settling into the family very closely. It took him roughly three days to feel comfortable enough moving around the apartment without asking for permission. Jason was proud of him, in the same way he was sorta proud of baby-bat once Damian had stopped agonizing Duke but actually made an effort to make him feel included. It was tiny things like lending him stuff and asking him to join in on things. While it proved signs of character growth, Jason also had a slight suspicion it had something to do with the _talk_ Dick had had with the kid.

Mara was as always a sweet angel, but Jason might be partial.

He was in the middle of sorting through the dirty laundry (they produced insane amounts of it between the five of them) when Duke found him. The kid instantly set about to help him dividing the laundry into baskets depending on color.

“Hey, you don’t have to do that” Jason said gently.

Duke shrugged slightly. “Wanna help.”

Jason thought back to how he himself had acted around Alfred at the start, once he realized the man was the sole care-taker of the home. Helping with small duties such as dusting and chopping vegetables had been Jason’s way of showing gratitude. He suspected Duke was aiming for the same thing.

“Then would you help me hang the first load when it’s done?”

“Sure” Duke nodded. He looked pensive for a moment, lost in thought. Jason waited him out while folding up the clean laundry, putting aside the shirts that needed ironing. They were mostly Dick’s. He sighed. Then after a moment, Duke finally spoke.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?” Jason asked, sparing him a glance, quickly judging his mood. He didn’t seem upset exactly, only slightly saddened, as if he felt left out of something.

“That you and Dick are together. I mean Mara calls you both dad and everything. I- I know a lot of guys on the street aren’t exactly open to it, but I swear I’m not like _that_. You know… homophobic. So if you and Dick want to be… open, I’m cool with it.”

Jason stared at him. He had no fucking clue what to say. While he admired Duke’s bravery and easy acceptance, the thought was…

“I just wanted you to know that, in case you were… hiding, cause of me” Duke added, looking the most awkward Jason had ever seen him.

Jason felt his heart beat unsteadily. He quenched down on his first instinct to run, and gritted his teeth hard to not fall back on his anger, as he often did when he felt cornered.

_How the hell had Duke just taken one look at him and seen how gone on Dick he was?_

Was he that obvious? Did he walk around with fucking starlight in his eyes every bloody time Dick spoke to him? In that case he’d have to do something. Distance himself. Cut himself off.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” Jason said brusquely, crumbling the fabric of the shirt he was currently holding.

“It’s okay you don’t have to…” Duke tried, his brown eyes big and accepting. He clearly thought he was doing Jason a favor here and while that certainly deserved praise, Jason couldn’t give it to him. Not when it concerned his own shitty love-life.

“Stop it, kid”

Jason knew his voice was stern, and he didn’t want to take that tone with Duke. Fuck if Duke didn’t deserve better than an emotionally repressed nutcase for a guardian. Right now, he just needed Duke to stop. To depart from the path before he got too far down it. Because the place he was heading was one Jason didn’t dare go himself. 

There was a moment of tense silence, then he heard Duke take a deep breath, followed by an _oh._ Jason refused to look at him, as realization was probably dawning on his face. He crumbled the shirt between his fingers one last time before he willed himself to release it and put it with the others.

“You’re not… are you?” Duke asked hesitatingly.

Jason still didn’t look at him, bent his head down with a deep sigh and shook it.

“But you want to?”

“Duke… leave it.” Jason pleaded, and Duke to his credit didn’t need to be told twice, quickly changing the subject.

“Duke… leave it.” Jason pleaded, and Duke to his credit didn’t need to be told twice, quickly changing the subject.

“What’s the thing about Damian?” he said instead, with newfound curiosity. Probably another subject that had bothered him for a while.

Jason unclenched his jaw, then took a shaky breath and chuckled slightly. The noise strained and fake, but Duke didn’t question him on it.

“You really nosy today or something?”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean…”

“It’s fine, Duke.” Jason promised. “Just not good with emotions.”

“You or Damian?” Duke asked, smile a little cheeky as he parted the red from the black.

“Both” Jason said, smiling slightly. “What did you want to know about Damian?”

Duke thought for a moment, clearly weighing his words. “He’s very… uptight?”

“That’s a very diplomatic way of saying he can be an arrogant prick.”

Duke guffawed at that, taking both of them by surprise. Jason grinned back. 

“But yeah, Damian had a strict childhood. His mother is… Arabian aristocracy.”

_Was that a polite way of phrasing ‘boss-bitch of a murdering cult’?_

“Oh… that’s cool” Duke said slowly.

_Nah, kid, really isn’t._

“Depends” Jason shrugged. “How about yourself?”

“What about me?” Duke asked, turning defensive.

Jason probably shouldn’t push right now, especially not since he himself wasn’t willing to delve into his own feelings. It was very hypocritical.

“Like I’ve said before, you don’t have to tell me” Jason said, turning to give Duke a non-threatening smile. “I just want to help you.”

“Everyone says that but no one can.” Duke growled under his breath.

Jason was a little surprised over that slight outburst but still pressed forward. “It might seem like that at times, but…”

“But what? What do you know? You haven’t lost your parents to the Joker!” Duke shouted.

Jason staggered. He reached out to grab at the bench where he had been folding clothes, needing something to hold him up before his legs gave out.

There was a flickering of the lights. It seemed to dim at the edges and collect around Duke, as if giving him a spotlight. Something wasn’t as it should be, but Duke had started to hyperventilate, so that thought became unimportant. It looked like the teen was on the verge of a panic attack and Jason acted instinctively, reaching out and pulling him into his arms. Duke protested weakly, but then his head fell heavy against Jason’s shoulder.

Jason only pressed him closer.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push.” Jason said, his voice coming out unsteady. The phantom-pains rising in his body, trickling down his spine and popping like blisters beneath his skin. He did everything to hold the residual pit-induced anger back. “You don’t have to…”

“He just… he hurt them. He made them go insane. It’s like they’re there but it’s not them.”

Jason gritted his teeth against his hatred for the Joker. Duke was priority here, he needed to focus. He made soothing noises, his arms were shaking where they held Duke. The teen didn’t push against Jason but had rather sunken into him.

“Know this.” Jason said, pushing Duke back until he could look him properly in the eyes. So he could see all that fucking hurt and pain, tormenting that deep, brown gaze. Tears brimming at the surface but Duke struggled to hold them back. “No matter what you think or how you feel, know that you’re never alone.”

Duke stared desperately at him, and Jason felt inadequate for not being able to give him more. The anger build itself up like bile in his throat and all Jason could think about was how close he’d been to killing Joker that once, but how Bruce had stopped him. _And fuck, he couldn’t go down that road either._ He had things to lose now. Couldn’t risk losing Mara. Wouldn’t betray Dick. And he wouldn’t fail either Duke or Damian.

Duke was wiping away a stray tear, then gave a weak smile. “Is that a rule or something?”

Jason choked on a laugh and took the joke in stride. “Yeah, rule four”

“What’s one to three?”

“Listen to your elders, stay in school and always eat your vegetables.”

Duke laughed a little at that, and Jason smiled. Then the washing machine dinged and Duke helped him hang the load.

____________

Dick came home late, but his cheery _‘Honey, I’m home!’_ rang loudly through the apartment. It was some sort of fucking mockery. Jason sighed. This kind of behavior might have been part of the reason as to why Duke thought they were dating. Jason had only allowed Dick to continue with his corny humorless sappiness because deep, _deep_ down Jason found it almost endearing.

“Hey, how old are you?” Jason shouted, lap-top balancing on his knees. “Thirty-two?”

“Fuck you, I’m turning thirty and you know that!” Dick called back.

“Sensitive much!” Jason grinned when Dick entered the living room, tie loosened and the first few buttons of his shirt unbuttoned. _Change that, this was the real mocking._ Jason quickly avoided looking at the sliver of exposed skin, instead meeting Dick’s blue curious eyes head on.

“Why you wonder?”

Jason shrugged to fake nonchalance. “I’m setting up an account for you on this dating site.”

He turned the lap-top around for Dick to view the rather tacky lay-out and the profile Jason had started to make. Only half-heartedly. He'd wanted to know what he'd feel if Dick were actually dating someone else. It made something ugly curl within him. It felt a lot like jealousy, and he hated how fucking weak it made him feel. 

“What the hell, Jason?”

Dick looked properly scandalized. Jason grinned, but he was sure it didn’t reach his eyes. He thought for a moment, tried to remember the name of the woman that lived a floor below them who always gave Dick long, yearning stares. Jason hadn’t liked her until Mrs. Robinson had organized that recipe-exchange thing and Jason had caught the scent of a mean pecan-pie recipe from the woman. He told himself he could live without Dick if it meant having that pie in his life. (It was a tragic, sad little lie).

“How about that woman downstairs, what’s her name?”

“Nora?” Dick asked, looking even more confused.

“Yeah, she’s sweet on you”

“Why are you so adamant on trying to set me up on a date?” Dick asked, sounding perplexed at most, but something in his eyes had taken on a vague lining of hurt that Jason didn’t want to delve too deep into. “And who even says _that_ anymore?”

“Cause you need the distraction” Jason said, ignoring the last jab.

 _Because Jason needed the distraction._ Or rather the rude awakening. This was but a dream, it could never become a reality and he needed to stop fooling himself that it would. Maybe if Dick actually fell in love with someone, some pretty woman with a pretty smile, he’d cut himself off from Jason. While it would hurt like hell, almost as much as dying had (maybe more), he’d finally have a reason to let him go.

“From what?”

Dick’s hands had traveled to his hips in a posture that spoke of how offended he was.

Jason ignored it, only made a sweeping motion around the room with his hand. There were Duke’s bedding folded neatly in one corner. Damian’s forgotten notes on _Juliet and Romeo_ on the coffee table, and scattered all over the floor were Mara’s toys. 

“If you’re not working, you’re patrolling as Nightwing, and the rest of the time you spend here with the kids. And while I know you love Mara and Damian and care about Duke… If I had to spend all my free time only socially interacting with children I’d go insane… again.”

Not that Jason wasn’t a little hypocritical here. Apart from his colleagues, the stray phone call with either Artemis or Roy, and of course Mrs. Robinson, the only other adult Jason was really spending time with was Dick. Which of course was something Dick felt the need to point out.

“I mean, _we_ spend a lot of time together”

“Yeah, cause I’m sure late night convos with me is the height of your day.” Jason muttered.

Dick shrugged slightly “I don’t mind.”

 _Oh, yeah, he minded._ He wasn’t even looking Jason in the eyes, of course it bothered him. He had no way of escaping Jason, but he was too kind to say anything about it. To throw him out. Even when Jason only brought him more work and problems. The sudden burst of inadequacy brought on anger.

“Well, clearly something’s wrong with you then.”

“You’re not dating.” Dick said, crossing his arms over his chest in a defensive manner, like he was trying to protect himself or something. 

“Yeah, no, not happening.” Jason said, but he closed the tab on the dating site and set down his laptop on the coffee table, pushing aside Damian’s schoolwork. Dick sunk down on the couch next to him with a heavy sigh.

“I think we need to talk” Dick said, at the same moment that Damian and Duke entered the apartment. Jason had sent them out to pick up take away, since he; one, didn’t feel like cooking, and two, wanted them out of the house for a moment. He wouldn’t go so far as to say he loved them, neither held a candle to Mara and that really was his only reference when it came to familial love, but he felt fondness creep into the corner as he heard their very loud argument on the benefits of store-bought versus home-cooked. The affection was startling, but served as a good distraction and he escaped Dick’s puppy-eyes to go help them set the table.

“Mrs. Robinson wondered whether you are free this Sunday. She wanted help to move some furniture” Damian said when Jason stepped into the kitchen.

“Sure.”

“You expect me to act as some courier?”

Jason sighed. “No, I’ll go talk to her after dinner. Did you get the salad?”

“Of course we did, what do you take us for?”

“Quit the attitude, I’m not in the mood.”

Damian did actually stop at that, something in the knit of his brow looking decidedly concerned. Which confirmed Jason’s theory that Damian saw their usual dry tone with each other as some form of brotherly banter, and it apparently worried him that Jason didn’t answer in kind. Jason ruffled his hair in apology, asking Damian to go get Dick and Mara. Damian grumbled a little, but a slight smile had appeared.

Jason could tell Duke was observing them from the corner of his eyes, so Jason patted him friendly on the shoulder that he wouldn’t feel left out. A moment later Damian reentered with Mara on his hip, while Dick only put his head through the doorway.

“I’m gonna go through the shower, but you guys start without me!”

Jason huffed a breath, but sat down by the table, making sure the kids had full plates before he served himself. Mara quickly drew them into a conversation about the potential existence of unicorns, which got Damian into a long, drawn-out explanation about why it wasn’t a possibility. Mara just stared at him, then huffed a breath in a motion very similar to what Jason had just done. 

“You’re just boring, uncle Dami” she said, and Jason couldn’t hold back his laughter.

Damian spluttered slightly, but then he caught on to Mara’s dazzling smile and softened somewhat.

“…Or I could be wrong.” Damian said slowly and it was as close to an apology as the kid would get. Jason smiled at him, giving him a short nod to show he was proud of him. Damian hid his smile behind his cup of tea. As Mara continued to talk about unicorns with Damian, Duke turned to Jason with an inquisitive gaze.

“So how did you guys meet?”

“Who?” Jason asked slightly startled. 

Duke gave an easy smile. “You and Dick. I mean, you’re roommates and you’re raising two kids together, I guess I’m just curious.”

His eyes were far to knowing, and Jason had probably been an idiot for thinking Duke would drop the subject without receiving some form of answer. Jason looked over at Mara and Damian. Mara was talking loudly, gesticulating wildly, in a manner that reminded Jason of Dick, while Dick would probably say it was something she’d inherited from Jason. Damian pretended he wasn’t listening in on Duke’s question, but he did a poor job of hiding his smirk.

Jason turned back to Duke, sighing softly. “We…”

“We were both taken in by Bruce Wayne. He’s like a foster-father to me, but not really to Jason.” Dick interrupted. He was stood in the doorway, dressed in loose-fitting trousers and one of, Jason blinked in surprise, Jason’s t-shirts. His hair wet which only made him look like dog who’d been left out in the rain.

“Bruce Wayne?” Duke asked turning to Jason, eyes wide. “But you’re one of us. I mean…”

Jason sighed, restraining from gritting his teeth. He understood what Duke was getting at. Jason was a street-rat, had told all the kids at the center that. Having been raised by _Bruce Wayne_ didn’t exactly give street-cred. “It’s complicated.”

“It’s really not” Dick said, grinning as he sat down by the table in the only empty spot next to Jason, and hefted a small tower of food onto his plate.

“It really is.” Jason argued.

“So you’re like brothers?” Duke interrupted, looking decidedly complex. Somewhere in the background Damian snorted. Jason didn’t want to know if Mara was listening in on this conversation, so he didn’t dare look.

"No, we're not" Jason shook his head. 

If Dick looked a little hurt at that, Jason didn’t fucking care. He wasn’t gonna let Duke think he had a crush on his own brother. He’d never considered Dick to be one either way.

“That’s a relief” Duke murmured, to which he received a glare from Jason.

_Drop it, kid. For fucks sake, just drop it._

“Why’s that?” Dick asked, and there went Jason’s hope he hadn’t heard him. Something in his posture had turned more guarded, his voice having evened out.

“Nothing” Duke said quickly, showing some noodles into his mouth so he would have an excuse to not explain further. _Smart kid._ Dick eyed him suspiciously but let go of the subject with a soft sigh.

Instead he told them that his boss had considered putting him on more desk-work.

“What, why?” Jason turned sharply to Dick who just shrugged.

“He thinks I have a tendency to put myself in dangerous situation”

Damian snorted. “You have.”

Dick gave him a quick smile before he continued to explain. “And he thinks that now that I have a family I need to be more careful. According to him I’m not going to be that in the field.”

Jason would agree with Chief Harker, but also the man couldn’t do that to Dick. Dick needed to be out there. He was one of the good ones, they needed more people like that on the streets. Cops who actually cared. Whose morals weren’t clouded by either corruption or the sense of power the badge could give.

“He can’t do that” Jason said heatedly.

“He is my boss.”

“Fuck him then. You don’t want a bloody desk-job do you? You should be out there, doing whatever you do best.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence” Dick said slowly, clearly surprised by Jason’s sudden outburst. “But it’s fine, he’s kinda right. It’s not just about me anymore, hasn’t been for a while…”

Jason interrupted him. “What do you want?”

“Jason…” Dick said, eyeing the kids in an obvious attempt to make Jason calm down, but Jason wouldn’t let him go that easy.

“Just answer me, what do you want?”

Dick sighed. “I want to be a detective”

Jason looked at him, those electric blue eyes that held so much kindness and compassion. He observed the slight dusting across Dick’s cheeks. So this had been a secret dream then?

“Then you be that” Jason told him.

“I need to do a lot of exams and…”

“We’ll help you” Jason stopped him, forcing Dick to look up at him. His blue eyes swam with emotion so deep that Jason barely dared to teeter at the edge. “You should do what makes you happy.”

____________

Jason had put Mara to bed and was just finishing up a story about a princess who befriended a dragon. He kissed her goodnight and turned off the light. In the living room Damian and Duke were watching some action movie, with Damian dissecting the possibilities of the stunts and Duke shushing him. There couldn’t be more than a couple of years between them, Duke being slightly older and despite being very different they didn’t actually seem to mind each other’s company all that much. With Duke actually laughing at some of Damian’s comments and Damian smirking proudly, but also shutting up when told to.

Jason leaned over the back of the couch to steal some pop-corn.

“Turn the volume down would you?” he asked. “And when it’s done, straight to bed”

“Will do” Duke promised, while Damian lowered the volume.

“Great, I’m gonna hit the sack.” Jason pushed up and bid them goodnight.

He entered the bedroom, where Dick was sitting on the bed going through something on his laptop. Jason changed into sleeping-wear unhurriedly, as he thought about bringing up the thing about the Joker that Duke had told him. Just as he was about to, Dick’s phone rang.

“Hiya, Alfred. Nice to hear from you…” Dick started out, but then he grew quiet. “What happened?”

His face had paled and he was pulling at his hair. Only a few seconds passed as Alfred explained something and his breathing went erratic. Something was wrong. 

_Something was so fucking wrong._

“It’s Bruce” Dick said, voice choked up as he turned to Jason, eyes brimmed with unshed tears. Jason ran through a thousand scenarios in his head, startled by the emotion of fear and grief they evoked. But he wasn’t prepared for what came next. “He had an overdose.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, that happened.  
> As I wrote this it kinda made sense that Bruce would have that kind of problems. Considering he's probably broken every bone in his body he would have needed a lot of painkillers. I also realized I've written him very unstable, so that kinda yeah, I'll explain more in the next chapter I guess. 
> 
> Also, to leave on a happy note: I thought it would be really fun to have Duke cornering Jason about his undying love for one Dick Grayson, since he's an outsider and like someone commented would be kinda confused by the situation.
> 
> (Man, I should have written a better outline for this story... sorry bout that)


	19. Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick watched Bruce, looking limp in the cot. His body holding nothing of its usual strength, he looked drained, emaciated and old. Dick couldn’t say if he only hated the sight of him or the person as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to begin with a short warning for triggering themes, but I won't delve to deep into the actual addiction, but rather focus on the reactions.  
> (Also I don't hate Bruce, but I really like the idea of him being his own biggest foe)
> 
> Big thanks for all the nice comments!

Duke had promised to stay home with Mara since it was no point in dragging her up in the middle of the night. Dick didn’t know what to feel about it, leaving his biggest treasure in the hands of someone who was still mostly a stranger to him, but at least Jason trusted the kid. And Dick trusted Jason. 

Jason was behind the wheel, exceeding the speed-limits. Dick should care but he couldn’t find it within himself to actually do. He was sat in the front seat, staring out the window in resignation. In the back was Damian. He had asked a million question to which Dick had no answers, until Dick had snapped and they’d both been quiet since. Damian doing a pretty good impression of Bruce’s brooding. Silent and lost in his own head. Meanwhile Jason had turned up the volume on the radio and promptly refused to drag them into pointless conversations. Dick could appreciate that. Jason just drove, a mask of deep concentration taking over his face. It was impossible to tell how he felt. It always was. Every time Dick thought he had him figured out something changed. Now Dick wanted to lash out at his indifference, but held back, knowing it wouldn’t serve either of them any good.

He was just so goddamn tired. Bruce had promised he’d stop taking morphine after the last scare, but lo and behold, Batman never listened. The old man had broken his back before Dick even came into the picture, but he’d been young then, taking his pain-med and then gotten on with it. But when Jason died, there had still been some of that shit left, and since the man wasn’t exactly stupid Bruce had quickly found a way to get subscription on more, stronger doses. He quickly turned to other medications after new wounds and broken bones, until the cocktail had turned out to be too damaging and Tim had found him passed out in the stairway. The kid had thought he was dead. It had taken Dick hours to calm him back down again once Bruce was finally in the hospital. Some of the hero-worshiping had faded from Tim’s eyes after that, but he became almost obsessively loyal in the weeks to come. Scared shitless to lose the second man he considered a father-figure. Dick had gone through the same fears but with none of the freedom to share them. 

Bruce hadn’t exactly gone to therapy after that, even though he probably should have, instead he’d just taken some of his Batman-stubbornness and quit on his own terms. And while it had actually become better, it was obvious he hadn’t helped in the long run. He just became better at hiding it (God knows he had the means to). Then Jason came back.

Dick watched Jason’s silhouette, how it got washed over with light from the streetlamps above, only to plunge into darkness moments later, and then the cycle repeated. He was a force all his own, had always been, and Dick wondered, for one short moment, why he’d ever sacrificed so much pain for him. _This wasn’t Jason’s fault._ None of it was, he’d just had the great misfortune to be the catalyst. Because Bruce should just have talked to a psychologist years ago. Maybe that had saved the lot of them so much suffering. 

In a flash of disjoined images they reached Gotham, then the hospital and somehow, through winding corridors, they were outside Bruce’s hospital room.

Damian had kept a strong, stony face the entire ride, but now, faced with the reality of his unconscious father, he broke into tears, pushing his face into Dick’s shoulder when Dick curled one arm around him. Having no words for comfort, instead trying to show how much he cared through motion.

Dick watched Bruce, looking limp in the cot. His body holding nothing of its usual strength, he looked drained, emaciated and _old._ Dick couldn’t say if he only hated the sight of him or the person as well.

Beside them Jason stood motionless, taking in the same sight, categorizing it and, Dick feared, weaponizing the image to use against Bruce once he’d recovered. _If_ he recovered.

Then Dick felt a hand on his back, brushing soothingly from his shoulder-blades and down. He turned his gaze to see that Jason was looking at him now. Face pinched with sympathy and concern. Dick felt his weak legs stagger and he leaned into Jason’s side. Jason wrapped his arm around both Dick and Damian as far as he could reach.

“I’m sorry” Jason said, soft lips pressing a kiss to Dick’s temple. “I’m sorry.”

When Alfred entered, the man had been speaking to a doctor, Jason let go to wrap the old butler up in strong arms. Alfred went willingly without so much as a verbal protest. He looked nothing like his usual calm self, and it was unsettling. The way his weathered face looked worn and exhausted, like a man fearing to lose his only child. That finally pushed Dick over and he hugged Damian tighter, hiding his tears in the boy’s soft hair.

___________

They waited for the next verdict. For Bruce to either rise or succumb. At one point his heart seemingly stopped beating and doctors and nurses were rushing in to start CPR. Jason had to physically drag Damian out of the room after the boy had gone feral with panic. When Dick checked on them a moment later, Damian had fallen asleep against Jason’s shoulder. Jason’s jacket wrapped around him. Dick sat down on the chair on Jason’s other side, but first reaching out to brush his fingers through Damian’s hair. The kid must have been exhausted since he didn’t even stir.

“Hi” Jason said, giving him a small smile. “How are you holding up?”

Dick sighed. The clock was reaching one in the morning and they were all tired. He felt it as a deep weariness all the way down to his bones.

“I don’t know.”

“It’ll be okay” Jason whispered, his free hand reaching up to brush aside some of Dick’s hair, tracing lazily and gentle down over Dick’s cheek. Dick helplessly leaned into the touch, and if he let himself be fooled he could almost imagine the love in Jason’s green aquamarines. It punched the air out of his lunges, and Dick almost felt like crying anew.

“Seeing Mara hurt was worse, but this is… it’s bad.” Dick admitted. “I know I shouldn’t… I don’t know if he deserves it but I…”

“Like you’ve said, he raised you. He had his moments, and they weren’t all bad.” Jason said softly, still stroking the side of Dick’s face and Dick never wanted him to stop. He still couldn’t read him though. It scared him to not know what was going on inside Jason’s mind, but he chose to trust him, because Jason had changed. And Dick let him sleep in his bed, why should he start doubting him now? Dick curled closer, rested his head on Jason’s free shoulder.

“What do I look like? A headrest?” Jason’s tone was amused, moving his head slightly to give Dick more space.

“Hm” Dick mumbled.

They sat like that in silence, until there was a loud crashing sound down the corridor and the rest of the family appeared. Damian was startled awake from his sleep, but only sneered at his sibling before pulling the jacket closer around himself and once more trying to fall asleep.

Dick dutifully straightened up. It was time for him to take command. He was the oldest, the one everyone turned to when Bruce wasn’t there to lead them.

“How is he?” Tim asked, looking like nothing more than fraying nerves. 

Cass and Steph held on to each other’s arms, with Cass looking uncharacteristically vulnerable and sad. Behind them came Kate, like a watchful god-mother and Dick relaxed somewhat. It was bad if she was here, but it would also be fine. She’d help them however she could.

“We don’t know” Dick answered. “He had a cardiac arrest but they pulled him back. Alfred’s with him now if you want to say hi.”

The three younger bats nodded, and in one flowing motion disappeared into Bruce’s room. Meanwhile Kate sat down in a chair opposite from them, looking them over with something close to amusement.

“Where’s the little one?” she asked.

“Home. Didn’t think it fair to drag her out for this” Jason said, giving Kate a smile.

“Shame” Kate said. “Wanted to see her. She wasn’t bigger than this last time.”

She measured up the size of a baby between her hands, and Dick was suddenly reminded of the fact that Kate had _known_ about Mara. That Kate had been the one who had smuggled Jason out of Gotham under their noses. That had kept any information about him and about Mara from them. He wanted to be angry with her, or at least a little salty, but this was neither the time nor place. He let his silence speak for him instead.

“She’ll be five in a couple of weeks.” Jason said, his pride was obvious. Kate nodded and gave another of her rare smiles.

“I hope to be invited then.”

The conversation lulled. After a few moments Alfred came out of Bruce’s room. He nodded politely to Kate in greeting, before turning to Dick and Jason. His gaze softened when it landed on the once-more sleeping Damian.

“If you want to, young masters, you can go home. There’s no point in all of us waiting here.”

Dick looked to Jason and Jason looked right back. “What do you want?”

Jason shrugged. “Whatever you need.”

“I wanna stay close but…”

“You could always regroup back at the manor” Alfred suggested, and his tone hid something almost hopeful. Dick gave Jason a questioning look. Jason’s eyes hardened slightly, but then he glanced down at Damian and nodded slowly.

“I’ll go back to Blud, get Mara and Duke and whatever else we need.” Jason said after a moment.

“Thank you.”

Jason only nodded. Ever so gently he shook Damian’s shoulder. “Hey, kiddo, wake up.”

“Why?” Damian grumbled.

“I need to move. Go sleep on Dick.”

“You’re warmer”

Jason smiled, brushed a hand through Damian’s hair in a motion that was surprisingly affectionate. “While I’m flattered, I need to fetch Mara and Duke”

Damian sat up, yawning. Jason took the opportunity to stand up, stretching his arms above his head. Dick watched his broad shoulders, the way his muscles moved beneath his sweatshirt. He was interrupted from his ogling by Damian shuffling his way over the seat, until his back rested against Dick’s shoulder. Dick raised his arm to pull the teen into a loose embrace. Damian shuffled some more but was soon out of it again.

“I’ll be back soon.” Jason promised and Dick watched him leave. A lump formed in his throat. His heart took an unsteady beat and he’s breath came out shaky.

___________

Leslie Thompson came by in the early hours of morning. She wanted to check in on them and on Bruce. Her professionalism slipped slightly at the sight of him, but together with Kate she promised she’d stay and watch over him for a while. Dick gathered the kids and, with some help from Alfred, brought them home to the manor. Alfred immediately went to prepare breakfast for them and when Dick tried to stop him, his eyes turned disapproving.

“Do forgive me, master Dick, but I need to busy my hands with something.”

Dick nodded and left him to it. Instead he herded his siblings into the movie room, piling together pillows and blankets to make an epic blanket-fort between the two large couches. It was quick work between the five of them and soon they were settled in. Steph had brought a pack of _Cards against Vigilantes_ , because she was evil like that. Dick couldn’t be more grateful to her.

Jason landed just a few minutes later, waltzing into the room with an arm thrown around Duke’s shoulder and the other carrying Mara on his hips. Dick crawled out of the fort and was immediately handed Mara. The girl hugged him tightly and Dick wound his arms around her as well, breathing her in, grateful for her mere existence. Then Mara realized that Cass and Steph were inside the pillow-fort and quickly detangled herself from Dick to crawl inside.

Dick smiled after her before turning back to look at Jason and Duke. Duke looked equal measures concerned and uncomfortable.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

Dick gave him an easy smile. “I’ll be alright. Come here, meet the family.”

Duke looked to Jason who only pushed him forward with a small laugh. “Go on. They’re loud, but they don’t bite.”

It seemed to ease his mind slightly, and Duke sank down on his knees before following Mara inside. Dick had of course forewarned the others to take it easy on him, not that he thought they would though. There was a loud boost in conversation, Steph instantly starting to throw questions at Duke. Only when Damian protested did she seize and they returned to their game.

Dick looked back up at Jason with another smile, feeling something in his stomach flutter when the smile was easily returned. “Wanna join us?”

“Nah, I’m gonna go talk to Alf.” Jason said. “But save me a spot, yeah?”

“Always” Dick answered, and before his blush could grow too obvious he retreated back into the fort. When he reentered the game Cass had just won the round by adding ‘Nightwing’s massive ass’ to ‘Some heroes fights for justice, others for honor, I fight for…’

____________

:::::::::::::::::::

\----------

Jason found Alfred sitting by the kitchen table, head in his hands. A few steps brought him over to rest his hand on the old man’s shoulder. Alfred heaved a sigh, patting Jason’s hand gently with his own, looking up with steel grey eyes filled with deep emotions. 

“I’ll be quite alright, master Jason, do not coddle me.”

“Who? Me?” Jason smiled, it weaned too quickly though. “Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

Alfred’s gaze was piercing when he looked up. “You weren’t here to tell.”

“I’m here now.” Jason said, settling down in the chair next to Alfred.

The old man gave him a look that could only be described as hesitant. Then he sighed, before he righted himself. Putting on that impeccable façade that he had mastered during his years as both a butler and as the only sane person in this madhouse.

“It started when I died, didn’t it?” Jason guessed, because hell, most of all the terrible shit in their family seemed to have.

Alfred gave a curt nod. “Before you go down a spiral of anger and self-hatred, it never was and never will be your fault. Not what happened to you nor how those around you reacted in the aftermath.”

“This another case of Bruce being an idiot?” Jason asked, clenching his jaw.

“While I will not defend his behavior, I do feel obligated to say that losing you broke him. This is his second overdose of morphine. The first one was accidental, I don’t think this one was.”

Jason clenched his fists on the table. The anger rose, a slice of Pit-madness to it that threatened to make him blow. He had to bite that bullet some other time, now he needed to control his temper before it got the better of him. He was useless if it grabbed hold, and Dick needed him. Mara and Damian and Duke needed him. Alfred needed him.

“He’s a selfish piece of shit.”

“That, master Jason, we can agree on.” Alfred said, which poked a smile out of Jason.

“You don’t mean that!” Jason said, chuckling slightly.

Alfred was smiling. “Sometimes I do. Now, will you help me with breakfast or not?”

____________

::::::::::::::::::  
____________

Soon Jason and Alfred joined them, and they had to take away some of the blankets and pillows in order to put down the breakfast trays. They forgot the game for a while and enjoyed the sandwiches Alfred had prepared with some help from Jason.

Jason sat down next to Dick, their shoulders brushing lightly, and pulled Mara into his lap.

“You’re playing that shit in front of our kid?” He asked, watching the scattered cards. “How very decadent of you”

“Hush now” Dick said, pushing against his shoulder.

Mara looked up between them, happily eating a sandwich. Then her gaze suddenly soured and she looked down at it as if the sandwich had somehow offended her. Jason reached around her to inspect it.

“Pickle” Mara grumbled as if it was her worst enemy.

“Here” Jason said as he plucked the slices away and held them up for her to see, and Dick did perhaps the stupidest thing he’d done in a while (he blamed exhaustion and emotional turmoil), and wrapped his teeth around the pickles. His lips brushed over Jason’s fingertips in an undignified motion. Dick blushed heavily as he swallowed the slices, before he plastered on a grin for Mara’s sake. 

“Gone. Tada” he said, and Mara, bless her innocent soul, laughed and applauded him. It gave him enough courage to spare Jason a quick glance. He looked as if someone had short-circuited him. When he met Dick’s eyes, his face turned red shade by shade.

There was a loud burst of laughter and Dick put on a charming smirk before his own blush got too bad. It was easy to hide behind his Dickie-Wayne-persona, Gotham’s second most eligible bachelor. He watched as Jason’s face closed off, turning stony. Dick sighed under his breath. _Well, what had he thought?_ He was just setting himself up to disappointment anyway. If Jason loved him, he wouldn’t go around trying to set him up with other people, would he?

Mara’s yawn brought him out of his spiral. He looked down at her and with gentle fingers brushed crumbs from her cheek. She looked back at him with a beaming smile, her front teeth a little crooked, just like Jason’s.

“Tired?” he whispered, to which Mara harshly shook her head. Dick chuckled. “That’s good but papa’s beat.”

“Maybe you should take a nap?” Jason suggested.

Alfred soon caught on. “A little rest would do us all good.”

They all had rooms at the manor which Alfred of course had kept impeccably clean. It was difficult to imagine they had ever left. Dick wondered if it was Alfred’s or Bruce’s wish to one day have them all gathered back together.

Dick followed Damian to his room. The teen opened the door with some weariness. He took a deep breath before turning back to Dick.

“Will you be okay on your own?” Dick was quick to ask. 

Damian sighed. “I am fifteen, I will manage fine. Stop being such a mother-hen.”

“I mother-hen you cause I care” Dick said, ruffling Damian’s hair. “I’ll be down the hall if you need me.”

“That won’t be necessary.” Damian said, but gave Dick a small, barely-there, yet reassuring smile before he closed the door in Dick's face. 

Dick moved on to Tim's room, where Tim had already hauled himself up. Dick knocked gently on the door and when he received no reply, he opened it slightly to push his head inside. Tim was sat curled up in bed with his computer pulled up in his lap. 

“Hey, you’re not working right now?” Dick asked, seriously concerned for his brother’s well-being. 

Tim shook his head. “No, I’m talking to Kon.”

“Okay, I’ll leave you to it then.”

Dick closed the door gently. Cass and Steph had already bunked down in Cass’s room. Jason had showed Duke his old room and had taken Mara with him. Dick took a deep breath before he went to the end of the corridor, home of the first Robin.

He entered with trepidation, feeling a mixture of nostalgia and nausea. The walls were still covered with all the posters he’d put there as a pre-teen. Different bands and idols. He didn’t care about those, quickly moving past them in order to get to the center, where _The Flying Graysons_ hung. He watched the painted faces of his parents, tracing their silhouettes with light fingers. When he’d first lost them he’d used to talk to them like this. He thought of all the things he wanted to tell them now. So he leaned his forehead against the wall next to them and started whispering.

“I have a daughter now. You have a grand-daughter. Her name is Mara and she has your eyes mum. They’re blue like the sky. She’s funny and so intelligent and she really loves to read, but that’s all thanks to Jason, I guess. I know you’d love her as much as I do. She’d love you too. She’d want you to teach her everything. To fly the way you did. I don’t know if Jason would like it though.” He smiled at the thought of Jason’s disapproving gaze, knowing he wouldn’t stop them but that he’d worry. “You’d like Jason. He’s Mara’s other dad. It’s complicated, I might explain it to you one day. Jason saved her from some bad people. He’s… He’s brought me a family. He has a big heart. He’s snarky and he reads boring old classics, he collects recipes and makes friends with old ladies. He adopts kids left and right, because he knows what it feels like to be abandoned by adults. Mum, dad, I… I love him. I love him so much.”

It felt good to say it out loud, to tell someone if only the poster of his dead parents. He felt tears well up, and he choked on sudden grief. His whispers were barely audible as he continued.

“Bruce is in the hospital again. It’s bad this time, another overdose. He’s stable now and Kate would call if anything changed but… He raised me. He made me into who I am today. I…”

He grew quiet, not knowing what to say. There were too many conflicting within, struggling for air and attention. He wanted his parents to still be alive. He wanted Bruce to get better. He wanted Jason to want him back.

The door squeaked, and Dick briefly glanced up to see Mara enter alone. He waited but Jason didn’t follow. Mara walked over to him and reached for his hand. Dick dried his tears before he smiled down at her.

"You okay?" he asked, and Mara nodded. "Where's dad?"

“He went to sleep in the room we had last time” Mara told him and Dick was reminded of the fallout of Jason and Mara’s last stay. “He said I should stay with you.” 

“Why?”

Mara shrugged her shoulders. “Said I should keep you company if you got sad.”

“Come here” Dick said sinking down to embrace her. “I love you very much”

Mara wound her arms around his neck as he lifted her up to show her the poster.

“Those are your grandparents, Mary and John.” Dick explained. “I’m sorry I don’t have a better photo to show you. If I had, I would have showed you earlier. You’re named after her, my mother.”

“She’s pretty” Mara said, reaching out to touch. 

While Mara wasn’t particularly tired, Dick was exhausted, so he gave her his phone to play games on as he settled in to sleep. Mara sat in an armchair by the window and Dick kept her in sight until sleep started to pull him under.

He’d barely had the time to close his eyes when there was a sudden knock at the door. Dick sighed, but reprimanded himself quickly. It might be someone who needed him.

He called out. “Come in!”

He’d expected Damian or even Tim, instead when the door opened it was Jason’s broad frame that filled the doorway. Dick sat up immediately. Jason stilled at the sight of moment, freezing up, looking sheepish and insecure.

“Can’t sleep?”

“Something like that.”

Jason moved then, first passing Mara’s chair to brush his hand through her hair, then he closed in on the bed. Dick’s breath spiked in a way it hadn’t done before when they’d shared Dick’s bed back in the apartment. He knew nothing would happen, _hell,_ Mara was in the room with them. But it still didn’t take away from the fact that Jason had sought him out this time. It wasn’t about convenience. There were insanely many rooms in the manor. Jason could have chosen any of them, even Bruce’s if he really wanted to fuck things up.

“Can I?” Jason asked.

Dick lifted the covers in invitation.

Jason smiled. “A simple yes would have been enough.”

“Shush” Dick admonished.

Jason slid into the bed. They hesitated for only a few seconds before they reached out for one another. Dick curling into Jason’s strong arm, burrowing his face in Jason’s neck. Breathing him in with a mixture of guilt and deep satisfaction.

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” Jason whispered. “About Bruce.”

“I didn’t know it was this bad.” Dick said honestly, brushing his hand over Jason’s chest until it landed above his heart. Jason took a deep, shuddering breath. Slowly and ever so gently, Dick reached out to cup the side of Jason’s face. Peer into his blue-green eyes, trying to comprehend what the man felt. About this situation. About them.

“Sometimes I wonder why I ever came back. This family is so fucked up.” Jason leaned in closer to whisper the words into Dick’s hair, mostly to make sure Mara wouldn’t hear him. Maybe to hide from Dick’s reaction to his words. Dick could understand him, but still…

“I’m glad you did though.” Dick whispered into Jason’s skin, allowing his lips to form the words against Jason’s throat. “I don’t know if I could’ve done this without you.”

“Course you could have, you’re the golden boy.” It was an old taunt but it was said with affection. It made heat pool in Dick’s stomach, but he quickly buried it.

“Then I just don’t want to do it alone.”

“Never” Jason promised, repeating a vow. “Never alone.”

Dick wondered then if he should tell him about his latest revelation. The thing had been brewing for so long, Dick feared Jason might already now. But if Jason did, he clearly didn’t feel the same. He held back.

Then Mara decided to join in on the cuddle party, effortlessly pushing herself in between them. They only laughed and made more room for her. It was easy to fall asleep like that, with the two people he loved the most and the image of his parents watching over them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to admit that I really liked writing this chapter.   
> Dick's view on Jason might actually fascinate me more than the opposite way round, since Jason feels like a more difficult person to love, but yeah... depends on the writer I guess
> 
> They love each other, but they're a little stubborn but we'll get there eventually...


	20. Bruce

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest I'm not entirely satisfied with this chapter, it feels choppy and short, but right now it feels like the best I can do. I wanted to give some of Bruce's perspective in this, while still portraying how his actions have affected his family.

He came to slowly, a sluggish breaking of the surface. The nausea was the first thing he felt, the second was the harsh light glaring down at him. He knew before opening his eyes that he was in a hospital. He could curse, rage or maybe the better option was just acceptance. Anyway, he had brought this on himself. Yet he couldn’t help but wonder if this truly was the best option, maybe they should have just left him where ever he had collapsed. Left him to the dark, he would have embraced it this time. He’d failed them.

“You’ve fucked up big time” a voice said to his right. It was deep and even and he soon recognized it as Kate’s. He struggled to open his eyes, glare up at her. She wasn’t moved, sat with her arms crossed. Her face an indifferent mask. To her left there was the button with which she was expected to call the doctor. She didn’t even pretend to care about reaching for it.

“Big, _big_ time.”

Bruce grumbled, wasn’t much else he could do. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. So he was alive then. Served him right. There was no escaping the mistakes he’s made. The let downs, the pain he’s caused. He’d have to live with it.

“Thought you were going through therapy after last time. Shouldn’t surprise me that you found a way to slither out.” Kate said. “You’re a fucking snake, you know.”

He considered asking her for water, but considering how upset she was, she would probably deny him. Or perhaps she would pour it over his head. He wasn’t going to risk that, even if he probably deserved it. Instead he was left to listen to his cousin. She was surprisingly talkative. She was also uncharacteristically angry.

“I’m not gonna ask you why you’ve done this because I just don’t care anymore. You’ve made questionable decisions ever since your parents died, thrown away every fucking opportunity for what? Batman? That’s your true addiction.”

“Kate…” Bruce whispered, voice coming out ragged.

“Good, I thought you weren’t listening.”

“Don’t c-call… the doctor.”

“Course I will.” she said, glaring down at him. “Just wanted to give you a piece of my mind first.”

She reached out for the button now, taking it between her fingers.

“N-no…”

“You know, I’ve always wondered…” Kate mused, already pressing the red button. “How come your children still love you?”

The grief clawed at his throat to get out.

Kate left the room.

_____________

::::::::::::::::::  
____________

They were already preparing to go back to the hospital when Kate called. Alfred left them for a moment to talk to her. Jason heaved a sigh, leaning back against the wall. Dick was crouching next to him, helping Mara with her coat. While he itched to do the menial task himself, he’d left it to Dick this morning to take care of most of the things concerning their daughter, thinking it might help distract him. Tim was sat on the bench opposite, already taking on the brunt of Bruce’s work at W.E. He looked tired, but purposeful, so they left him to it. Steph and Cass were sat huddled together next to him, signing to each other deep in a conversation. Damian was walking restlessly back and forth. He’d dealt surprisingly well with it yesterday, but now the fear had been replaced by frustration. An anger Jason felt curling in his own chest. Volatile and poisonous.

Next to Jason, Duke was leaning against the wall in an almost cute imitation of Jason himself. He’d asked the kid if he wanted to stay at the manor, but Duke had shook his head. Jason had then offered to stay back with him, which had only made Duke protest more.

“You should be there” he had said. “He’s your dad too.”

Jason had wanted to tell him off for it, but couldn’t find it within him to be angry with the kid. It wasn’t Duke’s fault. He didn’t deserve to bear the brunt of Jason’s frustrations. Instead he apologized for having dragged Duke into it in the first place. The teen had shrugged at that, and said: “I like your family, I don’t mind.”

Jason hadn’t known what to do then but pull him into a hug.

Now he was wondering again if it was the best idea to bring the kid in with them. He didn’t need to see Bruce in that state, or what it would do to the rest of them. He shouldn’t need to worry about these things. Jason was a _shitty_ guardian, but he wasn’t going to leave the kid out of the loop either. It was worse to be left alone with big emotions than it was to experience them in the first place.

Dick rose to his feet in the same moment that Alfred reentered. Jason reached out to lay a hand at his back when the old butler gave the verdict. Dick leaned back into the touch, Mara settled on his hip.

“Master Bruce is awake.” Alfred said, and a sigh of relief coursed through the group. “He is still very weak but he wanted to see you.”

“Then what are we waiting for?” Dick asked, sunny smile beaming from his tired face. He was good at this, putting on a mask for the benefits of others. Jason didn’t let go of him, even as they went out the door and piled into two cars.

When they reached the hospital Jason plucked Mara out of Dick’s arms so that he could focus on his own feelings for a while. He and the rest of them entered Bruce’s room, while Jason, Mara and Duke waited in the seating area outside. They were soon joined by Kate.

She looked shaken. Not by grief or worry, rather by her own anger. It felt nice to not be the only one. Then she caught sight of Mara and something in her gaze shifted. Jason caught on quickly, redirecting Mara’s attention from his phone to the woman in front of them.

“You might not remember Kate, but you met her when you were this tiny” Jason said, showing Mara how tiny she had once been. “She’s kinda me and papa’s aunt.”

Kate actually smiled at that and then proceeded to greet Mara.

“Why is our family so big?” Mara asked, looking between Kate and Jason, all big eyed curiosity. 

“Because we’ve chosen each other” Kate said with a small smile. “Then your family can grow as big as you want it to.”

Mara considered her words. Jason could practically see the wheels turning, then his little girl turned to him. Her brow was sat in a resolute frown.

“Then I want a little sister”

Jason spluttered. He stared at her. Her eyes shone with sincerity and all Jason could think was: _where the hell had that come from?_

He looked around, meeting Kate’s eyes. The woman already breaking into laughter. Duke soon joining her. Mara watched them in confusion, but faced with a difficult decision she only pushed her chin out and repeated herself in case the adults around her hadn’t understood her.

“I- I can’t give you that, darling” Jason tried to explain, feeling suddenly helpless. Neither Kate nor Duke were much help here either.

“You got us Duke!” Mara insisted, stubborn as ever.

Jason rubbed the back of his neck in a rare display of nerves that he had worked to get rid since his teenage years. “Yeah, well, that’s different.”

“How?” Mara asked, eyes big and blue, and _god_ … He hadn’t ever wanted another child, but now that the question was brought up he felt a sudden longing. He loved Mara, he loved the little family she had given him and he would have loved to give her a sister. Another little girl with those azure eyes.

“I needed a home” Duke told her, his voice taking on a soft tone, breaking Jason out of his thoughts. Which was probably for the best. “And your dads gave me one.”

Jason threw an arm out to pull Duke into a one-armed hug. This was something they hadn’t talked about, not really, but he was quickly realizing that they should as soon as possible. If Duke, against his better judgment, thought that this was a suitable family for him, well, Jason wasn’t exactly going to kick him to curb now was he?

As Jason was considering what you needed to do to file an adoption (it was totally an option to consider), Dick came out of Bruce’s room. He looked weary and sad. Jason didn’t like that look at all. The want to just wrap Dick up in his arms and run away with him was overwhelming. Dick settled down beside Duke, giving the teen a weak smile.

“How’s it going?” Jason asked, nodding towards the room.

Dick sighed. “Damian is really angry. Well, they all are.”

“And you’re not gonna play mediator?”

“I can’t even stand being in that room right now, so no, I’m not.” Dick said, putting his head in his hands. When she saw how upset her papa was, Mara crawled out of Jason’s lap to go hug Dick.

“Don’t be sad, papa.”

“I’m not, love, not really” Dick said, pulling Mara into his lap and close to his chest.

The door to Bruce’s room was suddenly thrown open and Damian stormed out. He continued past them and down the corridor. Both Jason and Dick were halfway out their seats when they looked at each other.

“You want me to…?” Jason asked at the same time as Dick said: “I probably should…”

“I can take Mara” Duke suggested.

Dick hesitated only a moment before handing over their daughter. Jason nodded at him. And then they were hurrying after Damian. While he hadn’t gotten far, it did take them a moment before they figured out his hiding spot, but they finally found him in the staircase. The kid sat on the step, hunched in on himself, shoulders shaking. Dick rushed to him and pulled Damian into his arms. Jason stood back watching them, not really sure what he should or could do.

“It’s okay, Little D, it will be alright.” Dick promised.

“W-what if I hadn’t left… He wouldn’t…” Damian murmured, regret and guilt mixing into a beautiful cocktail of self-loathing. Jason knew the combination far too well and hated how the source always ran back to Bruce. Dick only pulled Damian tighter to him, words quiet and soothing.

“It’s not your fault, Dami.”

Jason didn’t think as he left Dick to console Damian, took the steps back to Bruce’s room in a controlled half-jog.

When he entered the room, the chatter that had been going on died out in an instant. Cass, Tim and Steph all looked up at him with a weariness he hadn’t seen on their faces in his presence in a long time. It made him sick. Anger coiling in his chest. He turned his gaze to Bruce. To think he had pitied the sight of him just yesterday. Bruce’s cold, grey eyes looked back. There were no mercy in them, so Jason wouldn’t grant him any either.

Cass made a small sound, then signed something to Tim and Steph. Tim made a vague motion of protest but was soon pulled out of the room by the girls. With them gone, the room descended into silence. The explosive sort that would break into a million glass-shards with one wrong word, one wrong step. Jason’s anger boiled beneath the surface, licked his skin from inside. He began pacing under the Bat’s watchful eyes. The words were hard to come by. Too many conflicting emotions running amok in his veins. Making his head a hurting, confused mess. In the end, it was Bruce who spoke first.

“Thank you” he said, voice low, barely more than a mumble, as if speaking through a mouthful of gravel. The word stopped him short. He could only stare at his old guardian. Years of hatred clawing at his throat, willing to get out. Years of longing, holding him back.

“For what?” Jason asked eventually, clenching his jaw, refusing to show anything but indifference. Anything else would have been a weakness. One he couldn’t afford.

“For taking care of Damian.” There was something in Bruce’s eyes that looked like sorrow, and _no, just no._ He didn’t get to feel sorry for himself.

“How dare you?” Jason’s voice was stone. “He needed you and you abandoned him. You don’t get to thank me for doing the bare necessity of what it means to be a parent.”

“Jason…”

“I’m not done.” Jason interrupted, pacing up to the window, not able to stand the sight of that _fucking coward._ “You know, once you get children of your own you start to realize things about your own childhood and your own parents. The things you put us through, I would never do that to Mara. I don’t care if it’s a fucking disease, I don’t care if you were a traumatized child, you’re still a fucking egoist.”

Bruce grunted in answer. It made something crawl along Jason’s spine. He was furious and suddenly afraid he wasn’t being listened to. Because the thing was Bruce never did listen, and he wanted to hurt him for that, but more than anything he just wanted Bruce to see, to understand, to fucking reflect on his own faults and maybe, not for Jason’s sake but for the sake of Jason’s family, repent. He turned around, slowly went up to Bruce’s bedside. He thought he saw fear flicker in the man’s eyes. Good. Serves him right. Jason leaned over him, forced Bruce to meet his eyes.

“When I found Mara… When I decided to keep her, the first thing I knew was that I wanted better for her than all the shit I was forced through. You’ve never felt that have you? You’ve never loved us enough to protect us from your own demons.”

There was a spark of anger in Bruce’s eyes now. Jason baited it by smirking down at the man.

“Am I right? Hitting a nerve?”

“I-I-“ Bruce stammered, furious enough to not be able to form words.

“Is it that you’re incapable, or did you just never want to love? Is it another weakness?”

“When you hate yourself, it’s difficult to…”

Jason snarled down at him. “I find that hard to believe. I’ve hated myself all my fucking life, yet somehow I still love. I love my daughter more than anything in this world. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her. And I love-“

He was about to say something he would most likely regret. Jason bit down hard on the name already forming in his throat. It was none of Bruce’s business anyway. Instead he turned his words into another lash, whipping it over Bruce’s bruised body.

“I even loved you once. Thought I’d actually found a home. Turns out you just didn’t give a shit.”

“That’s wrong” Bruce hurled at him. “You’re wrong. I cared so much for you Jason, losing you was… one of the worst experiences of my life.”

“Don’t give me that crap.” Jason said, stalking out of the room, Bruce calling his name trailing after him like a bad smell. He immediately went for Mara. Lifting her out of Duke’s lap to wrap his arms around her, kissing the side of her head, whispering:

“I love you, and I will spend the rest of my life making sure you’ll never doubt that.”

“Dad?” Mara asked, uncertain about this sudden display of affection. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. As long as I’ll have you I’ll be okay.” Jason promised, kissing her temple one last time before setting her down on the floor. Mara stood there for a moment, staring up at him, and then grabbed onto his pants in a way she hadn’t since she was much younger. Back when it had only been the two of them. He probably shouldn’t, but sometimes he couldn’t help but miss that time. When the world barely existed outside of their little bubble, and he didn’t need to deal with the total bullshit that was the Bats. But then again, he had also been forced to carry all the worry alone, and he’d been downright _lonely_ a lot of the time. Here he had a family, had somehow managed to create one. It was something worth fighting for. Even more importantly, it was something worth staying for. Bruce wasn't going to drive him away. 

___________

:::::::::::::::::  
__________

Bruce watched Jason leave, the boy’s name dying on his tongue. Not that he was a boy anymore. Not that he had ever been Bruce’s, but still…

He’d failed them all in some way, not through his actions as Batman, but his mistakes and absence as a father. Dick, by not being able to adjust to the boy growing up. Jason, not just by failing to save him, he’d failed him long before that. He should have helped Jason with his anger, made sure to build a relationship strong enough that Jason could have trusted Bruce to help him. With Tim he’d been too distracted by his own fears and anger, wanting to do better by him, but in the end falling through. He’d never given Steph a chance, and Cass had been hurt so much before even coming to Gotham that it seemed anything he did was better. Which was a low fucking bar and even he knew that.

But the one he had failed the most was his own flesh and blood. Damian had been raised to think his father was somehow a superhuman and in extension so was he. He’d been raised to kill all the flaws within himself, which only left him stunted and broken. All the boy had wanted was approval, and Bruce had failed to give him that. _No, that’s not it._ All Damian had really needed was to be treated as a child and Bruce hadn’t. He’d been unable to provide the bare necessities. But then Dick had just taken one look at the boy, and seen him for what he truly was, a scared, confused child, and treated him as such. Building up a relationship that eventually had led Damian to seek out Dick when Bruce had proved once more that he couldn’t deal with his own son. Bruce could never resent Dick for it, but the resentment he felt for his own failures sometimes out-shadowed his pride in both his sons.

He’s own overprotective nature, his own resentment for his past mistakes, had been the things to drive his family away from him. Dick had put it best when he’d told him that Bruce had lost two sons instead of gaining a granddaughter. He’d lost Damian in failing to provide the kid a safe space to find himself. And he feared he would lose the others to if he failed to recover. 

So he vowed to do better by them. To use his love for them and grow into someone deserving of regaining their trust. Because Jason was right, he should do everything in his power and beyond for them. They were his children after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I have tortured Bruce enough, from here on things will hopefully get happier, cause I feel like I need to write a little more lighthearted stories now.


	21. Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick gave him a smile then. He was so close. It would be easy to just lean down and… and nothing. Jason knew Dick was all hands on, didn’t mean anything. Anyway the thought of a potential rejection was more than Jason could probably endure. He took a step back, letting Dick’s hand fall from his exposed skin, before he turned around to grab a shirt to cover himself with

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy Batman, I never intended to make this fic this long. I feel it is difficult to keep the thread, but it just got a life of its own, and now I feel like there needs to be at least another two chapters before we've reached the end.   
> So I hope that is not to disapointing. 
> 
> As always this isn't beta'd, so mistakes are all mine.

Damian and Duke had elected to ride back to the manor with Alfred and Tim. While the girls had joined Kate, and wherever Cass and Steph went, there went Mara too. It gave Dick and Jason a small reprieve from responsibilities that they both needed. Allowing for them to talk undisturbed. Jason was behind the wheel, Dick was watching him through the corner of his eyes. He didn’t know what he and Bruce had talked about, but it had clearly been enough to rattle them both. Dick understood why it might never happen, but he wished that they would just get along. That they could resolve their differences.

Dick sighed heavily, it wasn’t his place.

Jason glanced over at him, his voice surprisingly gentle when he spoke. “You wanna go get a coffee?”

Involuntarily Dick’s heart picked up speed. He quenched down on the thought. It wasn’t a date, no matter how much Dick secretly wanted it to be. Jason was just trying to be kind.

“Yeah, sure.” Dick nodded. “I’ll text Damian, tell him we’ll be a while.”

“Maybe text Steph and Cass too, someone needs to look after Mara.”

“Like they aren’t all going to fight for the honor” Dick said, laughing. “They all love her.”

Jason smiled, it made something warm spark in Dick’s chest to be privy to. “Yeah, they really do, don’t they?”

They drove back into Gotham and ended up at a coffee-place they had visited sometimes back when Jason was still Robin. A couple of months before Jason’s death, when he and Dick had finally started to get along slightly. It felt cathartic to be back, to sit opposite a very much alive and healthy Jason, in a place that held history for them both. Like going back to the start, asking for a do-over. Except everything was different now, wasn’t it? They had a daughter now. They lived together. They shared responsibilities, worries, laughter, _a bed._ If anything they were probably long past the state where a do-over was possible, and Dick honestly didn’t want to go back. He was happy where he was. Perhaps happier than he’d been in ages.

“How much sugar have you poured in that thing?” Jason asked, nodding at Dick’s chocolate macchiato, which fine, Dick had added sugar too. He needed the energy, sue him. Dick made a face at him, which broke Jason down into laughter.

Dick smirked. He watched Jason’s wide smile, open and inviting. The glint in his eyes. He was warm and safe and beautiful, and all other things Dick hadn’t known Jason capable of. That Dick hadn’t known he wanted. Jason’s hand was curled around his coffee, and it would have been so easy to reach out, touch his skin, lace their fingers together. He could almost fool himself to believe Jason might even welcome it. Dick still refrained. Jason didn’t do well when pushed and Dick was still afraid he was seeing things that weren’t there.

They had been through a lot together. Both before and after Mara. He thought back to the time after he had first found out about Mara. The anger and disorganization. The jealousy and spite. The overwhelming love for his little girl, and the slow patching up of his and Jason’s relationship. The pit-falls and the recoveries. Everything that had lead him to this very moment. How Jason had given him a family. Not just through Mara, but by bringing home Damian and Duke. They were one unit now. Dick couldn’t imagine having to give that up.

Suddenly Jason was waving his hand in front of Dick’s face. When Dick met his eyes, the aquamarines were filled with worry, brow furrowed.

“Hey, where did you go to? I think I lost you there” Jason said, giving a small smile. It was almost awkward and incredibly adorable.

“I was just thinking.” Dick excused himself.

“About Bruce?”

Dick shook his head. “No, about…” _us._ “Mara and how we got here.”

Jason’s worry didn’t ease at his words. “Yeah? And?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever told you how happy I am. To have you and Mara in my life.”

“Sap” Jason said, but there was a light pink spreading over his cheeks. “What did you and Damian talk about?”

“That’s not even a subtle change of topic” Dick laughed.

Jason only smiled. “What? I’m curious. I worry about the brat.”

“I know you do.” _And I love you for it._

“So?” Jason prompted, raising his eyebrows expectantly.

Dick sighed. “He tries to take responsibility for things that are beyond his control.”

“He’s taking after you then?” Jason was smirking, and Dick wanted to swat at him.

“Did you want to hear or not?”

“Oh, please continue”

“Thank you” Dick said, taking a swig of his coffee, and alright, it might be a little too sweet. “He thinks that maybe if he had stayed with Bruce he could have seen the signs and helped him. But I’m rather happy he didn’t have to, you know? I’m grateful you brought him home. It feels like we did a good thing.”

“Yeah, kid doesn’t deserve this.” Jason said, Dick could see his frustration in the way his fists was clenching around his coffee, and this time Dick couldn’t stop himself. He reached out, brushing his fingers over Jason’s knuckles, feeling old, healed up scarring.

“It’s okay. He’s safe. They’re all safe.”

Jason opened one hand, turning it over, allowing for Dick’s hand to grace over his palm. Dick’s heart stuttered as Jason laced their fingers together, resting both of their hands against the table. They sat like that in comfortable silence, drinking their coffee and Dick could almost imagine that this was something they did on a regular basis.

_____________

When they got back to the manor, Mara was hanging upside down in the big chandelier in the dining room. Cass was standing on the table, her hands braced around Mara’s waist, making sure the little girl was safe, while Steph was taking photos. Meanwhile Damian was one Tim away from launching onto the table to pluck the girl down. Dick stopped in the doorway, staring, before he broke down into laughter.

“What’s so funny?” Jason asked, walking up behind him, placing a hand on Dick’s back and, maybe Dick should do something before… “What _the hell_ do you think you’re doing?”

Mara was laughing to the point of wheezing, making faces at the camera. Dick reached out and grabbed Jason’s arm, before he could storm into the room and cause an accident by startling them. Cass and Steph had everything under control, they would never forgive themselves if something happened to Mara.

“Dad! Papa!” Mara squealed when she caught sight of them. “Look what I can do!”

“We’re seeing, sweetheart! And we’re really proud, aren’t we?” Dick turned to Jason with a raised eyebrow. Jason grumbled slightly, but eventually relented.

“You’re doing great, darling” he said, while glaring heatedly at Steph and Cass.

Damian huffed his chest out, proclaiming that he had tried to stop _this madness._ Dick quickly moved to detach Mara from the chandelier before Jason had an aneurism, lifting her up and spinning her around to keep her laughing. Mara was talking a mile a minute about what Cass and Steph had taught her while Dick listened indulgingly. After a moment he sat her down on the floor, which seemed to calm Jason down.

“Where’s Duke?” Jason asked then.

“Alfred is showing him the manor” Steph said brightly. “It will take a while.”

Jason raised his eyebrows. “Hm? Is there a reason for that?”

“Yes, there is” Kate said, stepping inside the room with the litheness of a shadow. “Damian will take Mara and join them”

“Why me?” Damian argued.

“You know why, squirt” Steph said, noggin Damian fondly.

“Family business then?” Dick asked, receiving strangely somber looks from the other bats.

Damian muttered something unintelligible, probably a complaint about his family’s paranoia, before he reached out for Mara’s hand and shepherd her from the room.

“Is this a cave-conversation?” Jason wondered, and Dick could see him tensing up, shoulders up to his neck as if anticipating some kind of attack. Dick reached out without thinking, placing a gentle hand between his shoulder blades and rubbing out the kinks. He tried to convey that it would be okay.

“We’re figuring it would be better to have the conversation here, neutral ground and all that” Tim said, giving a vain smile.

“Fine” Jason sighed. “Shoot”

“Aren’t you the one who used to…” Steph started but then Cass elbowed her harshly in the side and she immediately shut up. Dick still noticed the slight curve of a smile forming on Jason’s lips, that was either due to a long lost memory or fondness for Steph’s brashness. Dick hopped for the latter. 

“Right, I’m gonna sit down for this.” Dick said, taking a seat by the table and was soon joined by the rest of them. Jason’s expression had soured once more, and Dick could see the hesitation in Tim’s eyes as his brother broached the subject.

“With Bruce out of the equation…”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, he’s an idiot but a human being, not another of your numbers.” Jason growled, but didn’t argue the point further. He probably just needed something to question, to derail the conversation before anything got too serious.

Dick heaved a sigh. “He wants me to step in as Batman again?”

“He might want that,” Steph agreed, “but we’ve been talking…”

“Over the head of the big ole’ Bat, how dare you?” Jason asked, eyes glinting with either mischief or annoyance.

“Cadmus” Cass interrupted, before anyone could get into a verbal argument. Even Jason quieted down at that.

“What about them?” Dick asked. “We know that B has looked into it and that something’s going on but…”

“They have started up the project again that brought you Mara.” Tim said, resignation blooming in his eyes. “You basically stole a million dollar investment when you freed her.”

“Not one of your numbers either” Jason snarled. “Not an experiment, not an investment. My daughter.”

Dick placed a hand on his thigh, rubbing circles into the muscle. _And goddamit, those muscles…_

“You think they will clone someone else?” Dick asked, focusing back on the conversation.

Tim shrugged. “We don’t know. It is possible that they will continue working with the DNA samples they already got, but...”

“Yeah, about that. How did they even got hold of our DNA?” Dick asked, the question had irked him since the beginning, but it had never been a priority to find out. Until perhaps now when some new danger loomed at the horizon.

“Probably before Jason died.” Tim said. “There are no records that suggest they are aware of him still being alive, which might be the reason that you and Mara were never discovered.”

“Sounds too convenient” Jason grumbled. “They were packing the project up, classifying it as a failure. Why restart it?”

“Better sample?” Cass suggested, shrugging her shoulders.

“As in?” Dick asked.

“The basis of the experiment is the same as it was with Conner. Create a person with the best physical and psychological abilities of two DNA-donners.” Tim said.

“Then why the fuck did they choose me?” Jason interrupted, drumming his fingers against the table, thigh muscle clenching beneath Dick’s hand. “I was a fucking starved-out brat with anger-issues.”

“Child soldier” Kate hummed. Her gaze was lost in the middle distance, a disapproving frown forming over her features. “Don’t forget that Robin isn’t just Batman’s sidekick but also the closest thing to a child-soldier we’ll come in the public eye.”

Cass nodded seriously at that. Steph made a grimace of pain, that was vaguely echoed by Tim.

Dick felt a dead-cold fear ascend him, thinking about what would have happened to Mara if Jason hadn’t found her. If there were other experiments out there just like her, children who had been created for the sole purpose of warfare. Not entirely unlike Cass. But what if there was someone like her out there that shared Dick’s DNA, that he was unaware of and couldn’t help. Not knowing was horrifying.

Tim continued. “We think it is an old project. That they didn’t succeed until Mara and even that was a failure because she doesn’t share your memories or experiences. If they have picked it up again there must be a reason for it, and that is… unsettling.”

“So what do you want us to do?” Dick asked.

“I think it would be good if Batman wasn’t dropping off the radar right now, maybe have him visit the facility we think they’re rebuilding.”

“Jason should do it” Kate said, startling them. Dick turned to her in surprise, beside him Jason had coiled tight like a wire. “You have, if only by dumb-luck, entered one of these facilities and rescued someone out of it.”

“Plus you got the figure of Batman” Steph said, completing the statement with a playfully leering smirk.

“You want me to take the cowl? Are you all fucking insane?” Jason asked, while something in his eyes turned cold and distasteful. A shield against the sudden turn of events.

Dick wanting to ease the tension and told him he didn’t think it was that bad of an idea. Hoping, against hope, that it would ease Jason’s mind, that he’d feel like they were supporting him not punishing him. Instead Jason’s face filled with betrayal.

“You too, huh? Fucking figures” Jason spat out before rising from his seat, pushing the chair back rather violently. Dick’s hand dropped from his thigh and before Dick could reach out for him once more, Jason was gone.

“That went better than expected” Tim said into the silence.

Steph smiled ruefully, crossing her arms over her chest. “I told you he wouldn’t like it.”

“I’ll go talk to him” Dick sighed. “Talk him around to it, make him see the bigger picture.”

Of all places Dick thought he’d find Jason it’s not sitting by the grand piano in the salon, glaring down at the black and white keys. The clock, leading down to the cave, towers behind him like a bad omen. He has never looked more like Bruce than he did in that moment. It’s both symbolic and unsettling.

“You gonna play me something?” Dick asked with a light smile, leaning against the grand piano, the polished black wood giving of a muddy reflection of his face. Jason’s eyes trailed up his body, settling on his chin. Too angry to look Dick in the eyes apparently.

“Do you honestly think this is a good idea, or are you just happy that someone else has to shoulder the burden?”

Dick sighed, raking his hand through his hair. “I think you deserve the trust, and I know you could handle it.”

“I haven’t done anything close to this in over four years’ time. Putting on the batsuit is like pinning a fucking target to my back!”

“Being Red Hood can’t have been much better”

“I didn’t have a child then.” Jason said, finally meeting Dick’s eyes, pinning him to the spot. Dick felt the old argument brimming underneath the surface.

“I manage to balance Nightwing…” he began only to be interrupted by Jason.

“Because if something happens to you, she’ll still have me. If we’re both out there and… I can’t do that to her.” Jason said, turning his gaze away. “You and me, we’re both orphans, we know what that shit is like.

“Nothing will happen to you” Dick promised, reaching out to settle his hand on Jason’s shoulder.

“And how the hell do you know that? I’m out of practice and…”

“Because I won’t allow it”

Jason laughed at that, but it sounded hollow, bitter. “Dick Grayson, standing between me and probability?”

“You’re in better shape then you give yourself credit for.”

“Oh, is that so?” Jason said, a smirk now blooming onto his handsome face and Dick was for a moment too embarrassed to speak. Jason barked out another laugh.

“I’ll show it to you!” Dick prompted then. 

“Yeah, how?” Jason asked.

“Spar with me.” Dick said, only then realizing how much it sounded like a plea. “If you beat me, you’re fit for patrol”

“However will that prove anything?”

“Common!” Dick begged, already reaching for Jason’s arm and dragging him to his feet.

“No, Dick, I’m not gonna…”

“What if there is someone else like Mara out there, wouldn’t you want to help them too?”

“Fine” Jason sighed, allowing for Dick to drag him over to the watch.

___________

:::::::::::::::::

__________

Jason found himself facing down Dick on the sparring mats down in the cave. They had started off with simple blocking exercises. One hitting, the other parrying. Then of course it had developed into a competition, because they were both competitive bastards. Each blow fell harder and faster, meaning that the one who were supposed to block had to move swifter or fight back. It quickly deteriorated into a heated game of wrestling, neither Jason nor Dick held back. Both of them using whatever ugly tactics they could come up with to gain the upper hand, which lead to Dick trying to tickle Jason’s sides, because sometimes he was his namesake. Jason did his best to keep Dick’s hands away from his own person. They rolled around until Dick ended up straddling Jason’s thighs.

“Do you give up?”

Jason trashed when Dick brought his hands down on him, tickling beneath his ribs.

“Fuck you!”

“That’s a no then?” Dick asked, blue eyes filled with mischief, making them glint in a way that was out of this world. Jason only barely managed to grasp Dick’s wrists and hold on to them. Dick looked a little surprised at first, but then his face turned all gleeful again.

“Remember when we sparred when you were still Robin?”

And Jason rather not, because there had been some awkward cold showers after a couple of those altercations.

“What about it?” Jason asked, still struggling to keep Dick’s wrists in a secure hold. The man was like an eel.

Dick’s smile became truly lecherous at that as he leaned forward until their faces were aligned and Jason was lost to stare up into Dick’s blue, blue eyes. This was like something out of Jason’s fevered teenage dreams and he barely dared to breathe. Then Dick parted his lips and…

“Gross!” Jason shouted and in one powerful move spun them around before Dick’s spit could hit him in the eye. “You’re still doing that shit?! What are you, ten?”

Dick’s head thumped against the mat but it didn’t stop his wild laughter. He arched back struggling to fill his lungs with air, exposing the long line of his golden neck. Jason wanted to bite into it. He pushed down on Dick’s wrists until he had them pinned above Dick’s head. The man was still laughing like a maniac, as Jason leaned most of his weight over Dick’s stomach, Dick’s thighs bracing his hips. This was not good. _This was perfect._

Dick’s eyes met his, and there were galaxies in them. Jason leaned closer, entranced.

“Worked didn’t it?” Dick asked, but the words came out slightly breathless.

“Depends on what end results you were expecting.” Jason huffed, doing his best to not show how affected he was by their interaction.

“This is good” Dick whispered, then before Jason could ask what the hell he meant by that, there was a loud crashing sound somewhere behind them as something shattered to the floor. Jason whipped his hear around, where Tim stood staring at them, wide-eyed and horrified. By his feet lay a broken coffee cup. Both Jason and Dick hurried to detach themselves from each other, scrabbling over the mats, putting as much distance between them as they could. Tim, the dramatic little shit, still whirled around with his hands covering his ears.

“I’m fine with this. I’m fine with it, I swear.” He said with his back turned to them, voice a mixture of amusement and exasperation. “You can do whatever you want, I’m totally cool with it, but for the love of god, do you have to do _it_ in front of me?!”

Jason felt his cheeks redden at Tim’s insinuation.

“Since when are you affronted by sparring?” Dick asked, and Jason really didn’t dare to look over at him, even if he was dying to know what expression his face held.

“If that’s the way you wanna play it, captain oblivious” Tim muttered under his breath, but still loud and clear enough for them both to hear it. “Anyway, I want to show you guys something. If you’re done?”

Jason sneered at him and pushed himself off of the floor, doubting only half-a-second before offering a hand out to Dick. He could see Dick’s brief hesitation before he allowed Jason to pull him up. Jason tried not to take it personally.

They gathered around Tim by the bat-computer. _Who the fuck named all these things?_ Bruce Bigger-goth-is-yet-to-be-found Wayne. Tim clicked on some buttons until a video-feed appeared on the screen. It showed a rundown building, a black van and figures dressed in white. The scene was all too familiar and it made anxiety curl tight in his stomach. Jason leaned closer. Studied the blurry pictures as if his life depended on it.

“Remind you of something?” Tim asked, _fucking smart-ass._

Jason grunted an answer. If this had anything to do with the people that created Mara, he’d blow their fucking brains out.

“Do we have any proof that their reusing or DNA, or anyone else that we know of?” Dick asked, brushing his fingers over his chin in a manner he must have unconsciously picked up from Bruce. Right now it was only unsettling.

Tim shrugged. “That’s why we need to get inside.”

“And you’re sure Batman is the best way to do it?” Jason asked.

“You have any better ideas?” Tim asked.

Jason growled at that. “Not yet.”

“So what do you say? The cowl comes with benefits”

“Fine.”

___________

He’d just been through the shower and was trying to find himself some clean clothes when Dick pushed open the door to the bedroom. Dick stopped short when he noticed that Jason still hadn’t put anything on except the towel he wore around his hips.

“Close the door” Jason asked. “You’re letting the cool air in.”

“Sorry, I didn’t…” Dick began, quickly closing the door behind him, and taking some awkwardly stilted steps inside.

“We sleep in the same bed already, now is not the time to get squeamish.” Jason pointed out, crossing his arms over his chest, knowing full well how it made his muscles expand and move. If Dick were going to be all touchy-feely, Jason could use his own tricks.

Dick rolled his eyes, a small smile pulling at his lips, as he stepped further in the room. His eyes suddenly focusing on something on Jason’s chest.

“What?” Jason asked, after a beat of uncomfortable silence.

“It’s just…” Dick hesitated, and then proceeded to point at Jason’s chest. _The scars._ “I didn’t know you had that. You always sleep with a shirt on. It’s from the autopsy, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, Pit couldn’t quite heal it up.”

Dick nodded at that, stepping closer, reaching out slightly as if… “Can I?”

Jason stared at him. Dick suddenly stilled, looking sheepish.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t…”

“It’s okay.” Jason said before he could stop himself, reaching out for Dick until Dick had placed his hand in his. It felt like electricity was suddenly shooting up his arm. Jason drew Dick closer, placed his hand against his chest. Feeling the jolt as Dick’s fingers brushed over the scarred skin. “I know it’s kinda ugly…”

“No” Dick interrupted quickly, finger following the white lines. “It’s proof you’re alive. That you came back to us.”

Jason shrugged slightly, feeling his heart pick up speed. “I guess. Haven’t thought of it like that.”

Dick gave him a smile then. He was so close. It would be easy to just lean down and… _and nothing._ Jason knew Dick was all hands on, didn’t mean anything. Anyway the thought of a potential rejection was more than Jason could probably endure. He took a step back, letting Dick’s hand fall from his exposed skin, before he turned around to grab a shirt to cover himself with.

“Did you want something?” he asked, having to clear his throat when his voice came out rough and closed off.

Dick sighed quietly. “Yeah, dinner’s ready. And…”

“And what?”

“You’re far more than that, you know”

“Than what”

“A starved-out street-kid.” Dick said, and even if it wasn’t intended, it hurt hearing those words from him. “You’re great. You always have been.”

“I think you have some selective memory there, but thank you, I guess.”

“You’re welcome.”

Jason felt his cheeks heat up. “Yeah, yeah. Now get out, I still need to put some pants on.”


	22. Batman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One moment later the attacker laid sprawled on the ground, one arm bent oddly, before Damian reached out to support Jason’s weight.   
> “Did you break his arm?” Jason grunted between clenched teeth, the pain pulsing, rushing over him in waves.   
> “He stabbed you” Damian answered, and Jason wasn’t going to be a hypocrite here and talk about unnecessary violence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning, Bruce is starting to act like a father in this chapter, he isn't good at it yet though...

Jason agrees to don the cowl through the psychological torture that is Dick Grayson’s sex-appeal. It’s not something he is proud of, but it is the truth. The memory, _the feeling,_ of Dick spread under him, his thighs braced around Jason’s hips, is enough to make sleeping by Dick’s side uncomfortable. So in the following nights he avoids it. He’s endeavor is made easier by the fact that Dick starts commuting between Gotham and Bludhaven, meaning he sometimes stays the night in his apartment. Once Bruce is released from the hospital it becomes an impossibility anyway. So Jason pretends he doesn’t catch Dick’s hurt look over the dinner table. 

Mara has asked when they will return to Bludhaven and Jason has no answer for her. It reminds him to much of when Bruce had brought them back to the manor the first time, and he feels trapped. Damian has become quiet. It’s worrying, but Jason doesn’t know how to reach him. Duke seems content to live in the manor but Jason can see that he feels lost, unproductive and uncertain of his place. Jason need to take care of that before it becomes a problem. He can’t chuck all his responsibilities at Alfred even though it is tempting to do so with how helpful the man always is.

Bruce is back home, but he’s a shadow of himself in a way that freaked even Jason out. His old mentor is often found sitting out on the patio catching the early spring sun, staring into some middle distance full of his very own demons. Jason sometimes watched him from an upstairs window.

Sometimes Bruce is accompanied by his children, other times by teammates in civvies. Barry Allen has been there, the speedster filling the silence to the point that Bruce simply up and left. Hal Jordan sat down in the grass, telling Bruce a story that seemed to at least make the old man quirk his lips. Oliver Queen had a few choice words with him. He also brought news on Roy; Kory’s expecting their first baby together. Jason immediately goes to call his redheaded idiot of a friend to whine at him for not having told him sooner, missing the epic shout-out that occurs between Queen and Bruce.

“We thought you were busy with what’s happened to Bruce and all that.” Roy excused himself, voice a little static over the phone.

Jason rolled his eyes, knowing full well that Roy can’t see him. “Yeah, but these are happy news. God knows we need more of those. Fuck, Roy, I’m so happy for you. The both of you.”

He’s standing in the doorway to the kitchen, where he has full view of Mara helping Alfred bake some cookies. He imagines her glee when he tells her that her friend Lian is going to have a little sibling. Then his imagination gets the better of him and he sees himself holding a bundle of sleeping baby, cute button nose and black peach-fuss. It scares him how much he wants it

“When’s the due date?” Jason asked, in an attempt distract himself.

“Sometime during early autumn.” Roy said, sounding almost disbelieving himself.

“Excited?” Jason grinned, wishing he could speak to Roy in person, if only so he could tease him relentlessly.

Roy chuckled. “Fuck, yeah I am. But you should see Lian. She’s over the moon.”

“I can imagine.”

They continued to talk a while more. Jason asking more questions, about the baby and how Kory was doing. It’s just catching up really, but it felt nice. He vows to call more often. Jason ended the call by congratulating his friend a second time, before he joined Mara and Alfred to decorate the cookies.

A couple of days later, Clark comes around. He is surprisingly quiet and unaccusing. He sits together with Bruce and at one point even reaching out to hold his hand. If Bruce is an asshole, and sometimes he really is, Clark would know that better than almost anyone. He is Bruce’s oldest friend, and if he can keep forgiving him, maybe there is something there that is salvageable.

Then Diana pays visit. Mara is more than excited to once more see the woman who is probably the closest thing to a grandmother that the little girl has. Diana in turn is just as excited to see Mara.

“How is my little wonder-girl doing?” Diana asked, hugging Mara tightly. Mara immediately began telling her about Lian expecting a little sibling, which has been Mara’s favorite topic ever since Jason told her the news.

“I want one too” Mara whined. “I know I have Damian and Duke but it’s not the same”

“Duke?” Diana wondered.

“Yeah, dad found him.” Mara explained off-handedly, as if it was a normal occurrence for Jason to go around bringing children home. “I want a baby-sister.”

Diana looked amused at her, but when her eyes flicked up to meet Jason’s he could see the question in them. So he explained how he met Duke and how Duke came to be part of their little family.

“By the gods, kid, you have the heart of an amazon.” Diana tells him, and it might just be the greatest compliment he’s ever received. After having shifted Mara slightly on her hips, she pulled Jason into a one armed hug. “I’m sorry I’ve been bad at keeping in touch.”

“It’s fine” Jason assures her, and he means it. “I could have been better at it as well.”

“Seems you’ve kept busy” Diana smiled at him.

“Yeah, I guess.” Jason extracted himself from Diana’s arms, rubbing the back of his neck in a nervous manner. “I’m picking up the cowl now as well”

“Really?” Diana’s eyes narrowed. “You want me to yell at Bruce for you?”

“It wasn’t his idea. I have no clue if he approves or not, but I guess he wouldn’t”

“I’m sorry. Bruce can be an idiot. I’m sure you’re doing great.” Diana smiled brightly at him.

It meant a lot to hear it, and so far he hadn’t made a fool of himself completely. On the other hand patrol had been calm, no major things had happened and he had the full support of Red Robin, Black Bat, Spoiler and Oracle in his ear, giving him all the information he could possibly need, often before he even thought to ask for it.

But he was tired. Perhaps more easily irritated.

He felt Diana’s hand brush over his cheek. “You’re doing well, but don’t work yourself too hard, please.”

Jason nodded, feeling the gratitude like a physical thing, before he picked Mara out of Diana’s arms so that she could go speak to Bruce.

__________

Jason dragged himself out of the batmobile. It was low, sleek-going for sure, but fucking impossible to clamper out off when your entire body hurt like it was planning mutiny on his brain. He threw off the gauntlets in anger, receiving a slightly disappointed look from Alfred, who stood ready with a first aid kit.

“What happened, Master Jason?” Alfred asked in his usual calm voice.

“Armed _fucking_ robbery” Jason grunted.

“I suggest you watch your language, young man.”

_Young man? Not good._ Jason vowed to watch his manners better, even if he felt like one giant walking bruise. Pun so not intended.

“Sorry, Al”

“It is quite alright.”

Jason sighed, pushing off the cowl and dragging a hand through his hair. He was drenched in sweat. _Sweet. Just the thing he missed from his vigilante years._

“The suit is slowing me down. I need someone to watch my six.”

“Is that so?” Alfred asked, and if Jason wasn’t mistaken he seemed amused.

“Yeah, I’m thinking about bringing Damian back into service for a while.”

He’d thought about it for some time now, arguing back and forth with himself. He wasn’t keen on bringing a kid onto the streets, even if this was Robin and probably the most lethal one at that. Then he’d watched Damian’s restlessness, the longing in his eyes when Jason disappeared down to the cave, and the decision had been easy. But he needed to discuss it with someone who was levelheaded and objective enough to not immediately throw a fit about it.

“You think it’s a good idea?” Jason asked.

Alfred studied him for a moment. Cleaning out a small gash on his cheek that Jason wasn’t even aware that he had contracted.

“In my humble opinion, I think it is an excellent idea.”

Which told Jason everything he needed to know about Alfred’s thoughts on Bruce’s initial decision to bench Damian.

Breaking the idea to Damian went about as easy as Jason would have hoped. His eyes lit up with something close to wonder and while he didn’t hug Jason it was a near thing.

The following day Jason was preparing lunch for the household, giving Alfred some free-time, which the butler took to with surprising levity. He was just about to prepare stuffed mushrooms for Damian, when arms suddenly snaked around his waist. For a moment he thought it was Cass who’d sneaked into the kitchen, but then the cologne hit him.

“That smells amazing, little wing” Dick said, burying his face between Jason’s shoulder blades.

Jason suppressed a shudder, trying and failing to get a glance at Dick. “What’s up with you?”

“Work” Dick sighed, hugging Jason tighter, as if he could somehow disappear into Jason.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“No”

Jason could feel Dick shaking his head, so he placed a hand over Dick’s arm, rubbing soothing patterns into the exposed skin.

“I heard you reinstated Damian as Robin” Dick murmured after a moment.

Jason grew defensive. “Yeah? What about it?”

“I think it’s good. He’s happy.” Dick said.

Jason smiled at that. He thought he’d done the right thing, it was nice to hear Dick agree. They stood like that in silence for a bit longer. Jason chopping up some vegetables to throw into the casserole. 

“Fuck, I missed you” Dick suddenly whispered into Jason’s back.

“Huh?” Jason asked, breath hitching, longing a sudden physical ache. To be this close to the man he loved yet somehow feeling planets apart.

“I thought we wouldn’t sleep in separate beds after Valentine” Dick whined, rubbing his nose against Jason’s knitted pullover, an old gift from Alfred that had somehow been digged forth from a wardrobe somewhere in the manor.

“It’s different now.” Jason said. “You spend most of your time in Blud, while I’m here.”

“Yeah, I know but…” Dick sighed. “Sometimes it just feels like you’re avoiding me.”

“I’m not avoiding you now”

“Guess not.” Dick sighed, still not letting go of Jason’s waist, if anything pushing closer. “Tonight, come to my room, please.”

It was said softly, without intonations or lewdness, yet Jason’s heart all but stopped beating at the suggestion. He wanted nothing more than to just allow himself that, but… He’d only ever known romantic love to come in two varieties. One he had observed while living on the street; lust + unfortunate circumstances = damning consequences. The second he’d picked up from classic literature; passion + unfortunate circumstances = damning consequences. Love wasn’t supposed to be this easy, to feel this domestic. It felt like something he didn’t need to fight for, but giving in was not in his nature.

“Are you propositioning me?” Jason asked, tone joking, once he’d gotten his thoughts back in order.

“Jason…” Dick said, stroking his hands over Jason’s stomach. They were warm, fingers splaying out over Jason’s abs, the brush light yet held so much impact.

“I can’t” Jason choked out. “I have patrol tonight.”

He heard a sigh, before Dick released his grip. Jason turned his head slightly as Dick came up beside him, watched the weariness taking over his eyes. The hurt was so obvious that Jason only wanted to reach out, hold Dick close and never let go. He didn’t dare though.

“You know this is just temporary right? You don’t actually have to turn into him.”

Jason watched helplessly as Dick walked out of the kitchen.

__________

::::::::::::::::  
_________

Dick had been in love with people before that didn’t love him back, that had rejected his approaches and he had survived it. He’d moved on, found new people to love and that loved him back. So why the hell did it hurt this much to be rejected by Jason? Why did it feel like someone had just stuck their hand into his chest and tore is fucking heart out?

_Because every time he looks at Mara he sees Jason in her. Every time he looks at Duke he is remembered of Jason’s big heart. And every goddamn time he tries to fall asleep his hands search for Jason, and when they find nothing, he feels… empty._

Because Jason has, whether the man is aware of it or not, made Dick feel more loved in brief glances and small touches, then big declarations ever had. He wants Jason with an intensity that makes him stupid. That scares him.

After he left the kitchen, feeling Jason’s heavy gaze trail after him, raising his own head, pretending his heart wasn’t cramping up, his lunges barely filling with air, he made his way into the garden. He felt tears making their way down his cheeks, their cold against his burning skin as he brushed them away in anger. Dick sank down onto the patio, staring out at the Wayne domains. He sat there for a moment, allowing his body to go cold with the eerie chill still permitting the air. Spring not quite here yet.

Suddenly someone cleared their throat behind him and Dick swirled his head around, staring up at the imposing shadow of Bruce. The man look tired, rings under his eyes, a gauntness to him that had yet to leave. But the most surprising feature was the worry lacing his brow, creeping into his eyes. He made uncertain steps forward until he had sunken down on the edge of the patio next to Dick.

“How are you, chum?” he asked with full-blown concern leaking into his voice and Dick couldn’t help but to actually cry then, feeling like the little boy had lost his parents all those years ago. Young and vulnerable. He turned his head into Bruce’s shoulder and wept into the soft fabric of his shirt. The action caught Bruce off-guard but after a moment he curled his arm protectively around Dick’s shoulder and pulled him closer.

“What’s the matter?” he whispered gently, his breath ghosting through Dick’s hair. And Dick couldn’t tell him, _shouldn’t_ tell him, which only made it hurt all the more. The one moment in such a long time that Bruce actually acted like the father-figure Dick needed, he couldn’t help him. When Dick shook his head, Bruce’s hand rubbed up and down his arm while he whispered words of comfort. “It’ll be alright.”

The words made him angry, because Bruce didn’t know, couldn’t make that kind of promises.

“N-no...” he stammered. “No, because I-I fell in love with someone I can’t have. T-that doesn’t _want_ me!”

“Oh, Dick” Bruce sighed with compassion, holding him close. “I’m not good with emotions, I know that… but I also know you’ll get through this. You… you love with an intensity that is both rare and admirable. Anyone who can’t see or appreciate that might not actually deserve you.”

Dick shook his head, but he had no words to protest with. He just let himself be held a moment longer before he eventually pushed back. Bruce’s eyes were soft in a way they rarely were. 

“I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you lately” Bruce said, brushing a stray tear away from Dick’s chin. 

“It’s okay.” Dick said automatically, tensing up at the gentle touch. 

Bruce shook his head sadly. “No, it isn’t. But I’ll try to do better by all of you”

“I know you will” Dick murmured, giving Bruce a smile that was almost on the right side of real.

Bruce smiled back, then his lips quirked in a half smirk. “You want to tell me who this person is who is clearly too stupid to see what they’re missing out on?”

“What? So you can visit them as Batman?” Dick laughed, stilted but still it was better than crying. “I think not.”

“Well, currently I think Jason would be the one to play Batman. If you ask nicely he might even shoot their kneecaps off”

Dick’s smile strained awkwardly. It caught Bruce’s attention immediately. The man excused himself.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t joke about Jason’s _trigger-happy_ past.” Bruce grit out, then his voice softened almost reluctantly. “I know he does good work as Batman, I’m grateful he… stepped up.”

“Yeah? You should tell him that.” Dick said.

Bruce nodded, slowly rising to his feet. “You’re right, I probably should. But for now I think lunch will be ready soon.”

Dick nodded mutely. “I’ll be just a minute.”

__________

Lunch was awkward. More so than usual. Dick felt an approaching headache. They always came after he cried, like there was a shift in energy and tension the way there were in lightning storms. He rubbed his temples, head bent to stare down at his plate, avoiding to meet Jason’s eyes where the man sat opposite him. He felt Jason’s relentless stare even so.

Beside him Steph and Tim had gotten into a discussion about something sci-fi that he didn’t care to pretend he understood, but they had rapidly dragged Duke into it. At the head of the table Bruce was speaking to Alfred, and on Dick’s other side Cass and Damian were signing to one another. A conversation he didn’t have the energy to follow either. Mara was eating quietly for once, only observing the people around her with interest, sometimes forgetting her own food, which prompted Jason to remind her.

Dick felt distanced from all of them. Like a hypocrite, claiming how much he loved to be surrounded by family but in this instances he didn’t want to be near any of them.

“Dick?” Jason asked.

Especially not him. _He wanted to be near him more than anyone._

“It’s good.” Dick said, nodding to the food, which he had barely taken a bit of, fork only serving to push it around. “Loved the mushrooms.”

And with that Dick plastered on a faked smile, turned to Damian and asked him about patrol.

Later that night Dick crashed at his apartment. It felt hollow with only him there, like a lifeless shell and couldn’t imagine having ever lived alone before. He missed everyone so much it almost hurt, but he was too prideful to go back to the manor. Instead he pulled on one of Jason’s spare hoodies and tucked himself into bed, staring up at the ceiling until exhaustion finally punched him out.

__________

::::::::::::::::  
_________

Patrol had gone smoothly up until a few hours before dawn when suddenly a couple of Black Mask’s men started a shootout in lower Gotham. Jason felt the cape spread around him like wings as he descended straight into the mayhem. Followed by Robin on his right and Black Bat on his left. The suit was heavy, slowed down his mobility but when he came from above it sure added to the impact. He was just as ruthless as Batman as he had been as Red Hood, only less lethal and definitely not using guns. He could commit to that rule at the very least. Black Bat moved with efficiency and precision, while Robin was more brute. They had it under control, until one of those bastards pulled a knife on Damian and Jason, only catching the motion in his periphery, moved without thinking. Bearing down on the man with little regard to his own safety. The Kevlar was thick but it had vulnerable spots. The knife bounced on the edge of one of the plates protecting his stomach and speared itself straight into his hip. The sudden pain made him cry out.

One moment later the attacker laid sprawled on the ground, one arm bent oddly, before Damian reached out to support Jason’s weight.

“Did you break his arm?” Jason grunted between clenched teeth, the pain pulsing, rushing over him in waves.

“He stabbed you” Damian answered, and Jason wasn’t going to be a hypocrite here and talk about unnecessary violence.

With Cass and Damian’s help Jason managed to get to the batmobile. Damian already reporting the injury to the batcave where Alfred was sure to wait on them with a surgical kit. Cass asked him to bite down on something before she, with a swift move that hurt just as much as when the blade went in, pulled the knife out and put on a temporary bandage. She guided his hands to keep pressure on it, before she left him in the passenger seat. Damian took the wheel and, speeding in a way that would it ever make it to any record would make sure he’d never get a driving license in this life, took them back to the cave.

“Let’s agree to never tell B about this, huh?” Jason grunted when Damian helped him out of the car. “Or Dick.”

“I think Alfred will be your main concern right now.” Damian answered, supporting Jason’s weight while they wobbled over to the medical station.

Alfred did look disapproving, Jason noted, before the pain resurfaced anew. Then the old man’s eyes shifted to look concerned. He helped Jason out of the suit, and if the pain hadn’t been so all consuming he would probably have made a joke about how he felt like a child. When Jason was out of the top-half of the suit, Alfred had access to examine the wound properly.

“What’s the verdict doctor?” Jason asked.

“You are an idiot, Todd” Damian said, where he stood leaning against the wall next to Jason. He had peeled off the mask so now Jason could bear the full brunt of his disapproval.

“Yeah, yeah, Damian spare me the niceties.” Jason sighed, then the pain hitched suddenly and he winced.

Alfred’s lips thinned, handing him painkillers: “What happened?”

“Todd is a self-sacrificing idiot, apparently lacking the proper knowledge in deflecting knives.” Damian gritted out.

Jason reached out to poke him in the stomach. “Careful, your worry is showing.”

Damian tsk-ed at him, while Alfred shook his head in resignation.

“You want me to put you under, master Jason?”

Jason shook his head. “Nah, I’ve had worse. Just stitch me up.”

Alfred nodded before administrating local anesthesia. The needle hurt like a bitch, but the actual stitching up went smoother after that. Still Jason had tears in his eyes when Alfred was finished and had bandaged him up. The old man patted him gently on the arm in apology.

“You want to keep me under observation or can I go crash in an actual bed?” Jason asked, attempting to smile.

Alfred shook his head in exasperation. “You’re almost worse than master Bruce.”

“Are you insulting me, old sport?” Jason grinned. “I thought getting stabbed was bad enough.”

“Let me help you into bed.” Alfred said, a small smile quirking his lips.

“I will do it.” Damian interrupted quickly, already reaching out to drape Jason’s arm around his own shoulder. Alfred and Jason both turned to him a little flabbergasted, which only cemented Damian’s decision even further. Jason chuckled slightly, leaning his weight against the teenager who supported him with surprising strength.

“Is Mara still in bed?” Jason asked, to which Alfred nodded. Mara had received her own room at the manor, next to Cass’s and opposite Damian’s. She had of course been delighted, it was the biggest room she had ever had, but she still missed her own of course. Jason nodded and gave Alfred a grateful smile.

Damian helped him up to the manor. The local anesthesia was still working its course which made moving easier, and Jason could almost support his weight on the wounded hip. But when he tried to tell Damian that, he only received an unimpressed glare.

“Do you want to check in on Mara?” Damian asked.

Jason shook his head. “Nah, I think I need to lie down.”

“Are you feeling the symptoms of blood-loss?” Damian asked, and there was concern in his eyes.

“I’m fine, Dames. I swear. Just need to… Hey, where are we going?”

“To you room” Damian said, leading him to the guestwing where Jason had sat up camp ever since Bruce was brought back home.

“No, I…”

“Do you want me to help you to Richard’s room?” Damian asked, eyes empty of any form of judgement. Jason still felt caught out, but eventually he nodded.

“He’s still in Blud, right?”

“It seems so, yes.”

“Good” Jason nodded awkwardly, wincing as they made their way up the stairs.

Soon enough he was stood in the doorway of Dick’s old room. Despite knowing it would be empty he still felt a spike of hurt and longing hit him as he beheld the empty bed. Damian helped him across the room. Jason pulled back the cover before he sat down on the edge of the mattress.

He gave Damian an easy smile. “Thanks, baby-bat”

When Damian didn’t immediately lash back at the stupid nickname, he started to feel concerned. Jason watched as Damian worried his lower-lip, hands clenching at his side, as if he didn’t know what to do with them now that he didn’t need to support Jason.

“What’s the matter, Dames?” Jason asked. “Talk to me.”

“It was a stupid move and you should not have done it, but… thank you.”

“That’s one hell of a roundabout way to show gratitude” Jason grinned. “But you’re welcome. Now get yourself in bed, you have homework to dig into tomorrow”

Damian rolled his eyes, but made his way out of the room. Jason let out a slow sigh. The anesthesia was losing its hold, and pain moved in throbbing waves, blooming out from his hip and down into his leg. Jason gritted his teeth and curled up under the cover, burrowing his nose into a pillow that still smelt vaguely of Dick. He felt like a big fucking cliché, but even worse than that, he felt suddenly lonely. His heart aching almost as badly as the pain shooting out from his hip. He fell asleep with the phantom weight of Dick’s head resting over his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I say that this is a slowburn? Cause I keep forgetting that myself, but everytime I remember it I have to push them as far apart as possible... but it only makes them sad :(


	23. Fever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Is that my sweatshirt?” Jason asked, grasping Dick’s hand firmer and brushed his thumb over Dick’s cold skin. “You’re shaking”  
> “You’re alright” Dick whispered, relief spilling out with every word. “Bruce told me you got stabbed and I…”  
> Panicked, freaked out, couldn’t bear the fucking thought of living without you.   
> “You’re worried about me, pretty bird?” Jason asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not entirely satisfied with this chapter, it's gone through a few rewrites and this is the best I landed with.   
> In the end it's just sorta self-indulgent, but isn't that the point of fanfic?
> 
> I have been bad at answering comments lately, but I read them and I'm eternally grateful that you write them and that you're reading this little story of mine.

Jason woke up from someone brushing his fringe out of his forehead, a cool hand landing on his heated skin. When he blinked up and saw Bruce’s steel eyes look down at him with worry, he was certain that he was hallucinating. _Why couldn’t his feverish brain dream up Dick instead? Fuck he missed him._

“How are you holding up, chum?” Bruce asked, still brushing his fingers gently through Jason’s hair.

“Don’t…” Jason grit out.

Bruce retracted his hand slowly. “Alfred told me you took a knife for Damian.”

“I know, I let my guard down, failed you again.” Jason tried to snarl, but his voice came out weak, rough from sleep. He refused to meet Bruce’s gaze. Drowsy from the fever he couldn’t give the man the glare he sorely deserved.

“I didn’t come here to put any blame on you…” Bruce’s voice was soft and hesitant, it didn’t sit well with Jason. He suddenly understood what Bruce must have felt when Jason decided to spill his gut at the hospital, trapped and forced to listen to whatever nonsense being spewed over him. He wondered for a brief, paranoid moment if this was Bruce taking revenge.

“Then what are you doing here?” Jason asked, tensing his fingers where they clenched around the bedcover. 

“I wanted to know that you were okay.” Bruce said, and there was something so sympathetic in his voice that Jason almost missed what came next because of the shock. “And I need to tell you something.”

Jason chanced a glance at Bruce’s drawn face. Eyes filled with serious honesty that was almost unsettling, and when Bruce’s next words came, Jason had no way of bracing himself against them.

“I’ve never told you this, but I should have, I’m proud of you, Jason.” Bruce said, twisting his hands in his lap, just as uncomfortable speaking about his feelings as Jason was listening to them. Jason looked for any anger to fall back on, but found none. He must be sicker than he thought.

“I think I’m hallucinating” he said weakly.

Bruce gave a wry smile at that. “No, but Alfred tells me you have contracted a fever.”

“Fucking fantastic” Jason muttered, feeling the sickness course through his body. As long as he didn’t contract any blood poisoning he should probably be happy. 

“Language” Bruce chided, but there was fond amusement to his tone, before he soon turned serious again. “I was proud of you as Robin, and I am perhaps even more proud of you now. You’ve grown into an admirable young man and a wonderful father, better than I could ever be. I’m sorry I ever doubted you.”

“Don’t get mushy on me, old man” Jason said, he blamed the fever for the sudden surge of emotion that threatened to clog up his throat. It was like an itch rising beneath his skin and he didn’t know if he wanted to throw the man out or hug him. 

Bruce reached out and patted his thigh. “I’ll send Alfred up with breakfast.”

“Whatever” Jason murmured, if only to be contrary.

He watched as Bruce rose from the chair he had pulled up to Dick’s bed and made his way over to the door. Then he stopped suddenly in the doorway, glanced around the room as if he took it in for the first time. Slowly he turned back with what could only be described as a knowing smile.

“You’re little infatuation used to amuse me when you were younger, but if you don’t tell him soon I’m gonna be very disappointed in you.” Bruce’s smirk was the same that he used in public. It always irked Jason to the point he wanted to beat the man up, now however it caught him off-guard and he lay defenseless to its deceptive nature. “He deserves honesty, don’t you think?”

Then Bruce was gone, and Jason was left to stare at the empty space he left behind. _How the hell did he know? How long had he known?_

Jason was still lost to his thoughts when Alfred, a moment later, entered the room with a breakfast tray in hand. He settled it down on the bedside table as Jason shook himself loose and gave a grateful smile as Alfred handed him a glass of water and some painkillers.

“Where’s Mara?” Jason asked, after Alfred had exchanged the water for some juice. He hadn’t asked Bruce because one: it wasn’t the kind of thing he trusted the man with, two: he frankly didn’t think Bruce would now. Bruce had tried to spend more time with Mara lately, but it was a feeble attempt at best. Too lost in his own thoughts to really see the little girl before him.

“She is drawing in the living room with master Damian and master Duke.” Alfred said, handing Jason a sandwich. It didn’t slip Jason’s attention that Alfred had said _master Duke_. It felt good to know that the man had accepted Duke as part of the family. Jason needed to get around to fixing up the legal matters and perhaps talk to Dick about it. On the subject of…

“Master Dick is on his way.” Alfred said, eyes knowing in a way that would be uncomfortable if Jason didn’t know him as well as he did. The butler was always a step ahead.

“T-That’s good” Jason said awkwardly, biting into the sandwich to avoid speaking. He watched as the skin crinkled up around Alfred’s eyes and his lips quirked in a small smile.

“I’ll send him up when he arrives. Try to sleep a little more.”

Jason nodded and sank slowly back into the pillows.

____________

:::::::::::::::::::  
____________

Dick woke to his phone ringing. He’d lost it somewhere in the bed and it took a moment to dig it out. All the while that annoying tune Jason had set a couple of weeks back reminded him of how damn far from his family he was.

“Why aren’t you answering?” Bruce asked, sounding slightly annoyed once Dick finally picked up.

“It’s like six in the morning, what do you want?” Dick sighed, raking a hand through his hair. He needed to shower, but had been too tired to do it last night. If Bruce wanted something he probably wouldn’t get the time for it now either.

“Jason got stabbed on patrol last night” Bruce said.

_No. No. Nonononono._

Dick bolted up into a sitting position. He felt as if his ribs were constricting on his lunges. He couldn’t breathe, nausea swirling in his stomach, growing like a tidal wave. His heart was beating out of rhythm.

_I can’t lose him. Please, please, tell me I’m not losing him._

He couldn’t make his tongue work, his brain was too scrambled up with worst case scenarios to form any coherent sentence. He didn’t want to ask it, needed Bruce to just tell him. Just rip it off, nothing could hurt more than the not-knowing. _Except if he really was…_

“Bruce…” Dick pleaded, voice a broken thing.

“He’s alright.” Bruce said, and it couldn’t have been more than a few seconds, but it felt like the silence had stretched out for an eternity. “He stepped between Damian and one of Black Mask’s man, took a knife to the hip.”

“He is alive?” Dick asked.

“Yeah, yeah, course” Bruce said. “He did a brave thing though.”

“He’s alive.” Dick whispered, the relief flooding his body and his hands started to shake. He felt like crying, but he wasn’t going to, not now. He still needed to get back to Gotham.

“Yes…” Bruce said slowly. He made that humming sound he did when he was trying to work something out, but Dick was too distracted to care.

He was out of bed, deciding to forgo that shower, not bothering to change out of Jason’s sweatshirt. Unconsciously he wanted to keep it with him, to keep Jason close. Dick rooted through a pile of clothes which had gathered up on the floor during the times Dick had stayed over in the apartment during the past days. Eventually he found a pair of jeans that were clean enough and pulled them on.

“Dick?” Bruce asked after a while, and Dick had more or less forgotten he was still there. 

“What?”

“Jason, he makes you happy, doesn’t he?” Bruce asked, and Dick didn’t know what the hell he was talking about, and told him just as much. Bruce just hummed. “You should come back to the manor”

“What do you think I’m trying to do?” Dick sneered.

Bruce sighed. “Just be careful”

“I’m always careful” Dick said, before saying goodbye.

He took the bike. It went faster.

___________

Dick took the steps between the bike and the front door in a half-jog. It must have been divine intervention that he didn’t crash on the way over. His heart had beat a staccato-rhythm the entire ride. It barely got any better as he stepped inside the manor. 

Alfred met him in the entryway with a cup of coffee, which Dick accepted gratefully.

“How is he doing?” Dick asked, taking a sip and feeling the coffee’s reviving powers.

“He has a mild fever and complains some about the pain, but otherwise I think master Jason is fairing rather well.” Alfred said with a tiny quirk of his lips.

“That’s great. I’ll just… check in on him, then.” Dick said, making to walk over to the guest-wing.

“Master Dick” Alfred called after him. “I think you will find him in your old room.”

“Oh” Dick said, dumbfounded. _It didn’t mean anything,_ he told himself as his heart protested wildly. A feeling of hope blossomed in his chest so violently he could keel over from it _._ “Thank you, Al”

Dick was on his way to ascend the stairs when there was a sudden cry-out from somewhere behind him.

“Papa!” Mara shouted, before she suddenly threw herself at his legs, hugging them tightly.

Dick’s heart filled to the brim with all the love he felt for his daughter. Feeling a little off-kilter that he had somehow almost managed to forget about her in his raging fear. He picked her up into his arms and held her tightly to his chest, breathing her in for a moment while allowing for his racing heart to calm down for a minute.

“Hi, sweetheart! How is my little baby-girl doing?” he asked, once he got his voice into order.

“I’m good, but dad got a fever” she said, blue eyes big and serious. “I’ve drawn pictures for him, so he will get well soon.”

Dick smiled adoringly at her. “That’s really sweet, pumpkin. I’m sure he will love it. You can come show us later, but I need to speak with your dad first.”

Mara nodded as Dick sat her back down, and soon enough she was hurrying back to continue with her drawing. Dick watched her as she disappeared. _What would happen to her if one of them didn’t make it?_

Dick turned to the stairs, bounded up them with what could only be described as desperation, before he hurried to his old bedroom. He let the door swing open with trepidation suddenly seizing his heart. _What if Jason had gotten worse?_

But then he saw Jason, sitting propped up against the headboard, reading one of his beloved classics. Brow furrowed in concentration, eyes a mild blue-green and the white streak in his fringe swept from his forehead. It looked normal in a way that made Dick’s breath slow, like he was currently Nightwing coming home from patrol with Jason still waiting up for him. But this was different. The domesticity somehow the same, but just the knowledge that somewhere under that comforter a fresh stab wound lurked that should never have been there, was enough to turn Dick’s stomach. Jason was supposed to be safe from that shit now. He had been right, Dick hadn’t listened to Jason’s worries when persuading him to pick up the cowl, and now Jason had paid the price for it. Dick cursed himself internally. He couldn’t stand the thought of him being the reason he lost one of the best things in his life.

Then Jason looked up, eyes piercing straight into Dick’s soul and not for the first time he was struck by the intensity of that gaze. Jason gave a lopsided grin, charming in all its feverish unevenness. Dick took some stilted steps into the room, body feeling unsteady, out of his control. It freaked him out, the way he couldn’t feel his toes, his fingers. All his concentration focused on the injured man on the bed. 

Dick watched as Jason put the book down on his lap, then one hand reached out for him and Dick wasn’t thinking as he desperately reached back, took the last few steps up to the bed, letting his fingers grace over Jason’s palm.

“Is that my sweatshirt?” Jason asked, grasping Dick’s hand firmer and brushed his thumb over Dick’s cold skin. “You’re shaking”

“You’re alright” Dick whispered, relief spilling out with every word. “Bruce told me you got stabbed and I…”

_Panicked, freaked out, couldn’t bear the fucking thought of living without you._

“You’re worried about me, pretty bird?” Jason asked. The question along with that dopey smirk he only ever used when he wanted to deflect other people’s emotions, made sudden anger flare in Dick’s chest.

“Of course I care, you asshole” Dick’s voice shook, the fear finally finding a release, making him lash out. “What did you even think you were doing?!”

Dick watched as Jason closed off. The light dimming slowly in his eyes, and _fuck!_ This isn’t what Dick wanted, he just needed Jason to understand that Dick _couldn’t lose him_.

“Better me than Damian.” Jason muttered, turning his gaze way. Fingers smoothing down over the book in his hands.

“I didn’t mean…” Dick tried, feeling stupid and angry at himself for having slipped up. Letting his emotions get the best of him. It always seemed to be the case around Jason.

“You know, not even Bruce came in here to yell at me.” Jason said, evenly. Not accusing, more surprised. “Even told me he was proud, whatever that was supposed to mean.”

Dick stared. Watched the paleness of Jason’s drawn face, the sign that the fever was still there. The white streaks in his fringe had started to fall back down into his eyes. He heaved a sigh, big shoulders tightening up making him look small and fragile. And Dick wanted to hold him. Curl up on the bed and just hold him.

“Yeah, I found it hard to believe too, but do you have to stare like that?”

“Why can’t you take it at face value that other people care about you?” Dick asked, fear and anger still tight in his chest, but they were slowly shifting over into annoyance. Why couldn’t this amazing man, who had been through so much shit and yet had so much love to spare, not see his own damn value? That he was loved, he was so goddamned loved.

Jason still refused to look at him. “Now you’re sounding like my therapist.”

“Stop deflecting” Dick sighed, and sat down at the edge of the mattress. “Why can’t we ever have a serious conversation without arguing?”

Jason gaze lifted slowly, eyes pools of some undescript emotion as his lips turned upwards slightly. “Are we arguing now?”

“No…” Dick hesitated, playing with the fingers that still held onto his hand.

“Come here” Jason said, pulling slightly until Dick was forced to look up at him. “You wanna tell me what this is about?”

Dick sighed, brushing his free hand over his own face, suddenly feeling very tired. “I’m sorry… I… The thought of… _losing you_ … kinda freaks me out.”

“Hey, I’ve come back before, don’t think I won’t do it again.” Jason said, aquamarine eyes filling with mirth. “I’m probably just gonna haunt you for the rest of your life.”

Dick choked out a laugh at that. Jason was smiling softly at him. Eyes full of affection, the way he sometimes looked at Mara, as if there was too much love in him that he didn’t know what to do with. It hurt knowing he would never be the receiver of that love, and Dick was forced to look away. 

But then he felt fingers brushing against his neck. The touch was light and none-imposing, almost hesitating as if Jason couldn’t help reaching out but tried to refrain from it. He was tracing lazy flower shapes over Dick’s skin and it made Dick shudder. 

“Sometimes I love you so much it actually hurts.” Jason whispered, voice filled with quiet reverence.

When Dick turned to stare at him, Jason’s eyes were glazed over, looking as if they beheld something divine. Jason’s fingers stilled against Dick’s neck, and Dick didn’t know what to do. It felt like his lunges had seized up and he had stopped breathing all together.

“You love me?” he asked, voice barely anything more than a choked whisper.

Jason suddenly looked away, as if he had said too much and wanted to retract it. Dick couldn’t have that. He reached out with gentle fingers, trailing them over Jason’s cheekbones, then down to his jaw and under his chin, guiding Jason to look back up at him.

“Please, look at me.” Dick whispered, then breathlessly repeated. “You really love me?”

Jason finally met his eyes. The green tint to them making them glow, full of pain, hanging on to a dying hope as if in tortured anticipation. He nodded slowly, trailing the fingers on Dick’s neck up to brace his cheek.

“Tell me, please” Dick whispered, feeling the tears gather in his eyes.

Jason took a shuddering breath, thumb brushing over Dick’s skin as if he couldn’t help himself. Eyes soft and warm, and everything Dick had ever dreamt of.

“I love you, Dick Grayson.”

Dick leaned in then, bracing one hand on Jason’s firm stomach, covering his lips with his own. Tasting their sweetness, feeling their firm press. They moved slowly, trying each other out. Dick tried to be mindful of Jason’s injury as he pressed closer, leaning up against him. Jason parted his lips slightly and Dick delved in with hunger, curling their tongues together.

_Dick was so gone on this man._

Eventually they parted for breath. Dick leaning in to place a few pecks on Jason’s lips, his cheek, trailing them down Jason’s jaw. Laughing slightly at the awestruck look in Jason’s eyes.

“You love me” Dick whispered, stealing another quick kiss. “You really do love me.”

“Yeah, yeah, Goldie, big surprise” Jason said, rolling his eyes but quirking his lips into a smug grin. One of his hands held the back of Dick’s head as if afraid of what would happen should he let go. Dick didn’t mind.

He kissed Jason again, he couldn’t help himself now that Jason allowed him to, before leaning their foreheads together and, trying to put all the emotions into words, whispered: “I love you too”

“Yeah?” Jason whispered, sounding disbelieving. The fear in his touch mirrored in his eyes, and Dick wanted to sooth it, but wasn’t sure how.

“Yeah” he murmured instead, feeling something in his chest ease as the words slipped out. “Have for quite some time now.”

Jason surged forward then, claiming another hungry kiss, pulling Dick over to straddle his thighs. Dick sank into the feeling. Jason’s injury forgotten and the man didn’t exactly protest. Just as Dick’s hands started to trail down Jason’s chest, the door burst open and the moment was cut short. They pulled apart reluctantly. 

In bounded Mara, bearing a beaming smile and a pile of papers.

She stopped short when she reached the bed, staring up at her fathers and tilting her head in slight confusion. Dick moved off of Jason’s lap in a fluid motion, as Jason one-armed pulled Mara onto the bed beside him. Jason brushed a quick kiss over her head, and Dick watched the easy affection feeling as if his chest would explode from the onslaught of love he felt for the both of them.

Mara handed over her drawings to Jason, who looked through them with meticulous attention, and Dick wondered briefly how it would feel like to be subject to that gaze. Then shook himself out of it, refocusing on Mara and her drawings.

“These are amazing, darling” Jason said, holding up pictures of dogs and family portraits with colorful stick-figures for Dick to see. The last one showed Mara standing between Jason and Dick, with Damian standing beside Dick and Duke by Jason. Dick grinned. It was beautiful. A family. _His family._

___________

:::::::::::::::::  
__________

Jason didn’t know if he was the happiest man alive or the biggest fool in history. Experience had told him to not believe that good things would stay good, especially not for people like him, but Dick was still there when Jason’s fever fully broke, no regrets in sight. He stared at the man sleeping next to him with wonder. He’d woken up so many mornings with this man tangled up in his arms, but none of those, albeit nice moments held a candle to this one. Dick wasn’t just beautiful, in this one moment he was godlike. Golden skinned, raven haired and Jason longed to worship him the way he deserved. When Dick blinked those stunning azure blue eyes open the image was complete.

“Morning” Dick whispered sluggishly, newly woken and disorientated. Mara had left them shortly after showing off her artwork, called by Alfred who had prepared some snacks for her before lunch. Jason, who still had been affected by the fever, and Dick, who was spent from the overwhelming emotions, had curled up in each other’s arms, stared into each other’s eyes, like the biggest cliché in history, and promptly fallen asleep.

Jason felt his lips split into a wide grin as he leaned over Dick, meeting his gaze head on. There was only a breath of hesitation before he leaned down capturing those soft lips. 

“You’re still here” Jason whispered, planting small kisses down Dick’s jaw, onto his neck, not caring if he sounded desperate or awestruck. 

Dick’s face contorted in confusion. “Where else would I be? I literally haven’t slept this good since we left the apartment”

Jason chuckled slightly as he returned to gazing down into those blue eyes. “I meant _with me”_

“Oh.” Dick murmured, brushing his fingers through Jason’s fringe. “Well, I don’t want to be anywhere else”

“I see that now” Jason sighed, before leaning their foreheads together. He had to shift his weight slightly as to not put too much of it on his still healing hip. Dick’s eyes softened at his wince of pain, looking sympathetic as he placed a hand against Jason’s cheek. Jason leaned into the touch, feeling some of the longing settle in his chest. He could have had this all along if he had just grown some balls and admitted his feelings a little earlier.

“Yeah?” Dick wondered “Then don’t shut me out again”

“I’ll try” Jason promised, stealing one last kiss before readying himself to get out of bed. Dick’s hands were on his back instantly, supporting his stilted movements, warmth seeping through the touch. Jason would normally be annoyed, but his hip really hurt and he didn’t want to push Dick away, so he swallowed his pride.

“Does the wound need to be redressed?” Dick asked.

“You trying to get into my pants?” Jason gave a sly grin over his shoulder, but he wasn’t really in it and it seemed like Dick could tell.

“Another time maybe.” Dick said, hands brushing up to his neck, massaging slightly.

“Alfred checked it earlier” Jason admitted. “But you can help me later.”

He could feel the warmth of Dick’s chest seep into his back as the other leaned over to place a chaste kiss at his shoulder. “I will.”

Jason nodded, telling himself not to blush, _but who was he kidding_ , he was fighting a losing battle here. 

Alfred had left crutches for him since Jason was too stubborn to admit he might actually need a wheelchair to allow the injury to heal without new strain being put on it. So Jason gracelessly wobbled to his feet with the help of said crutches. Soon enough Dick was out of bed after him, helping to support him, by trying to take as much weight as possible.

“I’m not invalid” Jason sighed.

“I know” Dick said, voice soft and touches becoming gentler. “I just want to help.”

“Fine, but don’t coddle me”

Jason pulled Dick closer to him, just needed to feel the man in his arms. Dick easily looped his arms around Jason’s waist and leaned his head against Jason’s chest. Jason let go of one of the crutches to let his hand run over Dick’s back before tangling itself up in his raven black hair. Blue eyes peered up at him with a mixture of curiosity and affection.

“What is it?” Dick asked eventually.

“Nothing” Jason answered, smile all dopey and gross but he couldn’t help it.

“Nothing, huh? That’s very interesting”

“Dickhead” Jason muttered.

“Ass” Dick answered in kind, grinning madly.

Jason leaned their foreheads together, wanting to be close. “Are you happy?”

Dick moved to kiss him, but Jason pulled back slightly. He needed to hear Dick’s answer first. To know that this was real, and mutual and all other things his head haunted him with.

“Please?”

“I’m the happiest I’ve been in ages.” Dick whispered, eyes open and sincere. “The man I love loves me back, and I have a beautiful daughter and a wonderful family. What more could I ask for?”

“Buy a house with me” Jason said then, without thinking. The thought had been at the back of his mind for a while now, ever since he had stopped looking for an apartment for himself. 

“Why? Nothing says love like shared mortgages?” Dick’s grin was infuriating so Jason of course kissed it gone.

“I’m thinking about adopting Duke, and if Damian still wants to live with us we’ll need more space” Jason reasoned, still holding on to Dick tightly. He wanted this. To build a family with Dick, to start off fresh in a place all their own.

Dick’s laugh was startled but no less genuine. “You’ve really gone the full swing haven’t you? From murderous anti-hero to family father?”

“What can I say, I’m a dilf now” Jason bit back instantly, smirk growing wider.

“Fuck you” Dick said laughing, hitting Jason in the chest hard enough for him to lose balance.

Jason was still grinning as he fell back on the bed with a thump. Dick soon came after him, apologizes streaming from his lips. Jason kissed those away as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of you wrote in the comments that the slow-burn was killing you, and it kinda did me too... so I felt like they needed to get their acts together before it just got stupid. Hope it didn't feel "rushed".   
> I've done a couple different versions of "the admission" but was the one that I felt fitted the story best, even if it's not necessarily my favorite. (This is just me admitting I haven't actually plotted the story much). Anyway I hope this chapter didn't disapoint too much.


	24. Bat-cave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason has been looking for Duke for the better part of the afternoon when he finally found him stumbling into the library. He’d meant to talk to Duke about potentially adopting him but met with the ashen look on his face Jason hesitated.   
> “Hey, Duke, where have you been? I’ve been looking for you” Jason said, and reached out to place a hand on his shoulder, but Duke pulled away. “Are you alright?”  
> “You’re Batman” Duke said, voice low and mumbled. “That’s why you’re injured.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! *waves awkwardly* I just wanted to say that there will be two chapters after this one and then the story will have reached its conclusion. (I never intended it to be even this long though). I'm very grateful for everyone who has read this! Thank you!

Jason wobbling around on crutches from seemingly out of nowhere immediately drew Duke’s attention. Only a fool wouldn’t, still it didn’t seem like anyone else was really reacting to it. Which Duke found weirder than Jason’s sudden injury. There was something wonky about the situation. If he’d thought Jason’s close family was slightly wacko, it didn’t hold a candle to the _extended_ family. When you could make _the_ Bruce Wayne (an apparent druggie) seem down to earth, you were spacing like crazy. Duke liked them though, even if they were all a little mad. He knew Jason had told him he was welcome to stay, and he hoped that was still the case, because for the first time since he lost his parents, he felt like he belonged somewhere.

That however wasn’t the most pressing matter on his mind. No, the thing currently on his mind, is the parlor he’s just stumbled into. It is huge, but seems unused, so he kinda gets why Alfred hadn’t shown him it during the guided tour. The furniture was covered by white sheets, and the air holds a tang of dust, that Duke would never ever dare to point out to Alfred.

The room probably wouldn’t have caught his attention if it wasn’t for the sole piano standing uncovered and untouched in the middle of the room. Behind it was an old fashioned clock with a broken dial. He wanted to learn to play the piano once, but his mum had never had the money to send him to a class.

Duke sat down on the seat. He’s surprised to find that the keys aren’t even a little dusty, before he tentatively places his fingers on them. The sound that ringed out was even worse than he had expected and Duke cringed in shame. Then suddenly there was a crack somewhere behind him. It was followed by a swishing sound and a cool breeze. Duke whirled around in his seat and stared at the clock that had moved aside by itself. There was a hole in the wall hidden behind it. Tall and broad enough for a grown man to press through it with some effort.

“What the hell?” Duke whispered to himself as he rose from the seat and moved closer. He peered inside but was only met with darkness. He glanced down at his hands, then came to a minute decision and let the light pool out around him.

It was a tunnel. Curiosity piqued, Duke took a tentative step inside and let the light pool out further. There was a bend to the tunnel further down.

 _Why on earth would there be secret tunnels in the Wayne Manor?_ Maybe it was some old smuggling tunnel? Duke had watched a documentary with Damian about the prohibition era (with Damian’s running commentary on how stupid some of the solutions were to hide from the cops) and this sorta reminded him of it. He took a shaky breath, glanced back into the empty room, feeling a little like Lucy entering Narnia through the wardrobe. The thought is enough to cement his courage and he takes another step inside the tunnel.

_It’s not like he’s gonna run into Batman, right?_

_____________

:::::::::::::::::

___________

Jason had been looking for Duke for the better part of the afternoon when he finally found him stumbling into the library. He’d meant to talk to Duke about potentially adopting him but met with the ashen look on his face Jason hesitated.

“Hey, Duke, where have you been? I’ve been looking for you” Jason said, and reached out to place a hand on his shoulder, but Duke pulled away. “Are you alright?”

“You’re Batman” Duke said, voice low and mumbled. “That’s why you’re injured.”

Jason could only stare at him. It shouldn’t surprise him that the kid would eventually figure it out. He had a keen eye after all. But this secret had been hanging over Jason’s life for the better part of it. It had become a world all its own and he had been taught since his Robin’s day to guard it with his life. The denial coursing through him was perhaps even worse now than when Duke had figured out his feelings for Dick.

So Jason shook his head. “Nope.”

That made something glint in Duke’s eyes and he met his gaze head on. Something close to a challenge rose in them.

“Yes, you are!” Duke insisted, and there was something almost delirious to him now as he continued. “It makes so much sense! That’s how you know Nightwing and… Wait, it doesn’t make any sense at all… You’ve been living in DC and Blud for the past years”

The sudden confusion made Jason laugh. “Christ kid, you’re worse than Tim”

“But… but…” Duke stuttered out, and Jason led him over to an armchair and pushed him down into it.

“It’s not actually that complicated. I’m just stepping into the suit for the moment”

“So who is…?”

“Whose manor are we in?”

“No way!” Duke said, staring back wide eyed. “But Bruce Wayne is an idiot”

“That he is” Jason laughed. “But sometimes a decent one”

“Does that mean…? Oh my god, Dick is Nigthwing, isn’t he?” Duke was gaping now. “Have I seriously been living with Nigtwing without even noticing it”

“And the current Robin” Jason added, then after some hesitation. “And the former Red Hood”

“You’re Red Hood?”

“I was. Before Mara” Jason said, smiling slightly.

Duke looked at him wide-eyed. “You were a crime lord, and you gave it up for your daughter?”

“Yep, and I’d do it all again” Jason answered. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something. I know I asked you earlier if you wanted to stay with me and Dick…”

Duke was quick to nod, but sudden fear brimmed in his eyes. Jason knew that fear. To question if you’re wanted, that someone will change their minds and take it all back.

“I understand…” Duke started.

Jason shook his head. “I’ve been thinking… I want to adopt you, give you a proper home, but since you’re almost eighteen I thought you should dec…”

Duke slammed into him, wrapping his arms tightly around Jason’s shoulders. Jason was stunned for a moment, before he awkwardly patted Duke’s back. And when Duke didn’t relent his hold, shoulders shaking slightly, Jason held him like he would Mara.

“It’s alright, you’re okay” he whispered.

“Thank you” Duke said after a while, voice shaky and as he pulled back Jason could see the red rimming his eyes.

“Don’t thank me” Jason murmured.

“You… you…”

“Name your firstborn after me or something and we’re even” Jason grinned, Duke punched him lightly in the shoulder. They laughed, before Duke’s face suddenly fell again.

“What is it?” Jason asked, worry curling in his chest.

“I-I need to tell you something”

Duke took a shuddering breath, before he opened his hands and there was light. Jason stared wide-eyed. It was far from the weirdest thing he’d seen or experienced, but it might be one of the more impressive powers he’d ever witnessed.

“That’s…” Jason started, but words soon failed him. _Shit, that’s kinda amazing._

“I thought you should know” Duke said, clenching his hands into fists and placing them back into his lap. “It’s okay if you’ve changed your mind”

“Changed my…? Why would I do that?”

“Because I’m a freak”

“No, never! You’re amazing Duke, this is the coolest shit I’ve seen in ages” Jason said, forcing Duke to look up at him. “Trust me, that’s said by a real freak”

Duke smiled then, small and tentative. Jason patted him on the shoulder. “Now let’s go find Bruce and get him to call one of his lawyers”

___________

Jason stood in the doorway to the TV room where Dick and Mara sat curled up together on the couch, watching cartoons together. Dick seemingly just as excited as their daughter. The scene tugged at Jason’s heart and he couldn’t help but to just take it in. He loved these two people a ridiculous amount, more than he dared put into words.

“Dad!” Mara shouted once she caught sight of him. Jason smiled and with the help of the crutches he made his way over to them.

Dick looked up at him with a wide grin, easy affection beaming in his eyes and for a moment Jason was caught breathless. _How hadn’t he realized sooner?_

Jason leaned over and kissed him softly. He would never get tired of this. Especially when Dick looked at him like _that;_ as if he was someone deserving of love. Jason swallowed back the sudden surge of emotion and brushed a kiss to Mara’s forehead, before he sat down beside her. Mara soon crawled up in his lap, leaning her head against his shoulder as she continued to watch the TV.

“What are we watching?”

“Wonder Woman!” Mara told him happily, and sure enough there was a drawn version of Diana jumping around on screen.

“I don’t get it why they make these things” Jason sighed, looking over at Dick.

Dick reached out to brush Jason’s white streak out of his forehead, fingers trailing lightly over the skin. “Because it’s fun.”

“Nothing of this has ever happened”

“Now you sound like Damian” Dick said, grinning. “By the way, how did the talk with Duke go?”

“We’ll need to discuss a few things later” Jason said, nodding at Mara while subtly rising one hand to make a bat-ear. “But otherwise great. He wants to stay with us and Bruce’s lawyers are looking into the legal stuff.”

“That’s wonderful” Dick grinned. “I know how much this means to you.”

“I just hope we can be what he needs.”

“I’m sure we’ll manage.”

“Duke’s gonna stay with us?” Mara asked, looking between her fathers.

“Yeah, what do you think about that?” Jason asked tentatively. He hadn’t actually thought of talking with her about this, had just assumed she would go along with it, but maybe that was to take his own authority for granted.

“Great” Mara said. “He’s my brother now”

“Yeah, I guess” Jason answered.

Mara’s brow furrowed at that, clearly thinking about something. Jason glanced over at Dick to catch his amused smile. Then Mara looked back up at them.

“Can I stop calling Uncle Dami uncle?”

“Why?” Dick asked, startled.

“He’s more like a brother, isn’t he? Like Duke” Mara explained.

“I’m sure he will like that” Dick told her.

“I’m gonna go tell him!” Mara told them, and before they could stop her she shot up from the couch and out the room.

Jason watched Dick’s face closely, the furrow in his brow that wasn’t dissimilar to Mara’s. The way he worried his lip that was so distinctively him.

“Hey” Jason murmured, reaching out to brush his thumb over Dick’s cheek. “What are you thinking?”

“I don’t know” Dick said, looking back. “Damian’s my brother”

“So it feels weird that Mara calls him that too?” Jason guess.

Dick shook his head. “I was the one to take care of him when he first came to us. He was my Robin, sometimes I feel more like his dad than I think Bruce does.”

“That’s a little fucked up, but I get it”

“Yeah?” Dick leaned his head against Jason’s shoulder and Jason put his arm around him and pulled him closer. Jason kissed his temple in answer.

A moment later Mara bounded back into the room and squeezed herself between them. Jason and Dick chuckled as they made more room for her.

“Are you gonna get married now? Like Danny’s parents?” she asked, all innocent curiosity.

Jason choked on a breath, staring at her and then at Dick, only to be met with the same caught in the headlights kinda look he was probably giving off himself. He hesitated when he answered: “I don’t think we’re quite there yet.”

“What does that mean?” Mara asked. “When you love someone you marry them, right? And have children?”

Dick smiled. “Well, we already have you, and that’s a miracle all its own”

Mara nodded. Jason wasn’t certain she understood, and he feared for the day they would have to actually explain to her how she had come to be in this world.

“I want a little sister” Mara said, and Jason sighed.

“Mara, we’ve talked about this…”

“You want what?” Dick asked, staring between them. _Yeah, right…_ Jason was suddenly reminded that Dick hadn’t been present during any of their discussion about Mara wanting a sibling.

“Lian is getting a sibling…” Mara started but Jason interrupted her.

“And as I’ve already said, we can’t give you that”

“Why?” Mara asked, eyes wide with confusion and irritation.

Jason sighed. This conversation wasn’t one he’d ever want to have with her. She was his little girl, she wasn’t supposed to grow old and want to know that kind of stuff. Dick looked just as caught in the headlights, confusion still written all over his face.

Jason pushed his fingers through Mara’s bangs. “We’ll talk about this later, okay?”

Mara huffed, but relented.

Later when it was time for dinner, Dick stopped Jason on their way into the dining room. His eyes were blue and serious. Jason sighed.

“Why haven’t you told me she wants a sibling?”

“I thought you knew, with all the talking about Roy and Kory’s kid” Jason answered.

“Not exactly” Dick said, his hands trailed up Jason’s arms, over his shoulder and neck until they were bracing his face. Thumbs stroking affectionately over his skin. “I wouldn’t be opposed to it, though”

“Opposed to what?” Jason asked, already too far gone in the swirling depths of Dick’s eyes. 

Dick sighed, but it was somehow a fond sound. “Another child. With you”

“One isn’t going to magically appear” Jason argued, but Dick soon quieted him with a gentle kiss.

“Who knows?” he said, smiling. “We could look into adoption”

“We’re already adopting a kid”

“You’re not much of a romantic, you know?” Dick chuckled, brushing his fingers through Jason’s hair. Jason could feel the light scratching of his blunt nail against his scalp, and he repressed a moan. He doubted it would go down very well if any of the family caught them making out against the wall like two horny teenager. The teasing would be relentless. Unless Bruce caught them, which Jason was a scenario Jason simply refused to think about. Weird sense of blessing or not.

“I’m a realist” Jason shot back instead.

“I know and I love you for it” Dick said, and Jason loosely wrapped his arms around him, and they stood like that for a moment, swaying together. This was a better way for the family to figure things out. This was almost conservative, some lovey dovey half-dancing. Jason pressed his lips to Dick’s temple. God, he loved this man.

“I want to date you” Dick said suddenly, breaking the silence.

“I think we’re past that, prettybird”

“I meant, I want to take you on a proper date, to some nice restaurant. No children, no overbearing family or meddling friends. Just you and me and a decent three-course” Dick said, leaning back to peck a kiss to Jason’s nose. “What do you say?”

Jason scrunched up his nose. “Would it make you happy?”

“Crazy happy” Dick said, grin wide.

“I’ll get you for crazy” Jason smirked, tightening his hold on Dick’s hips and catching his lips with his own.

There was someone softly clearing their throat behind them, and Jason quickly detached himself to whirl around. They were both met with Alfred’s raised eyebrow, and a small, barely there smile. Smug and knowing.

“Excuse me my language” Alfred said. “But this is about _goddamn_ time”

Jason hid his reddening face in the curve of Dick’s neck, while Dick’s fingers carded soothingly through his hair. They were both laughing by the time they actually entered the dining room. Receiving curious looks by the rest of the family.

___________

::::::::::::::::::

__________

Dick wasn’t used to being nervous, but he is as he’s sat waiting for Jason to descend the stairs. He had booked a table at the French restaurant that Bruce had recommended him. And if that hadn’t been a weird conversation. Bruce had been surprisingly supportive though.

He’d then proceeded to ask Damian for wardrobe advice. Not voluntarily, as much as Damian had sort of barged into the room while Dick was changing, only to catch him trying to match colors and patterns that according to Damian did not go together. Dick had tentatively asked Damian what he thought about Dick and Jason together, only to receive a shrug and a: “You make each other better”, which was far more romantic a thought than Dick thought his brother capable of thinking.

Duke and Cass were giving him twin supportive smiles as he sat waiting.

“So where are you going?” Duke asked after a moment.

“Le Jardin” Dick said, and to his own ear he didn’t botch the French horribly.

“Sounds fancy” Duke said.

“I still do not understand why you need to ‘date’ when you can just do the unspeakable and get it over with” Damian said, arms crossed and huffing slightly.

“Dami!” Dick choked, suddenly glad that Alfred had taken care of Mara for the evening and was putting her to bed.

Duke and Cass snickered, being no help at all. He supposed he should be grateful that neither Steph nor Babs (or god forbid, Donna) were there, they’d probably tease him to the point that he’d wished he’d never been born.

“I kinda agree with the brat, though” Jason voice reached them, and Dick whirled around to watch him, still slightly unstable from his injury, wobble down the stairs. He was dressed in a dark grey suit, hair combed back and he’d forgone a tie (which made Dick feel stupid for wearing one). And he was absolutely gorgeous. Dick was on his feet in an instant, taking tentative steps in Jason’s direction.

“Okay, you can stop stare now, it’s getting awakward” Jason said, rubbing his neck.

“Sure, sure” Dick murmured, watching Jason flush in embarrassment with something akin to wonder. It was perhaps the best version of him Dick knew. Awkward and open, and utterly adorable.

He reached out a hand which Jason took after only a second’s hesitation. Together they made their way out of the manor. Ignoring the jabs Duke and Damian through after them. Dick had asked to burrow one of Bruce’s older cars, one he knew Jason had been really impressed with when he were younger. It was a fast, slim model with a lot of horse power.

“We’re taking this?” Jason asked, surprised and when Dick glanced over he could see the wonder in his eyes. Jason had always been more of a car-guy then Dick, so while Dick didn’t exactly see the charm himself he was glad it impressed Jason.

Dick smirked. “We sure are, babe”

“Don’t ever call me ‘babe’ again if you want to keep both your hands”

“Should I call you ‘dilf’ instead?”

“Alright, that was a stupid joke, let’s forget about it!”

“Never” Dick smiled, opening the passenger door for Jason.

“Nuh-uh” Jason said, grabbing the keys out of Dick’s hand. “I don’t think so, Boy-wonder”

__________

The dinner was awkward, even Dick had to admit it. The food was amazing and the service impeccable, so Dick didn’t exactly have anything to complain about. The company however… Jason was twitching in his seat, poking at the food, glaring at the other guests and was just generally more quiet than Dick think he’d ever seen him. It was unsettling. Dick hadn’t even thought of it being a possibility that they wouldn’t have anything in common outside of Mara and their vigilante-upbringing, but now he was terrified it might just be the case.

There was a heavy sigh from the other side of the table, and when he glanced over he was met by Jason’s aquamarine eyes. Serious and uncomfortable.

“This isn’t working” Jason said, and Dick full-blown panicked.

He reached out to grab at Jason’s hand, sure that his entire face had twisted up in fear, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care, because Jason had just told him they weren’t working.

“Wait, what are you…?”

“I love you with every bloody thing in me, but this isn’t us” Jason interrupted, turning his hand to lace their fingers firmly together. Dick took a shuddering breath, as Jason continued. “I’d rather you fuck me in the backseat of your car than ever take me out to a fancy-ass restaurant again”

Dick’s heart stopped, before it picked up speed, beating even faster than before. There was a gasp at the table next to them, and Dick was only vaguely aware of it. He watched the side of Jason’s face as the man turned to give them a lewd grin and a wink. Dick felt his face heat up, as a desperate need to have that gaze back on himself grew. He pulled at Jason’s hand until Jason was looking at him, amusement shining in his eyes.

“Let’s skip dessert” Dick suggested.

“I thought dessert was the entire point of suffering through a three-course dinner?”

“Jason” Dick tugged at his hand. “Get a move on”

“Oh”

__________

“Why did you have to take the only car without an actual backseat?” Jason growled in frustration as he leaned over the panel separating him from Dick in the passenger seat. The sound makes Dick shudder. They’re in a parking lot, and they really shouldn’t be doing this, but hell if Dick cares in this moment.

“I thought we wouldn’t need one” Dick gasped into Jason’s mouth as Jason’s calloused hand traveled down his body. “Thought we- we were going to a restaurant to… Christ, Jason!”

Jason pulled back smirking. “You were saying?”

Dick glared at him, but soon broke his resolve around a moan. “I just thought we’d have a nice and mature conversation”

“This mature enough for you?” Jason asked, finally slipping hand inside Dick’s pants. “Fuck, there’s something poking my stomach”

Dick laughed. “Gearstick, here, let me”

Dick’s hand snuck beneath Jason’s stomach to shift the gear as Jason pressed down the petal. Team-work. They already had it down to a t. For his effort, Dick was soon rewarded with Jason moving in closer, putting more of his bulk against him. Just as he was about to kiss Jason again, Dick’s phone went off.

Jason sighed. “Didn’t you turn that off?”

“Thought I did” Dick said, scrunching up his face in annoyance as he pulled the phone from his pocket. “Wait, I’ll just… Huh, it’s Tim”

“So what?”

“If I don’t answer he won’t stop calling” Dick said with another sigh.

Jason retracted his hand (Dick ached with the loss) and leant his head heavily against Dick’s shoulder. Dick stroked his fingers through the dark hair at his nape in consolation.

“I can’t believe I’m getting cock-blocked by your family” Jason muttered into his shoulder.

Dick chuckled lightly. “ _Our_ family”

“Doesn’t make me wanna strangle them less right now.”

Jason’s warm breath fell against Dick’s throat and he had to swallow hard, shifting slightly in his seat. Dick caught Jason’s smug grin and pushed him away before he had ideas.

“I’ll make it up to you later” Dick promised and then answered the call. “Timbo, what’s up?”

“Where are you?” Tim asked, voice a little frantic.

“Does it matter?”

“We need you back in the cave, like right now”

That made concern bloom in Dick’s chest. “What’s happened?”

“We need to make a move on Cadmus” Tim answered, voices rose in the background and he sounded distracted by something.”

“Give me” Jason said, taking the phone from Dick before he managed to form a coherent thought. “We’re kind in the middle of something, so this better be good, Replacement, hear me?”

Dick watched as Jason’s face shifted. Annoyance fleeting into concern, bleeding over into something akin to horror. A moment later Jason was ending the call, pushing the phone back to Dick.

“We gotta go” Jason muttered, before leaning back to rev up the car.

“What’s happening?” Dick asked, but Jason was already driving them out of the parking lot. “Jason, talk to me”

“There’s another baby” Jason said, looking at Dick with distress shining in his eyes.


	25. Alfie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason stared down at the tiny body in his arms. Watched the black peach-fuss, the tiny spots indicating that he might develop freckles, the soft curve of his chin and those bleary eyes, squinting up at him with a hue of sea green.   
> “He’s got your eyes” Dick whispered, and when the baby properly looked up at him, Jason could see the aquamarine, a gentle sea green.  
> Jason found himself close to tears, could feel it forming in his throat. He glanced up at Dick, only to be met with a soft smile and wet cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This turned a little melodramatic at some point, but I just love that shit, so apoligies in advance. 
> 
> Next chapter will be all fluff, I promise!

“What? They were?” Red Robin asked bewilderment leaking into his tone. “But I thought…”

“Oh, common, you so cock-blocked them!” Spoiler said, voice gleeful and mischievous.

Jason sighed heavily. What had he ever done to deserve this shit?

All he had ever wanted was to get his hands on Dick. Do a little bit of worshipping, perhaps take part in some amorous congress. (Yes, it was an old fashioned term, but at least a little more romantic than hitting the hay or doing the nasty).

“I thought they’d been at it for months” Red Robin argued. “Wasn’t that the reason Jason moved in with Dick in the first place?”

“No!” Nightwing said at the same time Spoiler laughed. “Shit, Red, are you oblivious or what?”

“Please, do not discuss my love life while in costume” Jason growled, crouching down on the edge of the rooftop, glancing down at the factory building below. He was wearing an older (and significantly much lighter) version of the batsuit with no cowl, just a mask. Dick and Bruce both had tried to persuade him to not go out, on behalf of his wounded hip, _but how could they even ask that of him?_ There was a baby, most likely his baby, in there. He wasn’t gonna be benched now of all times.

“Fuck, he even sounds like B” Spoiler sounded amused, and Jason appreciated her, he really did, _but could someone please smack her over the head?_ _Preferably with something heavy, like a brick._

“Alright, I’m with Hood on this one.” Nightwing said and being referred to with his old name was weird. He hadn’t been Red Hood in years, he wasn’t Red Hood now. “Don’t compare my boyfriend with my dad ever again, thank you!”

Batman grunted in agreement, walking over to where Jason was crouching, fingers gracing against his shoulder. Jason decided to take it as Bruce trying to show human emotions and giving his subtle support.

“Like the lot of us doesn’t suffer from daddy-issues” Spoiler muttered and then winced in pain, as someone, most likely Black Bat, pinched her. _Bless you, Cass!_

“I don’t” Oracle said over the comm.

“-tt- Your father is still alive” Robin tutted unimpressed.

“So is yours” Oracle bit back. 

“Enough” Batman growled, and fuck, maybe Jason had imitated him more than he was even aware of. 

“Thanks B” Nightwing murmured before sinking down beside Jason. “How do you want to do this?”

“You’re leaving this to me?” Jason asked, glancing between Dick and Bruce.

Batman gave a half nod. The motion was barely note-worthy, but with Batman it was like a neon-sign flashing ‘I trust your judgement!’ Nightwing on the other reached out to place a hand against Jason’s neck, rubbing slightly were the Kevlar ended and Jason began.

“You’re the one who’s done this before”

“Doesn’t mean I knew what I was doing, Goldie” Jason told him, placing his hand over Dick’s. Nightwing smiled down at him before letting go.

They had more information this time. All the information that the joined efforts of Bruce, Babs and Tim could provide. Lay-outs, guard-rotations and so on. Not to mention their numbers and joined team-effort. Putting together a plan wasn’t difficult and soon enough they were moving in.

The security was insane, but they had Oracle working on it from the Watchtower and Red Robin in the field. Not to speak about the sheer force that was Batman, Black Bat and Robin together.

Jason moved in with Dick by his side. They moved in sync, as if they were destined for this alone. He tried to push back any thought that wasn’t the monotone of trying to delve deeper into the lab. Any thought about Mara, about the baby awaiting them needed to be suppressed. So he simply went through the motions. Taking down a guard, adhering to Oracle’s instructions and guiding. Trusting them blindly. Trusting the family to do their part blindly, even Bruce.

“I’m logging into the main-computer now” Red Robin told them over the comm.

Soon enough they were given a room to get to and the experiment number. It felt like some weird form of déjà vu, and it made Jason’s stomach churn. He was terrified of what awaited them (or what may not). But he had Nightwing with him this time, and that’s not nothing.

“Holy shit, B, have you seen this?” Red Robin said after a moment, directing his words to Batman, but the comm. was still open for them all to hear. “How long have they known? This should be enough intel to put N and Hood out of commission”

“What’s going on?” Nightwing asked, cold detachment the only thing notable in his tone, but Jason could see the tick in his jaw.

“Sorry, N. They have your full medical records. Like everything” Red Robin told them. “Even on Hood”

“That shit looks weird” Spoiler said suddenly, she was supposedly in the same room as Red Robin. Even more probable staring over his shoulder, seeing something that rattled even her. 

“Do not mind them” Batman said, then the connection broke off. 

They were moving blind from then. Jason couldn’t see Dick’s eyes, but by the way he tightened his lips into a thin line, Jason could tell that he worried. Not that Jason could blame him, when his own mind was practically running amok with worst case scenarios. But they could sort all that shit later.

They headed towards the room they had been directed to. There was a few guards in their way, but they were dealt with swiftly. Jason held back on the rage-induced violence he wanted to rain down on them, mainly for Dick’s sake.

Soon enough they found the right room. Jason moved in first, threw himself into potential danger the way he had used to do when he was still Robin, hoping that the action would shelter Dick somewhat. If only through Jason’s bulk receiving the worst brunt of any potential assault. 

The room was white, sterile and impersonal. There was a cradle and a wet nurse. The woman shrieked, waking the baby still sleeping in the cradle. Dick, ever the hero, tried to calm the woman down. In the meantime Jason approached the cradle with a dawning sense of fate clenching in his chest.

He glanced down into the cradle and was met by a tiny, scrunched up face going redder with every noise the baby’s tiny lunges tried to produce. It was pure instinct that made Jason reach down and pick the baby up. He cradled the child close as he began to sooth it. For a moment he remembered how uncertain he had been with Mara during the first few weeks, but thanks to her, he now knew exactly how to calm and protect.

When the nurse had been dealt with, Dick approached them. He leaned up close to Jason’s side, poking his head over his shoulder to peer down at the child. One hand reached out to brush over the baby’s head. Dick automatically rattled off the stats that Red Robin had provided them. It’s a boy. He’s theirs, made up by the same strands of DNA as Mara.

However Jason could see that he was smaller than Mara was when Jason found her, He didn’t know whether that was a good or a bad thing, but hoped for the former. That they got him out faster.

Jason stared down at the tiny body in his arms. Watched the black peach-fuss, the tiny spots indicating that he might develop freckles, the soft curve of his chin and those bleary eyes squinting up at him. 

“He’s got your eyes” Dick whispered, and when the baby properly looked up at him, Jason could see the aquamarine, a gentle sea green.

Jason found himself close to tears, could feel it forming in his throat. He glanced up at Dick, only to be met with a soft smile and wet cheeks. He shifted the baby in his grasp until he could hold him with one arm, before he reached out to brush the stray tear away from Dick’s skin.

“I think you have to marry me now” Jason murmured, and he was about to lean in to brush a kiss to Dick’s exposed skin when a gun went off.

Jason grabbed Dick and threw him to the floor, pushing the now wailing baby into his arm, before he crouched over them both to protect them against the gun-fire. He blindly trusted the Kevlar to do its job, light and old as it was. The first bullet bounced off his shoulder pad, the second hit between his shoulder blades, a third one took lower. It hurt like hell and Jason gritted his teeth against the pain, but to his relief the Kevlar holds.

“Jason” Dick said, and clutched on to him anyway he could.

He needed to protect them. He needed to get them out. Whatever happens, Dick and the baby had to walk out of here. Home to Mara. _They have to live._

He needed to protect them. He needed to get them out. Whatever happens, Dick and the baby had to walk out of here. Home to Mara. _They have to live._

That thought fueled him enough to turn his head and watch the attackers. Two men with guns raised. Jason moved on instinct, threw a couple of batarangs and then launched himself upon the men. He moved with less grace than usual (not that he had much to start with) partly due to hip-injury, but perhaps even more due to the all-consuming fear that fires him on. The first one went down within seconds, not having awaited the brutal force. The second managed to pull out a knife. It grazed Jason’s cheek and the Pit-madness roared alive in him. The second man went down with a nasty crunch of bones.

Jason could hear that more people were approaching. _How had he ever thought this would be simple?_ Nightwing had called on back up, but it might take a while for help to reach them, they are too deep within the compound.

Sometime during Jason’s lashing out Dick had pushed himself into the corner where he sat propped up, protecting _their_ baby with his body. Jason’s heart was racing. He needed to get them out. Needed to give Dick the opportunity to escape. He could do that. All he needed to do was to create a diversion. _Easy._

Jason peered out into the corridor where he could see the first few guards moving in. Sparing a glance over his shoulder it was perhaps the easiest decision he had ever made.

“I love you. The both of you”

Then he threw himself out into the corridor and started running.

___________

:::::::::::::::::  
___________

The baby wailed, loud and heart-breaking and Dick could only press the child closer to his chest as he watched Jason disappear from sight. He could hear gun-shots going off, then the heavy pounding of military boots moving past the door. Dick might understand what Jason had just attempted to do, didn’t mean the action didn’t fucking tear him apart. He swallowed what threatened to come out as a broken sob, now was not the time, and made his staggering way back on his feet. He needed to move fast. Get their baby out.

The nurse was still crying in the other corner of the room. Dick couldn’t just leave her there, could he? So he went over and pulled the woman up by the arm and had her moving in front of him, out of the room.

It didn’t take long for them to run into Spoiler.

“Where’s Jason?” Spoiler asked.

“I don’t know.” Dick shook his head, his breathing coming out harder than it should. “He gave me a window to get out. Here take care of her”

And with that he handed over the scared woman to a surprised Stephanie. Instead Dick focused all his energy on trying to calm down the baby in his arms. He started to hum, a song easily coming to mind. _If we lay a strong enough foundation…_ It seemed to have the intended effect, as the child settled against him. Dick brushed his lips over the black curls. _Jason’s,_ he thought, before quenching down on the thought.

He took a quick scan of the corridor, while Spoiler talked to the woman. Prying information out of her, while trying to keep her calm.

Soon enough Robin and Batman descended on them.

“We need to move out now” B grunted, already moving.

“What about Jason?” Dick asked, trying to not allow the sudden surge of panic to take over.

“Black Bat and Red Robin are going after him” B answered. “Oracle has tabs on them. They’ll meet up with us later.”

Dick had no choice but to trust Bruce’s words and Jason’s judgement. Together they moved out, Dick clutching the baby tightly to himself.

__________

Dick was sent back to the cave with the baby, despite his protests. Back at the cave the worry worked at him like a leech. He was holding his son in his arms ( _God, he had a son now)_ and was trying to feed him some of the formula Alfred had prepared.

Dick probably should have taken the baby and left the cave for somewhere more comfortable, as Alfred had suggested, but he couldn’t think of waiting anywhere else for Jason to return. He needed to be the first to know. To touch and hold.

Then there was a rumble of motor and suddenly two bikes pulled up inside the cave. Red Robin was the first to come to a halt, and behind him, holding his waist loosely was Jason. Black Bat soon got off her bike and went over to support Jason as he climbed off.

_Was he injured?_

Dick moved before he was fully aware of what he was doing. With their baby still clutched tightly in his arms he threw himself at Jason.

Jason took a stumbling step back, the grip Cass and Tim had on him was the only thing keeping him up, before his arms wrapped around Dick. The younger bats released their hold when they realized Dick would support Jason’s weight. Dick gave them a grateful smile before he buried his face in Jason’s neck. Breathing him in, leaving tiny kisses against the skin.

They both tried to be mindful of the baby between them, sheltered and safe, but preferably not crushed. Their son made a disgruntled noise which made Jason laugh softly. Dick sagged with relief against him, placing a couple more kisses against his throat before leaning back. Jason’s mask had been removed sometime and now he was looking down at Dick with unadulterated love shining in his green-tinted blue eyes.

“Don’t ever do something like that again” Dick whispered, pulling at Jason’s neck until their lips met in a brief kiss. 

“Got you out” Jason whispered, voice a little hoarse. “Was the important part.”

Dick smiled weakly, tears already gathered at the corners of his eyes, but Jason’s fingers gently brushed them away.

“I love you too, you moron” Dick murmured, leaning in to steal another kiss.

“Yeah?” Jason wondered, a slow grin spreading over his full lips. Dick was entranced by this man. “You never answered my question”

“What question?”

“If you’ll marry me?”

Dick stared at him, shifting the baby slightly in his arms before he began to laugh.

“What?” Jason asked. “What is it?”

“For all the Austen you read, you’re shit at romance!”

“Well, you can take the kid from the street but not the street from the kid.” Jason murmured a little bashfully. “That’s a no then?”

“Fuck no it isn’t” Dick exclaimed, startling their baby. In the background he could hear the soft laughter coming from Cass and Tim. He chose to ignore them.

Jason quickly took the boy from his arms and begun shushing him. He hummed a sweet little melody and their son looked at him all wide-eyed. Jason’s smile was big and adoring. Dick loved watching him like this, how gentle he was, how affectionate. It was heartwarming. He wondered briefly how he'd been with Mara when she was this young, but stopped himself before he went too far down that route.

“You need a name don’t you? Can’t call you baby all your life, now can we? No, we can’t” Jason crooned, and when the boy giggled he looked up at Dick with eyes full of mirth and unconditional love. Dick’s heart ached for him.

He brushed a thumb down his cheek, looking at him with all the love and devotion he could summon in just one gaze. “I’ll marry you in a heartbeat.”

Jason’s smile grew even bigger. “You’re a sap, you know that?”

“Can’t you just try and say something romantic back for once?” Dick murmured before rolling his eyes in played exasperation.

“Sure, you wanna change this kid’s diaper first or shall I?”

“It would be very romantic if you did” Dick gave him a swift peck on the nose, before stepping out of the embrace.

“You’ll have to learn eventually, you know”

__________

As Jason changed the baby’s diaper, being careful to show Dick how it’s done, Batman and Robin had come back. Dick was too busy not puking (yes, he’d seen a lot of blood and gore, but it was frightening the kind of smells such a tiny body could produce). Jason chided him while smirking wildly. Once they were done, Damian came over to inspect the baby. He made a humming sound.

“Adequate” he said. “Mara is cuter though, smiles more.”

Jason flicked him in the forehead. “You keeping up commentaries like that, I’m gonna have you change his diapers from now on.”

Sufficiently admonished Damian took a step back, but Dick could see the small smile forming over his lips as he looked down at his new nephew.

Moving quietly Bruce soon approached them. He glanced down at the baby in Jason’s arms with what could only be described as warmth. When Jason clutched the baby tighter to him, Bruce’s face evened out.

“I’m sorry” he murmured. “I should have been a better father. Shouldn’t have made you feel like you couldn’t come to me with Mara. Let me offer my support now. It’s not enough to redeem past mistakes but…”

“Just… stop, old man. It’s fine.” Jason said. “Things are what they are, and I’m good where I am”

Bruce gave a curt nod in understanding, before a question creased his forehead.

“You want to hold him?” Dick asked, to which Jason gave a harsh glare, but Dick ignored him when Bruce nodded. He picked the baby from Jason’s arms and placed him gently in Bruce’s. The sight was enough to make even Jason’s lips twitch in amusement.

Bruce looked as if someone had punched him in the gut, stealing all breath right out of him. A small, wet smile spread over his stony features and he looked, for the first time in ages, happy. A second later he put the baby back into Jason’s arms and gave them the night off, before turning his back on them as he walked over to the bat-computer.

Dick turned to Jason and they both broke into laughter. Even Damian was caught grinning. They left the baby with Damian for a short moment to get changed, the teenager looking wide-eyed and surprised before he took to his duty with pride.

“How do we tell Mara?” Dick asked, peeling off the Nightwing suit.

“Something tells me that won’t be much of a problem.” Jason said, getting out of the top half of the old bat-suit. Dick could see the black and blue bruises that had started to spread over his back. “Try explain to her why the longed for baby-sister is a boy”

“Because we don’t always get what we want?” Dick asked, and then because he couldn’t resist he traced his fingertips over those bruises and under them taut muscle.

Jason hitched a breath, but soldiered on. “You have this parent-thing down to a t, don’t you?”

“I’ve picked up a thing or two” Dick murmured, leaning over to place small peck to Jason’s shoulder. “You sure you’re okay?”

Jason turned slightly until his arm curled around Dick, drawing him in close. Fingers brushing over Dick’s naked skin, the caress soft and non-imposing.

“I’ve never been better” he whispered into Dick’s hair. “Common, hurry up. I might trust Damian with my life, but with a baby? Doubtful.”

“He’s doing alright.” Dick placed a kiss on Jason’s jaw. “You said something about a name earlier? How did you decide for Mara?”

“I didn’t really” Jason said, pulling on a pair of jeans and a worn-down t-shirt. Dick soon following his example and they made their way out of the changing room. “Diana did.”

“But I thought you named her after…?”

“Your mum? Yeah, kinda. I used to call her Mar at first. From Mary and Martha both.” Jason told him honestly. “But I could never settle for either of them. So Diana…”

“I see” Dick said, slowly. “Do you have any suggestions now?”

“Yeah.” Jason nodded, reaching out to pick their son from Damian’s arms. “John”

Dick stopped and stared at him for a moment, then slowly: “There isn’t anyone from your family you want to name him after?”

“Nope. My dad was a dead-beat, Bruce wasn’t that much better”

“I can hear you” Bruce called from his seat the computer.

“You were meant to” Jason called back, easy grin splitting his face.

“Fair enough” Dick said, he looked back down at their baby for a short moment, before his gace flickered over to Bruce. Sometime during them changing out of their gear, Alfred had joined them. “I might know someone who’s been important to you”

“You do?” Jason asked doubtfully.

Dick nodded, and pointed over to the butler. “Alf”

Damian snorted at that. “John Alfred. Your naming abilities are as bad as your fashion-sense, Richard”

“You know what, baby-bat, that’s kinda cute” Dick told him with a smile. “But how about… Alfie?”

“Alfie?” Jason asked, glancing over at Alfred, who had turned around to observe them. “Hey, Al! You mind if we borrow your name?”

There was a beat of silence, before Alfred answered, voice coming out on a soft and shaking breath. “It would be an honor, young masters”

Jason and Dick smiled at each other, before both of their attentions were brought back to their son. Jason placed a light kiss on the baby’s forehead before whispering: “Welcome to the family, Alfie”

___________

Dick brushed his fingers through Mara’s hair before he gently roused her from sleep. It was perhaps a little early for her, but the news they had were big enough to warrant it. Mara blinked up groggily at him and Dick gave her a warm smile, thinking to himself about all the happiness this little creature had brought him.

“Morning, pumpkin. Slept well?”

Mara yawned tiredly, rubbing her eyes as she sat up. She briefly glanced between Dick and Jason who stood somewhere behind Dick’s right shoulder, holding Alfie. When she noticed the squirming bundle her eyes got wide and she leaned halfway out of her bed to take a closer look. Dick chuckled and motioned for Jason to come closer.

“What is that?” Mara asked, trying and failing to hide her excitement. “A puppy?”

“Something better” Jason said, sitting down on the bed beside her and Mara immediately crawled over to his side to look.

“It’s a baby!” Mara squealed with delighted fascination.

“It’s your baby-brother” Dick explained. “I know you wanted a sister, but…”

“Doesn’t matter, we’re keeping him” Mara said resolutely making both Jason and Dick laugh.

“Do you want to hold him?” Jason asked gently, to which Mara nodded vigorously so Jason carefully moved Alfie from his own lap to Mara’s. “You have to support his head. Like this”

Jason gently moved Mara’s hands until Alfie’s head rested on her arm, which in turn rested on Jason’s. Dick crawled up on the bed beside them. Mara’s head tilted until she rested it against his shoulder and if Dick hadn’t already been so enamored with his little family he would have melted.

“We’re gonna name him Alfie, what do you say?” Dick asked, leaning in to rest his chin upon Mara’s head. He glanced over at Jason who was already looking at him with eyes full of unrestrained love.

“Sounds like a cat” Mara said after a moment’s thought, then she looked down at the baby in her lap, a smile growing on her face. “I have a baby-brother.”

Jason chuckled. “That darling you have, but that’s the end of it, okay? No more talk about wanting another sibling, alright?”

Mara nodded. “I got my sibling before Lian anyway”

“Okay, that’s not…” Jason began, but Dick quickly hushed him with a kiss to the cheek.

“Don’t think I’m not gonna be all smug about it too” Dick smiled against Jason’s skin.

“And here I’ve been wondering where Mara got her competitive streak from?”

Dick silenced him with another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had already decided beforehand that Mara would get a baby-brother, but then I read all your wonderful comment about Mara recieving a baby-sister, and I got to doubting. In the end I still settled for little Alfie (since it was my first idea), so I hope that won't disappoint too many.


	26. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was click of a camera, and Jason whipped his head up to see Alfred standing in the doorway. The old man lowered his camera with a small smile, studied the picture before looking back up at Jason.   
> “Forgive me, but the scene was too cute to resist” Alfred said, the smug bastard.   
> Jason grinned at him. “You haven’t had the chance to hold your great-grand son, have you?”  
> “There is no…”   
> “Common, Al, of course you have to hold your own namesake!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, this is reaching its end. It feels really strange, I've been writing this since september I think? Never intended it to be this long, but whelp! what can you do?
> 
> I feel like I've been really bad at answering comments, so I wanted to take the opportunity to thank all of you for your lovely words and for reading and following this little story of mine!  
> Thank you and thank you again!

Breakfast turned out to be quite the affair. Everyone was there, even Kate, and everyone was desperate trying to get a closer look at Alfie. But since the family wasn’t exactly known for their calm demeanor, Alfie had eventually grown rather worried and uncomfortable. So Jason had simply tucked him close to his chest and left for the living room. Mara had of course come straight after him like the little guard dog having a baby-brother had turned her into.

Jason chuckled as he sat down and picked both his kids up in his lap. _His kids._ Just five years ago this hadn’t been a possibility for him. A dream, he at the time had been ashamed for harboring, that would never amount to anything. Because why would life, that had taken everything from him, even his own existence, gift him with something as precious as a family of his own? But here he was, Alfie cradled in his right arm, pressed against his chest, and Mara sitting on his thigh, entranced by her little brother.

Even when he had first gotten Mara he could never have imagined a domesticity like this one. He had kind of resigned himself to solitude and single-parenthood. He had been willing to sacrifice everything for Mara (he still was), but he wasn’t stupid enough not to realize it had come to a high prize. At the time it had been him and Mara against the world. It would never more be like that, and Jason couldn’t be more grateful.

He looked down at Alfie, who had been lulled into a light sleep. In comparison to Mara he was easy, but then again he was probably healthier than she had been and Jason wasn’t alone in taking care of him either. Jason lifted the arm he had curled around Mara just to brush his finger pad over Alfie’s chubby little cheek. The boy still slept on just as happily, albeit giving off a gurgling little sound that made Jason chuckle.

Mara cocked her head. “Do babies only sleep?”

“Sorta” Jason answered. “It’s not as exciting as you thought it would be?”

“No, it’s good” Mara said, reaching out to mimic Jason by trailing her finger over Alfie’s cheek. Jason pulled her into a one armed hug and kissed her head.

“I love you, you know that right?” Jason murmured into Mara’s dark hair.

Mara nodded. “I love you too, dad”

There was click of a camera, and Jason whipped his head up to see Alfred standing in the doorway. The old man lowered his camera with a small smile, studied the picture before looking back up at Jason.

“Forgive me, but the scene was too _cute_ to resist” Alfred said, the smug bastard.

Jason grinned at him. “You haven’t had the chance to hold your great-grand son, have you?”

“There is no…”

“Common, Al, of course you have to hold your own namesake!”

Jason lifted Mara onto his hip as he rose from his seat, trying not to startle Alfie too much. When he reached Alfred he could see the watery smile forming on the old man’s face, his eyes glazing over. Gently Alfred reached out and repositioned Alfie against his own chest. He held the baby with such care and awe, that Jason sneaked out his on phone and caught a photo of them together. He showed Mara, who decided that she also wanted to be part of the picture so Jason leaned against Alfred’s shoulder and caught a selfie of the four of them.

“You are a little sweetheart, are you not?” Alfred whispered down at Alfie, and Jason could see he had tears in his eyes, so he gave the old man a one-armed hug.

“Did I miss something?” Dick asked, having crept up on them.

“Nah” Jason said. “I caught it on camera.”

Dick nodded, snaking one arm around Jason’s waist from behind, brushing the other through Mara’s hair. He was still stunned sometimes by how much he loved the man. That there had once been a time, not even a year ago, where he’d only wished that they might one day be civil seems so far in the past it might as well never have happened.

“You should arrange to take a picture of the whole family” Alfred told them, and it did sound more like a threat than a suggestion. He soon shifted Alfie into Dick’s waiting arms. “How about this Saturday?”

“That’s my birthday!” Mara exclaimed happily, bouncing or at the very least trying to.

“I heard a rumor about that, young miss” Alfred said indulgently. “Do you have any wishes for a birthday cake?”

Mara’s eyes grew wide in excitement, the blue in them like the sky. “A big one!”

“How about you and Alfred go and plan that out?” Dick suggested, and when Jason gave him a questioning look he leaned close to whisper. “B wants to speak to us.”

“Yes!” Mara agreed, and slithered her way out of Jason’s grasp and down to the floor, like a jungle monkey. Jason pointedly looked at Dick who just grinned, wide and proud. Mara reached out and grabbed one of Alfred’s hands and promptly led him out of the room towards the kitchen. Before they left Jason could see the very much affectionate smile that Alfred leveled his little girl.

_____________

Bruce waited on them in his office. Jason hadn’t been in there since Bruce’s argument with Diana, when Dick had grabbed his hand and told the old man that they were leaving. Now they were back.

“Will this be an upsetting conversation?” Jason asked as they entered, nodding to Alfie still sleeping in Dick’s arms.

“No” Bruce said immediately, then his shoulders slacked somewhat. “Might be. Depends”

“Then what are we waiting for?”

Jason sat down in one of the hard office chairs that Bruce kept in front of his desk, pretty much like he had used to do at W.E. (Probably still did but Jason hadn’t been in years though, so he wouldn’t know). While Dick settled on the desk itself, making sure that their knees brushed together. Jason was grateful for the quiet show of support and gave Dick a smile for his effort. Dick easily smiled back.

Bruce cleared his throat, and rose from his chair to pace the floor between the window behind the desk and the fireplace in the center of the room.

Jason reached out to brush his fingers over Dick’s thighs. If whatever it was Bruce wanted to talk about made him this uncomfortable, Jason would need Dick’s steading presence. _And he wouldn’t miss out on any opportunity to get a handful of Dick._ If he could get away with it.

Bruce cleared his throat again.

“Is this about Mara and Alfie?” Dick asked.

“Yes” Bruce took a breath of relief, his shoulders sinking somewhat until his frame didn’t look quite so tense anymore. “We think we know who paid Cadmus to create them.”

“And?” Jason prompted.

“The league, or more precisely: Ra’s.”

“Why? Why would he need…?” Dick began but then seemed lost for words.

Bruce stopped to lean against the fireplace, looking like some mysterious loner from a gothic novel. Jason would laugh at the theatric irony of the thing if he didn’t recognize the tense weariness in the set of his jaw.

“As a contingency plan, should he ever need to stop ‘Batman’” Bruce explained. “He lives under the assumption that I have turned his family against him. First his daughter, then his grandson. It would be… symbolic, that a child of your combined DNA should be my downfall.”

Dick’s hand closed like iron around Jason’s wrist, and Jason didn’t understand at first until he turned his gaze to see the way his own fingers were digging into Dick’s thigh. The grip must hurt, yet Dick didn’t make to remove his hand. Only holding him as a warning and a sign of support, Jason relented his grip.

In the meantime, Bruce had turned to watch Jason. “They already worked on turning you against me, but then when it didn’t work as planned, Ra’s still had your blood. So he turned to Cadmus.”

Because Cadmus had the technology to clone someone, Superboy was evidence enough of that. But that particular method required the added contribution of DNA from another donor, and was there anything in this world that would hurt Bruce more than have his golden boy turned against him? It would break Bruce the last bit. Dick was the first Robin. He didn’t just create the part, he perfected it. Aside from B he had the most experience in the field and with his skillset he was the perfect complement to Jason’s rage. And Jason, well, he had the bitterness, then the pit had made him stronger, fiercer and fearless. The idea had not only been to create a biological clone, but one that inherited the memories and experiences of the donor’s lives. Mara hadn’t, therefor turning her into a failure. If that was the case with Alfred as well, they didn’t know yet.

“They hid this particular case in a bigger study where Cadmus attempted to create human organs outside of a body.” Bruce continued. That would explain all the equipment and weird body parts Jason had seen when he stumbled upon that first lab.

“Why children?” Dick asked, and the voice wavered.

Bruce looked tired, sad. “Because it is Ra’s way. He had Damian shaped into an assassin, raised in the traditions of the league. The intention was for your children to be raised the same way.”

Jason thought of Mara’s blue eyes, her laughing face. His clever, happy little girl that had brought him so much happiness and love by merely existing. He saw Alfie’s sleeping face, so small and fragile and Jason had only known about his existence for roughly two days but loved him fiercely. Couldn’t wait to get to know him, see him grow into his own.

 _Fear_. Fear at the probability that he would never have gotten to know either of them. That they would have been trained and broken the way Damian had. Never knowing love or compassion, only raised with one goal in mind to eliminate Batman one day. Hatred roared through Jason’s body, made his blood boil, drowned everything out.

“Jason” Dick whispered, voice reaching through the void Jason had fallen into. His body had moved on its own accord, until he was stood between Dick’s parted legs, sheltering Alfie with his body weight. Dick’s fingers carded through the fine hair at the base of Jason’s neck, he felt the soothing motion tickle slightly. “Jason, come back to me. They’re safe. They’re both safe”

Jason took a hesitating step back, until he could meet Dick’s eyes. He saw his own fears and horrors mirrored in those blue wells, but also an overpowering sense of love. It almost made his knees buckle, and for a moment he wanted to just fall into it. Be soothed and saved from his own thoughts.

Dick’s voice was steady. “Mara is in the kitchen, safe and happy, planning for her birthday with Alfred. And Alfie is here in my arms, and I swear to you I will never let anything happen to either of them. I won’t let anyone or anything hurt them, and I won’t let anyone hurt you either. Never again.”

Jason took deep breaths, sinking back into the feeling of Dick’s gentle fingers, the warm breath falling against his face. Absentmindedly he reached out and placed one hand behind Alfie’s head, brushing his fingers over the black peach-fuss. Knowing the boy was safe, he leaned forward to bury his face against Dick’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry, I…”

“Don’t apologize” Dick whispered, placing a kiss against his hair. “It’s okay, we’re all okay.”

Jason allowed himself another quiet moment, before he braced a hand against Dick’s waist and lifted his head to push his forehead against Dick’s.

“Thank you” Jason whispered back, needing to be close, feel the warmth.

Dick placed a gentle kiss at the corner of his mouth. “Are you okay?”

“Are _you_ okay?”

Jason could feel Dick shaking his head. “No, but I will be.”

Jason kissed him back, just as carefully.

There was a not so subtle clearing of a throat to their side. Jason sighed long-suffering, before leaning back slightly, still holding on to Dick, while Dick chuckled at the uncomfortable look gracing Bruce’s features. And honestly, it was kinda hilarious.

“If I could speak with you for a minute, Jason?”

Jason scowled at him. “What now?”

“I…” Bruce began hesitatingly, when suddenly Alfie gave off a sound between a gasp and a cry. Jason turned to look down at his boy, only to see the little face all scrunched up. He was adorable, even when upset. Dick leaned down to kiss his forehead, before he rose from his seat, giving Jason one last peck.

“I’ll go feed him something” he said, and Jason reluctantly let them go. 

He turned back to watch Bruce pace back from the fireplace to take a seat behind his desk. His face was impenetrable, as usual. Yet Jason looked for the cracks. They were there if you looked hard enough. When Bruce realized he was being scrutinized, his lips quirked into a tired smile.

Jason, thinking it better to attack than being attacked, wondered: “You disapprove or something?”

Bruce only shook his head, something close to a chuckle slipping out of him.

“No. No, it’s not that. I actually have a job offer, if you’re interested”

“Bat-business?” Jason crossed his arms.

“No, after this I think it best if the both of you took some time off.” Bruce said, suddenly producing a paper from seemingly out of nowhere and pushing it across the desk. “It’s for Martha Wayne Foundation. It has been our intention to branch out, and we need a coordinator in Bludhaven. It is a trial program, but a good start, I believe.”

Jason was stunned silent. His first instinct was to lash out and blankly refuse it, since it was Bruce offering after all. He wasn’t some charity case who couldn’t get a job for himself that one had to be literally created for him. But then he thought of the kids he had met during his time working at the shelter in Blud. He thought of Duke. Of all the things that could be done if only there were resources. It would probably entail a lot of paper work and frustrating administration. He wouldn’t get to spend so much time amongst the actual kids, but hell, the difference he could make. Bruce may be a bastard, but Jason would be the biggest idiot in the universe if he turned down this offer without even considering it.

So he reached out for the paper. “I’ll think of it”

“That’s all I’m asking” Bruce said, giving him a small smile, and Jason realized that this was Bruce’s attempt at redeeming his past mistakes, rebuilding burnt bridges. It was a peace-offering and Jason decided to accept it as such.

___________

Come Saturday morning Jason found himself in the manor kitchen preparing Mara’s birthday breakfast. Sometime during the meditative work, Dick had sneaked in and wrapped himself around Jason’s back. His hands brushing circles over Jason’s abs.

Jason frowned. “You could help, you know? Not just my daughter”

“It’s a new tradition to me. Want to see how you do it” Dick said, brushing his nose over Jason’s neck in an attempt to distract him. _Why did Jason know that that was his intentions_? Because it was working.

“Or are you afraid of fucking it up with your less than stellar cooking-skills?” Jason asked, using the spatula to turn the crepe he had frying.

“I can make pancakes!” Dick protested.

Jason glanced back at him, lifting his eyebrows to show how doubtful he was of that statement.

Dick huffed a breath. “I hate you”

“Kinky” Jason smirked. “Now, seriously, chop the strawberries!”

Dick relinquished his grip on Jason and moved to the side to pull up a chopping board and a knife and began cutting the strawberries into slices.

“Reminds me of the morning Mara gave me the photo album.” Dick said after a moment’s quiet work, as the mouth-watering scent from the pancakes wafted about them. “When did you make it?”

Embarrassed, Jason felt himself blush as he muttered: “Didn’t get much sleep that night.”

“Really?” Dick wondered, putting down the knife for a moment. “You didn’t even like me then”

“I didn’t like your intrusion, no.” Jason agreed, the pinkness of his cheeks had yet to recede.

“But?” Dick prompted, smile edging over his lips.

“But, you’re difficult to shake” Jason shrugged.

“Hey, you’re the one who lived rent-free in my apartment! And slept in my bed”

“Hush now, you loved it.”

“Yeah” Dick mumbled, going back to finish cutting the last of the strawberries.

They finished readying the breakfast and put it on a tray. Mara was still asleep when they entered the room, so Jason put down the tray on the bedside table before he sat down on the edge of the mattress to gently rouse her. She came to slowly, grumbling, as much a morning person as her papa.

“Happy birthday, darling” Jason whispered, echoed by Dick who was kneeling beside him.

That seemed to work the trick, and Mara was soon sat up in bed, munching away on the pancakes prepared for her, babbling all the while.

“Yes” Dick agreed with one of her stray thoughts. “You’re a big girl now, all of five years old”

“Please, don’t remind me” Jason mumbled, leaning in to hide his words into Dick’s shoulder.

“Do you think Diana will teach me to fight now?” Mara wondered happily.

“No!” Jason exclaimed before he could properly think about it. Just no. None of his children should have to live like he and Dick had.

Mara looked startled, then there was a wobble of her lip, and Jason immediately felt like an idiot. Luckily he had Dick there to smooth over the edges.

“I don’t think Dad meant it like that, did he?” Dick asked, giving Jason a stern look.

Jason shook his head. “It’s just… No fighting, please. You should never have to…”

“But Diana said that I must know how to defend myself!”

Jason loved the woman, truly did, but if Diana had somehow gotten it into his daughter’s head that she should be the next Wondergirl or something, they would have words. Before Jason could say anything else about it, the door glided open and Damian and Duke stepped inside.

Mara gave them a beaming smile, especially when she realized that they were carrying something between them. A basket. An inconspicuous basket making quiet yipping sounds. Jason paled. He quickly began shaking his head, mouthing a serious of rapidly more desperate _no’s_ at them. When that obviously didn’t deter them he turned to Dick, but the bastard was only grinning.

“Congratulations” Damian greeted Mara, and looking over to Duke they put the basket down on the floor in one smooth coordinated motion. There was a blanket inside, but it did little to hide what was crawling around underneath.

“Happy birthday, Mar” Duke smiled softly.

Mara looked quizzically between the boys and the basket, but when Damian reached out a hand to her, she quickly took it and jumped down on the floor. With a sense of horror, Jason watched her approach the basket, knowing he could do nothing to stop her. She leaned over the basket to lift the blanket away, and staring back up at her was a big, black puppy.

“It’s a puppy!” Mara exclaimed happily, before throwing her arms first around Damian’s neck and then Duke’s. “Thank you!”

Damian looked awkward for a moment, not yet used to such flippant shows of affection (might never be), fighting the smile that was quickly overtaking his face. Duke laughed at him, before directing his gaze to Jason. And Jason must look like something had crawled up his ass and die, for Duke’s face quickly fell. He nudged Damian gently, and soon enough Damian too looked up at him.

“We found him” Damian defended, glaring up at Jason. “He was abandoned on the street.”

_Fuck that little fucker for using his own tricks against him._

“I’m not walking it” Jason said eventually, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning stubbornly into Dick’s shoulder, watching the way Mara was already playing with the pup after Duke had help her lift him out of the basket.

“Did you know?” Jason asked Dick.

“Maybe” Dick shrugged, and Jason hated him. He was never going to marry that bastard ever. So instead of leaning into the kiss Dick was directing at him, he pushed him away to glare down at Damian.

“What even is it?”

“A grand danois”

 _No, those things got huge._ “Fuck you, murder kitten.”

“Papa! Dad said a bad word!”

“Oh, yes he did” Dick said, turning mischievous eyes on Jason. And maybe Jason was going to marry him just a little. Like during the weekends, when hopefully the kids had better places to be than home.

Then the baby-monitor that he kept in the back pocket beeped and Jason quickly rose from his seat on Mara’s bed. Glad to leave the dog-disaster to his inferior half.

__________

Diana came by when it was time for lunch. When Mara saw her, she let out a squeal before running at the Amazon. Diana bent down and picked her up with ease, spinning her above her head, before she tucked the little girl safely to her chest and hugged her warmly.

“I’ve missed you, little one” she said. “You’ve gotten so big.”

“I’m five!” Mara said, proudly displaying the number with her fingers. Diana chuckled and leaned in to nuzzle her hair.

Jason observed the scene with a mixture of amusement and affection. With Alfie in his arms he made his way over. The boy was awake, seagreen eyes taking in the world around him with never ending curiosity.

“Jason!” Diana exclaimed happily once she noticed him, about to embrace him in a one-armed hug when suddenly she stopped. Her eyes transfixed on the baby in his arms. “Another?”

Jason smiled softly, just as proud as Mara was for turning five. “Yeah. We call him Alfie”

Diana shifted Mara on her hips before she could lean in to watch Alfie closer. Alfie watched her back, barely blinking. Then, slowly, his lips widened into a smile to show off the one teeth he’d started to grow.

“He has your eyes” Diana said, voice going wobbly, and when Jason looked up at her, he could see the moisture in her eyes. “He’s beautiful”

Jason felt his heart grow a size or two at the easy praise, but trying not to let it show he gave flippant shrugg. “Well, he’s got the genes for it”

“Eh, he’s all wrinkly” Mara said, a hint of jealousy in her tone that made Jason and Diana both laugh.

Diana hummed. “How about you show me what you’ve gotten so far?”

That quickly cheered Mara back up again, and almost leaping from Diana’s arms, she happily exclaimed. “I got a dog!!”

Jason sighed. Diana gave him an amused look, ruffling his hair before following Mara to see that blasted puppy.

___________

The rest of the afternoon the birthday party was in full swing. All their friends and family was gathered to celebrate Mara and meet Alfie. Diana had Artemis in headlock as they tried to ascertain whose turn it was to hold the little boy, while Alfred stood by shaking his head at them, Alfie sound asleep in his arms.

Mara and Lian were playing tag with the bat-brats, with Bizarro joining in as well. Bruce was watching them like a hawk. They were a rowdy bunch when they got together after all.

Jason took the moment to just lean back, childfree and carefree for a moment to enjoy the company of his friends. Kory was already starting to show and Roy was beaming like something radioactive in all his pride. They looked disgustingly happy and Jason told them just as much.

“You’re one to talk!” Roy protested, nodding at were Jason’s arm lay curled around Dick’s shoulders. Dick was in the middle of a conversation with Babs, Kory and Donna, and didn’t acknowledge the comment with anything more than a smarmy smile.

Roy chuckled, leaning in to kiss Kory’s temple. The affection and love that filled his gaze was almost contagious. Jason was happy for him, for the both of them. They deserved it, perhaps more than anyone Jason knew.

Then Roy turned back to look at Jason with something gleeful taking over his face.

“You know… It’s hard to get _free-time_ with kids around, one has to take every opportunity when it comes” he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

Jason narrowed his eyes at him in warning, but it only made his idiot of a friend laugh.

“Common, look around. Your kids couldn’t have more people to watch after them. Just do it.”

“No” Jason told him.

Roy only shook his head, and moved them onto other subjects, soon enough getting into a heated debate with Donna. Dick leaned back against Jason’s shoulder, looking up at him with an amused smile. Jason smiled back, kissed his nose. But he had to admit that while Roy was sometimes something of an idiot, he did come up with half decent ideas once in a while.

So Jason moved his lips over to Dick’s ear. “You know how you promised you’d make it up to me later, in the car?”

Dick hummed but showed no other sign of reaction. Jason dared a glance around to see their friends still entertained by the argument. The kids were out in the garden, making noise as if the sky was falling down on them. Diana, Bruce and Alfred were watching them with amusement. So when the coast was clear, Jason nipped at Dick’s earlobe.

“It’s later now,” he whispered “and you have a few added offences to make atonement for.”

“Yeah?” Dick’s eyes were glowing. “What’re you gonna do about it?”

“Oh, I have a few ideas” Jason said, before rising from his seat, pulling Dick along with him. Their fingers fitting perfectly together as they made their way towards the stairs.

___________

They found a two-story house in one of Blud’s calmer suburbs. It had a white picket fence and a decently large backyard, where Titus the demon dog could run around and Jason could grow vegetables. The children all got a room of their own, still leaving one spare for visiting family members. There was a large kitchen, where they could have family dinners or have friends over. It had an open planning which made it easier for Dick and Jason to help the kids with homework when needed. Jason and Dick had a bedroom on the bottom floor, with a nursery for Alfie sat up next door.

It felt like home in a way no other place Jason had stayed in ever had. He attributed it more to the people sharing it with him than the walls and roof over his head. It had cost more than Dick’s salary allowed, but the selling of his apartment had been a good first contribution. When Jason finally accepted Bruce’s offer for work they suddenly had means enough to take a loan. Bruce had grumbled unhappily at that, knowing he had more than enough money to help them. But Jason and Dick both wanted to make this theirs. So shared mortgages it was, it wasn’t quite an engagement ring, but Jason would take it.

The sun had yet to come up fully. Jason laid curled around Dick, his arm wrapped around Dick’s naked waist, when there was a noise from the child monitor. Dick barely stirred, mumbling nonsense in his sleep. Jason only smiled and leaned over to kiss his temple, before he slipped out of bed.

He padded over to the nursery, making soothing sounds even as he entered. Alfie wasn’t loud, only making some whining little sounds. His eyes wide open and lips breaking into a smile as he saw Jason leaning down to pick him up.

Jason bundled him up against his chest as he went about his morning routine. Beginning by letting Titus out into the yard, before making his way over to the kitchen where he one-armed made coffee, then moved on to prepare Alfie’s formula. Alfie was babbling happily along, all the noises completely nonsensical but Jason encouraged him by reading the newspaper for him and engaging him in conversation over the articles. Trying to feed him at the same time. Soon enough Titus came running back inside on feet too big for his still growing body. Jason chuckled at him and poured food into his bowl.

A moment later Damian joined him in the kitchen, grumbling as he pulled out overnight oat from the fridge and cutting up fruit to top it off. He sat down opposite Jason and when Alfie made happy noises at him, he reached out to give the baby a banana slice.

“He’s no dog. Doesn’t need the scraps from your plate” Jason said, giving Damian a smile when the kid started to bristle in protest to show he was kidding. Alfie in the meantime was happily munching on his banana-slice.

A moment later there was another pair of feet in the stairs, and soon Duke entered the kitchen with Mara on his hips. Jason handed over Alfie to Damian, to help prepare Mara’s breakfast. Soon enough they were all gathered around the table eating their very warying breakfasts, Mara entertaining them with a recoung of the dreams she’d had that night.

Half an hour later Dick deigned joining them. He was stood in the doorway, dressed in sweatpants and rubbing sleep from his eyes.

“Oh, his majesty is finally joining us?” Jason asked, grinning at him.

Dick huffed and made his way over to pull up the chair next to Jason. Once he was sat down he leaned over to thump his head heavily against Jason’s shoulder.

“If you fall asleep on me now, you’re on diaper duty for the rest of the month”

“Harhar” Dick murmured against Jason’s the fabric of Jason’s sweater. “Someone shouldn’t have kept me up last night”

“Okay, that’s still gross” Duke said, curling his nose in disgust, facial expression easily mirrored by Damian.

“Poetry” Dick moaned as if in agony. “He read me frikkin poetry all night. That’s not what I had in mind.”

“Guys who runs around getting voluntary concussions don’t deserve sex.”

Damian made a choking sound somewhere in the background which went largely ignored by Dick who pressed on with: “It wasn’t a concussion”

“But it could have been” Jason felt his fingers clench in the strands he’d brushed away from Dick’s forehead, because fuck it, it could have been another concussion. Jason wouldn’t stop Dick from going out as Nightwing. He wouldn’t stop him from bringing either Damian or Duke out as well, but sometimes he was terrified one of them wouldn’t come home. Dick seemed to sense his sudden turmoil and brushed a hand over his stomach in soothing circles.

“You’re getting too old for this” Jason said, only half-joking.

Dick took it in stride, chuckling lightly. “I’m just thirty-two”

“Practically ancient” Jason teased.

“Who’s ancient?” Mara asked, looking between her fathers.

“Your papa” Jason said at the same time as Dick muttered: “Your dad’s humor”

Then Dick leaned over to brush Mara’s hair out of her forehead, before he reached over to pluck Alfie from Damian’s arms.

Jason leaned back to watch them. Mara was happily finishing up her breakfast while moving on to tell Damian something about another dream, the teenager listening intently as if her words weren’t complete nonsense. Meanwhile Duke, smiling brightly, was feeding Titus bread-scraps from the table and petting the dog behind the ear. Jason chose to ignore it to watch Dick as the older man made faces at Alfie, who laughed widely like it was the highest form of comedy. 

Jason smiled, entertaining himself with his most recent favorite game of being fucking happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus writing blooper - if this chapter was written from Bruce's POV:   
> "He loved Dick, he respected Jason. He was fine with their relationship. No, he really was. (Even knowing they probably spent their free-time doing the horizontal tango, he accepted it). But the publice displays of affection? The unconditional supporting of each other's feelings and thoughts? Gross."
> 
> Sorry, I had to.   
> Anyway, I sorta have an idea for an epilogue-chapter if anyone's interested. (It might already be half-written). Let me know in the comments!


	27. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Then there was a sigh and she watched Dad’s shoulders slump. “You’re growing up, aren’t you?”  
> “I’ve been for a while.” Mara sighed as well.  
> “Yeah, I suppose.” Dad said, looking back at her with the smallest of smiles. “It’s just… difficult to come to terms with I guess”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was actually perfectly content with the last chapter serving as the end of the story, but then I had this idea of getting some of Mara's perspective in, so that is what this epilogue will be. 
> 
> Thank you everyone who has read this story and followed me on this journey! Your support has been essential to me finishing this!

Finally Mara had graduated high-school and despite her explicit wishes, her multi-headed family had decided to throw a big graduation party. Papa was as usual the worst offender. When she had protested to Dad, he only shook his head and sighed.

“He’s always been like that.” Dad said then his smile had softened. “His proud of you, we both are. Our little girl is going to college”

Mara allowed the hug but felt something churn in the pit of her stomach. She didn’t know how to tell him that she wasn’t planning on going to college come autumn. It had been a dream, almost an obsession, for her dad to send off his kids to college. For some reason he seemed to have especially high expectations of her, and she didn’t want to shatter that dream. Mara knew how tough Dad’s childhood had been, to be honest both her fathers had struggled, it felt like she owed it to them. As if anything else would be ungrateful. 

They were going to celebrate at the manor, because the garden was both bigger and more secluded. And there was a lot of family and family-friends, not everyone who would seem like normal guests to a family of four in suburban Bludhaven.

Gramp-gramp had insisted on making the celebratory meal, but Dad had more or less kicked him out of the kitchen with the reservation that gramp-gramp was getting way too old to have to deal with such a big administration. An insult and indignation gramp-gramp wouldn’t stand for. So while Dad had to battle gramp-gramp’s laser sharp wit, Papa led Mara and Alfie out in the garden with a sheepish smile.

“B!” Papa shouted, and the looming figure of Grandpa Bruce turned around from where he had been watching as the tables were being set up. With some steadfast steps he came over to greet them.

His hugs were still awkward, but he tried. Alfie, who was turning fourteen, wrapped his legs around Granpa Bruce’s tall frame and held on until the man was forced to either drop him or hold him back. Her brother was nothing if not stubborn (not like it ran in the family or anything). Eventually Bruce wrapped his arms around him and held on until Alfie had his fill and let go for long enough that Papa could get a hug in as well.

“Don’t you dare” Grandpa Bruce hissed as Papa lifted a leg to follow Alfie’s example.

Papa grinned but loosened his grip and took a step back. “What? You don’t think you can support my weight?”

Granpa Bruce ignored him. “You’re early”

“Yeah, Jason wanted to make sure everything was ready before the rest of the guests arrived” Papa told him, smiling in that way everyone liked to remind Mara that she had inherited.

“I thought Alfred would…” Granpa Bruce began, only to be interrupted by Alfie.

“Gramp-gramp thought that too, until Dad completely fucked him over”

“Alf” Papa warned. “Language”

“You and Dad swear all the time!” Alfie protested.

“That’s because they are incorrigible” Granpa Bruce said. “It’s too late for them to know any better.”

“Fuck you, old man” Papa said in gest, only to receive a raised brow and a quirked lip from Granpa Bruce. Mara laughed, while Alfie sighed heavily as if all the world’s injustice had befallen him.

“When will Damian come home?” Mara took the opportunity to ask.

Damian had moved out a couple of years ago, and spent most of his time in his Gotham apartment if he wasn’t out traveling. For the past year he had been traveling through Asia with a longer stop in his mother’s homeland Nanda Parbat. He had kept in touch sporadically, to update them on what he was doing and to make sure that he was fine. Papa still worried about him endlessly. Dad did too, but not quite as openly, but he did send care-packages in secret though. Mara only knew because she had incidentally stumbled upon him as he prepared one. 

“He came in last night” Granpa Bruce said. “Decided to stay over. Should be up by now”

“Thank god” Papa sighed in relief, then turned to Mara. “We were worried he’d miss the party, weren’t we?”

Mara shrugged, she hadn’t been. She knew her brothers would always show up. As if summoned, Damian stepped out into the garden, dressed in a fine-crafted kaftan and holding a wrapped present, only to be engulfed in one of Papa’s bear-hugs. Damian struggled weakly against him, but soon resigned himself to it, realizing he’d get free sooner that way.

“ _Sayastar. Akhi”_ Damian greeted them eventually, and wrapped his arms firmly around first Mara and then Alfie. Then he proceeded to hand the gift over to Mara. “Congratulations”

It was flat, book-shaped, and wrapped in beautiful blue and golden paper. She tore it open without much hesitation. It was an exquisite leather-bound journal with her initials imprinted on the cover in golden letters _. M.T.G_

“For your travels” Damian said, and Mara’s eyes shot up to meet his, wondering how much he knew. His face gave no insight to his thoughts, as usual.

So Mara just reached out and gave him another hug. “Thank you.”

“You are welcome” Damian gave a small smile, very reminiscent of the thing Grandpa Bruce would give them. She had considered Damian her brother for so long that it was easy to forget that they weren’t actually related. Same thing went for Duke.

Damian followed Granpa Bruce back to the tables, speaking quietly and stilted. Neither looked entirely sure how to behave around each other when in their civvies. (Yes, Mara knew about the whole Batman-thing, though it had taken years for Dad and Papa to admit anything). She always thought it looked very sad, and couldn’t imagine having that strained relationship with either of her fathers. Once when she had mentioned it to Dad when she was younger, a guilty look had passed over his features, before he had asked Mara to help chop the vegetables for whatever stew he was making. Only later had she realized it might have something to do with her first three years of life, a period Papa had been absent from.

When she had reached her teens she finally had received the answer as to why that had been (and also had finally got the confirmation that: yes, her fathers were in fact vigilantes). It had shaken her world-view. She knew that she was her fathers’ biological daughter, after all she was more or less a physical copy of her Papa and with a big helping of her Dad’s temper, but to realize she was an experiment? That was unsettling. There were levels to the story that her fathers had refrained from telling her, and honestly? She didn’t need to know.

Suddenly Alfie was boxing her in the shoulder, pointing to the glass-door leading into the kitchen, where Dad was stumbling out backwards, warding off kitchen utensils being thrown after him.

“I love and respect you, old sport, I really do!” Dad shouted. “But your hell to work with.”

“No one throws me out of my own kitchen! Not even you, Master Jason!” Gramp-gramp said, before slamming the glass-door shut on him.

Dad huffed in irritation before he came stalking over. He threw one arm over Alfie’s shoulders, and side by side they were the spitting image of each other. Dad only being taller, older and bulkier, while Alfie’s eyes had a clearer shade of sea-green.

“What had you expected?” Papa tutted at him, curling his arm around Dad’s waist, as Dad mumbled something under his breath.

“Certainly more sympathy from my own husband” Dad muttered.

____________

When the family and family-friends finally trickled in, Dad and Gramp-gramp had long since gotten over their stint and the party was in full swing. Mara was mingling, a word and a pastime she wasn’t very comfortable with, unlike Alfie who sailed through the crowd like the social little butterfly he was. Then like a beacon of light, Mara saw Duke and quickly hurried over.

Duke engulfed her in a warm hug. “It’s good to see you, Mar! Sorry we’re late”

“It’s fine” Mara reassured quickly, watching as Duke’s wife walked up to them with a bundle in her arms. Nyota beamed at her and Mara easily smiled back. She had of course seen pictures, but had yet to actually meet the little baby girl Nyota clutched so tightly. Dad and Papa had spent the entire night at the hospital with Duke when the baby had been born, but neither Mara nor Alfie had had the opportunity to come with them. (School was a bitch like that).

“Congrats, Mara!” Nyota greeted, and wrapped her in a one armed hug. Mara thanked her, before she turned curious eyes on the baby. “Do you want to hold her?”

“Can I?” Mara asked, glancing between Nyota and Duke. They both laughed at her eagerness before Nyota carefully placed their little daughter in Mara’s arm, showing her how to support the baby’s head. Mara beamed. The little girl had dark skin, a cute button nose and her little face was scrunched up as if she was concentrating very hard on something.

While they stood there, Dad sneaked upon them and Mara turned to him excitedly. “She’s so tiny! Dad, look at her fingernails!”

Dad leaned over her shoulder, looking down at the little baby-girl. He chuckled lightly, before reaching out with one finger to brush gently over the baby’s cheek, before he turned to Duke.

“Have you finally decided what to name her?”

Duke nodded eagerly. “Yeah, Elaine, after mom.”

“That’s nice.” Dad said, smiling fondly.

Nyota cleared her throat suddenly. “We were talking about giving her Petra as a middle-name”

Mara gave another wide smile at that, looking up at Dad to see his reaction. There was a streak of confusion clouding his face for a moment. When Duke saw it he just chuckled.

“You know I met this guy once who invited me to live with his family when I had nowhere else to go. Then he forced me to finish high-school and helped me get a driving’s license and that kind of stuff. I think his middle name was Peter or something like that.”

“You never bothered learning the guy’s first name?” Dad asked, voice coming out rough and a little shaky. When Mara looked closer she could see the tears that had gathered in his eyes. Duke reached out and pulled him into a hug and Mara saw how tightly Dad held him back.

Alfie sidled up to Mara then, looking at their dad. “What’s wrong with him now?”

“I think he’s just happy.” Nyota said. “Or at least I hope he is.”

“Is this your baby-girl?” Alfie asked then, staring down at Elaine. “She’s all small and scrunchy”

“Alf!” Mara shouted, in the action of elbowing him when she realized that she was still holding Elaine and immediately stopped. 

Nyota took it with a fair amount of humor though. She knew she had married into a crazy family. “You should have seen her when she was just hatched. All wrinkles”

“Cool” Alfie said. “So like, what does she do?”

“Alf” Mara reprimanded again, but to no avail.

“Honestly, she mainly just sleeps.” Duke told him, once Dad had finally freed him from the bone-crushing hug. Dad was, not too subtly, drying tears from his cheek.

“Do you want to hold her, Jason?” Nyota asked mildly.

“I’d love that” Dad said, before he plucked Elaine from Mara with ease, cradling the little baby-girl close while giving her a smile full of adoration.

Papa joined them then, greeting Duke and Nyota both with big hugs, before he threw an arm around Dad’s waist and leaned in close to look at Elaine.

“She’s adorable” Papa whispered, leaning his head on Dad’s shoulder. “Kinda makes you want another, huh?”

“Hm” Dad mumbled, already lost to Elaine’s dark eyes.

“Maybe we can borrow her once in a while?” Papa said, turning to give Duke and Nyota a smile.

Duke laughed. “Obviously”

“Can I hold her?” Alfie asked suddenly.

Dad lifted his gaze from the baby then to glance at his own youngest. “I love you with all my heart kid, but I don’t think so! Wait a couple years when she’s less breakable”

Alfie huffed at that and crossed his arms. Mara threw an arm around his neck and soon had him in a head-lock, laughing as he struggled to get away.

______________

“Diana!” Mara shouted when she caught sight of the amazon, of her grandmother of sorts.

“Oh, my darling” Diana’s arms were strong when they wrapped around her middle and lifted her into the air. Mara laughed loudly even as Diana sat her back down. Diana’s hands still grasped her shoulders as she pulled back to behold Mara. “I’m so proud of you, little one. Or not so little anymore, I suppose. You grow too fast for me”

Mara beamed, but found her smile faltering as she saw the fleeting flicker of sadness suddenly passing over her face. Diana looked, if only briefly, tired. It was for some reason an unsettling sight. Or maybe not the sight itself but the implication of it. Diana still looked so young, roughly the age of Papa. While the rest of the world rushed forward, she was stuck in time.

“Diana!” Dad called.

Diana’s smile was back, albeit still small and strained. “Have you told him yet?”

Mara shook her head. “Don’t. I need to do it myself.”

“Very well” Diana nodded before turning to greet Dad, wrapping her arms just as tightly around him. Dad was a big man, one that didn’t let himself be dwarfed easily, but he went into Diana’s arms without hesitation, pressing his face into her neck.

“I’m happy to see you” Dad said, pulling back.

“Oh, I wouldn’t miss this for the world. Our little Mara is graduating. New horizons awaits her.”

Dad gave her a questioning look and Mara winced, but then his face smoothed out into one of his grins. He threw an arm around Mara’s shoulder and she easily followed the motion as he hugged her closer.

“Have you had any cake yet?” he asked Diana, who merely shook her head. “It’s Alfred’s recipe. It’s divine!”

“Is that so?” Diana asked, smiling. “Well, what are we waiting for?”

_____________

Mara took a deep breath. She’d been spending the last hour hanging out with Lian and Olivia, laughing as Steph came by to tell them embarrassing stories about the extended family, but now the party was dwindling and people were dropping off.

“See you tonight?” Lian asked, before she left to catch a ride with her parents and sister.

“Yeah, absolutely” Mara said. They had planned to go out with some friends for a while now, it had however taken her fathers some convincing to let her go. Eventually Uncle Roy had talked to Dad about it, and Mara had no clue what he had told him, but it had apparently done the trick and Dad allowed her to go.

But still, if it had taken time to move him around to the idea of Mara going out clubbing with her friends, half of whom were metas, how was she going to convince him of this.

“Dad, can I talk to you?” Mara asked.

“Of course.” Dad said, lifting his leg with only a slight grimace of pain from the chair next to him so that Mara could sit down. “You know you can always talk to me. What is it?”

Mara tried to calm her breathing, stealing herself. “I’m not going to college this fall”

“You’re not?” Dad asked, brow furrowed in confusion.

Mara didn’t know what to say next, so she simply shook her head. Hoping he wouldn’t be mad. Not that Dad ever got mad at her, but she’d heard stories about him from before. Even Papa had told her some of them. She wasn’t afraid of him, never would be because this was Dad and she knew he’d do anything for her, which was why she was so afraid of disappointing him.

“Why? I thought you wanted to…”

“Yes I might return to it later, but right now…” Mara took another deep breath. “There are other things I want to do”

“Like what?”

“Diana has invited me to Themyscira. For a year I get to train and live with the amazons”

Dad was silent for a long time. After a moment he turned his eyes away from her face and she feared the expression he tried to hide from her. Frustration curled in her chest and for a moment she didn’t know whether she would push back tears or clench her fists.

Then there was a sigh and she watched Dad’s shoulders slump. “You’re growing up, aren’t you?”

“I’ve been for a while.” Mara sighed as well.

“Yeah, I suppose.” Dad said, looking back at her with the smallest of smiles. “It’s just… difficult to come to terms with I guess”

Mara nodded, she could understand that, she supposed, but she needed to know: “Do you think I should go?”

Dad grinned at her, pulling her into a one-armed hug. “You would be stupid if you didn’t”

“Thanks Dad” Mara said, hugging him back. Then after a moment when he asked her why she hadn’t told him earlier, she confessed to her fears. It brought a sad smile to Dad’s face.

“When have I given you the impression that I would ever be disappointed in you? I’m terribly sorry if I have”

“It’s just… you’ve always talked about college, I know how much it means to you that I and Alfie get an education, but…”

“You want to try your own wings first” Dad said, smiling slightly. “I get that, I really do. Going to Themyscira sure beats what I did when I revolted against Bruce”

“What did you do?” Mara asked curiously, only for a shadow to pass over Dad’s face.

“I hope you’ll never find out.”

Mara thought he meant it as a joke, so she laughed. Dad’s smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, as he leaned back in his seat and lifted his gaze to look back upon the manor. Suddenly his face grew tense and he sighed in exasperation. Mara glanced over, only to see Alfie climbing through the vine that grew against the manor-wall. _Why did he always have to do shit like that?_

“Hey, Goldie! Your kid is trying to scale the manor-walls!” Dad shouted.

Papa, who’d been conversing with Uncle Tim, turned around to glare at him, before turning to watch Alfie, face tensing up the same why as Dad’s had, before he turned back to Dad and Mara.

“Why are they always my kids when they do stuff they’re not supposed to do?”

“Because _my_ kids know how to behave” Dad smiled, winking at Mara.

Papa sighed before he walked over to the wall Alfie was scaling with surprising success. “Don’t force me to come after you, young man!”

Mara watched the scene, fighting off a smug grin. Meanwhile Dad began laughing, turning to Grandpa Bruce who stood nearby. “Feels like divine justice, doesn’t it?”

Grandpa only shrugged, but soon enough he quirked one corner of his mouth into a small smirk.

“You’re not gonna help him?” Mara asked Dad after a moment, already suspecting the answer.

Dad just grinned, before leaning back in his seat and clasping his hands behind his neck. “Oh, no, he deserves this”

So Mara leaned back too, watching as Papa huffed a breath and began climbing after Alife. It didn’t take long for them to turn it into a contest, with Papa egging Alfie on more than actually trying to stop him. Dad gave a heavy sigh at that, and rose from his seat.

“I better make sure they don’t end up breaking their necks”

Mara just laughed.

___________

:::::::::::::::::  
__________

Jason hugged Mara so tightly to him, he was afraid that he’d somehow accidently restrict her air-flow, but his little girl didn’t protest. _Oh, she wasn’t his little girl anymore._ Hadn’t been for a long while. And god knows, he couldn’t be prouder of her, but it still didn’t take away from the fact that he had feared this moment for quite some while now.

“Dad” Mara said after a moment, face pressed to his shoulder. “You can let go now”

Jason wanted to refuse, some primal thing in his head that wanted to keep her safe from the world for as long as he could, but he knew he had to eventually, so reluctantly he relinquished his hold. 

“Sorry” he murmured.

“It’s okay” Mara smiled. She looked so much like Dick when she did that it was almost scary. This girl that had brought him a family. He loved her more than he knew what to do with.

“I love you. Have fun” He told her, pressing back the clump that formed in his throat, and took a step back to let Dick embrace her. He held onto their daughter just as tightly before pulling back to plant a kiss on her forehead.

“Take care of yourself” Dick told her. “We love you so much, and if you change your mind, you can always come home. There’s no shame in…”

“Papa” Mara whined at the same time that Jason groaned: “Goldie”

“I’ll be fine” Mara told them, leveling Jason with a hard look as well, because maybe he wasn’t much better than Dickiebird at not being an overbearing worry-wort. “I’ll write letters, I promise”

“We know, sweetheart.” Dick said. “We’re parents and parents worry.”

“I know, Papa, but I _can_ take care of myself” Mara reminded them, with a smile. “And even if I didn’t, both Diana and Artemis will be there.”

“We know you’ll be safe” Jason said, before he let a grin slip onto his lips. ”Beat the shit out of Artemis for me, would you?”

He could hear the red-headed amazon murmur something that sounded suspiciously close to: “You wish”

Mara hefted her bag up on her shoulder and was about to turn around to join Diana and Artemis where they stood waiting for her, when suddenly a blur of green rushed forward and clung onto her. Alfie, dressed still in pajamas, wrapped both arms and legs around her, and Mara held him up best she could.

Alfie had inherited a lot of Jason’s non-sentimentality, and had therefor said his goodbyes by the kitchen table only to proceed to lock himself up in his room. Jason suspected he was a little jealous that he didn’t get to come with them, but now realization had dawned on him that he wouldn’t get to see his big sister for a whole year.

Jason turned to Dick, and was met by his husband’s proud, beaming smile. The man had gained some grey strands around his temples, and Jason suspected he might turn into a silver-fox, information he just didn’t know what to do with. But his blue eyes were still as clear and beautiful as ever.

Together they watched as Alfie detached himself with a sheepish smile, Mara just laughed and ruffled up his hair. Alfie grumbled in annoyance but took a step back, and Dick quickly drew him in against his side.

Mara waved before she went through the door, following Diana and Artemis to the waiting car. Jason, Dick and Alfie watched them through the window as they drove down the street, soon becoming a spec disappearing between the houses. Something settled heavily in Jason’s chest and when he glanced over he could see the same feeling mirrored in Dick’s eyes. Things were changing and Jason knew it was inevitable, yet he wasn’t sure if he liked it. If he had to like it.

It hadn’t been nearly this difficult to watch either Duke or Damian move out, even if Jason still woke up sometimes in the middle of the night, sick with worry for them, before he realized that they were safe and happy living their own lives. He would have to come to that same realization with both Mara and Alfie too, he supposed. But still it felt different. Maybe because they were _his_ kids in a way that neither Damian nor Duke had ever been.

Alfie was still home though, and if Jason and Dick didn’t strangle him with affection in Mara’s absence, he’d be home for some years more.

A hand found its way to his cheek, fingers brushing softly over his skin. Jason glanced down at Dick’s gentle smile. Alfie having already left them to go back to his room.

“You’re thinking too hard” Dick whispered, pressing his fingers to Jason’s tense jaw, forcing him to relax.

“I miss her already” Jason said honestly.

“Me too” Dick murmured, leaning up to brush a kiss to Jason’s cheek. “God, me too”

Jason wrapped his arms around him and held on. “We did a good job though, didn’t we?”

“I would rather call it a pleasure, but yeah, we sure did” Dick grinned.

Jason head-butted him gently. “Why did I marry you again?”

“Because your kids would be bastards otherwise?”

“You’re ridiculous” Jason kissed him, before he leaned their foreheads together and closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a Star Trek fan too, and I guess it's showing. I just had to name Duke's wife Nyota. 
> 
> I feel like there are so much more I've could have written in this, more characters that should have been mentioned and so many years lost inbetween. But that would be a story all its own.


End file.
